sakurada yana
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[TIER 10] IATL: Chapter 12
🕑 Added 2022-05-13 17:55:42 +0000 UTCGabriel stares up into familiar green eyes that seem to dance and shimmer in the dim light. They're rimmed red and puffy like Chase had been crying. His eyes wander to the dried tear tracks on his cheeks. Chase was crying, he realized, shocked. Why? A singsong taunt starts up in his head. Pop goes the weasel! Gabriel lowers his eyes, burning with shame.
His lips start to tremble, and he can't hold Chase's gaze any longer. He feels vulnerable, exposed. He doesn't want Chase to see him like this. Stripped bare and tore open. The evidence of abuse is clear as day on his skin. Beaten, used and left for dead. Nothing but trash. And now Chase knows. Knows just how disposable he is. Tears prickles at his eyes and he's about to duck his head when he notices Chase's clothes.
Or lack of one. He's wearing a hospital gown, very much like the one he had on. Concern and worry trump over any doubts and insecurities he may be feeling. He pushes himself up but stumbles when a sharp pain shoots up his spine and his world spins. Overwhelmed with a sudden crippling dizziness, he collapses back onto the bed, gasping. His vision blurs. He squeezes his eyes shut.
There are hands on him and he hears words, but they sound far away, underwater, distorted. The firm grip on his shoulders is a reassuring weight, grounding him. Once the wooziness in his head clears, he opens his eyes. Chase is leaning over him, face so close he can feel his breath puffing on his face.
"Chase..." he whispers.
"Gabe," Chase whispers back, a sense of urgency in his voice. "You scared the crap out of me." Chase tries to go for stern, but Gabriel can hear the crack in his voice. He squints up at Chase, disoriented before remembering. "Chase, are you hurt? Did something happen to you?" he asks, his voice a deep gravel, hoarse. He tries clearing his throat, swallowing around saliva that are barely there.
Chase notices, and he takes the glass of water by his bed and positions the straw in his mouth. Grateful, he sucks and relishes at the feel of cool water saturating his mouth and down his throat. He drinks, eyes closed, letting out a small sigh as he releases the straw with a soft pop. A trickle of water drips down the corner of his mouth, rolling down the side of his throat. Chase stares at it, transfixed before lifting his eyes to settle on his lips. When a second too long goes by, Chase startles and flushes, averting his eyes guiltily as he places the glass back on the bedside table.
"Thank you, Chase," he says, feeling much better but still worried, his eyebrows furrowed. "Chase," he hesitates, then "Please tell me you're alright."
Chase's eyes widen and then he huffs, his face just a little broken. "Fuck, Gabe..." He shakes his head, still close enough that Gabriel could see the smattering of freckles on his face. He looks pale, exhausted. "Only you," he says. "Only you can be worried about someone else when you're the one lying in a hospital bed after almost-" His voice cracks. "You almost died, Gabe," Chase chokes out, staring at him with desperate eyes.
He stares back at Chase, eyes wide and frightened. He remembered wishing he was dead. He remembered begging for them to kill him. He had wanted to die. He thought he did.
"Gabe..." Chase lifts up a hand and places it gently against his cheek, stroking a thumb against the scruff there. "Don't you ever do that again. I can't-" He breaks off again, clears his throat and tries once more. "I can't lose you. Please don't make me lose you too." Tears well up in those forest green eyes and Gabriel feels his own tears coming.
"I'm sorry," he croaks out.
"Gabe..." Chase groans frustrated, squeezing his eyes shut. "Why are you apologizing?"
"I don't know," he answers truthfully. Then, he hazard a guess. "Because I made you cry?"
Chase snorts. "Do you even know why I'm crying?"
Gabriel stares at Chase's open face, so earnest, so sincere it hurts. Because what he's implying, it cannot be true. He doesn't dare to hope, but he does anyway. His heart thuds a heavy beat. Mouth tight, he shakes his head.
"I'm the one who found you, you know," Chase says, his voice soft in the small room. Intimate.
Gabriel's eyes widened. He's so confused. Thinking back, he doesn't remember how he came to be at the hospital. He had thought Lucas was the one who had found him. That he came searching for him when he missed Chastity's appointment. But here is Chase, telling him otherwise. "But- how?" Maybe Lucas sent Chase instead, not bothering at all. The thought saddens him.
