Where I’ve Been/An Apology

Man, it is interesting that, as I've followed your work (and I've been a reader since around 2005), I have always suspected you struggled with some sort of depression. Your work schedule reminded me of my own (later I got a job and to have other people controlling my work helps me with that). Anyway, stay strong and, if I can recommend something from my own experience battling depression, is the following tripod: medicine (most of the time, the collateral effects are better than the disease), psychotherapy and extenuating physical exercise (yes, I am pretty sure you are not that kind of person. Neither am I, but I can assure you it helps a lot in regulating the mood and in dampening the lows). There is also a book, The Noonday Demon, that gave me some solace also (I can't point out exactly why, maybe because it is good to know you are not alone). In any case, stay strong and remember that your work is awesome!

onitake

I do hope that opening a bit on us, your readers, has helped you a little in overcoming your hardships. You are incredibly talented, and perfectionism can be a gift, not just a shackle. It may be difficult to see things in a positive light when you are tied down by your own mind, but you should never forget that even the worst things can have a bright side.

Payton Swick

You are awesome, Aaron. Both as an artist/storyteller and as a human being. Do what you need to do and keep being kind to yourself!

Kristian

Man, I related to that a lot more than I expected to... but yeah

Info_Overload

There's no need to apologise. Take whatever time you need, your health has to come first. :-)

It sucks that you don't have health insurance. It also sucks that the insidious nature of depressive diseases means that you blame yourself and not the disease itself for reduced productivity. This is like assuming that the flu is a personal failing. Oh geez, if only I were a better person, I could overcome these aches, pains and nausea to become a useful member of society. Uh, no. Not how it works. Being ill is not a moral failing, it's just a disease. Just a long-winded way to say, you don't have anything to apologize for!

Jeff Constable

I hear you and I feel you - you're not alone. Thinking of you buddy <3

Klaus

I fear I can relate to the symptoms you describe; They seem pretty similar to what I am experiencing ever since starting my Diploma- (and then PhD-)thesis, i.e. ever since the recurring positive feedback of getting good grades fell away. How did you find out, that it exceeds a healthy degree of self-doubt? For myself, I was asking my doctor about it when I was especially deep down for months, but didn't feel like it was going anywhere helpful. Never got anything better than well-meant (but hard to follow-through) "see the challegenge, not the problem" recommedations. Hope you found (or will find) methods to handle the situation.

Hugh Eckert

I understand in a way... my spouse has depression and related illnesses... I'm just happy to hear from you again. Please do take care of yourself.

King Of Lions

Dude, keep yourself happy and healthy! We'll be here when you're ready.

Aaron, no apology necessary! Take your time, we will still be here. You are creative and brilliant, and Dresden Kodak is unlike anything else. On behalf of all your fans, please give yourself permission to work less, and enjoy more. I find small indulgences of time in something physical, fun, and requiring focus (kendama, long boarding, contact juggling) are a great way to blow off steam when total focus on work starts exceeds my ability to handle it. Whatever your particular reward/distraction is, it has to be something you love. Best Wishes, ~Zach

Amalija Vitezovic

Thank you for sharing this. We got your back, dude <3 Take care of yourself <3

Matt Dunlap

To Aaron, Mat, Jeremy and whoever else stumbles across this and knows what it is to be depressed, I'm right there with you. One thing I've found that helps a bit is a podcast called the Hilarious World of Depression. It's a pretty standard interview format, except that both the interviewer and the guests are funny/creative people who battle with depression to varying degrees. It's always good to be reminded that you're not alone, and it's also interesting to hear the broad variety of ways it effects people... a glimpse into the menu from which your particular depression has chosen its gluttony. The only downside? It doesn't update as often as you might prefer, and you know? That's life. I'd rather have a world of healthier creatives than a miserable world of creations.

I've been there. Have you considered you need more planning for the stories? Just wondering.

jeff fearnow

Right there with you. I'm glad you're still with us.

Hi, Aaron. I hear you <3 Thanks for sharing this with us as an audience, and I hope that you're able to soon find/hone the management practices for your health, for your sake.

Christie Leigh

No worries. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Thank you for keeping us in the loop. We've stuck around so long :) many of us are not going anywhere. Thank you for the new page!

Randall Blank

No apologies necessary. I can't find a tier that lists "Aaron's mental health" as a reward, so I'll just go up a level and hope it brings some more sunshine into your life. Any other reward is just a bonus.

