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Idea Orphanage
🕑 Added 2025-04-08 11:34:39 +0000 UTCSome half-formed ideas we had last month, didnt use.
Like anything here? Feel free to adopt it, say it was yours all along.
ooo yeah, sexy bread, who wants a slice of meeee?
Well you aren’t really bread, are you?
What are you talking about?
You’re like 90 percent not bread. You have bread for a face and a human body.
Hey! My bread’s up here, pervy.
The victims’ guild goes on strike. Crime grinds to a halt.
Ambulatory mushrooms attack!
The fungi are defeated but the spores are incredibly psychedelic.
The party can see their own character sheets.
I was raised by wolves, my sister was raised by deer, my brother was raised by the Johnsons.
My parents were brood parasites.
Stars glow like cigarettes of gods on their breaks.
Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde but instead of drinking a serum to turn into a terrible person, Jekyll just watches too much youtube.
Choc cock?
Chocolate on your cock?
Attract ants?
Why would I want to attract ants?
Cloud casts ‘lightning bolt’ so it’s a level 5 wizard at least.
Oh no! A talent vampire has stolen my musical ability!
There’s no such thing as talent vampires.
Aw, then I just suck.
Kitchener Real Estate
We’ll sell you a small property with good invasion prospects.
The neighbours are weak and wont be able to stop you from seizing that whole barbecue area.
Fence it off, wait for them to leave for a weekend then it’s time to take the pool.
Gandalf- the task is difficult and you, little hobbit, are massively underqualified.
Frodo- Nah, I’m gonna smash this. I can eat a kilo of butter at once!
Gandalf- Exactly! That attitude is why I picked you for this arduous and dangerous task.
Frodo- Prestigious, though, right?
Gandalf- Oh yeah. Total award bait.
Frodo- Sweet. I’ll continue not preparing, wake me when it’s time to go.
Jesus and Spartacus are crucifiction buddies, even though Spartacus thinks Jesus is soft on crime and Jesus doesn't really want to talk about MMA.
cursed blessed items.
-Boots of leaping and blisters
-Girdle of Great in bed, always have a headache
-Potion of knowing who secretly fancies you
Why is that a curse?
Nobody secretly fancies you.
Rarrarrarr! Sexy beast man!
Striking poses in the dungeon, glistening in the torchlight, growling sensually.
I’ve gone up a level just from looking at him.
Gust of wind seeks Marilyn impersonator.
”It’s a common misconception that your nails keep growing after you die” says undead beautician. “Make sure you get them right first go”
I got you a hat with a tassel!
Today you graduate from the school of haven’t-fucked-me.
Giant dung beetle keeps trying to roll me away.
Fuck you, giant dung beetle.
Mountain- grind me hard you sexy glacier
Glacier- whoah, what’s the rush?
You’ll be so warm under the cumblanket you’ll hardly even mind the cum.
We built a sky scraper.
A giant blade, fixed to the ground up in the mountains. It slices strips off the sky as it rolls past.
The freshly-cut sky is soft and rubbery but hardens slowly into a translucent, incredibly strong material.
Our city rises like nothing the world has seen . Stunning crystal spires, arches, roads, bridges, sculptures
The mountains are full of scrapers now, demand for the sky-flesh is huge.
There’s a line visible all across the sky- dark in the day, bright at night.
The seers say we need to slow our sky-mining or the whole of heaven will be sliced in two.
Ffft.
Seers.
If they want respect they shouldn't dress so creepy.
Humans have the preconception that goblins are colossal sluts, so we’re here today to fight that
... we don't have that preconception
Shit. Okay, get naked and we’ll fuck the preconception into you.
We came with a battering ram, not realising doors open at 7
Wanna see something disgusting?
No.
Me neither! Turn the lights out and let’s fuck.
I didn’t realise I'd even been nominated for ‘weirdest sex noises’ til I got the trophy.
I would never have brought the frostblade if I knew we were fighting butter monsters.
You can train dogs to kiss each other but it never really feels romantic.
Ikea-equivalent evil furniture workshop has been getting its products into homes for decades.
The day of vengeance comes, the sorcerer gives the signal!
Chairs tables and hat racks spring to life and attack!
They're flimsily made though so the uprising gets shut down real fast.
Comments
JourneymanWizard
Oh, the cursed potion of secret fancies So excellently evil Going in the bard's tip hat next time they need the ego boost >:)
Trudy & Doug
Hey Cris, we probably won't do book-plates again at scale, but we're happy to do secret short runs. We can sign and sketch the book-plate stickers and send them to you in a thrift-store greetings card. You can assemble it all at home. ...that goes to anyone else reading this, actually- we'll do a sketch / sign / send day after the next book comes out, if you want a book-plate to stick in there, let us know.
Cris C
tried reaching out on twitter in the past with no luck, but I originally bought book1 when there was a bookplate option damn near a decade ago I believe. now that you have three(!) more books available I'd love to purchase them, if a bookplate can be included. I chose ice queen for the first book, I love it. if there's a way to contact direct or go through topatoco somehow, please let me know. would be willing to wait for book 5 launch if necessary to buy all at once. thx!
