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Tanuki Shogun
🕑 Added 2025-10-03 08:39:39 +0000 UTCThe air in the hidden grove deep within Chinju Forest was thick with ancient silence, broken only by the whisper of falling leaves and the faint, wheedling voice emanating from a moss covered stone statue. It was a statue of a bake-tanuki, frozen mid-prance with a sake gourd in one paw, its stone eyes wide with a look of perpetual mischief.
Before it stood the Raiden Shogun, the embodiment of Eternity. Her expression was, as always, an unreadable mask of placid divinity.
"Your proposal is… irregular, Ioroi," she stated, her voice a calm, resonant chime.
"Oh, but Your Excellency, it is a final plea!" the voice from the statue whined. "Centuries I have been sealed! My spirit wanes. This humble servant has devised a final art, a ritual to transfer my fading consciousness into this very stone, allowing me to finally pass into true oblivion. I only require a vessel of immense spiritual power to anchor the transfer. To witness my final, repentant act!"
The Shogun considered this. Ioroi, the great bake tanuki, had been a nuisance, but his power was undeniable. A controlled end to his chaotic existence aligned with the principles of an unchanging Eternity. It was… tidy.
"Very well," she declared, stepping onto the ritual circle Ioroi had painstakingly instructed her to have her attendants draw. "I shall bear witness and provide the anchor. Proceed."
"My eternal gratitude, O Shogun!" the voice chirped with an unsettling glee. The air crackled. The seals on the statue glowed with a blinding violet light, mirroring the Electro energy the Shogun began to channel. Talismans swirled, and for a heart-stopping moment, two consciousnesses one divine and orderly, the other chaotic and Fae were laid bare, connected by a bridge of raw energy.
Then, with a final, triumphant cackle from the stone, the light reversed.
It was not a transfer. It was a trade.
The first sensation was… wiggling.
Toes. He had toes! And he could wiggle them! A joyous, wriggling cascade of sensation shot up his legs. He could feel the fine silk of his—her—hakama against his skin. He opened his eyes. The world wasn't a fixed, stony grey panorama. It was vibrant, alive, and seen from a height he hadn't experienced in centuries. He lifted a hand, pale and slender, and flexed the fingers one by one.
"Hoo hoo! Look at that!" a voice rumbled, deep and rich with mirth. It took him a moment to realize it came from his own throat, though it was now laced with a surprisingly melodic, feminine tone.
Ioroi, was free. And not just free. He was in the body of the most powerful being in Inazuma. He tottered for a moment, unused to the bipedal grace and the… significant frontal ballast. Curiosity piqued, he stumbled toward a nearby stream to gaze at his reflection.
What stared back was… magnificent. It was the face of the Raiden Shogun, beautiful and severe. But there were additions. Two large, fluffy, brown tanuki ears, tipped with cream, sprouted from the top of her violet hair, twitching independently to catch the sound of a distant woodpecker. He turned, and a magnificent, bushy tanuki tail, striped like a raccoon's, swished happily behind him, nearly knocking over a small shrine. The Shogun’s regal kimono now seemed to be fighting a losing battle against a form that was decidedly more… curvaceous. More… bouncy.
"By the sacred sake barrel!" Ioroi howled with laughter, clutching his new, ample chest. "She was hiding all this under that armor? And I gave her an upgrade! I look fantastic!"
The sheer joy of it was intoxicating. He could smell the damp earth, taste the sweet air, and feel the power of a raging thunderstorm coiled in his gut. His first instinct, honed by centuries of tanuki tradition, was singular and overwhelming.
He was hungry.
Meanwhile, in a silent grove, a stone statue stood motionless.
But inside, a universe of cold, silent fury was being born.
Unacceptable. Utterly unacceptable. This… this confinement. This stasis. It is an aberration. I am Eternity. I am immutable. I cannot be… a rock.
Ei’s consciousness, torn from her vessel, slammed against the unyielding confines of the tanuki statue. She had no mouth to scream, no limbs to move, no eyes to close. She could only perceive the world from this fixed point, a prisoner in her own nation, tricked by a fuzzy miscreant with a penchant for illusions.
That conniving, leaf-wearing, sake-swilling… TANUKI! He spoke of repentance! Of oblivion! This is the opposite of oblivion! This is humiliating petrification! When I regain my vessel, I will personally turn every last tanuki in this nation into a garden ornament!
Her silent, divine rage was potent enough to make the moss on her stone shoulder tremble slightly, but that was the extent of her influence. Panic, an emotion she had suppressed for five hundred years, began to bubble up. It was a foreign, disgusting feeling. What was he doing? What was that fool doing with her body? Her authority? Her… carefully maintained figure?!
The thought was so horrifying, so profoundly undignified, that if the statue could have short-circuited, it would have.
Back in Tenshukaku, the Shogunate retainers were confused.
Their ever-placid, ever-dignified Shogun had burst into the main hall, her new tail swishing with enough force to create a breeze, and made a single, earth-shattering proclamation.
