HiddenMaster
patreon
Aiko is a Dis-asster 03:
🕑 Added 2025-07-21 19:15:34 +0000 UTCAiko is a Dis-asster 03:
Tamamo was pretty sure that Ass-guard, or whatever this place was supposed to be called, wasn’t supposed to be a literal name. Unfortunately, it seemed that this might have been ground zero for Aiko’s fluffy ass cheeks to impact the world, and thus there was quite a bit of chaos and confusion going on.
One of the many things that she saw was the fact that there were the piles of giant blue mutant corpses singing the words “I’m Blue” over and over despite being clearly dead, all stuffed in a corner by a bunch of buildings. They looked straight out of a Dead Space artist’s fever dream with twisted limbs and decayed bodies, but they all had mouths that just kept singing. The Valkyries and the Einherjar seemed to be panicked, trying to chop up and burn the things, but they just kept singing, even though they were dismembered and had no physical way to sing such words.
“Make it stop!” one of the citizens screamed, holding their ears as their eyes bled from the horror. Something Tamamo could definitely understand.
She simply pulled on her magic a little to add the holy aspect to the flames nearby, allowing the song to slowly peter out as the damned souls in the corpses were burnt away by her magic. Still, she would have to keep an eye out for any other “Jokes” Aiko had left behind. These things were horrid, and not something she would wish upon anyone, living or not.
Artoria’s expression was carefully neutral as she came to a stop behind Gorm. She looked to the pile of disintegrating, singing corpses that were only getting more deranged as they faded, and back to Tamamo. “I was not prepared for today,” she finally said.
“To be fair, neither was I,” Tamamo grimaced. “And just think: it’s been days.”
She shivered. Listening to blue deranged mental patient zombies singing Eiffel 65 for days while they just kept coming must have been terrifying. Especially when it was very likely no one here could actually understand what was being sung.
Artoria visibly shuddered and clenched her fists. “I am becoming increasingly enraged at your goddess, Tamamo.”
“Well consider this,” Tamamo grinned. “If we’re smart about it, we can get strong enough that when she gives us our boon, we can use it to thoroughly spank her ass for being a lazy bitch, and there is nothing she will be able to do about it.”
Gorm grunted from ahead, his earlier good humor gone. He’d shifted from a regular squirrel sized...squirrel, to about the size of a medium dog since coming to the city. He looked back at them. “I’d be careful if I were you about that. Don’t know your deal in full, but people here are shitting their breeches and some are looking for someone to blame. You just said aloud something that connects you to a problem. Odin’s been keeping shit under control, but you should be careful. People are jumpy.”
“I can’t control what Artoria says,” Tamamo pointed out with a grunt. “I can only run damage control when she starts yapping.”
“Just saying. I doubt you’re responsible for what’s happened, but jumpy people do stupid shit and that applies to gods just as much as mortals.” He looked aside at what was clearly a collapsed building where people were still being pulled out by Valkyries. He shook his head and continued. The soldiers, minor gods, spirits, and other members of the Aesir flooding the streets barely took note of their progression.
“How long has this been going on?” Artoria asked, following him.
“About three days now, when everyone’s asshole got ripped a new one. Absolute chaos like the worst bender followed by the king of all feckin hangovers, and that’s when the screaming blue idiots attacked. But they are even more fucked than usual. No idea what prompted them, but some were screaming about us so they probably thought we’re to blame. Well, the ones who weren’t singin.”
Artoria grimaced but didn’t say anything else.
Tamamo sighed, walking along at a good pace to keep up with the others. She had been reincarnated multiple times as various kitsune, so she was pretty used to having subtle changes to even drastic changes in height and center of gravity, but she was almost wondering how Artoria was taking it at the moment.
She observed the girl for a bit, taking note of how Artoria now seemed closed off. They’d only known each other for a few days, but Artoria was usually relatively polite and open. Now, a tension had settled over her shoulders and in her movements as she took in the destruction and death on their path. Her jaw was locked, and eyes near piercing as she took everything in. Notably, at times, her gaze settled on particular bits of ruined buildings, statues, bodies, or survivors like the little Aesir girl wailing by a house with a limp arm and bandages over her right eye, her green eyes took on a luminescent glow as power began building up only to be firmly taken control of shortly thereafter.
The kitsune got an idea in her mind, a smirk starting to grow as she came up with an idea to distract Artoria from the ongoing surroundings. She split off a bit of fur from her tails, using a mixture of shapeshifting and magic to make a tiny baby fox that she placed on Artoria’s shoulder.
It was still under her control and thus was still a part of her. So, when it yipped in the blonde king’s ear and began to lick and cuddle into her, that was all her doing. Though she would pretend otherwise for as long as she could, just for the fun of it.
