Kristoffer Pauly
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MADMAN APOCALYPSE - Chapter -138
🕑 Added 2024-11-02 12:57:47 +0000 UTC-Previous chapter-
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Chapter -138
“Wait, is there a chance Arney the Tickler will be here?” I asked.
As though in response to my question, a loud infectious laughter filled the air.
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WARNING!
A Nightmare has locked onto your scent.
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“Shit, we’ve gotta go,” I told Chris.
The Backstabber was holding his mouth, while tears were streaming out of his eyes.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s… laughing,” Panda replied ominously.
“HAHAHA!!” Chris suddenly belted out.
I smacked him on the cheek with my left hand, which immediately broke him out of it.
“Get your shit together man.”
“Sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Might want to stuff some corn in his ears,” Panda suggested.
“Meow.”
“Lordie, seriously. Enough with the murder-hobo suggestions. Get back in your cage, you little maniac.”
“Me-ow…” the hand-spider complained, but he obliged nonetheless.
Before Panda could ask me to translate, I said, “He wants me to cut off Chris’ ears. He also wanted me to feed them to him.”
“What the hell.”
“Chris, do you have something that blocks out sound? Otherwise I’ll tear up my old pajamas and stuff them in your ears.”
“I’ve got… hahaha… I’ve got noise-cancelling headphones.”
“Put them on.”
“Inventory,” he said, before finding the headset, which appeared in his hands. He immediately put them on.
I inspected the item.
“Well that’s pretty convenient.”
“A bit contrived, don’t you think?” Panda muttered.
I tapped Chris on the shoulder and did the international hand gesture for “Follow me”.
He tilted his head slightly.
“Why are you doing a dolphin motion with your hand?” he shouted.
I pointed at him, then at myself, before holding my left hand flat and using my index and middle fingers to do a walking motion.
“Follow you?” he shouted.
I gave him an unenthusiastic thumbs-up.
“Maybe Lordie was right, after all,” I muttered, before picking a direction away from the source of the laughter and taking off.
While walking, I kept punching weakly in front of me using Brock. 3 seconds after every punch, a powerful blast of wind pushed away the cornstalks and created a path for us to follow, without allowing anything to easily sneak up on us.
“I wonder where Steve and Tina went,” Panda said.
“Let me see if I can spot them,” I replied, halting and doing a T with my hands to call a timeout for Chris.
Then I knelt down to trigger SPRING_HEEL, before shooting myself straight up into the air with a slight spin. Nothing but corn filled my view for as far as I could see, although there was a portion about two miles away where all the plants were decayed. It seemed a bad idea to go in that direction I thought.
As soon as I landed, I repeated the motions again, shooting high up while spinning slightly. This time I saw a large neon-green serpent about 300 yards in the direction we were already heading. Strangely, there were no sign of the many other sleepers that were supposed to still be alive in here.
More laughter filled the air and it felt like tiny needles were poked into my cheeks, triggering certain muscle groups and forcing me to smile.
Then a slow overly-enunciated voice flowed across the cornfield.
“TICKLE…”
“TICKLE…”
“TICKLE…”
Panda frowned, while I put on more speed, pulling Chris by the wrist since he quickly started lacking behind.
“I officially don’t like this,” Panda said.
“I don’t want to be tickled,” I muttered. “It’s my one true weakness.”
The laughter came even closer, so I threw caution to the wind, picked up Chris in a princess hold, and then leapt towards Tina and Steve.
As I was about to fall back down towards the cornfield, I brought out the sentient longboard. Its wheels struck the tops of the cornstalks, but just kept going forward, as though they were load-bearing structures.
“You should activate your Rules of Anarchy,” Panda told me.
“Which one?”
“Well, you have either ‘Fuck Gravity’ or ‘Fall Guy’ left, so I figure we give the latter one a try.”
“I guess so. Rules of Anarchy(Fall Guy).”
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Rules of Anarchy Activated!
Passive Selected: Fall Guy
Description:
A perfect copy of you will take all the blame and seek out the foes hunting you. Anyone who kills the Fall Guy will believe they have killed you.
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A ‘perfect’ copy of me appeared, holding a mannequin doll with a dirty-blond wig in its arms, which I guessed was supposed to resemble Chris, and he also had a small koala plushie on his shoulder. His appearance was close to mine, but his eyes were entirely black and he had a small mustache. He was standing atop a surfboard that operated identically to my longboard, although I had no idea how.
“¡Hola compadre! Soy Gambiño el idiota! Estoy tu Fall Guy!”
With those words, he took off in the opposite direction we were heading. It seemed like he was aiming directly towards the laughing Nightmare tracking my scent. Chris’ eyes were wide in confusion, as he watched my copy surf off into the distance.
“That is not what I expected to happen at all…” Panda muttered.
“Seriously, what’s with these weirdly-racist Mexican copies of me!?”
“I think it’s time to face the facts,” Panda said, seriously. “You really are of Mexican descent.”
“Look!” Chris shouted and pointed ahead of us.
There was a clearing of cut-down cornstalks, in the center of which stood a single wooden door. Tina and Steve stood in front of it, and around them were a bunch of torn-apart scarecrows.
I hopped down from the top of the cornstalks and landed next to them, immediately startling Steve.
“There you are,” Tina said, as though she’d known we’d come.
“Are you guys okay!?” Chris shouted.
I put him down and gestured for him to take his headphones off. When he failed to grasp my meaning, I yanked them off myself.
“I think your Fall Guy worked,” Panda said. “I don’t hear anymore la—”
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Rules of Anarchy Deactivated!
Passive Deselected: Fall Guy
Description:
A perfect copy of you will take all the blame and seek out the foes hunting you.
Cause:
Your Fall Guy was killed.
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“You just had to jinx it!” I complained.
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WARNING!
A Nightmare has locked onto your scent.
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“Is that door a way out!? Cause we’ve gotta go!”
Tina pulled on the handle of the wooden door and it swung open to reveal an island in the middle of a great lake. Steve immediately when through and I was right behind him. Chris and Tina followed last.
As I stepped through, my feet sunk down into muddy earth and heavy rain fell on my head. Nearby was the shore to the lake and there was a rickety wooden pier with an upturned rowboat next to it. The door vanished as soon as Tina came through it.
Away from the shore was a small forest of dense trees and in the distance was a tall white-painted lighthouse.
“There’s something coming from the water!” Steve exclaimed, pointing near the pier.
Sure enough, a head was slowly raising itself out of the dark lake and drawing nearer to the shore. It was a putrefied body wearing a ski mask.
At the same time, small baby-sized hands appeared mid-air and began to pull open a hole that showed the cornfields we’d just left. As I stepped back, I couldn’t help but look through the hole being formed. I saw a tiny red-skinned face with yellow-glowing eyes and teeth, which was twisted into a head-splitting grin and from which grew a body with hundreds of arms adorned with tiny baby hands.
“TICKLE…”
Chris burst out laughing and I immediately picked him up, slapping the headphones back over his ears.
“Run to the lighthouse!” Panda yelled and we all immediately took off.
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