• safe spaces •
In all my years of self pleasure, never on..
🕑 Added 2024-03-12 14:11:21 +0000 UTC
• safe spaces •
In all my years of self pleasure, never once has someone come home in the middle of a session- until now 🫢 You have seen in previous videos that I do enjoy having my partner tend to me while I masturbate, but when I am alone, I have a strict “no masturbation unless the house is empty” rule. I like to feel comfortable enough to talk dirty to myself, to take my time, to fully appreciate my body how I want to without fear of perception or judgement. I was raised in a culture that shames people especially AFAB bodies for touching themself. In church women were considered unclean for having those desires and in my past I would bury my desire far under my own bed, along with the privacy tab on my phone. As I’ve learned more about healthy sex and healthy pleasure, I’ve learned that having discussions around these feelings with a partner, talking to them about the kind of porn you watch or the kind of self pleasure you partake in may feel vulnerable at first. But it was those very conversations that saved me from embarrassment in this video when I heard my own partner come home early in the middle of a session. My immediate reaction was to freeze. The shame and embarrassment that was taught to me around masturbation started to well up in my brain. Am I gross or weird? is my partner going to judge me? what if this ruins their day? what if what if what if. While the chatter in my head continued to risk assess , I soothed my mind with the knowledge that those fears were not personified in my partner. She was not going to judge me or laugh at me in a negative way. No more than I could laugh at myself for the compromising position I was in. I decided to just break the ice. & wouldn’t I know it, my partner showed up exactly how I knew they would despite my embarrassment and fears. She was more upset that she had to go back to work rather than jump on camera with me. She complimented me and appreciated my body , before getting back to her day. It is SO normal for our brains to project our insecurities onto situations we would consider embarrassing. We can become defensive or shamed by our own minds, and that could’ve easily turned into a completely different out come in this video. It could’ve caused me to not finish myself & in consequence not finish the video at all. Instead I changed the pattern of shame and made it comfortable for the both of us. To laugh and enjoy the silliness of the situation because it IS funny. To be caught touching yourself, clamps on, plug in, vibe going. The fact that both of us can giggle and appreciate the fun and sexiness of it together, was another bonding moment and opportunity for us to say, “I’m your safe space, you can just exist as you are.” 🌿
