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[TIER 10] IATL: Chapter 6
🕑 Added 2022-04-15 12:52:19 +0000 UTCChase walks back to his room with what he knows is his goofy smile on his face. The one he got when Sam did something particularly adorable. Like fart and be crazy embarrassed about it. Or when he had an apple pie and it felt like a mini orgasm in his mouth. Now though, it seems like just talking to Gabriel gets him all stupid and googly eyes.
God, he had it bad. But he couldn't bring himself to give a single fuck. Yes, he crushing hard on Gabriel and damn everything to hell, but he's going to enjoy every single flutter in his belly, every stutter of his heart and goddammit, he'll even enjoy the blood rushing to his face. Or better yet, down south. Heh...
"Chase, your face looks funny," Sam's childlike voice filters through his less than PG18 thoughts. Chase snaps out of his daydream, blinking when he realizes where he is. Sam is lying on his stomach on his bed, looking up at him with furrowed eyebrows. Then, as if reaching some sort of conclusion to a scientific experiment, he announces. "You look dumb."
"You shut your face," he retorts playfully as he jumps into bed. "Or I'll do it for you!" He grabs at Sam's face and starts squishing his little cheek together with his fingers and thumb. Sam cries out in protest and tries to bat his hands away. Laughing at his abysmal effort, he starts tickling Sam little body as he screams bloody murder, writhing around the bed struggling to get away.
When he finally stops, Sam's face has turned a deep shade of red from laughing so hard. "Serves you right smartass," he huffs, grinning from ear to ear as Sam tries to catch his breath. He's wearing a massive pout as he swats at Chase's hands still looming threateningly at his sides.
"You jerk!" Sam shrieks once he's got onto his hands and knees, glaring daggers at Chase. "That is so unfair!"
"That's what happens when you try to be a pain in the ass to someone who's 11 years older than you, Sammie. Lesson learnt." He chuckles as he flops back on the bed. Still breathless, Sam falls onto his ass, sitting cross-legged across from Chase.
"You just wait until I get older, Chase. Revenge is sweet." Sam puts on his most threatening face, all squinty eyes and pouty lips which would look impressive if it wasn't for the baby fat, rounding out his face. He cocks on eyebrows and raises a hand to ruffle Sam's hair, earning a swat and another bitch face in return.
Damn, he needs to give Sam a haircut one of these days. He's looking like one of those shaggy dogs with dark brown hair flopping over his eyes like that. Sam's going to put up one hell of a fight. He never did like getting his hair cut. Unlike Chase who loves to keep his dirty blonde hair short, just enough to cover his forehead if he weren't to style it up like he usually does.
Sam picks up his book from the floor and crawls up towards the headboard. He leans back against it and pulls his knees up, raising the book just enough to cover his face. Chase frowns. Thinking that Sam's mad, he tugs on the cuff of his jeans.
"Hey, you ok?"
Sam is silent behind his book. Concerned, he turns over to lie on his stomach and reaches up to pull the book down. Sam isn't looking at Chase but down at his book, biting his bottom lips and looking for all the world like he got caught with his hands in a cookie jar. Worried now, he sits up, shuffling a little so that he's facing Sam and places a finger under his chin. He tilts his little face up.
"Hey buddy, what's wrong? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Sam shakes his head. "Okay. Then, is something bothering you?" Sam shakes his head again but after a while, he nods. Huffing at his nonresponse, he prods. "What is it? You can tell me anything. You know that right, Sammie?"
After a long moment, Sam raises his eyes to meet his, still worrying his bottom lip. "You weren't here last night."
His heart clenched at how small Sam sounds. "Sammie... Hey, you know if I could, I would rather be here with you. Tuck you nice and warm in bed. Read you one of your girly bedtime stories. But sometimes, I have to work and I need you to be a big boy when I'm gone, okay?"
Sam shakes his head. "No, I can be a big boy, I promise!" Chase smiles at that. But Sam still looks nervous, lips red from all the biting.
"Hey, cut that out," he says softly, tapping Sam's bottom lips until it springs free.
