BarCalak
patreon
Chapter 31.5: Jumping the Gun, Not the Shark
🕑 Added 2024-05-12 22:03:55 +0000 UTCChapter 31.5: Jumping the Gun, Not the Shark
Bas’s Caravan, Leavesden. October 2007.
“Storming out like that, even choreographed, is unbecoming, Mr Rhys.”
“C’mon Cad, calling it storming out is a little harsh. It was a light drizzle at worst.” My steps up the door to my caravan were kept lighter than usual in case I was accused of thundering up them. I reached down, took hold of her outstretched hand, and helped her up the final rung. “Had to make production sweat somehow, or this whole thing wouldn’t hold water.”
“If you say so. Shall I brew some tea for our impending guest?”
“Probably best make it Jo’s choice. A little comfort after putting her in that position will help her wind down.” Windows and blinds were my responsibility to close.
Smash! Boom, boom, boom! Typhoon season had officially arrived. “Dont you dare ever put me through that again! I’m an author, not an actor.” Well, that was a lot more aggressive than I was expecting. At least she kept her voice down.
JK Rowling’s accusatory finger and the teapot’s spout both were pointed in my direction. The sound of her huffing breath was joined by the burbling tea being poured into the cup. Two sugars, a dash of milk, and I prepared her cup the way she usually had it. “Darjeeling, darling?”
“Don’t you darling me! That privilege is suspended.”
“Temporarily, though, right?” With surgical precision, I hooped the cup handle around her shaking index finger, forcing her to holster it. “So, did they buy it?”
The British reflexes kicked in. She couldn’t resist taking a sip. “Dont act dumb-”
“I’m not acting-”
“It’s beneath you. Our little charade sold nearly as much as my novel. Some of those poor children were on the cusp of tears. Yates was in pieces when you jogged off. He had a phone on his ear as soon as he picked his jaw off the floor.” I thought the dust I’d kicked up wouldn’t leave anything taller than a molehill, but evidently we made a mountain out of it.
“Good. They’ll likely steer clear for a bit, so we can talk. No doubt they assume you’re waterboarding me right about now. Keep a lookout Cadbury, if anybody comes knocking,” I turned to Jo, “you’ve my permission to chuck that tea in my face.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
The masks were off. Espionage aficionados may recognize this scene from every mission impossible movie. The score was practically audible, pum, pum, pana! “I’m both surprised and grateful that everyone fell for it. I thought for sure someone would’ve pointed out I didn’t include your deplorable behaviour in my tirade at all. So, tell me, how was your first foray as a thespian?”
“Exhausting. I’ll be glad to be back home soon where I can maintain my manufactured ire through stern emails. Neil had the right of it, citing the workload as his excuse to stay away. We can’t all be the master of deception you are, Bas.”
“Trust me-”
“If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be doing this-”
“It’s better than breaking bones.” Although, I’d have to change my tune if this ever got out. Good thing I had some powerful accomplices in my corner. “We need to update David Heyman.”
“Mhm. And maybe he can finally give us the full story.” His ringtone started playing as soon as I plonked my phone on the table. “MI5? You’re too infatuated with your imagination, dear boy.”
“Merely playing my role.”
Click. “Are you alone?”
“You’re in the clear, M. Just me and JK Bond on the line.”
“Bas, please. Take this seriously.” That's the spirit, Heyman!
“As far as I can tell, I’m the only one being covert. Don’t drop my name so casually; they could be listening.”
“WB are guilty of a lot - hence our current predicament - but they aren’t wire tapping. Just speak normally. We have a lot to get through and we haven’t much time to do so.” Spoilsport. “How’d it go today?”
“What few hairs Yates had left on his head are liable to fall out sooner rather than later.” Double-O Rowling gave her mission report.
“Although the younger cast didn’t take it too much better.”
“Not to worry, I’ll sort it out. Each of them will have a bonus cheque in their mail.”
“Hush money, eh?” A Hollywood staple.
“Hush, you!” That, too.
“Good. Then it won’t be long before someone rings me. I’m going to tell them I spoke to you and talked you down, Bas. We just need to stall a bit longer, then things can go back to normal.”