"You never gave me a chance to explain myself." At Chase's answer, he's feeling more confused than ever. Tilting his head, he waits for Chase to continue. "What you said this afternoon. It's not true. You're not to blame for what happened, Gabe and I need you to know that."
His heart constricts painfully. He shakes his head, looking away. "Chase..."
"No, Gabe, I searched the whole house for you! And when Lucas told me where you were-" He sighs. "Why?" he asks. When Gabriel doesn't answer, he continues. "Why do you have such a low opinion on yourself? Why do you think you deserve to be alone and friendless? You walked away before I can tell you. I still want to be your friend, Gabe." Gabriel looks up at that, eyes wide in shock.
A nervous, unsure expression flits through Chase's face. Almost like he's insecure. But then, they harden, determined, and he plows on. "Gabe, when I entered the restroom, and found you..." Chase rubs a hand over his mouth, "Lying in a pool of your blood, unresponsive. It scared the shit out of me." His voice is tremulous, shaky. "I thought you were dead. And at that moment, I knew." He trails off.
"Knew what?" His own voice is barely above a whisper. It feels like he's standing at the edge of something huge, something big. And it's either going to save him or crush him.
"That, what I felt for you had changed."
The words hit him hard. After all that Chase had said, about how his perception of Gabriel hadn't changed, how he still wants to be his friend, it's all for naught because of what happened to him. And he did this to himself. If he hadn't gone to the truck stop in the first place... Gabriel closes his eyes and almost laughs. Almost.
So this is how it feels like to fall. Gabriel feels like he's falling into a bottomless pit, the certainty of death that never comes. The bereft feeling is never ending. It was stupid of him to hope. He doesn't know why his heart never got the memo. There's a brush of fingers underneath his chin, tilting his head up.
"It became something more. Something so much more." Chase's eyes are shining, intense and serious. Gabriel opens his mouth; he wants to say something, but nothing comes out, heart stuck in his throat. Then, Chase pulls away and stands.
Panicked, Gabriel's throat unstuck, and he blurts out, "Where are you going?"
Chase gives him a small smile and walks toward the other side of his bed, pushing the curtain surrounding one side of his bed aside. A flash of lightning lights up the room, followed by the distant rumble a moment later. His eyes glue to the spectacle outside. At the rain lashing at the window, droplets accumulate on the glass, each one reflecting the soft light in the room. Another lightning flashes, illuminating the night sky. This high up, with no buildings or trees blocking the view, Gabriel could see the form of the lightning, spreading out like tree roots in the sky. He feels the corner of his lips curl up, lost in the display.
The bed dips on one side. Chase is sitting on the bed near his stomach, staring out the window with a small smile. Instead of freckles, his face is now littered with little round circles, shadows of the droplet littering the glass window. It's scattered everywhere, from his face down his neck to the plain hospital gown. He looks so serene and peaceful like this.
Chase turns his face towards him and smirks. "I promised you the next time it rains; we're going on a date. Well, since you clearly aren't going anywhere, I thought I would bring the date to you. It's pretty last minute, and I didn't have time to plan it. There's no blanket fort or hot chocolates," he trails off looking sheepish. "I hope you don't mind that it's just little old me. And the storm of course."
Again, Gabriel is stunned speechless. Is Chase proposing what Gabriel thinks he is proposing? Is this Chase asking him out on a date? Are they on a date? His head is spinning so fast, his heart thumping so loud he's sure Chase could hear them. His foolish heart is inching towards hope again. Breathless, he stammers out. "Chase, I- I don't understand."
Tilting his head up towards the ceiling, Chase expels an explosive sigh. "God, you're going to make me spell this out for you word for word, aren't you?"
"If you don't mind," he says, unable to tame the flames of something inside him. Licking and taunting him. Chase inhales deeply before dropping his head down to look at him. His gaze is sharp, searching. Gabriel doesn't know what he's looking for, so he stares back, head tilted and brow furrowed, and waits. After what seems like forever, Chase's eyes steeled with resolve. Turning his body to face Gabriel, Chase takes his hands into his.