"Were you in the basement last night, Chase?" Sam asks, voice so soft that if he wasn't sitting as close to Sam as he is, he would have missed it. Unfortunately for him, he'd heard it, clear as day. Icy dread fills him as he gazes into Sam's hazel eyes. The basement.
Why is he asking about the basement? His heart hammers against his chest, thudding loudly in his ears. There's a haunted look in Sam's eyes that scares him. No, that can't be it. He can't have- he's not allowed down there. That's just not possible. Stop freaking out. Faking a calm he doesn't feel, he answers. "No, Sammie. I wasn't."
Sam nods, eyes flitting down.
"Why do you ask?" Chase tries to sound casual. Like he isn't on the brink of a nervous breakdown right now.
Without looking up, Sam mumbles down at his chest. "I saw you."
Chase's not sure if he's heard that correctly, but his heart stills nevertheless. Feeling cold all over, he asks, voice gruff. "What do you mean you saw me?"
"There's a place I like to read. Behind the heater in the basement. I know Lucas said not to go down there, but it was so cold that day! I swear, I didn't mean to fall asleep!" Feeling his heart lodged in his throat, Chase nods and waits for Sam to continue. But he begins to worry his bottom lip again, not looking at Chase.
"Sam?"
Sam doesn't look up, instead he starts plucking at the hem of his shirt, hiding his face. Fear unlike anything he felt before courses through him, chilling him to the bones. He forces himself to ask, "What did you see?"
"I saw you, Chase. You're not wearing any clothes and you're tied down to some kind of table or chair, I don't know, I can't really see. I wanted to come out, I swear! But then the men came down and I got scared so I hid again."
It's like being transported back in time. Chase's in the basement, strapped to the bench with Alastair breathing down his face. He can almost smell his putrid breath mixed in with the stale air of the basement. Sweat beads at his back and forehead. He was sweaty then too, the humidity clinging to his skin. Alastair's voice booms in his ears.
"I ask you one last time, will you or will you not call me Master?"
"Go to hell you sick bastard."
"Very well, you asked for this. I don't suppose you need me to explain what's going to happen here?"
Chase spits in his face and bites out, "Do your worst."
That man did. His world became a blur of fits and screams. He remembered screaming that he'll bite their cock off if they dared stuffed it in his mouth. Not like it mattered. Alastair gagged him with a rag as his men tore into his ass mercilessly until he's nothing but one big throb of pain. Bile rises in his throat as he pictures Sam hiding behind the heater, watching as the horror show continues.
He doesn't know what to say. What the hell can he even say to that? Please for the love of god forget what you saw down in the basement? Shit. He doesn't know what to do. There must be some adult way in dealing with this, but Chase has absolutely no fucking clue. He doesn't even know how much Sam had seen or understood. He's only six for Christ sake! He doesn't have to explain about the birds and bees until much later and this isn't even remotely close! Jesus.
This is the last thing Chase wants to do but dammit, he has got to know. "Sam, what did you think happened down in the basement?"
Sam looks up at Chase with wide scared eyes. "They were hurting you."
Chase nods, green eyes boring into Sam's hazel ones.
"There were so many men, Chase. And they're all surrounding you," Sam whispers. "You were screaming." Chase nods again, clenching his jaw. "I wanted to go to you, Chase I really did, but I was so scared. I ran. I'm sorry!" Sam bursts into tears, grabbing the front of his shirt by the collar and pulls it over his head, hiding his face in the material. Chase doesn't even realize that he'd been holding his breath until the moment it rushes out of his lungs. He is so relieved he can feel his whole body sagging with it. "I'm sorry I ran. I left you there, I'm sowwy!"
Chase takes a deep breath and lets it out slow and steady. He moves towards the boy, pulling the shirt down and wraps his arms around him, hugging him tight. Nuzzling his face in his hair, he murmurs. "Don't apologize, Sam. I'm glad you ran. There's nothing you can do. You did the right thing." When Sam continues to sob into his chest, he adds. "How did you run anyway? They're bound to see you." His heart rate spikes, wondering if Sam did manage to avoid detection. He pushes Sam back, leveling his eyes on him. "How did you escape?"
