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1068. Dreaming Of Becoming Sheep
🕑 Added 2025-09-13 02:42:55 +0000 UTCTears dripped into the soup.
Her stomach ached, but it was a satisfying pain. She did not expect herself to finish the meal as a regular human. Yet, in just fifteen minutes, she had cleaned the plates and was chewing on the cartilage of the chicken bones to suck out the marrow.
“… Ah…?”
Frost found herself reaching into an empty plate with oily hands. She snapped out of her trance, hearing tears plink against the surface of the table.
“… What was I…? I’ve never… Since arriving in this world, there was only one time I was able to enjoy food. The Village of Virt. Because of me, their Elder was able to see again. They celebrated that night. I helped them… But it was also because of me that they were…”
The red oil that dripped from her hands suddenly resembled blood. A black bar censored it as soon as the thought came to mind. That black bar only brought back even fouler memories.
“I had to eat the birds to survive. I thought that maybe, maybe if I got out of the forest, then the world would open up. That I’d laugh it off and enjoy a fantasy adventure like in the books of my…”
Of my world.
She was suddenly unable to say this out loud. Her tone shifted. Her voice became deeper, and she spoke through clenched teeth and unsteady breaths.
“It became worse. I ate people without realizing it. I watched people die in front of me. I stood still when a Wandering Healer nearly euthanized a child. I made it to the Nex Megalopolis, saw what the world was, and I…”
The four plates set in front of her had distinct shapes now that she realized it. The bowl that held beef stew was in the shape of a club.
The plate that carried the chicken was a diamond.
The one that held the bread was of a heart.
Finally, the plate which served the risotto was of a spade.
As for the parfait, the way the glass reflected the chandelier above resembled flames.
Had she not been the Amalgam, then so many would not have died.
The opposite was also true.
This was Frost’s dilemma.
“You don’t have to worry about anything anymore when you’re a Healer. Your title, your role and its namesake are set in stone. If you embrace it, then you’ll be looked after. Forever.”
Garreth offered her a hand.
“Whatever you suffered through matters not anymore. You are in the custody of the Nexus and its [REDACTED].”
The ticking was stronger this time. It overpowered the static scrambling. Laloi offered her hand as well. Frost glanced at their offering hands, then back down at her own. Her hand was already moving towards them, but upon reaching halfway, she thought about the others.
She was not able to take their hand.
“Shall we show you to the Residential Floor?” Garreth hummed as a server cleaned up the table.
Frost silently nodded, still stunned and dripping with fresh tears.
*
The Residential Floors of the Nexus were located at the far back of the Common Hub. A hallway expanded through the glass walls even though one could not find this corridor when they peered out of the glass.
The spacious hallway was adorned with various gathering spots and waiting areas between the alcoves. Pale pillars lifted the ceiling and were wrapped with decorations of a recent festival.
At the end there was a bright light surrounded by the greenery of a vast open field. They took a carriage across the dirt highways, passing through villages, towns, and large estates belonging exclusively to the Blessed.
They eventually reached a place where the land ended abruptly. It was a kilometer long overhang that sat perched above a coral reef. Sat along these were huts too small to be for a family, but just large enough for a person to call home.
Along the grass were Healers. Dozens of them.
“I thought they’re supposed to be with Inflow Direct. Not here.” Frost’s voice was thankfully carried by the wind, otherwise, the Moons would not have heard her even with their enhanced hearing.
“Inflow Direct does govern them for basic training. But the [REDACTED] has issued a commandment to bring them to the Nexus so that they can be free within their jurisdiction.” Laloi explained.
“Who?” Frost asked.
“The [REDACTED]. Do you see them? How they run around, smiling. They’re free here. Go on.” Garreth ushed Frost.
But Frost did not see this as freedom.
Indeed, the world was tranquil, and the Healers were offered homes, and a place of respite in perhaps the most secure place in the world, but even so, she could not help feel as though she was being herded into a pen, rather than being offered freedom.
When she looked out into the vast expanse, she did not see a boundless stretch of grass. What she saw was an imaginary fence. The Healers had been brought here to protect them above all else, yet it did not feel like the same kind of love she granted to the Healers in the Floor of Amalgamation.
The Healers only had themselves. They were secluded, isolated, and segregated from the rest of society. A Healer wandered close to Frost, and they offered their head like how a docile animal would do to visitors at a petting zoo.
“You can be protected. Stay in eternal bliss as a Healer under the sole embrace of [REDACTED]. You needn’t worry about a thing.” Garreth hummed.
He did not see anything wrong with this.
Neither did Laloi.
A part of Frost that wished to see the end of her own misery also yearned to be nothing more than a sheep. But Frost considered herself a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A Healer capable of violence.
In her heart she could never accept losing her autonomy.
Garreth reached for the skies and plucked a strand from the air and then offered to her like a string of hope in an inescapable well. Frost reached out for it.
“… I’ll never have to worry about a thing again… I don’t have to be afraid of myself either…”
“Precisely.”
“Good Healer.”
Her hand hesitated midway through.
“… But that isn’t my purpose.”
She slapped the hand away with surprising force. Though she was only a human now, the Moon’s hand flew to the side.
“You reject it?”
“Your role and namesake?”
“I’m rejecting a pre-written persona. I will not become a docile Healer and blind myself. As easy as it would be to just close my eyes and enjoy life as a livestock, I want control over my life. I don’t want to give up.”
Frost’s utter refusal wracked them with shock, which soon morphed into a small smile.
“The path of despair comes from those who do not have a pre-written purpose.” Garreth stated.
“Is this what you truly believe in?” Laloi also questioned.
“It’s what I’ve decided to do. I have people I love waiting for me… And I’m sorry for what happened to you two. I regret the deaths of my Moons. But I can’t ignore how many more would have died without me.”
They were satisfied with her answer. Yet, despite her refusal, the dream did not end.
She expected it to. Wasn’t that how it was supposed to play out? Nothing could change her mind, and her ability to retaliate had returned, but she was still much too weak to fight.
Garreth and Laloi closed their eyes. Their forms began to shed skin until a dark, hollow shell of their corpses remained. They were strung up by an invisible puppet master, and the two began to float an inch off the ground.
“… A Corrupted fight?” Frost assumed a fighting stance.
The duo shook their heads like creaky dolls.
“No. The. Head. Does. Not. Allow. Rejection.” Garreth spoke, his mouth moving exaggeratedly.
“The. Head. Awaits. Your. Judgement. You. Are. Invited. Into. The. Floor. Of. Judgement. As. You. Carry. Her. Mark. Of. Judgement.”
“I have it…? Right… Right. When I first arrived in this world… I was human, wasn’t I? Until I…” Frost knew what needed to be done. “Who is the Head? The Amalgam?”
“You. Will. See.”
“They. Are. Radiant.”
“… I think I know who it is then.”
Frost’s twisted face eased as she stared at the two. She took a few steps back and gave them a mournful smile before she turned her back.
“… They’re doing fine right now.”
“Who. Are. You. Referring. To?”
“Who. Are. ‘They’?”
The two were not aware of the lovers they left behind. Frost knew this, but she felt like she needed to leave some form of reassurance to them, even if they were dead. She followed the trail on foot, and the once tranquil path suddenly became daunting.
“The ‘Head’, right now, can only be one person other than me.”
The notion of control was a powerful theme in this dream. It was not just her surrendering, she found. If it was, then why make it feel as though she was trapped? Perhaps that was not the intention.
But it certainly came across that way to her.
“Is this your dream, Jury?”