"Gabe, I like you. In fact, if I'm going to go all teenage girl here on you, I'll even say I like like you." Gabriel's heart stutters. "A lot. And before you tell me it's impossible, we only knew each other a few weeks, barely even talking then- Well, shut up and hear me out. I've been crushing on you for a while now. From the moment, I laid eyes on you. Almost two months ago." Gabriel's eyes widened. "I'm not stupid. I know what a crush is, and I admit I was first drawn by your blue eyes, your smile, your bedhead. Point is, I was attracted, but I didn't know you. Not then."
Chase looks hurt as he continues. "I would see bruises on you and I don't know where they're from. I thought they were from bullies and I ended up following you around. You were so oblivious, you didn't even realize. Then, one morning, I saw you with Lucas. I thought he was just an abusive boyfriend, but a few weeks later, I came to the home and what I saw was worse than I thought- I got to see a part of you that I've never seen before. Or anticipated."
"I didn't understand," Chase says, shaking his head. "Why would you just take it? I thought you were just too broken. But the last two days show me something different. That night at the club, after we- You protected me. You took the brunt of the night. You did all that without asking anything in return. You're not broken. You're too good. And this morning, being in your company, seeing the world the way you do, talking to you- I did get to know you. The real you. Not some imaginary version of you I concocted in my head. And the person I saw- is someone strong. Brave. Capable of so much love and forgiveness, it's beautiful," he whispers as Gabriel clings desperately to Chase's every word.
"After you left today, I beat myself up for not stopping you. I couldn't get you out of my head. I kept replaying what you said, replaying what we did, what we shared. And I know I can't let you go another second feeling guilty for crap that isn't your fault to begin with. I know I'm acting like a lovesick teenage girl but crap, I like it. I like how thinking about you can make me smile. How every look you throw my way can make me blush like a virgin. How hearing you laugh makes my heart sing. And how much I want to be the one to put that smile on your face and laughter in your eyes. And how much it pains me to see you hurt," Chase's voice cracks.
"And you were hurt. And I wasn't there. I wasn't there to stop it. I failed you, Gabe and all I can do is pray, beg to be given a second chance. A chance to tell you how I feel. A chance for us." Chase is looking at him with such raw longing in his eyes. The meaning of what he said finally dawns on him. He squeezes Chase's hand, feels the solidness of it, feels the warmth and assures himself that this is real. Chase is here. And he is telling him all this.
Slowly, Chase leans in close until their foreheads are touching and closes his eyes. "I love you, Gabe," he whispers like a confession. "And you don't have to do anything with that. I just needed you to know." A teardrop falls from Chase's closed lashes onto Gabriel's cheek. Letting go of Chase's hand, he brings both hands up to hold Chase's face, coaxing him to open his eyes. When he did, it's like staring into the sun. As he gazes into the fiery green depth, he knows that every word rings true.
For the first time that night, Gabriel breaks into a smile. Then, he lets out a choked-off laugh, smiling so wide his lips split open again, a bubble of blood blossoming. But he doesn't care. Chase said he loves him. This sweet kind loving man loves him. Gabriel. He thinks he can fly.
"Chase..." The name sounds so right in his mouth, the way it rolls off his tongue, an exhale that is familiar. "I don't know what to say. But I'm really happy," he expresses, his voice shaky with emotion. Still clutching Chase's face, their nose almost touching, he clears his throat. "And I think- I'm falling for you too, Chase. Hard and fast. And it's not stopping."
Chase pulls back, not far, just so he could stare down at Gabriel, his face disbelieving. "You do?" he chokes out, surprised. "What about Lucas? I thought-" At the mention of Lucas, his smile falters. Chase stops, lets his sentence hang, expression unsure.
"I loved Lucas. I did," he stresses, needing Chase to understand. "But is it love when it's only one-sided? Is it love when he used what we had against me?" He lets go of Chase's face and retreats in on himself, turning his face away to look out the window. "I've been so blind. I couldn't see or maybe I didn't want to see."
"Chase, you're right the first time around. I'm a mess. I'm broken. I'm not who I used to be. The Gabriel before this was shy. Introvert. Reserved. But he always had this optimism. This light in him. I'm not him anymore. I don't know if I can ever feel that way again. What Lucas did, it broke something in me. I'm not like you, Chase. I'm not a fighter. He took and he took and now there's barely anything left. You deserve someone better than the shell of the person I used to be."
