Kristoffer Pauly
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MADMAN APOCALYPSE - Book 3 - Chapter 23
🕑 Added 2025-07-14 00:09:29 +0000 UTC-Previous chapter-
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Three chapters coming up today, back to back. Next one will be available shortly.
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Chapter 23
Panda eventually convinced me to rescind my order for the Humanbus to fling us into a bottomless pit, but I was feeling pretty upset about losing a reward I had completely forgotten about until now.
Did that say something about me and the overabundance of rewards?
Possibly.
But after seeing what Bee had gotten from her trophy, it was hard not to feel like I’d been cheated.
[‘Fungal Fortress’ x ]
Ability
Compounding the strength of afflictions will eventually lead to something like a simple cold becoming a weapon of mass destruction.
I hope your friends got their booster shots.
Raise a fortress of poisonous and hallucinogenic mushrooms around you.
Afflictions are twice as effective while taking place within this area.
Cooldown: 1 hour
Duration: 5 minutes
Nothing about the Humanbus had changed after we’d completed the Safe Zone event, but when I approached the front where the brain took up the entire driver side on the left, a menu appeared. It was less crazy than the one for the mall had been but still had quite a lot of options and info.
[Safe Zone Terminal x ]
Owner: ‘Gambit’
Type: MOBILE
Selected Area: ‘Madeville Humanbus #1’
Player Occupants: 3
GAME Coins Inserted: 0
Overview — Monitor the status of the Safe Zone
Insert Coins — Transfer GAME Coins to the Safe Zone
Upgrade — Use GAME Coins to upgrade the Safe Zone
Transfer Ownership — Change Owner of the Safe Zone
Destroy — Initiate self-destruct sequence of the Safe Zone
I made the mistake of clicking ‘Overview’ and a dozen screens all popped up. It was the same stuff that I’d encountered with the mall terminal, with one screen dedicated to just listing every little smudge and dirt stain, along with counting the pieces of trash and litter inside the bus.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, the sheer amount of information was giving me a headache.
“Bee… Please take over,” I said.
She’d clearly been expecting this, since she stood right behind me, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet excitedly.
I clicked the button to transfer ownership to her.
[Ownership Transferal Confirmation Required]
You are about to transfer your Ownership of the Safe Zone:
‘Madeville Humanbus #1’
To Player:
‘Bee’
Do you wish to proceed?
YES — NO
I clicked ‘Yes’ without a second’s hesitation.
SAFE ZONE ALERT!
You are no longer the Owner of the Safe Zone: Madeville Humanbus #1
Method of Ownership Transferal: Abdication
New Owner: Bee
[OOOOH, THAT TICKLES!]
Bee made a happy little squeal and started swiping through unseen menus in the air.
“I need more Coins,” she immediately said.
I checked my inventory and realized I had 1228.01 on me now.
“How many do you need?” I asked her.
“5000,” she replied. “At least.”
“What!? Why??”
Panda hopped from my shoulder and onto hers.
“I see,” he muttered, able to observe the screens too. Then he pointed and said, “I think we should prioritize these for now.”
Bee nodded thoughtfully. “Then I just need 750 more Coins,” she said.
“That’s a lot less,” I commented.
“It just means we won’t get the private quarters, infinity pool, arcade center, Shiba Inu petting café, ritual chamber, Idol Meet-and-Greet, and horse track.”
I blinked. “What?”
“We’re getting the communal bath, Dust-and-Grime Destroyer 8k, bunk beds, marketplace, and dimensional extension,” she continued. “I still had my 3000 Coins from the last dimension, and with the extra I’ve been able to pick up since then, we can afford those at least.”
Panda nodded. “I think all those are good. Interestingly, since the Humanbus is alive, it can level up based on how many people use it, so we should try and pick up more passengers.”
I looked towards the back of the bus. There were maybe enough seats for forty people in total. “Will they be able to fit?” I asked.
“With the dimensional extension, the interior of the bus will expand to fit as many people as needed,” Bee answered.
[DO IT, CAPTAIN! UPGRADE ME!]
I handed her the 750 Game Coins, feeling like they were being put to good use.
“We also need to come up with a better name for the bus,” Bee continued.
[OH YUMMY, A REAL NAME!]
“Teddy, Lord of Buslandia,” Tina suggested.
“Me-ow!” Lordie shouted.
“That is wildly offensive,” I told the hand-spider. “I know you’re literally made of sin and what not, but there are some lines you just don’t cross, young man.”
“Meow…”
“Apology accepted.”
“Bee & Gambit’s Funbus,” Panda suggested.
I had to furiously swallow down the bile that rose in my throat.
“That’s a horrible suggestion,” Bee told him, not holding back in the slightest.
Panda looked down in shame.
[LOCO MOTION!] the Humanbus yelled.
“How about Route 666?” I asked.
“Too derivative,” Bee replied. “You’re all terrible at this.”
“Then you come up with a name!” Panda told her, his tone making it obvious he was still hurt about her comment.
“I’m bad with names,” she immediately replied.
“The Steadfast Steed of Destiny!” Nina exclaimed. As she spoke, Tina’s white feathers took on a sick greenish sheen.
