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House of The Dragon-The Beauty, The Bold, and The Black Dread: Chapter 140: Internal Struggle
🕑 Added 2025-04-02 07:01:29 +0000 UTC(Baelon's POV)
I will not lie.
It is indeed my fault.
Most of what had led up to this point has been due to my actions. For better or for worse, what I have done has caused several events that would change my life from that point forward. It is not something I will sit here and deny it.
But gods.....
It hurts.
I felt so much guilt for sleeping with Rhaenyra the first time, being so aggressive in my advances that I myself believed I forced myself onto her. She denies it was the case but there was that thought lingering in the back of my head. And to top it off, I genuinely believed that I was being unfaithful to my Helaena..
And now....it turns out that I had been with different women before marrying Rhaenyra, against my will.
I could not believe it.
But now was not the time to complain about it. I could not sit here and whine about it. It happened to me, I will not deny that it is disturbing. But so long as it happened to just me.....I do not care.
As long as it does not happen to my Helaena.....to Rhaenyra....
I was atop the Dragonmont, looking at the sunset as the wind hit the side of my face.
"Baelon...." I heard Helaena call out to me
I looked back and saw that she was walking up to me, holding our son in her arms as he was waving his arms around.
"Hey." I said, "I figured you would take him to bed. Or have the wetnurses do that."
"You have not seen him all day." she said as she reached me, "You need to spend time with your son."
"I..." I said softly, "I do not know...."
"Baelon." She said firmly, "Hold your son."
I sighed, "Alright."
She slowly handed him to me, "Here..." She said, "My two loves...."
I took Valerion into my arms as he looked up, his small face being illuminated by the glow of the setting sun.
"Hm...." I said as I held him gently, "Look at you....."
He had his eyes opened, they were a pure and innocent shade of purple. He looked up at me, moving his arms against his face as he rubbed his cheeks.
"He is so beautiful, is he not?" Helaena said as she patted my shoulder, "My precious boy....."
"He is." I said as I leaned in and kissed him on the forehead, "My boy.....one day....you will ride a mighty dragon...we will fly in the sky together....the world will know your name...."
"Already planning his future?" Helaena chuckled
"Father had declared me as the next King, saying that I will bring about an age of greatness." I said with a slight smile, "I was a sickly babe, being held by our Mother every night. My son....he is not how I was...he is healthy, he is strong....he will grow up to be a fine man, warrior, and dragonrider...He is a Targaryen..."
Helaena kissed my cheek, "My love." She said softly, "I know what you are thinking...what you are feeling...but I do not want you to think that it will impede with our lives."
"I do not wish to speak about it." I said
"Of course. I am sorry." She said
I looked at her, "I love you." I told her, "Nothing will change that. Everyone else will think otherwise, but you know.....Rhaenyra knows....that my heart truly belongs to you. I would never hurt you.....if I somehow did....it will do more damage to me than you...."
"I know." she said softly, "But stop thinking about that. It is a horrible thing...it wounds even my heart, but.....it is difficult, Baelon.....I am sorry...."
I nodded, "Right...."
She leaned in and kissed my forehead, "Let us enjoy the sunset together." She said softly, "Us three...."
"Happily...."
**************
"What was her name?" Rhaenyra asked me seriously
I looked at her, "Hm?"
"The woman who did this to you." She said as she sat across from me on the table, "Her name."
It was later that night, Helaena and Valerion had gone to sleep. I had promised Helaena that I would join her later but I ended up sitting in my room when Rhaenyra walked in and sat in front of me. She had sat still for a couple of minutes in silence before finally speaking.
"Her name..." I said as I ran my hand through my hair, "What does it matter?"
"I wish to know the name of the woman who defiled my husband...." Rhaenyra said seriously, "Tell me. You know it, don't you?"
"What will you do, Rhaenyra?" I asked her, "Will you fly Syrax across the Narrow Sea and seek her out? What then? You will burn her?"
"Mayhaps." she said, "Do you seriously think I will sit by and let that be?"
"The responsibility is not yours." I told her, "It was my mistake, a stupid mistake only an imbecile like me could make. The horror on those women's faces, is because of me. Nobody else should do anything about it. "
She clenched her fist and gave me a serious look, "You...." She said before clearing her throat and shaking her head twice, "Baelon.....you fought....and killed that man because of what he did to me...and his attempt to kill you.....Do you want me to sit back and do nothing when you, my husband, were raped?! Are you mad?!"
"Technically...." I looked away, "We were not marrie-"
"Shut up!!" she exclaimed as she slammed her hands on the table, standing up and glaring at me, "How could you be like this?! Why can't you let me in, Baelon?!"
I looked at her, "What?"
"You have only bedded me thrice, Baelon...." She said, "Our relationship had gotten better....you have warmed up to me more.....I yearned for that warmth every night that passed while you were with Helaena, sharing it with her.....and.....When I think I will finally get it, this happens!! And you are going to be cold again? To me? To Helaena? All because of some bastard whore who raped you!!"
I blinked, "Rhaenyra...." I said, "I am sorry..."
"W-what?" She said softly
"I am sorry, wife...." I said, "But....I am right, it is nobody's fault but mine."
"No..." She shook her head, "Do not feel that way."
"It is truth." I said
"But..." She said, "You are wrong...."
"I have a son, Rhaenyra...." I said softly, "And the possibility of him not being the only one is there....if I have bastard children....who will be used as bargaining chips.....when I have not even put another child in you.....h-how do you expect me to feel? How can I have bastards when I have not done my duty to my wife?!"
I leaned down, covering my face as my body began to shake. The emotions filled me up completely as the terrifying thoughts became prominent in my mind.
The thought of poor women being forced to bear my illegitimate children solely to be used against me.....it is far beyond terrifying...
I felt Rhaenyra's arms around me, "I am here for you...." She said softly, "I am your wife too, Baelon....it angers me so much that this happened to you...."
"I know...." I said, "I feel that anger too..."
"I love you, Baelon." She said as she kissed my head, "I love you so much....that will not change...even if your fears are true....and do not worry about me, Baelon. If you are worried about putting a child in me, it is fine. We can wait.....I have no rush...."
"I am sorry." i said
"Valerion has just been born." She said as she rubbed my back softly, "I wish to see him grow up first.....but the thought of a little brother to grow up along with him is a pleasant one....can I tell you something, my love?"
"What?" I said
"When Helaena was with child....seeing her large and round belly...." she said, "I yearned the same.....the idea of two beautiful sons of yours born in the same year...it excited me...."
"I am sorry.....I failed you..." I told her, "Both of you."
"No." She hugged me tightly, "No, Baelon. You did not. The next time you wish to go into your emotional speeches about how everything is your fault.....I will punch in the face....so stop it.....stop hating yourself....stop it....for us....for your wives...for your son…”
“I am sorry.” I told her, “I am sorry, Rhaenyra.”
“Shut up.” She said softly, “Just shut up. It is okay, Baelon. It is okay to admit it….”
“To admit that you are a victim….”
