Kristoffer Pauly
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MADMAN APOCALYPSE - Chapter -123
🕑 Added 2024-10-02 15:51:38 +0000 UTC-Previous chapter-
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This chapter is over 3k words, so it took a while to write and edit, but I hope it was worth the wait.
I'm currently in the middle of a school project and have an influenza, so I'm working a bit slower than usual. Sorry about that.
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Chapter -123
I stopped in front of the conflagration, waiting for the Mayor to come out, while blowing air into Brock. Lordie took this as his cue to disappear into the Transport Cage.
“A big one’s coming, Gamby!!”
“Stop making it weird,” I grunted.
When the fingers of the balloon gauntlet were fully bloated, I lowered the purple gummy trident slightly, preparing to ram it straight into Noah’s fucked-up monstrous face.
A black silhouette appeared in the fire, materializing into a naked Ken-doll-looking man. All his clothes and body hair were burnt off as he stepped out of the flames. His skin was unscathed and his face was back to normal, although his eyes were pitch-black, even the sclera.
“Hi there, let’s go take down some Dungeons together!” he said in a confident deep voice. He looked like a total musclehead, nothing at all like the pathetic man I’d stabbed in his expensive mansion.
Bee shared the appraisal of him.
I spat on the ground. “Natural-born leader, my ass-crack!”
“Is this supposed to be what a disguised appraisal looks like?” Panda wondered. “It’s pretty obvious if they keep repeating the word ‘human’ in the least natural way possible…”
“We know you’re not human ‘Noah’!” I told the Skinstealer, before pulling out the Conspiracy Whistle and blowing into it.
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Player ‘Gambit’ has activated a Conspiracy Whistle.
You have received +10% Insanity!
---
“Stop that,” Noah said, annoyed.
“Make me, bitch,” I taunted, blowing it again.
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You have received +10% Insanity!
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“This won’t affect me, right?” Bee asked.
“Stop it!” Noah repeated.
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You have received +10% Insanity!
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“I will kill you, you little shit!”
“I already called dips on killing you first!” I yelled back, lowering the whistle. “Also, why isn’t this working? He’s still clearly in his human disguise!”
Noah roared and charged at me.
“Fuck it,” I muttered, clenching my fist to trigger the Sea Urchin Ring and lowering myself down into a crouch before springing forward, trident-first.
The combination of the fully-charged Soul Blade, my pumped-up gauntlet, the ring, and my Spring Heel came together to create a blinding spear of light that overpowered the bloom of the gasoline fire.
When it struck, the impact was enough to create a powerful wind that extinguished the gas station fire and blew away the ashy corpses of Noah’s former crew. The shockwave also shattered all the windows in a cone outwards from me and pushed away the nearby trucks. The Skinstealer was sent flying into the side of the building hard enough to go straight through the metal and concrete wall.
“Did that kill him?” Bee asked. “That looked like a lot of damage.”
“It wasn’t as strong as my last Pow Punch,” I muttered, disappointed.
“It was a lot of damage,” Panda confirmed.
“The fact that the pavement is still here says otherwise,” I complained.
The crunch and crumble of broken concrete came from the gas station. I began striding towards it, but only made it a few steps before Noah crawled out of the opening in the wall that his body had created.
“That really hurt.”
The voice was completely different from the one he’d used moments before. It was warbly and extremely high-pitched, like a dolphin’s shriek. The Skinstealer wasn’t even pretending to be human anymore.
“You broke my vessel. That’s not very nice.”
As Not-Noah raised himself to his full height, I noticed how his skin had massive tears in it, as though it was a piece of fabric that’d been worn thin. Underneath the torn skin was a roiling black mass.
“I will have to take yours instead. That’s only fair, right?”
Noah’s skill started to tear itself open around his head, as two clawed arms pushed their way out from within.
“Beetle Brawler Bomber!” Bee exclaimed, before following it up with “Bomb!” twice, sending off the spectral fists to strike against the Skinstealer before it could fully shed its old skin.
“Stop that! Can’t you let me finish!?” the monster yelled in outrage, its old skin now full of holes.