Artoria jumped when the fox yipped in her ear. She took in the tail wagging miniature fox that instantly cuddled and licked at her face and looked back at Tamamo with an utterly deadpan expression that screamed, “I know what you are doing”. Nonetheless, she did end up holding the small fox close to her chest as they walked, petting its luxurious fur.
Soon enough, they managed to get to a stop near the main stairway into the halls of Valhalla. Near them, was a one-eyed man with long white hair holding a spear of some sort, and a dark-haired man with a single blond bang, and twelve wings as black as midnight.
"So Allfather, let me tell you, I think I may have rediscovered my faith. Don't get me wrong, good ol' dad was a hell of a guy, but in that moment when reality blinked and smelled orange, I saw it," Azazel said. "Ass. Ass as far as the eye can see, engulfing the sky, eclipsing the sun and moon, descending upon not one, not two, but three worlds.” He flared his arms dramatically.
“Now I never got that whole 'giantess' fetish. I always thought, 'Buddy, you're throwing a hot dog down a hallway at best there, it just ain't gonna work'. But now? That ass was mathematically perfect. I thought I was losing it when I came to in my lab, and I even dug up an old artifact I'd picked up that recorded memories in perfect detail. I had to analyze this ass, and it was perfect.” He trailed off, staring up at the sky as if said ass would manifest before his eyes.
After a long, overly dramatic pause, he continued. “I ran the calculations seven times myself, then sent them off for independent verification and... I feel it. My godly friend, I felt faith again, and it is for the most perfect ass to have ever existed. Yeah, there's goddesses of beauty aplenty and I can admire them, appreciate them like a fine wine except it's divine cheeks, but nothing is ever going to match the eclipse I bore witness to."
The fallen angel that could only be DxD’s Azazel continued, seemingly not noticing them. Odin was listening intently, but with an expression that translated to ‘Fascinating but why in the world is this man telling me about his cosmic ass fetish in the middle of a diplomatic meeting?’ Unlike Azazel, however, he had clearly noticed their approach as his eye tracked their approach even as he tilted his head, listening to the angel’s ramblings.
Tamamo smirked. That was incredibly based of him, and she was happy to see that the divine ass of her goddess at least did one thing she could make use of. Especially because she knew full well her own ass was literally the same as hers… Just a lot smaller.
“I see that the Pidgeon likes ass math huh,” she grinned. “I hate to interrupt, but we kinda have an emergency.”
“T—Tamamo!” Artoria squawked, hands raised as if to claw back the words from Tamamo’s throat.
Odin tilted his head as they approached. “Guests of Gorm, welcome to Asgard. I would offer grander accommodations, but times are currently... stressful. But you would already be aware of that, I trust?” he said, studying them intently as his gaze analyzed seemingly every part of their form from Tamamo’s nine swaying tails to the grooves of Artoria’s armor. A crow landed on his shoulder and eyed them with a flash of blue flame in its eye for a moment.
Azazel finally trailed off rambling about his new faith in ass at their approach and Odin’s not so subtle change of subject. For a split second there was something else in his eyes as he took in their appearance before he adopted a suave smile. “Ladies, it is an absolute delight to make your acquaintance.” His wings spread out as he gave a smooth bow. “Now, may I know the names of such a lovely lady and her vixen?”
Gorm spoke up gruffly. “Busty fox is Tamamo, knight lady is Artoria, and Odin? They got serious shit to talk about above my paygrade,” he said. “Plus, feeling my dad calling for help in the upper branches. Chat later.” Without a further word, he turned, stepped up on something they couldn’t see, and was gone without a trace.
There was a pause as everyone acknowledged his sudden disappearance before three of them continued without further ado. Artoria stared a moment longer as everyone just collectively agreed to ignore what just happened. She raised her hand as if to question the dog sized squirrel seemingly stepping out of reality but lowered her hand a moment when it became clear no one else was going to question Gorm’s exit.
“That aside, my companion is not wrong. We do have a request that is a significant emergency in the making, but it might be better to discuss it in a more comfortable setting. The explanation may be lengthy, and—”
“You are Artoria Pendragon, a composite spirit turned goddess created by Rhongomyniad. I would question how that spear left its holding place, but things are clearly not as I was last aware. Show me.”
“I have many questions!” Tamamo interjected, her tails puffing up, sticking straight into the air with her fur standing on end. “I mean, I can wait to hear the answers, because this is more important, but how the fuck?”
“...I second that,” Azazel commented noncommittally.