“David, not that I’m not enjoying this - because I am, immensely, but I really would appreciate the full picture before I continue to further jeopardize my career.” Time for in medias res to get its mise-en-scene on.
“Right, that’s fair. Okay, so to recap, a little over a week ago Neil called me, concerned, and informed me that he had been given instructions to redraft our finished script. Which was very much news to me, too. My initial reaction was to doff it off until I saw that the demand came from up on high. Considering I’m the head of production, that was saying something. The pool of candidates with the authority to overrule me is vanishingly small in the context of the Harry Potter films.”
“Which is when you called us.”
“Almost immediately. The most important thing I required to untangle this web was first and foremost buying time.”
“And nothing delays a flight faster than calling in a bomb threat.”
“... Not my preferred analogy, but close enough. The threat of Neil leaving wouldn’t amount to anything. WB would have no problem finding a replacement for him. Everyone is in some way replaceable except for the literal and figurative faces of the franchise, who are you two, respectively.”
“Yes, yes, we’re all caught up with how you used my discontentment, Bas’ hissy fit, and then falsely pitting us against each other so that whatever fixer they send over can’t tackle us together to set as many fires as possible. But I’m still lost to why we’re in this mess.”
“For the same reason everything else goes wrong. Money and power. Since we last spoke, here’s what I’ve managed to scrounge: over the last few months, WB has gone through some major internal shakeups. They recently launched a joint venture with China’s major film enterprise.”
“Actually, I heard about something similair. Robert Downey Jr. was telling me how when he was filming Iron Man, Marvel, Disney, or whoever had tried to make them shoot an alternate scene specifically for the China version of the film. They were turned down, but it does look like Hollywood as a whole is planning on making a major push into the market.” We’ll have American stars extolling the virtues of ice cream in mandarin before you know it. Bing qilin means big pay day.
“That very well may be the case. WB pictures, which is the subsidiary that we fall under, has merged with the distribution arm to form the WB pictures group. I’ve had the dubious pleasure of meeting the new president of the company, Jeff Robinov. Believe me when I say he’s as hungry as they come, and the Harry Potter IP is the juiciest steak on the table.”
Puzzle pieces began slotting into place. “Just so we’re all on the same page, let me summarize. New boss wants to cement his reign by forcing a new script of his design on our production to better suit the tastes of a potential new audience.” Imagine being so greedy that the mainstream wasn’t mass market enough.
“Men. Just don’t know when to leave well enough alone, do they?”
“Succinct and accurate. I’ve already tried, but there’s no getting through to this man. The only way I’m going to be able to wrest control back is by knocking this issue up the hierarchy. It shames me to continue asking this of you, but I’ve no real alternative. There’s no other way that I can think of to ensure enough delay and turmoil for me to be allowed to bring this up with leadership.”
“We’re all on the same team. You do your part and we’ll do ours. I’m quite adept at mayhem.” My initials could very well stand for Blood-pressure Raiser.
“As long as I’m not on the receiving end of it. My other line is buzzing. I’ve got to go. Thank you again, you two. Sincerely.” Click.
“Too bad. Looks like you’re going to have to remain cross with me a while longer.” I am aware of the effect I have on women.
“You don’t make it difficult.” Maybe not. The only time a man is on the receiving end of a side-eye like that is when he’s inevitably pissed off a significant woman in his life.
“Wait, are you genuinely cross with me? I should’ve known you can’t act that well. What did I even do?” Please don’t say I should already know. I’m too pretty to be smart.
“It’s what you didn’t do. I’m still waiting for your response to my acknowledgement in Deathly Hallows.” I was grateful for the straight answer, but my neck still tilted sideways.
“... why, though?” I scooted out of my seat, stood up, and plucked the copy off my bookshelf. “It’s cute, I liked it. I’m sure your husband, kids, and editors loved it. Fans too.” I flipped it open to the first page after the title.