“It’s somehow worse that it’s talking,” Panda commented.
Following Bee’s example, I started warming up for Pow Punch by shadowboxing the air in front of me as fast as I could. I wouldn’t have my ring available for this, but I figured that I could still deal enough damage to kill this thing if I just racked up enough punches.
The last tatters of Noah’s youthful skin plopped to the ground next to the burnt-out gas pumps, as the Skinstealer’s true visage became visible.
It unfurled its droopy body, reaching a height of nine or ten feet, though it was mostly thanks to its long neck. There was no head attached at the top, just three mouths with pale-grey tongues flopping out. It had two T-Rex like arms with three claws each and three feet that looked like they were stolen from an elephant. Its entire body was charcoal black, but its skin was sagging everywhere, kind of like a kid wearing an XXL sweater and pushing up the sleeves just so he could use his hands.
“Beetle-Moth Sting!” Bee exclaimed, shooting a jet of acid at the boss.
“Ouch! Stop that!”
She backpedaled quickly and not a second too late, as one of the short arms snapped forward like a whip, producing a loud crack and tearing a gouge in the ground.
I launched myself forward, while Bee fired off her Sting two more times, trying to rack up both the venom and the Fiendblood Sickness inherent in her wand.
“Blam!!” Brock squealed, as I sunk my right fist into the creature’s saggy knee.
One of its tongues flicked towards me and I dodgerolled through its entire body.
Just then, Bee shared the appraisal:
Panda read the text aloud for me, while I nudged the box into the corner of my vision. The more he read, the less I wanted to be close to the creature.
“Stop moving!” yelled the Bodysnatcher.
“Fuck no!” I replied, ducking under an awkward kick from one of its elephant feet, while taking every opportunity to punch it that I could.
“You’re close to sixty punches, Gambit,” Panda told me.
“Hey, not fair!” exclaimed the Monstrosity, before doing something I had never expected.
As I side-stepped a double swipe at my head from its elastic arms, one of them dug its claws into Panda, pulling him off of my shoulder.
“Mine now!” it said gleefully, while beginning to aggressively lick the plushie with all three of its tongues.
“Argh! Gross! Stop that! I’ll file a complaint with HR!”
“You taste good!”
“Hold on!” I told Panda, before dodgerolling backwards and settling down into a crouch.
Brock was only about thirty percent filled with air, but I was acting out of desperation.
I shot myself forward and up at the bosses long headless neck, while swinging my gauntlet forward.
“Here it comes!” Brock squealed.
“Pow!” I yelled as I struck.
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ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)!
Number of Punches recorded in fight: 61
Calculating 61 to the power of Punch
…
Calculations complete!
---
It felt like my arm turned into a cannon, as heat and energy fired out from the tip of my balloon gauntlet, tearing a big hole into the Bodysnatcher’s neck and deleting two of the three mouths from existence.
In response to the damage, the Monstrosity yowled in pain and outrage, dropping Panda to the ground.
No sooner had he landed on the pavement than Bee swooped by to pick him up, fluttering her wings to quickly spin around the boss, while clutching Panda to her chest tightly. The blue ethereal fists manifested in the air around her and she began pummeling the undulating Bodysnatcher with them, giving him not even a second of reprieve.
I joined in as well, using minimally-charged crouches to give each of my punches double damage, while absolutely going to town.
The Monstrosity’s voice changed and warped, until becoming nothing but a single high-pitched whine.
Then suddenly it went silent, reduced to nothing but black droopy mush splattered on the ground between us.
Bee lowered herself down to the ground as a red wisp materialized above the Bodysnatcher’s corpse.
“That took all my Mana,” she said with a satisfied sigh.
“You really gave it to him,” I praised her, surprised by her show of fury.
“He violated Panda!” she replied defensively.
“It was very traumatic…” the plushie added.
“I had no idea that a Boss could even touch you,” I remarked.
“Me neither…”
“We should definitely be worried about that, right?”
“They can’t actually hurt me,” Panda said with a level of confidence hinting at the fact that he knew something we didn’t.