"In the corner near the heater, there's this staircase. I ran up and there's something that looks like a door but it opens upwards. I came out into the backyard." Chase frowns trying to remember. He recalls seeing a trapdoor at the back of the house, but he always thought it was locked. "I went to Anna and told her what happened. But all she did was take me to her room and hold me. I didn't know what to do, I was so scared."
Sam looks down, his lips starting to wobble as fresh tears pour down his face. "She said everything was going to be okay but she was lying! You were hurt bad. There's blood everywhere and you weren't responding. Lucas took you away and you didn't come back! No one will tell me anything! I thought I lost you, Chase. Like I did Mom!" Sam grabs him around the neck, face planting into his shoulder. "I'll never leave you again, Chase! I promise!"
Chase's sucked back into that night again. He was filthy and half out of his mind with pain and degradation. The last of the men were finishing, pulling up their pants as they left, leaving him alone with Alastair. The screech of the chair as he stood grates his ears. He will never forget the next words that came out of Alastair's mouth.
"I heard you have a little brother. What's his name? Sam? How would little Sammie like to call me Master, since his older brother is too stubborn to. He's upstairs now, isn't he?"
"You stay the fuck away from him," he spits. Exhaustion tears at the edge of his mind but the clarity of Alastair's words brought him back from the dull haze he fell into.
"Call me Master, Chase."
He felt like crying, the tears stinging his eyes. Tears of frustration and anger. Anger at himself and anger at the unfairness of it all. It had taken him everything to summon the indignity to spit the word out. It's not the word itself that's so hard to say, but what it signifies. If he does this, he'll be Alastair's bitch. For real. But this is Sam, his little brother whom he vowed to protect. So he broke.
Alastair smiled victoriously as he pulled out his belt. "Let's see how good you can be for your Master, Chase. You're going to take every blow and you're going to count with me."
The belt rained down on his back without mercy, stripping his back bloody and raw. He had screams himself hoarse, voice guttural as he yelled out the number with each strike. When the pain became too much and his back is just one burning throb, he passed out. He had woken up in Gadreel's house and had stayed there for four days, lying flat on his stomach, unable to move. He hadn't realizes that Sam saw him, bleeding and unconscious. That must have scared the hell out of him.
He hugs Sam even harder, pulling him close to his body. He had failed Sam. Again. Guilt spreads like fireflies throughout his body, swarming him with a familiar sense of disappointment. He can picture the look on his dad's face. How is he ever going to make this right? "I'm sorry, Sammie I didn't know. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. But do you know what the most important thing is?"
Sam shakes his head, sniffling as he pulls back, staring up at Chase with wide tearful eyes. He hates seeing Sam cries. Sam is only a kid, but he acts older than his 6 years of age, forced to grow up too fast by circumstances. They both were. He rarely cries. And when he does, it's because he's sad dad is leaving again. But he always sucks his bottom lips in and tries to be brave for Chase. As a child, he never whined or complained. Instead, he does all he can to make Chase's job easier. Guilty tears prick at his eyes as he swipes his thumb over the tear tracks on Sam's chubby face.
"The most important thing to know is that I came out of it okay. I'm still here. Nothing is going to take me away from you, Sammie. I swear as long as I live, I will never abandon you. You're not getting rid of me that easily." He gives Sam a small smile and ruffles his hair. He knows they both have a bad case of abandonment issues, Sam more so than Chase. He never got the chance to know what home life feels like. Had been on the road from the beginning. Really, he only had Chase.
Sam sniffs, not even bothering to pull his head away. Then, in a soft voice, he asks. "You promise?" He nods, echoing Sam's words. "I promise." Sam gives him a wide watery smile. "I promise I will never leave you too. I'm going to be brave. I want to protect you, like how you protected me," Sam says, determined. Chase wraps his arms around Sam's body, holding him close.
"You do, buddy. You do," he whispers into his hair. The funny thing is, Chase relies on Sam as much as Sam relies on him. Without Sam, he doesn't know if he's able to deal with what has happened. He still has nightmares of that night, and he's sure plenty more where that comes from. The only thing holding him together is the fact that Sam needs him and he can't afford to fall apart. So he pieces himself together and pushes down the hurt and pain until they become a numb spot at the back of his mind. He tries not to think about it. He needs to stay strong. If not for himself, for Sam. "It's you and me against the world right?"
