Kristoffer Pauly
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MADMAN APOCALYPSE - Book 3 - Chapter 31
🕑 Added 2025-08-11 09:41:55 +0000 UTC-Previous chapter-
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Chapter 31
“Your brother is the chosen one!?” I asked excitedly.
“What?” Isabella replied. “You do know he does the mascot thing for free right? He was fired from his real job because—”
“I’ve always wanted to be friends with a mascot,” I said, interrupting her. “It was a good thing we saved you in this dimension.”
Isabella paused and gave me a funny look. “What do you mean?”
“Gambit, stop,” Panda warned.
“I’m just saying, I had to kill you last time because you were protecting Liam Johnson.”
“Is that a fucking threat?” Isabella asked me, squaring up her shoulders.
“He’s insane,” Waldo explained, coming up to us. “Don’t trust anything he says.”
She glanced back at him and then to me. Her expression looked dangerous. “What exactly are you planning on doing with Otto? If you’re planning on harming him, I’ll bash your fucking skull in. He may be a loser, but he’s still my brother.”
“I told you,” I replied exasperatedly. “Otto has all the answers I’m searching for.”
Panda sighed. “Can’t you just drop this idiocy? It’s clearly not worth pursuing him.”
“The fact that Billee’s dad wants us to save him seems like a clue,” Bee said.
“Save him?” Isabella asked.
“We already killed Noah Sullivan. He was supposed to be the one that kills him,” I said.
Isabella looked surprised by that news. “You killed the Mayor?”
“And the Chief of Police,” Bee added.
“Maybe the changing of the timeline has put Otto in a different kind of danger,” Panda guessed.
“Me-ow,” Lordie suggested.
Waldo and Isabella looked to the top of my head and the hand-spider sitting there.
“Why is there a hand on your head?” Isabella asked, having only noticed him now.
I ignored her question and relayed what he’d said. “Lordie thinks that maybe Nwetrou’s enemies are after Otto.”
“The hand speaks?” Waldo asked with a shudder.
A chime rolled through the Humanbus. [BING BONG! WE WILL ARRIVE AT OUR DESTINATION SHORTLY.]
Isabella put aside her questions for now and yelled down through the bus. “Guards! Prepare yourselves! I want the turrets ready in case there are monsters living near the lake! Everyone else, get ready to disembark!”
With that she went down past the rows of seats, rousing those who hadn’t heeded her words, even the MLP Society members and those in the bathhouse and sleeping quarters.
I stayed up front with Bee and Panda, who was sitting on the dashboard.
“I just realized that we might meet the surfer dudes here,” I said.
“What were their names again?” Panda asked.
“Hunter and Tanner and something else,” I replied.
“Should we use our Humanbus Brains before we arrive?” Bee asked.
“We might as well,” I said as Greg tore through trees and small hills, going in a straight line to the lake.
I hadn’t been there in many years, but as I recalled there was a small island in the middle with a hut, as well as a kayaking club on the eastern side. It was usually full of people partying during the summer. From what Tanner, the Surfer Mage, had told us, there was a level 40 World Boss stirring up the waters and creating waves. It was apparently guarding a temple, which piqued my interest, although I had to find Otto first.
Bee and I both pulled out the Humanbus Brains we’d received.
[‘Humanbus Brain’ x ]
Item
The brain of a Humanbus that you defeated by completing its Puzzle Game. An ember of sentience still swims around within this pink ball of flesh.
In order to access the power trapped within, you have to give it a name and kiss it on its forehead.
Weight: Approximately one
“I’ll call you ‘Dave’,” I said and kissed the pumpkin-sized ball of flesh.
[Choose your reward! x ]
I had a steed once.
His name was Lord Eophim, the Devourer of Hope.
Unfortunately, Papa said I had to let it go after it kept killing his adherents by devouring their will to live.
Pick one of the options:
‘Initiate Transport’ | ‘Vehicle Whistle’ | ‘Horse Girl’
[‘Initiate Transport’ x ]
Ability
What a weird Skill.
I’m looking through the possible transformations, and I can’t imagine most of them would be comfortable for you.
One of them turns your ears into propellers and spins your head around on your neck to generate lift.
Another snaps your spine and elbow joints to turn you into a bicycle.
I think some Pride Demons have their slaves act as vehicles. Lust Demons too.
Also, although it doesn’t mention it in the description, anyone who witnesses your transformation will look down on you forever.
Turn your body into a transport vessel capable of seating up to six Players.
For every Player using you as a vehicle, your speed is increased by 50%.
Cooldown: 15 minutes
Duration: 10 minutes
[‘Vehicle Whistle’ x ]
Passive
Did you know that whistling at Sloth Demons makes them go berserk?
Anyway.
This Skill seems like it has a lot of weird applications, since whoever designed it didn’t really understand what exactly defined a vehicle.
I wouldn’t use it around those fat guys who fantasize about ponies, that’s all I’ll say.
