xnirox
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A personal update
🕑 Added 2024-12-06 12:03:43 +0000 UTCHey everyone!
Thought I'd come out with some personal stuff. Not venting necessarily, just putting some words out there about how the last couple of years have been.
I tend not to put too much about myself online, but my life has changed a lot lately and I wanted to share some of it. First of all, I went through a breakup in 2023 which honestly should've happened years ago. After said breakup my biggest challenge was figuring out who I am as a person. The relationship had shaped me in a way I didn't realize at the time and I was then faced with, well, just myself. Who am I outside of the relationship. How many of my interests and opinions were mine, what part of the personality traits I had during the past decade were actually me. To this day, I don't know. I suppose I've gone through a self-discovery journey, one which I'm still pretty much in the middle of.
Some stuff have gotten worse, but most things have gotten better, way better. I'm not good with staying in contact with people, having moreless isolated myself from outside casual communication for a long time, but I'm working on it. I'm getting out there, I'm making new friends and doing things I thought I never would.
Over the past one and a half years I've been more social than I've ever been in my life. I went to my first furry cons, visited Night overseas, got in contact with a dog breeder I'm planning on adopting from next year and I got a new local friend circle in the furry community who I see regularly. These are things I thought would never happen.
On the flip side, I don't really know myself as a person anymore. I can't commit to a personality, preferred gender identity, romantic preference, way of expressing myself with style and aesthetic, stuff like that. Things are just all over the place. I'm currently recovering from an eating disorder which sorta happened as a result of.. Well I don't know, confusion? Coping? Socializing is also very hard unless I drink, I get anxious around people and feel like I'm not interesting unless I do. I have my art though, which is kinda keeping me together. It's like my one defining trait, something that's stable and consistent. I love my job. That's something I can thank my audience here for. Thank you all for helping me stay financially safe while working with my hobby.
To conclude all this, I feel overall happy. Happier than I've ever been despite failing to understand myself fully. For now at least!
Tl;dr: Breakup, who am I, copium, but I feel aight.
Thank you for those who read my wall of "tmi" text. If you've gone through something similar, feel free to leave it in the comments!
Comments
Kaylos Stonecutter
sometimes rebuilding or discovering oneself again takes time, and it is possible elements will change while you're at it. So don't rush it, don't overfret it (not fretting at all is rare, so it's okay to be annoyed with it, but that is natural, I promise), and don't let people shortcut you into a label because you fit it just one time (a lot of people are prone to overrelying on shortcutting cause it's nice to have 'answers'). Whether through time or experience, you'll find answer by answer, or at least, mood by mood, and work it out. Part of why I say take your time is once you solve one mystery, another one or problem usually replaces it. XD So you may find some satisfaction in answers only for it to be replaced with something else that distracts from it. Life Journey and all that. Good luck in the discovery, and may your finds so far help you on your journey.
Rylae
I want to add some without sounding like an idiot or just my "usual self" But I get you. I get becoming more isolated to more casual talk than anything. It's a tough spiral to get out of. I am still in my own pit of isolation of my own accord built out of having severe trust issues with just getting out and making new friends. I wish I could offer some sound advice if I wasn't in my own way digging myself out of my own creation, but I could just say never lose hope. There is always a dawn after the darkness, and you will see that.