At that, Sam pulls back and nods furiously. "Yeah, Chase. You and me against the world! We're going to beat the bad guys!"
Chase laughs. "You bet!"
Smiling, Sam lands a wet kiss on his cheek. He pretends to be disgusted by it, wiping it away with a scowl on his face. He tries to ruffle Sam's hair again but is denied this time, a full on bitch face directed at him. Sam plops onto his stomach and reaches for his book. As Chase watches him flips through the pages, he can't help the soft sigh that escapes him. He lies down on his back, hands behind his head and stares up at the ceiling. Sam had been holding all that in for almost a week and he hadn't noticed a fucking thing. Granted, he'd only been back a couple of days, but still. He closes his eyes, thanking whatever God up there that might be listening for small mercies. Grateful that Sam hadn't witnessed anything too damaging.
"Chase?"
"Hmm?"
"Is my boy part going to be as big as those men when I grow up?"
Sam's question hits him like a slap to the face. He bolts upright so fast he feels his head spins. "What?" he splutters.
With these huge round innocent eyes, Sam expresses, "They are so big..." His eyes widen as he emphasizes on the 'big' as through trying to convey the hugeness of the penises by how wide his eyes can grow.
He stares at Sam blankly, pretty sure with his mouth agape. Say something, idiot! Do something! Blink! He blinks, once. Then rapidly like an incapacitated person trying to converse in Morse code. "Wha-?" He chokes out in a high-pitched voice he will forever deny ever having come out of his throat. He coughs then tries again, voice still a decibel higher "Who cares?!"
Frowning in contemplation, Sam concludes. "They look uncomfortable." Then, he eyes his crotch as if to gauge how Chase manages to stuff his 'big' penis in his jeans and still be comfortable. He blushes all the way up to his ears, grabs at the nearest pillow and covers his groin.
"Hey! Eyes off the family jewel!"
Sam shrugs. "I'm just curious. Why would penises grow so big anyway? It just looks dumb." And with that, Sam goes back to his book, leaving Chase to stew in his own mortification. Oh god, what did he do to deserve this? He falls back onto the bed, bringing the pillow up to cover his face as he lets out a Why me? groan when there's a knock at the door. Springing up, glad for the distraction, he bounces off the bed. When he sees who's at the door, his face breaks into a wide smile.
"Heyya, Gabe."
"Hello, Chase. I made some peanut butter sandwiches. Would you like to eat them outside? The weather seems nice." Gabriel gestures to the plates he has balanced precariously in his hands. "I've made some for Sam too."
"You heard that? Gabe made us sandwiches. Isn't he great?" He turns around and waggles his eyebrows at Sam. Ignoring him in favor of smiling at Gabriel, Sam enthuses. "Thank you, Gabe. Peanut butter sandwiches are my favorite!"
Gabriel smiles, eyes twinkling. "You're very welcome. Do you want to come outside to eat with us?"
Sam scrunches up his nose, deliberating before nodding. "Sure! Can I bring my book along, Chase?" Sam asked, sitting up with his book hugged to his chest.
"Of course, buddy. Here, let me grab your sandwich before Gabe here drops it." He winks at Gabriel, grabbing two plates from him. "Let's go!" Gabriel just smiles at him, shaking his head. Probably thinking he's a dork. Not that he minds. As long as he gets Gabriel to keep smiling like that, he can be the dorkiest person alive.
As they step out into the sunlight, Sam runs ahead, heading for the patch of grass by a large oak tree. The early afternoon air is crisp but the glow of the sun keeps them warm. He lifts his head up towards the sun, closing his eyes and just enjoying the moment. When he turns to his side, he notices Gabriel doing the same, his profile sharp against the sun, exposing his long neck.