[THIS DEDICATION OF THE BOOK IS SPLIT SEVEN WAYS TO NEIL, TO JESSICA, TO DAVID, TO KENZIE, TO DI, TO ANNE, AND TO YOU IF YOU HAVE STUCK WITH HARRY UNTIL THE VERY END.]
“It goes on after that, you numpty.”
“Really, did I get a misprint?” I turned to the next page. “This is just the contents.”
Immunity to paper cuts wasn’t a perk of gymnastics I realized I had until the moment Jo snatched the novel out of my hand.
“I cannot believe this. You didn’t even bother reading past this point, did you? I wrote an entire afterword specifically addressed to you, you absolute duffer!” She didn’t just flick through the pages, she inverted the book entirely to the very last printed page.
Normally I’d defend myself by stating that I’d read the story multiple times from initial to final draft, but rather than a valid excuse - as she handed me my dedication - I felt like I had an invalid chromosome.
[THIS DEDICATION, LIKE HARRY HIMSELF, IS THE SECRET EIGHTH PIECE FOR MY SECRET WEAPON. BAS, THANK YOU FOR HARRY. WATCHING YOU MADE HIM GROW. I’LL NEVER STOP LOOKING AFTER YOU. I PROMISE, ALWAYS.]
Below that was a little graphic. I wanted to say it was two hands interlocking their pinkies, but my vision was too blurry to confirm.
The tears that dripped and distorted it didn’t help either.
Speaking wasn’t something I bothered trying. If I did, I knew there’d only be one sound that would have escaped through my tightened chest, pursed lips, and crumpled chin.
“Not a peep even still. How disappointing.” That wide satisfied smirk said otherwise, Joanne.
With shivering hands, I gently closed the book. I couldn’t bear damaging it. But as I lurched forward and wrapped my arms around Rowling, I chose to bear hug her instead.
“Get off me, you utter beast!” Then try pushing me away instead of reciprocating.
Sniff. “No.”
“Apologies. But I regret to inform you that uninvited guests are approaching.” My lookout spotted.
Jo raised her hand to wipe my tears as I pulled away. I caught her wrist and put it down. “T-tea would’ve been better… tears will have to suffice.”
Comments
Catherine Colin
Lol i love this❤️
David Karlsson
They throw David Yates under the bus, Robinov has Alfonso hired back for HbP with Neil's script to get back in favour with the Company and Bas. I would forgive him as MC in that case tbh. Might even sing his praises in the press, too.
Scott
This makes me curious to see how Bas faces the rise of all the woke, virtue signalling dogshit that's coming for Hollywood in the future. I hope by then he has his own studio and connections
Matt
Would depend if the higher ups at WB have major allies/enemies at the head of the other studios…or if the other studios are having a string of bombs that are bleeding them money Never underestimate Hollywood higher ups betraying each other to save their own skin
David Karlsson
There's no guarantee they'll accept his investments contingent on a major role in their big production though. Could just say "Thanks. We'd love to take your money...Just not you." If they'd face problems with distribution, delays in shooting permits or get screwed over in other creative ways for taking MC on when he's persona non grata in hollywood. It'd be easier to just seek investment elsewhere
Philip
Something like how Ryan Reynolds leaked Deadpool footage before the studios were serious about making it into a movie, followed by the public wanting it to be a movie is along the lines of what I'm thinking, except more public outcry obviously. The only issue would be whether or not Bas would have a similar level of clout to get away with it, bc yeah he is the Hollywood superstar but from the exec's pov he is still just a teenager, no matter how conniving he can be.
McLuvin
Robinov got to where he was because he was very good at spotting talent, as I said before. He was originally the agent representing Cuaron, the Wachowskis and Christopher Nolan. He brought WB the best director of Harry Potter, the people behind the Matrix trilogy and the guy behind The Dark Knight Trilogy. More than that, he managed to keep his clients loyal to WB for a long time. This obviously didn’t work out with the Wachowski’s who largely produced flops after, but Nolan’s works throughout the 2010’s were made with WB because of Robinov’s integration of him into the studio and fostering of loyalty. He got a job in WB because his negotiation tactics were so famous and he served as an advisor for the President and COO before his own takeover for several years, and was largely connected to the major franchises that made WB so dominant in the 2000’s.