The rain continues to pour, filling the room with their patters. He hugs himself, tears welling in his eyes. "When they-'' His voice cracks. "When they did things to me, they were telling me all these things. Things about me. Horrible things. And they weren't wrong." He laughs a bitter sound. "How can you rape a whore?" The tears spill over, and he wipes them away with the back of his hands. Staring up at Chase, he voices out the brutal truth. "How can you love someone who doesn't love himself?"
"Gabe, hey. Don't think like that. I'm a whore too. Does that mean I can't be raped?"
Horrified, he answers without hesitation. "Of course not."
Chase's face softened. "Then why is it not the same for you?"
Frustrated, he grips the sheets. "Because I didn't fight it, Chase! I let it happen."
Chase grabs his wrist and holds it up, motioning to the number of cuts and bruises on them. "What is this then? I know defensive wounds when I see them, Gabe. You fought."
Snatching his wrist back, he glares at them. "Doesn't matter." Feeling spiteful, he looks Chase straight in the eyes and with a bitter smile on his face, he adds. "They all had a turn anyway. Even came back for more." When Chase's face falls, he wants to retract those words right away but he doesn't. Too stubborn. He does avert his gaze though. "That's not what I was referring to, and you know it."
"Lucas manipulated you! He used your feelings for him and twisted it into something... Wrong. You said so yourself!" When he still refuses to look at Chase, he leans down until they're eye-level and catches his eyes. Their eyes locked. "You and I, we're not so different. I might have fought initially, but I gave up. Do you know why?" Brows furrowing, he shakes his head. "Because of Sam."
"See, you didn't fight because you loved Lucas. And I stopped fighting because I love Sam. Our reasons are one and the same. So if you don't blame me, you shouldn't blame yourself either."
Gabriel has been feeling nauseated ever since this conversation started, his gut churning, twisting into a tight ball like a cloth being wrung of its water, leaving him feeling dry but not empty. No, he's filled to the brim with darkness. Sadness, regret, pain and worst of all- guilt. An overwhelming sense of guilt that threatens to drown him. But now, he can feel something else trickling in. Something like hope. And something else. A note of forgiveness. For himself. A possibility for redemption. A way out of this vicious circle he had put himself in. And Chase was the one to give it to him.
"Chase..." There are not enough words in the English language to express the enormity of his gratitude. It feels like he can breathe again. The weight he's been carrying around with him these past months finally lifted. He feels like he's able to move forward, dare to see better things for himself. Dare to believe that maybe, he too deserves to be loved and can be loved. So instead, he stares up at Chase and utters the two words he knows would have to do. "Thank you."
"Don't sweat it, Gabe," he smiles, eyes soft and tender, brimming with affection. A look that no one had thrown his way before and Gabriel finds himself overwhelmed. The good sort. Before he can think too much about it, he finds himself blurting. "Can we kiss?"
"Do you need to ask?"
"Yes. Yes, I do."
"Well, in that case. Yes," Chase whispers, smirking as he leans down and presses his soft lips against his chapped ones. Gabriel closes his eyes. It's a light kiss. Chaste. And the brush of contact sends him into a tingly mess. From the tip of his ears all the way down to toes. They both let out a small exhale, lips still touching.
Grinning, he opens his eyes and is met with Chase's happy ones. "That was nice. Can we do that again?" Chase asks, his lips brushing against his as he whispers. Eyes crinkling with how hard he's smiling, Gabriel nods. He can feel Chase's lips curl up into a smile as he deepens the kiss, Gabriel letting out an undignified moan into it.
After a while, Chase pulls back. "As much as I want to kiss that lips of yours swollen, you need to rest." He jumps off the bed, ignoring Gabriel's whine of protest. Then, he turns around and fusses over him, tucking the covers around him nice and warm. Once he is satisfied with his handiwork, he mumbles. "Go to sleep, Gabe. I'll be right here with you." He settles back into the chair and props his legs up on Gabriel's bed, his hands crossed over his chest. Smiling at Gabriel, he coos. "Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite."
Laughing, he settles into the bed comfortably. "I'm not a six years old child, Chase."
"Could have fooled me. You look all small and angelic tucked into bed like that," he teases. Gabriel rolls his eyes, shaking his head fondly. Then, he sneaks his hand out from under the covers and lays them with his palm facing upwards. Without skipping a beat, Chase slides his hands into his, giving him a little squeeze. They stare at each other until one by one, their eyes slide shut, and their soft snores add to the ambiance of the room.