Chase stares and knows that he's staring but he couldn't help it. Gabriel looks gorgeous like this. His mop of dark hair is thick and messy on his head, still damp from his shower earlier. He has his eyes closed, dark eyelashes fluttering against his high cheekbone. His soft pink lips curl at the corner, a phantom of a smile on his face. There's a light scruff shadowing those defined jawlines. Gabriel is breathtaking. Chase gulps. He is so screwed.
Gabriel lets out a soft sigh and opens his eyes, turning to look at Chase. They lock eyes for a while before Gabriel smiles and ducks his head. "Is there something on my face?"
"Huh? What! No!" he blurts, feeling his face heating up.
"You were staring."
"Oh. Umm... You just-" Look so beautiful I want to wrap you up in my arms and kiss you silly. God, even his inner monologues are shot to hell. "You just look peaceful. It's a good look on you," he ends up saying, smiling as he realizes that it's true.
Gabriel blushes a light pink shade, eyes widening slightly. "Thank you."
Chase shrugs. "You're welcome I guess? I'm just telling it how I see it."
Smiling softly, Gabriel looks up at the sky again, his blue eyes squinting in the sunlight. "I love nature. It is one of those things that are beautiful just by existing. I love how the sunlight feels on my skin, the smell of fresh air in my lungs, the way the grass tickles when I lay down on it. I love the sea too, especially the rough ones. The deafening roar of the waves; you can almost taste the salt in the air."
"My personal favorite? The rain. I used to watch it from my window. Watched as the world blurred. And when it's over, it leaves everything feeling clean, the grounds, the leaves a darker color. When it storms and you hear the clap of thunder and see the flash of lightning, it makes me realize how small and insignificant I am. Not that it's a bad thing. It gives me a different perspective. It makes me feel humbled. like whatever's been bugging me seems trivial."
Pausing, Gabriel turns away from the sun back at him. "I'm not a fan of the cold though, but I do appreciate the winter and what it brings. Hot chocolates, warms meals, fluffy blankets, family festivities..." Gabriel lets his sentences hang, eyes glazed over as if seeing something only he could see. A memory.
Chase stares for a moment before letting out a small huff. "You're such an old man, Gabe." He says, shaking his head. Gabriel shrugs.
"You said you wanted to know me. This is me."
He smirks. "I like the old man version of you. Sounds cozy. Next time it rains, we're gonna make ourselves a makeshift blanket fort and watch the sky weep. That's a date," he promises, winking as he turns around and joins Sam on the grass under the sun. His heart beats a little faster when Gabriel follows close behind.
Joints still tired and stiff from last night, he eases himself down. Lucky for them, the grass is thick and cushiony but Gabriel winces all the same as he settles, cross legged in front of him. He tactfully avoided asking about it because yeah, what is he supposed to say? Are you okay? Of course he's not okay.
Last night was brutal for Gabriel, not to mention the fiasco this morning. He doesn't want to ruin the relaxed mood they have settled into. Taking a huge bite of his peanut butter sandwich, he lets out a pornstar worthy moan. He hadn't realized he was that hungry. This is the best damn sandwich he has ever eaten!
"God, Gabe..." he moans. "How do you do it? How do you make a peanut butter jelly sandwich taste this good?" He gushes with his mouth full.
"You'll have to excuse my caveman of a brother, Gabe. Chase, shut your mouth when you're chewing." Sam sighs as if the weight of the world is on his shoulder. For a six year old, Sam can sure sass. He's going to be one sarcastic motherfucker when he grows older. Being the mature person that he is, Chase chews some more before opening his mouth wide and sticks his tongue out.
"Ewww, Chase! Gross!" Sam flinches from the sight, nose scrunching up in disgust.
Hah! Serves the little monster right. He grins, mouth wide when he catches Gabriel's face. Blood zings to his face and he almost bites his tongue off in his rush to close his mouth. Gabriel is staring at him with an expression that is half horrified, half scandalized and maybe a little amusement thrown into the mix. Then, he bursts into laughter. Genuine unadulterated laughter, the kind that gets Gabriel's shoulders shaking and his hands coming up to wipe at his eyes.