“Meow!” Lordie suggested, but it was too horrible a string of words to even deign with a response.
“Brock has an idea,” my balloon sleeve said.
All of us paused to listen, and Brock let the silence stretch on for almost half a minute to build up tension.
“The Queenslander,” he then said.
I sighed.
“We’re getting nowhere with this,” I muttered.
“I’ll just pick something we can all be happy with,” Bee decided.
Then an announcement rolled through the bus.
SAFE ZONE ALERT!
The name of the Safe Zone has been updated.
New name: Greg, Lord of Buslandia and Destiny’s Destroyer of Queensland
Tina nodded appreciatively. “Perfect.”
“You change that this instant!” Brock squealed. “To wage war on Queensland, is to wage war on all that is good and pure!”
SAFE ZONE ALERT!
The name of the Safe Zone has been updated.
New name: Greg, Lord of Queensland
“Better?” she asked.
“Perfect,” Brock said.
Tina frowned, clearly about to argue, but then she spun around, looking directly towards Castleburg. “I have to defend my territory,” she announced. “Gambit, give me the Foie Gras.”
“What do I get in return?” I asked.
Tina handed me two Lucky Dice.
“Where did you get these!?” I asked her, surprised.
“Hurry,” she replied.
I handed her the Swan Foie Gras and took the Lucky Dice into my inventory, putting my total at four, which was one short of the five I needed for the Cheater’s Gloves that Shellby had shown me the schematic for.
[‘Cheater’s Gloves’ x ]
Schematic
A Wandering Smith’s schematic for the Legendary item ‘Cheater’s Gloves’.
Components required:
5x ‘Lucky Dice’
3000x ‘GAME Coins’
‘Fusion Gum’
‘High-quality gloves’
‘Deck of cards’
No sooner had I given Tina the Foie Gras than she consumed it and two wings immediately sprouted from her back.
“Greg, open a hole in the ceiling for me,” she demanded.
[YES, MA’AM!]
The moment the ceiling opened up, Tina flapped her wings once and took to the air, quickly flying off towards Castleburg and Serenity Park within.
I managed to appraise her just before she vanished into the horizon.
[Appraisal x ]
Level 2 — ‘Tina & Nina’ — Player
“The seven-headed Hydra Swan is the Herald of Chaos.”
Class: Hydra Swanling
Main Attribute(s): Strength & Vitality
WARNING!
This Player is suspected of being a System Hacker! Please report them to the nearest REPD Agent!
ERROR!
Cannot retrieve background information.
She knows when you’ll meet again.
This Player possesses the following Unique/Rare:
—Skills—
‘Magic 8 Ball’
She had the same unique skill from when I’d seen her in the last dimension, and I wondered just what exactly it did. Somehow, she was also considered a System Hacker in this dimension, and I got the feeling there was a lot more to her than we knew.
I shared the appraisal with Bee to get her opinion on it.
“Maybe some Absolute is responsible for the ‘Nina’ personality,” she said.
“That would explain how she’s able to know things she shouldn’t and have items like the Lucky Dice just like that,” Panda agreed. “One thing is for sure though, we haven’t seen the last of her yet.”
“I just hope she doesn’t kill Samantha and Camilla, now that I worked so hard to keep them alive,” I commented.
Bee finally bought the upgrades she’d talked about, and a blue glow rolled through the bus, extending the back by eight additional rows of seats and adding two closet-sized rooms in the middle of the bus. Both had closed doors.
A black round ball popped up from the floor in front of me, rapidly growing mouths all over and sprouting seven long triple-jointed bone legs. Tongues lolled out from the mouths on the ball, and then it started crawling along the floor, walls, and ceiling, licking everything.
“What the fuck is that?” I asked.
“The Dust-and-Grime Destroyer 8k,” Bee answered. “It’s like a Roomba.”
I frowned as I watched it work. “It’s not like a Roomba at all,” I replied. “What happened to the ones the mall Safe Zone had? Weren’t they available?”
“It’s probably just thematically appropriate,” Panda guessed.
“I’m suddenly worried about this ‘communal bath’,” I said. “Is it just a pit full of tongues??”
“I think it’s a normal bath,” Bee replied.
I sighed.
“Whatever, let’s just get going. We’ve got an otter to find.”
“We should stop by and pick up Chris and James first,” Panda said.
“Oh right, I forgot about those two, to be honest,” I replied.
“I thought Chris was supposed to be your best friend?” he jabbed.
I ignored him and went to investigate the two closet-sized rooms. When I opened the first door, it led directly into a Roman-styled bathhouse, with everything built from marble and hot steam wafting out.
“Okay, the bath is not a room full of tongues,” I announced.
I opened the other closet, and it led into a room with three bunkbeds. Hopefully it would expand as more people joined, otherwise we’d have to take turns sleeping.
Speaking of sleep, I was starting to feel pretty exhausted.
“You haven’t slept since the last dimension,” Panda pointed out, back on my shoulder again.
“I’ll take a nap after we pick up Chris and his brother,” I replied.
Bee put in the directions for Greg the Humanbus and off we went, our new mobile Safe Zone running through Madeville on its many legs.
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