"Servants! Your Shogun has an announcement of utmost importance!" Ioroi as Raiden declared, his voice booming with uncharacteristic cheer. "Effective immediately, the Vision Hunt Decree is… uh… boring! We’re replacing it with the Dango Hunt Decree! Your mission is to find the most delicious dango in all of Inazuma. The penalty for failure is… you have to watch me eat all the good dango! Now, bring me a mountain of Tri-Color Dango and a barrel of the finest sake! Chop chop!"
Kujou Sara, ever the loyal general, stood ramrod straight, her brain actively trying to blue-screen. Tanuki magic was playing with her senses. The Shogun… had ears? And a tail? And was demanding dango like a festival child?
"Your… Excellency?" she stammered. "Are you feeling well? Perhaps you require rest."
Ioroi bounded over, patting the stoic general heartily on the shoulder, nearly sending her to her knees with the raw strength of the Shogun’s body. "Nonsense, Tengu! Never felt better! All that meditating is terrible for the appetite. Now, about that dango…"
The day descended into glorious chaos. Ioroi, in the Shogun’s body, attempted to use the Musou no Hitotachi to perfectly slice a radish for a hotpot, cleaving the entire kitchen block in two by accident. He declared a national holiday: "Mandatory Afternoon Nap Day." He replaced the solemn portraits in the Tenshukaku with crudely drawn caricatures of himself (as a tanuki) sleeping on a pile of treasure.
His reign of comfortable, food driven nonsense was only interrupted by the arrival of a figure whose sly smile never wavered.
"Well, well," said Yae Miko, the Guuji of the Grand Narukami Shrine, fanning herself as she observed the Shogun attempting to teach a group of guards a traditional tanuki festival dance. "It seems Eternity has taken up a new and… expressive hobby."
Ioroi froze mid-stomp. "Little fox that roam around sneaky kitsune good to see you!"
Yae Miko’s eyes narrowed, a glint of amusement in their depths. She took in the twitching ears, the swishing tail, the boisterous energy. It was a flawless imitation of Ei’s form, if Ei had been raised by badgers and fed nothing but sugar.
"Ioroi," she said, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "You’ve been a very naughty. Re-decorating a divine vessel without permission?"
Ioroi’s grin was wide and shameless. "It was stuffy in there! And look!" He did a dramatic twirl. "I think the fluffy additions are a marked improvement, don't you?"
"They are… bold," Miko conceded, tapping her fan against her chin. "But I do believe the original owner might be slightly… displeased."
Yae Miko found the statue exactly where Ioroi had said it would be. It looked like any other forest statue, save for the faint, indignant trembling of its mossy ears.
"Ei? Are you in there?" Miko asked, her tone light and teasing. "My, this is quite the predicament. Trapped in the body of your old nuisance. It's terribly ironic, isn't it?"
MIKO! RELEASE ME AT ONCE! THAT FUR-COVERED FIEND HAS VIOLATED THE VERY CONCEPT OF MY BEING! HE IS CURRENTLY USING MY HANDS TO JUGGLE RICE BALLS! I CAN FEEL IT!
Miko, of course, heard nothing but the wind. But she could guess. She had known Ei for centuries.
"You know," Miko mused, circling the statue. "You could probably use a break. All that business with Eternity, ruling a nation… it sounds exhausting. Think of this as a vacation. A very, very still vacation. And honestly, I haven't seen Inazuma this lively in decades. 'Mandatory Afternoon Nap Day' is a stroke of genius. I might make it a permanent fixture."
MIKO, I SWEAR UPON THE SEVEN ARCHONS, WHEN I AM FREE, I WILL CONFISCATE YOUR ENTIRE COLLECTION OF FRIED TOFU FOR A MILLENNIUM!
"Don't worry," the Guuji said with a final, pitying pat on the stone tanuki’s head. "I'll keep an eye on him. I wouldn't want him to do any permanent damage to your reputation. But for now… I think I’ll let him have his fun. A little chaos is good for the soul."
She turned and walked away, a giggle escaping her lips.
Back in Inazuma City, the "Tanuki Shogun" was holding court. He had decreed that all serious matters were to be postponed in favor of a storytelling competition. He sat upon the throne, legs crossed, happily munching on a dango skewer while a terrified official tried to recount a thrilling tale about tax collection.
Ioroi, in all his fluffy-eared, curvy-bodied glory, felt a wave of pure bliss. He had power, he had comfort, he had an endless supply of snacks, and he had the most comfortable tail in the world to rest on. He had tricked a god and won the grandest prize imaginable.
As for the god herself, trapped in stone and screaming silent, theological frustrations into the void? Well, Ioroi figured she’d probably be fine. A few centuries as a statue would teach her to lighten up. Maybe.
He took another huge bite of dango, a thought striking him. He leaned forward, addressing the entire throne room. "Another decree! From this day forward, all official uniforms must include a fluffy tail! It is essential for balance and morale! Now, who's next? Make it a funny one!"
The people of Inazuma were confused, their general was perpetually on the verge of an aneurysm, and their true leader was a garden ornament fuming with impotent rage. But for the first time in a long time, under the baffling and bizarre rule of the Tanuki Shogun, nobody could say life in the nation of Eternity was boring. And Ioroi wouldn't have had it any other way.