The low baritone of his laughs stirs something low in Chase's gut but he ignores them to stare unabashedly at Gabriel's face, full with mirth and joy. Gabriel should laugh more. That's definitely a good look on him, his favorite by far. Of course, his brain chooses that moment to supply a full HD play by play video of Gabriel's 'O' face from last night. He tells his brain to shut up.
"Chase..." Gabriel gasps, wiping tears from his eyes "I have pegged you for many things, but childish is certainly not one of them." His laughs have dwindled down to a chuckle. "Though I must say, a half-eaten peanut butter jelly sandwich is not a good look on you," he grins, eyes fond.
"Thank you," Sam pipes up.
"Shut up. Everything looks good on me," he pouts, biting a little harder than necessary into his sandwich.
"Is that so?" Gabriel cocks one eyebrow up, challenging and something like fuck-
Chase almost chokes on his sandwich. Only managing to swallow it down the right channel at the last minute. Is that heat he sees in Gabriel's eyes? A sparkle of mischief hiding underneath the blue surface? Oh Jesus on a tricycle, is Gabriel flirting with him? He's not reading this wrong, is he? The thought that Gabriel may be interested in him that way makes the butterflies in his stomach go frenzy.
He tries to come up with a witty reply but is distracted by a pair of jeans clad legs stepping into his peripheral vision. Before he could say anything else, Lucas plops down to sit cross legged between them, forming a small circle. He blinks, before his expression hardens, spiteful words at the tip of his tongue.
"Cool your jets, Chase. I'm here to apologize." With that, Lucas turns his attention to Gabriel, who is now looking at him with too blue, too trusting eyes.
"Damn right you do," he bites out. Don't get him wrong, he's glad that Lucas is at least going to apologize but the memory of Gabriel writhing in pain is still too fresh and he has half a mind to ask Lucas to take his apology and shove it up his ass. Whatever. He can be mature about this. Gabriel deserves to hear the apology even if it doesn't mean shit. This has nothing to do with the sudden stab he feels at the way Gabriel is looking at Lucas. Nope. Not at all.
"Gabriel, I want to apologize for my behavior this morning. I know I've hurt you and for that, I'm truly sorry."
Good god, 'behavior'? He fucking raped him! How is it possible for Lucas to make an apology sound so impassive? It's safe to say Chase's not a big fan of these kinds of talks, avoid them like the plague mostly. The thought of baring himself at the mercy of someone else, being made vulnerable makes him squirm. But looking at Lucas, he may as well be talking about the weather. He seethes to himself, hoping that Gabriel would make Lucas grovels for a little while before even considering to forgive him. At the very least.
But then Gabriel smiles, a small smile but genuine nonetheless and nods. The bottom of his stomach falls as Lucas lays his hand on top of Gabriel's and squeezes. His stomach churns something ugly as he watches the two of them having eyesex while he sits there, third wheeling.
"You're so good for me, Gabriel."
Gabriel ducks his head, eyes flickering down as if embarrassed. Then, he surreptitiously sneaks a peek up at him from under his mop of hair. When their eyes meet, Gabriel's quick to divert his eyes down again, face pink.
"Before I go, Chase-" Lucas addresses him. "You'll have company tonight. Eight sharp. Be prepared." Flicking a look towards Sam, who is trying hard to pretend that he is reading but is quite obviously not, Lucas continues. "You can use Gabriel's room. He won't be back until ten."
At this Gabriel snaps his head up. Before he has the opportunity to open his mouth, Chase snaps, "C'mon man, give Gabe a break. I don't think he's fit for anything else tonight." Knowing it's futile to try and negotiate with Lucas, he adds, "I'll take his load."
Gabriel turns wide shocked eyes at him. He avoids looking at Gabriel, opting instead to face down Lucas who is looking at him in a calculating manner, tapping his pointer finger against his bottom lip. Lucas doesn't say anything and the longer he stays silent, the more uncomfortable he feels. His hands itch to move, to do something.
"I must say I'm surprised, Chase. Never thought I would see the day when you'd volunteer willingly. Whatever Alastair did, it must be working." At the mention of Alastair's name, Gabriel flinches. Oblivious, Lucas continues. "Although I appreciate your concern for Gabriel's well being, unfortunately it's a specific request only he'll be able to fulfill." That means whoever the client was, they had requested Gabriel specifically. "But even I am not that cruel." Lucas turns to look at Gabriel, adding, "You'll be seeing Chastity."