“How are you so sure?” Bee rightly asked.
“Enough about me!” he retorted, clearly wanting to change the subject. “What about you, Gambit? How do you feel now that the Mayor is dead?”
I looked down at the pile of black mush.
“He’s been dead for a long time. That wasn’t the Mayor.”
On some deep level, I’d known that he wouldn’t be the same person I had sworn vengeance against. The Great Game had shown, time and again, that they were okay messing with the reality of things, and they certainly had a thing for antagonizing me. The moment they knew I was a menace, they’d likely prepared the Mayor to trap me.
I let out a long sigh. “Maybe it’s time to put it behind me at last.”
“Yes!” Panda exclaimed triumphantly.
“I’ll set my sights higher.”
“Wait no, stop.”
“I’ll go after the Agencies, one-by-one, until none are left! Until the Great Game is forced to shut down!”
“I was really hoping you’d decide to use your power to save what’s left of humanity. But it’s like you can’t function without some higher power or authority to go after…”
“Everyone needs a hobby, Panda.”
He sighed in defeat, still held within Bee’s arms.
“Fine, I suppose this is slightly better than obsessing about the Mayor and anyone else who hurt you in the past.”
Bee started walking towards the wisp hovering in the pile of black mush and I was looking forward to seeing what it dropped.
She froze just as her hand reached out to it, a red glimmer visible in her Nerdy Spectacles.
“It’s still—”
A crimson arm wielding a greatsword slashed out from the middle of the pile, shearing through Bee’s right shoulder and both of the wings on that side of her body.
The wisp had been a trap!
I reacted faster than I knew was possible, springing forward to grab her and push her out of harm’s way, just as a slash followed the first strike. We tumbled across the ground, hitting one of the charred pumps and coming to an abrupt halt.
Meanwhile, a large red clawed gauntlet reached out from within the Leftovers Wisp, attached to a double-jointed arm covered in segmented plates. The right one holding the greatsword also grew a little, but was still shorter overall. Two long armored legs sprouted from beneath the wisp and, as they extended themselves, it rose up into the air, taller than the Bodysnatcher had been. Lastly followed a head, although it was really just a floating square mask with a halo of red thorns hovering above it.
“Drink the Tincture!” Panda yelled to Bee, who was rapidly losing blood and consciousness. Her entire right side was one open wound, her organs and ribcage exposed where the sword had carved through her.
At the sight, my mind became a jumble of anxiety and fear.
A vial of honey-colored liquid appeared in her left hand, but she was too weak to lift it to her lips. Panda immediately took it from her and snapped off the end, before hopping onto her remaining shoulder and pouring its contents into her mouth.
“What are you waiting around for!” he yelled at me without turning. “Go kill it! That’s all you’re good for after all!”
Bee’s glasses reflected the crimson figure with a Leftover Wisp for a torso, but her vacant stare just gazed into the dark sky behind it.
As I stood back up, the self-cleaning function of my Unicorn Suit was getting rid of all her blood which covered me. I saw how her shoulder joint and right arm still lay at the foot of the new monster, and felt my gorge rising.
Just then, she shared the appraisal with me, despite the signs of her Tincture of Full Healing not yet kicking in.
It turned out that Panda had been right, the Flayed Queen was not to be messed with.
I raised a middle finger at it.
“.unicorn( )!”
“You tell ‘im, Gamby!!” Brock hooted.
A portal appeared next to the mask of the Red Pawn. The hind and tail of a unicorn appeared, before releasing a loud reverbing fart that created a cloud of rainbow gas.
Then it disappeared as suddenly as it had arrived.
“Well, shit.”
I had one other idea for how to deal a lot of damage to it, but if it failed, then we were probably fucked.
“Use the Droplet to distract it!” Panda yelled.
“The Droplet?” I asked for a second, before realizing what he meant.
The Spawn was not allowing me a second to breathe though, as it immediately swung the greatsword down at me. I dodgerolled to the side, hoping it would ignore Bee.
A slash followed and I was forced to roll again, but it was clearly targeting me specifically.