G K
Bas is to some extent aware of this. Hence in a couple chapters back, he mentions the need for growing his investments to start producing his projects.
MimicReads
Ty
David Karlsson
And what a fine meal it was.
David Karlsson
Hope we get a new supporting character or two at that point. Many actors on this level have teams, but he would probably benefit from a PA or something even if he doesn't do the kind of PR handling many big stars get
Sohaib Malik
And he cooked
David Karlsson
Agreed. The PHO chapter we got the premiere stuff and a lot of what the fans knew of the previous years. But if there's a backlash over this WB dispute it'd be neat to get a fan reaction to things, doesn't need to be a whole chapter though. Just "So we've run the numbers on the public reaction to replace our lead. *points to a pile of death threats and uniqlo merch howlers in the corner* and...yeah." then read one or two
David Karlsson
I think it's fine, just be sure to not leave the chapters several days apart so people leave the story unfairly, or just double post lol
David Karlsson
Yeah it seems a number of promising actors simply dropped out of the limelight for no apparent reason. Insulting some academy member, producer or executive, standing up for themselves, or not playing along with the rules implied. Suddenly the calls stop coming, their sponsors drop them. Like imagine if the most influential executive in WB suddenly hates Bas, he makes this known to all the other big shots on multiple occasions. They'll earn his ire if they champion Bas's career at that point. Whether they want to or not, they have to work with the guys who call the shots in the industry. Like when a king is displeased with somebody, people scorn them to gain the King's favour. Bas is maybe in a position where his life won't be ruined by this, but it could set his career back and lock him out of most high profile productions. That said, I hope this is a somewhat temporary thing and he doesn't become a leper to the whole industry and have to scrape by to become untouchable again. That kind of suspense/angst story is not really my thing
CSD2022
we need to have the audiences reaction to this final page
CSD2022
nope?! what do you mean nope! don't leave it like this !!!!
Rivo
I wonder what the consequences of Bas' actions are going to be post Harry Potter. I assume he will get his way eventually, or mostly. But forcing a script change, while only being 17 and not that robust of a filmography behind him. That has got to take its toll on his reputation among the big studio executives. I have read a little of how there is a 'list' among the bigger studios, of who is basically allowed to star in the big blockbusters to an extent. If Bas was on it, I'd bet he'd be off of it after this. I'd think most readers would hate to read about it, but it would be interesting to see Bas struggle in Hollywood after Harry Potter ended. Not because of being type cast as Harry, but by basically trying to make better films, and being a pain in the ass for executives. Or maybe it's not that bad, and things like this are more common, just usually kept quiet? Idk.
Amar Haikal
I want to give you a bear hug right now
Bar Calak
SPOILER* Like the easy time theyve had filming the hp movies - all good things must at some point come to an end.
Bar Calak
Very much appreciate you saying that. last chapter especially was a risk so im happy that it didn't turn too many people off
Bar Calak
Its funny you say that. I've lived in china as well as the west, and id argue that theyre easier to please than western audiences. They enjoy the spectacle from hollywood films more than anything else (which is why they like the explosive blockbusters and cheesy romances). HK cinema tends to feed their love for good story IMO
Bar Calak
and guess who owned the adaptation rights to Tolkien? WB. Why not try to replicate that same with their other massive fantasy IP with a few little tweaks here and there? no one will notice and the ones who do are in too deep. IRL I have no idea either, I'm just exercising creative license the same way i did with Kloves. But in my head, i don't think the dramatic and ill advised direction of irl HBP was possible without WB oversight and encouragement. Though Bas doesn't like to express it too much (even to himself) im still trying to make him as human as possible.
Bar Calak
nope
Bar Calak
And like in your other comment you were correct in saying that its early. But i don't doubt that studios were flirting with the prospect at this point, and WB is at the forefront of hollywood trends in the current era of the story. Disney aint far behind either.
Bar Calak
Much like kloves, I'm using creative license to puppet him as the antagonist for the very real mismanagement of the HBP movie. It was always an asinine decision to go down that route and it had to have had some top of the pyramid influence to have gone the way it did OTL.