“The cogs that keep the world steady were broken by the thing he saw,” Odin said, pointing to the angel who had a ‘who, me?’ expression. “My beautiful Asgard should have been long destroyed, and yet here we are while the void echoes with the screams of my own people, of my own self. The world is fundamentally wrong, and I have known since my awakening. Yet it heralds opportunity, and one I shall not waste. I have burned much of what goodwill I had left in delving into what is left of Akasha, and I have learned much, yet not nearly enough. Now, that should explain enough. Stop delaying and show me the spear.”
Artoria was stunned as she seemingly processed Odin’s words before hesitantly nodding. “Very well. I can only manifest it for a short time before it starts damaging my body.” She took a breath to steady herself and then held her hand out.
The spear once more came into being, the glorious silvery blue metal tarnished by the crack running down its length.
“The FUCK is that!?” Azazel jumped, eyes no longer fixed on them but on the ruined spear.
“Is the crack getting bigger!?” Tamamo screeched, looking on in horror as she made her way over to Artoria’s side.
Artoria tried to respond but instead launched into a coughing fit and splattered blood over herself and the ground. She fell to her knees, but kept the spear manifested.
Odin’s eye flashed. Runes came into existence and surrounded Artoria with blue light.
“Wawawaa!” Tamamo flailed, not entirely sure what to do.
The runes swirled, then coalesced into a circle focused on the spear. They seeped into the spear before fading. Artoria’s wracking cough faded before she shakily stood back up. She stared at the spear, the crack not gone in any meaningful way, but now bound in thin gray chains she could see the barest hint of runes on it.
“It won’t last. Think of it as a short-term patch that is currently eroding as we speak,” he said, tiredly.
“What did you even do?” Artoria demanded, scrutinizing her spear.
“In a technical sense, I have used my divine authority to create a barrier that has effectively halted time on the spear. It won’t last, and as this is just the manifestation of the Tower, not the Tower itself, it’s only partially effective. I have bought you time and nothing more.”
The crow on Odin’s shoulder squawked. “I know. I know. I will heal with time.” He stroked the crow’s feathers before turning back to them. “You have convinced me of your emergency. If it is not halted, the damage will only get worse and endanger the world. You will have the full might of Asgard’s resources to repair your spear.”
“I have so many questions!” Azazel interjected, still looking at the spear.
“You will have answers, in time,” Odin said. “But I am nearly out of energy and will soon collapse. Muninn will guide you to the best craftsdwarf in Niðavellir and explain your circumstances to begin repairing Rhongomyniad.”
With that said, Odin proceeded to fall over unconscious onto the marble ground with a thud.
“Should we take him with us, or?” Tamamo asked, tilting her head at the unconscious deity.
“Tamamo! No, we should find someone to help him rest, and—”
“That will not be required,” a deep, baritone voice spoke. It was the crow. It tilted its head, eyeing them from its new perch on Odin’s chest. “I will handle things from here”. He flapped his wings, and feathers enveloped them before they were suddenly elsewhere.
~~~~
AN:
Hidden: I’m sorry to say, but DxD Norse pantheon didn’t make the chopping block. Aiko was too lazy to shove their parts back together and just grabbed the Fate Norse. Before anyone asks, yes, this was the reality altering equivalent of shoving the square cube in the circle hole until it breaks.
But it’s okay, DxD Odin definitely died with a smile on his face. Azazel wasn’t joking about Aiko’s ass. It was the last thing he saw, after all.
Kitsu: And Tamamo is basically the same ass wise as Aiko. She just doesn’t have the cosmic sizing or as big of tits.
Also, as you can see here, Tamamo is dtf a lot more than she tries to make herself out to be. Probably because she’s been reincarnated far too many times as a shapeshifting magical foxxo.
Even if Artoria is blind and deaf, Tamamo is eventually going to drag her into a closet somewhere and kiss her silly. Or at least try to.
Either way, Tamamo is a silly floof, and has no idea what she’s getting into here. Shit is way wilder than anything she’s dealt with so far, and she’s used to being the big fox in a little pen. And suddenly there’s goddamn Cerberus stalking in the shadows.
Worrying metaphors aside, plz do feed the foxxo. Foxxo has many things they want to buy, and not enough money to do it with this month.
Including more editing pages for a few things! And a pic detailing the scene that started this fic from Sundayshu. That would be very nice.
Me website is https://aikoakiyoshi.carrd.co/ so plz do come say hi!
HiddenMaster: I'd also appreciate the support support. Finally stepping into the world of actually posting my works rather than hoarding them like some dragon, so any support, comments, etc., is appreciated.
Hidden's patreon and KoFi is here:
Thanks for reading and Stay Fluffy! :fox:
