CyberSpeakeasy
patreon
Next Kawakami and important announcement (ranty)
🕑 Added 2022-07-15 16:57:35 +0000 UTCStill trying to figure out what I want to actually do for the next kawakami exclusive, but if you've got any ideas I'd love to know
TLDR importantly I think this is going to be my last month an artist. I've already mentioned how drawing nsfw doesn't do anything for me, but that being said I'm really struggling with all aspects of art and indeed life.
I draw because there's nothing better to do and now I've come to hate it because I'm barely decent with even this one thing I do. And don't even get me started on the community. These people who think they're entitled to everything you create and that they deserve more and more from you
It all stems from the idea that because I draw degenerate things that I deserve to be treated as such. I created this gallery, this museum for people to enjoy and over and over it's just a joke it's just a meme that I hate reposters so much. Ah there's that artist who complains about depression and reposters so much aah. It's because reposters (among just being thieves with no moral compass) remind me that I'm just another nameless artist in the vast, unbelievably vast pool of artists out there. I can change my name a million times and draw the exact same way and people will think I'm 8 million new artists
Of the 30 000 followers I used to have on my first account about 4k followed me when I linked it. And how many of those people followed because they thought I was going to draw feet. And how many followed because I draw nsfw. Those things were fun to draw. But then I'm just reminded that's all that people care about. I got most of my followers because a big artist, who never again interacted with me, retweeted my first post on the new account. People follow you because they expect the same thing over and over from you. True fans will enjoy everything that you make regardless, and that's what we have here and that's what I recognise in my regulars, who like even the random OC sketches.
The worst part, the absolute worst part, is that I'm certain that people think I act depressed or that I hate my own art for attention. I'll admit, the only reason I even post my art is that I want some sort of validation, like a child asking their mum to pin art on the fridge. And with that I'll admit that the nice things people have said to me after a breakdown on twitter have stopped me from hanging myself just then and there. I am a lot of things, but I am not a liar.
I thank you for your support going forward, and for being human. For acknowledging that I'm not a robot. That I'm not just here to print art and that I'm struggling, really struggling. Maybe I'll come back after a very long time indeed.
I'll be unpublishing this patreon page after payday, on the 1st of august and I'll be making every single art file of mine available to you guys as a thank you.
