Lea
patreon
Cam's Journal # 1
🕑 Added 2025-07-12 01:00:03 +0000 UTCCam doesn't keep a journal in the traditional sense. Instead, he lets his thoughts spill out in a raw, unfiltered stream. Some entries remain unfinished, only to be revisited later. This piece began the night of MC's engagement, a chaotic outpouring of emotion. He returned to it after Chris and Jade's betrayal. What follows is a glimpse into his mind during those moments.
The evening was a blur of red—red tablecloths, red wine, red faces. I tugged at the cloth nervously, hoping Chris would just stop talking. Then came the words that shattered everything:
“We’re engaged!”
Two words. That’s all it took to ruin my night, my week, maybe my entire life. I know, I know—‘Cam the drama king,’ right? That’s what Jade said when I downed that third drink.
Everyone was congratulating you two. Smiling. Laughing. All I could do was try to forget the night.
I lied to you. Did you notice? I looked right at you and said I was happy for you. I said I was glad you were marrying Chris. But my voice shook. My hand clung to yours.
Did you notice?
Red. The color of the wine I drowned myself in. Two and a half bottles. After that, it’s a blur.
You were surrounded, pulled away by people, farther away from me. The one person I thought would escape the hell that is my family.
And me? I stood there. Watching. Silent. A coward.
I knew Chris. I knew they wouldn’t make you happy. But I said nothing.
Why? Because I was afraid. That’s the lame-ass truth.
“Congratulations on your engagement.”
I actually said it. And the entire time, I felt like swallowing glass. But I smiled. Pretended. While inside, my worst nightmare was playing out. Chris would be there for everything. Pushing me farther away from you.
I wanted to pull you aside. Ask you, “Is this really what you want?” But I was afraid you’d say yes.
Still, I was ready. To take you out of there. Just a walk. Just the two of us. Like it used to be.
I wanted to be your knight in shining armor. Funny, right? When I couldn’t even protect you.
Would you have let me? Would you have left with me that night? Never looked back?
I’ve always been scared you’d hate me if you knew. How badly I wanted to keep you to myself. Just you and me. Just us.
That word always makes me smile. Even if it’s a stupid dream.
I can already hear your laugh. The way you’d scoff. Your scent still lingers. On my clothes. In my room. Like it’s carved into my bones. I’m addicted.
And through it all, my mind kept racing. The clink of glasses. The way Chris’s hand rested on your back. The way you smiled.
Chris was happy. My parents, happy. Yours, over the moon.
But you? Were you?
Did something inside you snap when you said yes? Like a bowstring snapping mid-shot. Did your chest ache? Did you drink yourself numb that night too?
You didn’t go home alone. Chris made sure I knew that.
But me? I sat alone in my room. Drinking Mom’s favorite wine. The one we tried together in the study. The kind that helps you forget.
But I remembered.
I remembered when I called you and Chris answered. I remembered calling Peri, and they already knew. Chris told them before you even said yes.
But most of all, I remember your voice. The night you called after you caught Chris and Jade. I remember how much it hurt to hear you break.
And I’m ashamed.
Because in that moment…
I was relieved.
Relieved that Chris had finally shown their true colors. Relieved that you were no longer theirs.
I’m sorry.
Because for a moment, when your world was falling apart…
I was happy.
Happy that I could be there for you.
Happy because… I finally had you back.
I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry.
But I'll make sure no one can hurt you again.
Comments
Sarah Mooney
😭😭😭😭😭 my precious man, I can't wait to love you
Corinne
Cam might well be my favorite IF man ever. He'd medal if yearning were an Olympic event.