I used Spring Heel to create some distance, but the Red Pawn, eager to chop me in two like it’d done to Bee, hopped with me. Its armored feet scraped the pavement loudly as it landed, releasing sparks and chunks of asphalt. Then it swung again and all I could do was dodge.
While I rolled through its attack, I opened my inventory and pulled out the Queen’s Droplet.
As soon as I came back onto my feet, the Red Pawn stood frozen, staring at the object in my hand.
“Oh, you want this, huh?”
I pulled out another item from my inventory, one of the two Lucky Dice I possessed. It arrived in the palm of my hand as a pair of dice and both were made of warm reflective-black stone with a golden clover on each face. I tossed the dice while raising the droplet that the Red Pawn was still very much focused on.
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LUCKY DICE ROLLED!
Your next luck-based Encounter, Skill, or Loot Drop has been tweaked heavily in your favor.
---
The Droplet itself was actually held in a glass cylinder that had no obvious way to open it. It was probably for the best, since direct exposure to the blood of the Flayed Queen would literally make me her slave…
I pulled back my right arm holding the cylinder, before yeeting it straight into the air.
The Red Pawn followed it as it flew up, ignoring my presence completely.
After lowering myself down into a crouch, I sprung forward and swung my fist into its mask.
“Punch.spinTheWheel( )!”
The golden wheel came down from out of nowhere. Unlike every other time before, this time the different triangle segments were all green.
*Sigh*
We’re back. Don’t get your hopes up though, this isn’t your regular spin of the wheel…
‘Gambit’, that son of a gun, has used a Lucky Dice to rig this game of chance in his favor.
*Audience booing*
Yep, it sucks.
So let’s just get it over with.
For this Lucky spin only, here are the options:
10000x Damage
Atomic Annihilation
Wet Willy
A Visit From Skippy
Cosmic Deletion
Stop Punching Yourself
Alright, chop-chop, say the magic phrase and let’s get this over with!
*Audience cheering*
“Hey, Mammon, I actually had a new question,” I started.
No. We’re not doing this.
Immediately the wheel began to spin on its own.
“Oi! I didn’t even say the phrase!” I protested, but I suddenly felt my mouth get zipped shut by the Greedling’s magic.
The result is ‘A Visit From Skippy’!
Well, at least it landed on a fun one.
I’m not going to spoil what happens. Just keep watching.
The golden wheel was quickly pulled up and away, before time resumed as normal. I was flung back as a massive black pond appeared below the Red Pawn, who was still looking up into the air at the droplet I’d tossed away.
I landed on my ass and skidded a few feet.
Suddenly and without warning, a massive whale-shark-like creature came out of the black pond and snapped its jaws shut around the Spawn of the Flayed Queen, before pulling it away and down into the black pond.
Even after the Red Pawn disappeared and an orange Leftover Wisp blossomed to life above the black water, the pond didn’t go away. Ten seconds after the wisp appeared, the Droplet fell back down to the ground and into the dark waters, no doubt lost forever.
Bee came over to my side, helping me back to my feet.
I looked her up-and-down, but she seemed back to full.
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
She nodded. “The All-Mother promised me that she will wage eternal war on the Flayed Queen.”
“That’s, eh, something?”
“Before either of you think about it,” Panda started. “Don’t touch that water in the black pond.”
“Who is ‘Skippy’?”
“A different Absolute’s Spawn… It’s definitely a bad sign that so many of them have shown up this early.”
“I’ll grab the Leftovers,” Bee announced, lifting off the ground with her regenerated wings and being careful to not touch the pond, while she lowered herself down to grab the contents of the wisp.
For a brief second, I anticipated another trap, but this time it disappeared as soon as she looted it.
When she returned, she was grinning from ear-to-ear.
“Look:”
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Leftovers of Absolute’s Spawn ‘Red Pawn’:
2000x ‘GAME Coins’
'Safe Zone Sphere'
‘Bodysnatcher’s Tongue’
‘Red Pawn’s Mask’
‘Halo of Thorns’
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Phew what a doozy, huh?
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