I've lived with chronic depression my whole life too, Aaron. I understand. You're not alone. Your work is beautiful, and I'll wait as long as it takes to see each new page, but I hope you get some respite soon.

Jeremy

As a starving student recently discovering my own chronic depression, after years of tricking myself into believing depression couldn't be a factor in my personal inability to meet goals, this post reaches me deeply. From my experience burning out multiple times as a software engineer, I know stress over time with no breaks just leads to higher stress... and it's not fair to judge yourself by the resulting drop in performance. Take days off, get lost in nature, or read a few books, we won't begrudge you delays in schedule for your health. It's not a treatment for depression, but being burned out and depressed together is worse than the sum of its parts.

Brad Parks

I appreciate everything you've shared here and I enjoy (and frankly am awed by) what you do. I've increased my pledge. I wish I could give enough to ensure you get a living wage for your much-needed creative contribution! As a creative person myself, I wish we lived in a world where what we do was enough to bring in the appreciation it deserves. Hang in there! Lots of people appreciate and support what you do.

Scott

Courageous. Thank you for sharing your personal story. I think about you and your art often. I hope you continue to find courage to continue on in any way you want to. Please reach out if there is a way this community can do more to help.

Phil Nadeau

Well, I'm still here.

Hey man, thanks for the heads up. I'm sticking with you so take care of yourself.

MaryAnne Glazar

The quality of your work is so good that I don't really care how long it takes. Be gentle with yourself; remember you're not alone. There are lots of us out here dealing with the same hard stuff. And thanks for letting us know. It's upsetting when somebody just drops out of sight.

Lilith M.

Thank you for sharing, Aaron. I don't know how much weight you give the words of strangers, nor do I want to assume precisely how you feel, but it's good to hear from you. I also suffer from chronic depression. I'm also a writer, so I understand the challenges as a creative person. I think I have similar obsessions about perfection. I'd have a book out by now if I were half as productive as I feel I should be, even though I often work myself into burning out. Props for keeping going. Even if it falls short of your personal standards, you're supporting yourself through your art. I dream of getting there one day. I've followed Dresden Codak for years now. I'd like you to know, I'm never disappointed or frustrated by the update gap--I'm only happy and excited when a page comes in. Never worry about taking the time you need for yourself. You're worth it. I'm not looking for any extra attention from you, but sometimes it helps me to hear this sort of thing. Maybe it helps you. If not, I'll simply wish you the best. And thank you for making one of my favorite stories right now, of any medium. Cheers and love , mate.

Cullen McHael

Thank you for the courage it took to share your story. Please know that my support through patreon is not contingent on any particular vollume of output. I'm here because the work you share inspires me, at whatever rate you produce it.

Benjamin J Pulley

Thanks for being so honest with us, an audience of Internet strangers. I, for one, I'm glad that you're doing okay. Take some time for self-care, and feel free to take a break once or twice a week, let's dub this small break a "weekend". As for your work, you should be immensely proud of it. It's one of the most artistically diverse and mythologically deep web comics I think has ever been made and probably will ever be made. With much love, Ben

Sad high-five of commiseration from a fellow chronic depression-ite. I actually just re-read Dark Science last night and was reminded how much I love it. Here's hoping things get better for you.

Jon Hueing

Aaron, I'm glad that you are working to address your depression. It is not something easy to deal with, or even admit for many people. Mental health is something that our modern era struggles to handle properly and I hope that this can be a step for you moving forward as well as an eye opener for others who might struggle in the dark. You continue have my utmost respect and support.

Roo

I LOVE your work. I realise it is a creative process, and those are not a "apply x hours of work and get y pages out". As long as you are enjoying writing and drawing, I will be happy to be patient for the gorgeous, complex, quirky brilliance that is Dresden Codak, and provide what support I can.

Ter

Hey Aaron, I wish you all the best in dealing with this. It is a pleasure to have the opportunity to support your work.

braingaius

I was starting to wonder. But glad that you're mostly ok. Keep on working bud, we're pulling for ya.

Alex W

For whatever it's worth, this is something I struggle with as well, in both creative output and the rest of my personal life. It is hard as heck to deal with, and I don't know if I could handle being a full-time artist and manage it all. I totally understand and just want send my support (the non-financial sort as well!).

Mel Orr

As someone who has also struggled with depression his whole life, I have an inkling of what you're going through (I'm also in the creative art world, as a photographer). Thank you for having the courage to share what you're going through with the rest of us and especially thank you for all of the hard work you've put into Dresden Codak over the years. I look forward to reading and enjoying your work for years to come!