Whistling will animate the nearest vehicle and call it to you. Speed, durability, and duration varies based on the exact vehicle.
Cooldown: 30 minutes
[‘Horse Girl’’ x ]
Ability
Become a sin against God and embrace the #horselyfe. Disregard your own personal hygiene and adopt a 100% hay-based personal body odor.
Summon a sentient and beautiful steed named ‘Dave’ who only understands Cockney English and curses like a construction worker. The steed goes faster after being fed Fish and Chips, although he is allergic to anything not deep-fried and will permanently die if you feed it to him. His back can stretch to seat up to five people.
Cooldown: 30 minutes
Duration: 20 minutes
“Ugh, these are all terrible,” I muttered.
“The first one would be funny,” Panda remarked.
“Yeah, I don’t think so,” I told him.
“Show me!” Bee said. “I picked something called Bounceshroom that creates a large mushroom to launch me in a direction. I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to land though.”
“Might be better as a trap,” Panda mused.
I shared the options with her, and she quickly said, “Pick the whistle.”
Although I doubted I’d use it, I followed her advice.
Cooper and some of the MLP guys, as well as a few of Waldo’s group, came up near the front of the bus, looking out the windows while Greg tore through the trees.
Then from one moment to the next our view opened up as we emerged onto the shore of Madeville Lake. Unlike in the past, it now had an actual beach running around it, which was kind of nonsense, and there were huge waves rolling through the water, with people surfing along them. The waves were also bizarre, since they kind of just went in random directions, the most popular ones leading surfers and people in inner tubes towards the central island. It had grown a lot larger than before, and it looked like there was some kind of Greek temple where there’d once been a hut.
The more I looked at the waters, as Greg pulled us all the way down to where it lapped against the sandy beach, the more I realized that most of the waves led towards the central island.
“That’s a shrine on that island,” Panda said. “This whole place is a trap meant to empower the boss living in the waters below.”
I sighed. “Of course…”
Despite everyone out on the lake having fun, and the passengers of the bus storming out to join them, it was clear that there was no such thing as safe recreational fun in this world anymore. Unless you counted the Humanbus.
“We don’t have recreational activities in here,” Panda remarked on my inner dialogue, an annoying habit that he was reluctant to drop.
Bee and I walked out of the bus with the rest of the Players.
“I think my new Bounceshroom is safe to use here,” she said.
“I don’t like this place,” Isabella said as she came over to stand next to me. She was surprisingly clingy.
“Tell people to stay out of the water,” I told her.
“Already did,” she replied. “The way those waves are funneling everyone towards that weird island in the middle has to be intentional.”
“It’s a trap,” Bee told her. “There’s a big fish boss in the waters below.”
A guy on a surfboard made his way over to us, defying the pull of the waves and doing crazy tricks.
“Oh look, it’s Tanner Tylerson,” Panda remarked as the guy drew closer.
Sure enough, it was the Surfer Mage who’d told me about this place in the last dimension before his untimely death to a Voidspawn the size of a bus and shaped like a volleyball.
Tanner slowly glided up onto the beach on his surfboard, stepping off and walking over to us.
“Hey Isabella,” he greeted.
“Where’s Otto?” she asked him.
Tanner shrugged. “I don’t know, but these waves are gnarly.”
“Is Hunter and Tyler with you?” she continued.
“Ah, you know what, Tyler was talking to Otto recently. But he decided to dive down. He said the lake is much deeper now,” Tanner replied.
“Tyler is going to get eaten by the World Boss,” Panda said.
I frowned.
Bee suddenly had a purple banana with white spirals on it in her hand.
“What’s that?” I asked her.
“A Calming Banana,” she said and peeled it by squeezing the end instead of pulling the convenient tab all bananas had.
“Who peels a banana like that?” I remarked.
“Apes and chimpanzees,” she retorted, mouth already full.
“What does it do?” Panda asked.
“It lets me breathe under water,” she replied.
“I guess we’re going in after him,” I said.
“You don’t have a choice if you want to find Otto, I guess,” Panda remarked.
“Don’t worry, darling! Brock’ll fix it!”
Suddenly the purple balloon sleeve and gauntlet that took up my entire right arm grew a small tube that stretched towards my mouth, wriggling with a mind of its own.
“Eww, get that thing away from me!” I protested.
“It’s not what you think!!” Brock exclaimed. “I’m not that kind of balloon!!”
Bee put down a Bounceshroom from her new ability and launched herself up into the air and far out over the water.
“I’m not putting your weird appendage in my mouth,” I told Brock firmly and hopped on the mushroom as well.
Neither Isabella nor Tanner made any move to follow as we flew through the air, before striking the lake with a hard splash and sinking down into its cold murky water.
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Comments
Anxietato
Tftc!
Jeanean
Whistling causes Sloth Demons to go berserk... Why do I get the feeling that some time soon, someone is gonna whistle at a Sloth Demon in Loopshard?
the ice man
Brook is full of unlimited air to do that would make sense