Bar Calak
Maybe, but bas needs enemies too haha
Bar Calak
I need to find a solution for this
Bar Calak
Hopefully i didn't make a dogs dinner of it haha
Kieran M
Thank you
Bar Calak
Because I wrote it like he's acting. The clue was the mostly flippant tone of his monologue. I think the best comparison is his scenes with Ellen where his thoughts are a lot more direct and disdainful. But hey good feedback I guess I went a little too far in the effort to not give the gag away.
JAR1
I think there's disconnect between this chapter and the previous one. In the previous chapter, you made it look like Bas had no clue what was going on. That was fine when it came to other characters, but Bas sounds deceitful to both himself and the readers if you suddenly twist the plot like this. He should at least be trying to hint that there was something at play behind the scenes. But in chapter 31, you had Bas act like he had no idea why JKR was mad when in fact he should've known from the beginning why she was acting that way because (as you've made clear in this chapter) JKR and Bas were in on it. Bas' s thoughts are inconsistent with the plot- either he was in on it or he wasn't. Saying he was in on it and then having his thoughts present the situation as him being surprised is inconsistent.
Andy Ammeter
You can have him easily use the best Court to get things straightened out with WB. The court of public opinion! Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (evil villain laugh)
David Karlsson
Sometimes countries prefer local films more. Or have an aversion to Hollywood movies for various reasons. I feel like this version of HP movies defy the stereotype though. So maybe they can get through to the action lovers in Asia. I'm not sure how great the drama of HbP will be but there was some potential there at least, and not the comedic melodrama it became in OtL. So there's action, suspense, drama, minor comedy, fantasy. Only romance and hand to hand action is missing to widespread appeal. But that depends on how well Neil writes Fleur, Bill, Tonks and Remus. I feel like the action is better in this version where the spells have distinct functions instead of coloured light launches opponent backwards. If they keep with that and even add some more gruesome examples at the battle of the astronomy tower it could be done quite well. They could even make that section of the film a sort of suspenseful heist sequence - death eaters come in, set up their systems to get to the tower unhindered with artifacts smoke and spells, aurors or order members can be like those security guards who get taken out on the way to the bank at the start of the heist. Then Neville and the DA members get their coins, drink their liquid luck and rush off in all directions to get teachers and help the order. Harry comes back to hogsmeade with Dumbledore, talks to rosmerta and they fly to the tower with the mark. Meanwhile the fighting is going on in the corridors downstairs. And they land and find Draco there, just as Harry is immobilised under his cloak by dumbledore.
David Karlsson
We don't even get to see it often in films...for obvious reasons
David Karlsson
Wonder how old Cadbury is. Will she retire after this job? And if she'll be there until Bas turns 18 years old? Or will WB hire her until the DH 2 premieres? Bas seemingly doesn't have contractual obligations not to put himself at risk or do stunts. So WB would conceivably provide someone to make sure he doesn't risk the HP franchise. But would Cadbury want to work with him into his early twenties or move on?
Stubbzy
It’s a very touching final page for the series to end on. Forever interconnecting Bas and JKs relationship to the story of Harry Potter. Plus I imagine it would make audiences rush into a movie binge after finishing the book
Stubbzy
I do really like the Hollywood intrigue stuff between the actors, directors and studio etc that you’ve sprinkled throughout the fic it adds some forms of varying conflict so that Bas just doesn’t curb stomp over everyone. Also We often HEAR about these things occurring as the general public but unless you go digging specifically we don’t often get to SEE it.
