Skull-Tears
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LITTLE TOY | CHAPTER 1 - MEETING
🕑 Added 2020-10-15 16:00:50 +0000 UTCBefore reading it, I'm going to explain what it is. I'm going to write a full " story ", divided in chapters, related to my sexual abuse in an abstract way, to vent about it, and to also give the message that the internet isn't a safe place, you shouldn't talk to everyone, and that if something seems off, talk to someone you trust.
This " story " will contain: sexual assault, grooming, psychological r*pe, manipulation, abuse, self-harm, attempt to suicide, and anorexia.
If you don't feel comfortable with these topics, I advise you to don't read this story.
Since this is a personal experience, I hope to don't see rude comments or blaming it. Thank you.
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P.o.v. – Little sam, age 10
“ Why can't others see what I can see?
Why everytime I try to approach them, they move away from me? “,
these questions are everyday inside my head. I don't understand, I see my “ friends “, why others can't? Why people call me “ crazy “? What does that mean?
These “ friends “ are the only ones that give me company, so why am I “crazy”, if someone is close to me? Even if I can't touch them, I can feel their presence, I can feel when they hug me, when they take my hand!
When it happens, I see a different world, I hear music, I feel “ happy “.
Then why everyone find it strange? Isn't it normal to be loved?
I search that, but maybe, what I feel, it's not normal.
Mom can't see me again today, same at school. I just study, but suddently my classmates see me to scream at me insults. It's break time, I just sit under the coat handers, drawing or talking to my “friends”.
I'm closed inside a soap balloon, where only me and them can hear eachother. The rest, doesn't exist.
My close friend is Sonic, he makes me feel pretty okay... his spirit, his desire to run and never stop to do it, it amaze me, I can see myself in him.
I have the desire to run too, to run away, to run, run very much, how he does. Away from there. I don't know why, but I want to go away with him, hand in hand.
Is this the feeling of “ liberty “? At the only thought to escape, I feel free, nothing that ties me, the nature hugs me, like a big tree, with his roots, receives me and then lulls me.
I don't want to hide that, I think Sonic is pretty cute and I always feel strange emotions when I'm with him, I feel comfortable and at home with him. What does that mean? Is that strange? I don't know, maybe I will talk about it to him.
My brother returned from the hospital from a bit and he has a “computer”. What is it? I try to ask to him if he can explain, if I can use it, but he declines. But at the end, I did it! I can use it! I start to explore this object, and slowly, I'm starting to learn what it is.
“ Internet “, let's see. I can search what I want! This is really fun!
I see a blue icon, “ Facebook “, I heard it from my classmates! Maybe, if I do an account, they will start to talk to me!
...I was wrong. It doesn't work. They take fun of me of what I post, they say again I'm “ crazy “. I don't understand, is it really “ crazy “ to post and talk about what you like and feel connected to it?
I'm starting to feel disorientated, I feel like I don't exist. Neither at home, neither at school, it's like nobody can see me, like my “ friends “...
Maybe, in reality, I belong to where my friends are and not there. Maybe, this is the reason people stay away from me.
I feel like all the world looks me in a bad way, but sees me only when I do some errors. I receive rocks all the time, that slowly, it's making me bleed, from everywhere. I fall on my blood puddle of choking. I can't breath, I don't have oxygen. The oxygen of existence.
Oh! A group about Sonic! People post about their characters, I have one too!!
Then, I'm not the only one that likes it, other people do too! Maybe, I can start to talk to other people!
But... I posted some drawings and people take fun of me there. But... a person, defends me, he gives attention to my work. He started to talk to me in private and wow... He really acts like Sonic! It's like, talking for real with the real Sonic!
Well, his name starts with the S too!
Maybe... is this a sign? Maybe, my research of escaping and feel liberty, it's becoming truth. Maybe, Sonic listened my desires and he wants to help me. Maybe, he exists for real.
My heart beats like an insane! He really acts like Sonic! It means that Sonic listened to my desires!!
I never felt that...Good!
We talk everyday, we roleplay, his OC acts in a weird way, he is always close to mine... Well, I appreciate it!
He searches me, he likes to talk to me, he says that I exist. I never felt like that.
Chat
S-“ A question, how old are you? Just for curiosity ewe “
- “ I'm 10! .O. I'm really young qwq and you? “
- “ 16 uwu, young but beautiful “.
Wow, he is older! Maybe I'm older too, maybe I'm mature! How is he interested in me, since I'm that young? It doesn't matter, it makes me feel happy!
He is making me discovering a lot of stuff, I just want to stay with σιμόνη.
I started to make drawings for him, he likes them! I also started to draw us together, he likes them too... Maybe, we can get even closer.
I hope he really wants to stay close to me and sees me for real.
I hope this isn't a dream, neither a nigtmare.
I'm the only one who knows to who I'm talking,
this isn't a wrong thing, right?
Nobody is evil, I think.