It doesn't seem like this Chastity is a somehow better alternative because Gabriel's eyes dimmed. It is subtle, but he noticed. Without another word, Lucas stands up. He pats the back of his jeans before throwing an "Enjoy your lunch," over his shoulder and walks back inside. That leaves the three of them alone in an awkward silence which is made even more awkward by Gabriel, who is staring intently at him, eyes unblinking. Planning on ignoring him, he grabs his sandwich and resumes eating. But it looks like Gabriel can be pretty stubborn when he wants to.
"What?" he snaps, unable to ignore the burning heat of Gabriel's gaze anymore.
"Chase, why-"
"Gabe, you're hurt okay?" he argues. "Don't bother denying it." He holds a hand up to curb any of Gabriel's protests.
"But that doesn't mean that you should offer yourself up! That is stupid and reckless and you know it. You don't even know who you're offering yourself up to! What if-"
"It doesn't matter," he says, looking away. It hurts. He doesn't know why it hurts, but it does. It hurts that Gabriel keeps rejecting him. Tears start to prick at his eyes and he swallows to stop them from overflowing.
"Chase..." Suddenly Gabriel is right in front of him, blue eyes pleading. "Why don't you get that I don't want to see you get hurt too?" he says, softly. Gabriel is close. Too close. So close that they're sharing breaths. He could feel the warm puff of Gabriel's exhales on his skin. They stare at each other, gaze intense with too many feelings when a lawnmower roars in the distance, jolting them both. Gabriel blinks, pulling back. "I appreciate your concern, Chase but please... don't put yourself at risk for my sake. I don't deserve that."
Now, that just pissed him off. "Then what the hell do you deserve, Gabe? Some asshole who treats you like crap? Tell me. Explain it to me. Because hell if I understand. Nobody deserves this." Gabriel sighs. His eyes flick over to Sam who is watching the both of them, eyes wide with worry. "Ah, crap." Chase rubs a hand over his face.
"Chase, are you in trouble?" Sam asks in a small voice.
"No, buddy. I just have to work tonight. So does Gabe. We're just arguing about our workload. Don't worry, Sammie."
Sam regards Chase for a moment, eyes searching his face before he nods. "Please don't fight. I don't like it when you get upset, Chase." Sam hugs his book to his chest, looking small. He feels like a total asshole for putting that look on Sam's face. Heart sinking at the weight of his insensitivity, he reaches over and pulls Sam into his arms, hugging him tight.
"I'm sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to get upset," he apologizes.
Sam hugs him back, wrapping his tiny arms around him. "It's okay, Chase. I forgive you." They stay like that for a while, drawing comfort from each other. Then Sam pulls back and asks, "Can I go see if Amelia wants to play?"
He huffs out a laugh. Trust Sam to just move on like nothing happened. Like he wasn't upset just minutes ago. "Of course, buddy. But don't go harassing her if she doesn't want to play with your nerdy ass, okay?" he says, ruffling his hands in Sam's hair again.
Sam pulls back, pouting. "You're a jerk. But I still love you." Sam swoops in to plant a wet kiss on his cheek before turning tails and running back towards the house. He watches as Sam disappears into the house, a goofy smile on his face as he rubs at the wet spot on his cheek.
"You two are close."
He turns his attention back to Gabriel, shrugging. "Yeah, I guess we are. He's my brother."
Gabriel nods, looking down. "Not all brothers are like you." It sounds like a confession and Chase would like to prod further but then Gabriel lifts his head. He has a sad and somber expression on his face. The light blue sky reflects in his eyes, making them appear more blue than ever. They look pained and heavy, weighed down by some unseen emotion. A pink tongue peeks out, wetting his slightly chapped lips before he takes a deep breath as if settling his nerves.