Stubbzy
Are Chinese or Asian audiences that different to western ones? I understand that hollywoods been pandering to China for ages but I always assumed it was to make peace with the Chinese Government is their culture that influential on their movie tastes? I assumed they’d just like good quality films as much as anyone else does regardless of genre
David Karlsson
She first met Bas when he was still 9. Hope they just keep their aunt-Nephew kind of relationship
Stubbzy
Rowling, Anita and Cadbury I’ve always assumed were put in the family out of bounds zone. I also didn’t even know JK had kids
Philip
The acknowledgments were finally read and i am at peace
Felix S
Why would he? While the appreciation for eachother is there, She is married with kids and a bit too old ( and more importantly knew him as a literal child - that just spells grooming). He is more like a good friend and a almost son for her, I would say
Pope Yoda I
I'm surprised MC didn't elect for BOTH tea and tears, to really ham up the drama a bit, but I suppose it can be excused given his unexpected reunion with an emotion other than snark. If these were his actual actions in real life (I personally have no idea), it would be hilarious that Robinov ever found a job at WB considering how mind-blowing bad of an idea this typically was (see: Space Jam 2 a decade later). I've known pandering to foreign audiences has definitely ruined more than a few movies, but (at least according to wiki) solid Action / Adventure titles have always done well overseas, hence the success of bog standard American titles that championed big explosions and big cars (Marvel, Fast and the Furious and the Michael Bay way). If anything, the new HP production line would have MC repeatedly kick flipping on Voldemort while mecha-Hogwarts fought a giant Nagini in the background to a multimillion-dollar pyrotechnics background. This all seems to be Peter Jackson's fault. It turns out the Lord of the Rings movies were so successful there it kicked off an entire age of action / adventure movies in China and brought out the green-eyed monster in Hollywood.
Tharsax
wiser words have never been spoken
bomber-harris
yeah you right.
David Karlsson
So earlier everyone thought DC was the safe bet for Bas if he's to go into superhero franchise. That'd be a bit awkward here, then. If he is to have any impact on the screenplays involved. Will he be on the outs with WB when potter is over or have a good relationship once this guy is gone?
David Karlsson
Wonder what parts of the changes pander to each demographic? Like if they want more SA engagements, more melodrama romance? China or India I don't even know. It seems hit or miss. Cast Romilda Vane as a part Indian girl? I don't see the logic of why otl movie would do better than just building on the franchise. Popularity alone sometimes wins through for people to give it a chance. "Oh but it's not a children's movie later, it gets better" etc
McLuvin
IRL Robinov had an eye for talent and was very protective of who he thought of as ‘his’ talent, such as Nolan, the Wachowskis and Cuaron. But he was also a great ‘negotiator’ and would think five moves ahead of people to get what he wanted in those negotiations. However. He’s known to want control and be a very stern figure. One of his opening moves was to shut down the WB speciality movie labels department and pass on the in process deal for Slumdog millionaire IOTL. The blunder that ended his career at WB was betting on DC movies to replace the hole Harry Potter was going to leave, green lighting Green Lantern and figure heading Man of Steel. The former flopped hard and the latter wasn’t as successful as hoped.
Anonimacho
So Bas is not going to fuck Rowling?
David Karlsson
I don't think it was smooth sailing, they had to change directors even more than here. The tone shift was pretty noticeable in GoF and HbP too.
Stubbzy
One must always live by the code of “let them cook!”
McLuvin
…Trying to Simp for China sometimes works. It worked for a while for the MCU and Kung Fu Panda, though the latter didn’t really Simp all that much. But in the end it also ruined some franchises and movies. And Harry Potter? Never really caught on in China. Or India. Or Africa. Or South America outside of Brazil. It got a meh in Spain and Portugal and Russia and the Middle East. No. Its audience was western, central and northern Europe. North America, Oceania and the rest of Asia. Trying to butcher the movies is VERY Hollywood however so I guess I should’ve expected that
Raymond Alderman
Was Jeff Robinov really this much of a douche or is this having conflict when in reality it was smooth sailing?
David Karlsson
David Heyman is starting to resemble dumbledore in this one lol. "Once more I must ask too much of you..."
Thalia White
Thank you for the chapter!! Came at the perfect time, I'm so happy I managed to catch it before having my precious Internet snatched away for the next week~!
Xander
Hehehe I think if this happened by Book 2? (maybe) WB could get away with replacing Bas, but by now he's the entire face of HP, there's zero chance he and JKR don't get their(deserved) way.
David Karlsson
See? Let the author cook