"You know, this place doesn't always used to be a whorehouse. When I first arrived here, it's just a regular group home. The first person I met was Lucas. I remembered feeling scared. Lost. In a blink of an eye, I lost both my father and my older brother. I've never felt more alone. Despite what you may think, Lucas was kind. He took me under his wings. He was caring, attentive and he made me feel safe. Like everything is going to be okay. That he will take care of me. That he will always be there. His presence comforts me." Gabriel turns his gaze down at his hands in his lap. "Maybe I was naive or gullible but Lucas can be really charming when he wants to. It didn't take long for us to end up in bed together. It was like how I always dreamt my first time to be. He was a generous partner. He took the time to prepare me, pleasure me, making sure I enjoyed every moment. He was so sweet, so tender. And for the first time, I felt loved." Gabriel swallows.
"My father was a businessman. He traveled a lot. All his time and energy, he poured into work. Work was his life. He was by no means a bad father, he cared for me but- he didn't believe in affection. As for my older brother, he was the same. Raphael believed in structure and rules and behaved accordingly. He studied hard, got good grades and was involved with so many extra curricular activities that I hardly got to see him at all. I'm alone at home most of the time. My social skills are "rusty". I don't have friends. I'm the school's punching bag. I never felt like I belonged. You don't know what that feels like. The loneliness could eat you alive. Lucas made me feel like I mattered. Special. And I didn't want the feeling to end..." Gabriel's voice cracks, "So when he asked if I'm open for a threesome, I didn't even hesitate. He brought Azazel the next day. Lucas participated the first time but then he started to remove himself. A week later, he wasn't even in the room anymore."
Gabriel turns tear-filled eyes on Chase, "Don't you see? I started this. I'm Lucas's first. For the first two months, I was Azazel's whore. A chip Lucas used to grease the wheels. Azazel doesn't just like to fuck me, Chase. He likes to watch too. And I went along with it because that's what Lucas wanted. I didn't stop to think what that would mean and then Crowley and Alastair came into the picture and by that time, it was too late. I can't stop it. Because of me, you're all forced into the lifestyle. What happened to Anna, Tessa, and you, it's horrible and it's all my fault. So yes, I deserved this. And I will take every blow, every fuck if it means I could spare everyone else from more suffering. You don't deserve this. I do." Gabriel stares at him, blue eyes wide and earnest. "This is my penance."
Stunned, absorbing what Gabriel had said, he tries to come up with a response. He opens and closes his mouth, but nothing comes out. He stares at the person in front of him, takes in the pain in his eyes, the slump in the shoulders. They all point to someone with a low self esteem. Gabriel truly believed what he's saying to be the truth. And that's what hurt the most. Chase wants to say something. Anything to take away the hurt radiating out from Gabriel in waves. But he doesn't know what to say. He sucks at this. He's not good at the whole hurt and comfort thing. Whatever his face is conveying, it must not have been good because then Gabriel is hanging his head. A tear rolls off his cheek, catching the sunlight as it falls onto his jeans.
"And now you don't want to be my friend anymore. It's okay, Chase. I wouldn't blame you. I understand. If it makes a difference at all, I'm really sorry." And with that, Gabriel stands and moves to walk away. Shocked, Chase reaches out and grabs Gabriel by his wrist. Gabriel doesn't look back, instead he tugs at his grip. "Chase, please. I can't," Gabriel says, his voice breaking. Pulling out of Chase's grasp, he half-walks half-runs back into the house.
He stares at Gabriel's retreating back, chest hollow and head spinning. How did the day end like this? Not just a while ago, they were enjoying their lunch together, laughing and smiling. Then, it had all gone to shit. Feeling like Gabriel had taken a piece of him with him, Chase aches. Why does Gabriel think that this is his fault? It is obvious to him that Gabriel had been manipulated and used by Lucas. Gabriel is the victim here. How does he not see that? And why the hell didn't he say something? Gabriel had accused him of not wanting to be his friend anymore. Where the hell did that come from? Why for fuck sake did Chase let him leave believing that? And all those crap about this being his penance, fuck no!
There are too many thoughts running through his mind right now. It's a jungle of emotion in there. Crisscrossing one another, confusing and muddled. But there's one thing he's sure of. Gabriel is wrong.
