Kelly McCullough
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Whispering Blade Chapter 12
🕑 Added 2023-12-01 13:00:03 +0000 UTC#12#
I am a story written in skin with ink distilled from the crushed seeds of choice and incident. In and of itself there is nothing about this that makes my tale different from a thousand and one of my fellows. It is only when you start to look at the specifics that you arrive in the moment where a man whose familiar is a god tells you that you are no longer human.
"What does that even mean?" I asked.
Udar smiled and shrugged. "Ultimately, the only one who can answer that question is you. We are, all of us, unique in some way, but for most of humanity it is the difference between snowflakes—tiny quirks of feature or personality. For you it is the difference between a snowflake and a spatter of blackest ink, just as for me it is the difference between snowflake and a pebble." He held out his left hand then and it assumed the color and patterning of granite.
I snorted. "Are you saying that I can become a thing of shadow?"
"Yes? No? Maybe? What I am saying is that you are something that has never existed in this world before, a hybrid of flesh and shadow. I can make guesses about what that might mean in terms of added powers or weaknesses that you may now possess, some more likely than others, but it's all speculation. If you want to understand what you are now and what you can do, you will have to do the long, hard, and often lonely work of hypothesis and experiment."
"That sounds like it will take a lot of time I don't have to spend."
He lifted an eyebrow. "Think of it rather as time you can't afford not to spend, and you will be closer to the truth." Lifting an obsidian lancet from the table he drove the blade hard against his granite-shaded palm where it shattered. "If I had known how to do that in the days when my people yet lived, I would not have collected this scar." He touched a place over his heart. "I might have been there to save them, instead of spending hundreds of years encysted in stone and slowly healing."
"Or," said Vak, "you might have died with them."
Udar nodded. "That's possible, likely even. But, I can never know one way or the other. When you and I bonded, I became something more than human, or, perhaps, less. If I had taken the time to explore what that meant, the world might be a very different place."
He turned back to me. "You are a singularity in the human experience now, alone in a way few ever are. What you choose to do about that is entirely up to you, but if you would learn from my mistakes, you will spend the time and effort to find out what that means before you venture too deep into the land of might-have-beens."
He has a point, Aral.
I know he does. I just don't have the time to take it today.
Triss didn't say anything more, but I felt his exasperated sigh all the way to the deeps of my soul. "Udar, thank you. I will try to make good use of your advice, and sooner rather than later." He looked skeptical at that, and I couldn't blame him. "I do have several matters to wrap up first, but once I have those settled, where do I start?"
"Meditation, discussion, experimentation. You need to look inward for inspiration. What does it feel like you might be able to do? Because it is a power of shadow, you will need to look inward both from this realm and the Everdark. Listen to your intuition and let it guide you. But listen to others, too. Triss is of the shadow but may be too close to see you properly. What does Ssithra think? Kyrissa? Yness, who is new to our world and has only seen you as you are now? Siri can help, of course, and Faran. Speak with Harad and Shanglun, Kayla Darkvelyn and Ashkent Kelreven. You have more resources than most. Use them."
I nodded. "Is that all you've got for me? Do I pass the test?"
"For the moment. We will help you along your way. Is it your intent to go after the pack-train with the swords?"
"Yes, and the sooner we leave, the better."
"All right. I can provide you with supplies, transportation as far as the edge of our lands, and clothing, though as Vak said, that last will take a few hours. I can also get you a map with the present location of all the swords not in the possession of your order, though how long they will remain where they are at the moment, I can't say."
"Thank you, that's far more than we know about them and it will put both the order, and me personally, deeply in your debt."
Udar inclined his head ever so slightly as if to say it wasn't worth mentioning. "Oh, and I can do one thing more for you, if you wish it."
"What's that?" I asked.
Udar paused and his eyes went far away. After a moment, he nodded. "The girl is in the baths while the traitor waits in his room. Would you like him to remain there?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I know about the deal you made with him, and that you intend to maintain your part of the bargain. I understand that, but I also know what sort of man he is. Your pledge was that you would help him recover his swords. It does not require you to travel with a scorpion in your pack. If you wish it, I can keep him confined here, harmless and powerless, while you collect the blades on your own."
"I like it," said Faran. "Assuming, that is, that Aral continues to want him alive. But he would be very hard to contain. He has learned to shift through shadows."
"Like you did that first night after you arrived?" Udar smiled. "I've seen that trick. Why don't you try it now?"
Faran's expression tightened and her eyes went momentarily out of focus as she stepped forward. Other than that, nothing happened. "How are you doing that?"
He shook his head. "I think I'll keep that to myself for the moment. So…" he looked at me again. "Do you want me to keep the traitor here? It doesn't just have to be for the moment either, I can hold him here indefinitely."
Aral?
Thinking about it. I certainly wanted to do it. Devin had given me plenty of reasons to believe his loyalty to me personally was now something bordering on absolute almost to the point of being a sickness. But he had felt the same way about the order once, and later to Kelos. He wasn't exactly a model of stability or sanity. Imprisoning him would be both safer and easier than bringing him along or killing him. It would relieve me of the responsibility of deciding Devin's fate, potentially indefinitely, and that was beyond tempting.
Finally, I sighed. "No. As much as I appreciate the offer, I think it would betray the spirit of my bargain with Devin, even if it adhered to the letter. Devin's betrayals don't give me license to betray him in turn. I will take him with me, and when our bargain is finished I will either kill him or we will come to new terms."
Faran snorted. "Why am I not surprised?"
"Because you know me better than anyone but Triss?"
"Point."
Udar's expression didn't shift by so much as a hair's breadth at my answer or during the exchange that followed, but I thought that I sensed the faintest hint of approval in the deeps of his eyes, and I wondered if that had been another test. Probably. But of what and why, I might never know.
With that decision made, I found myself suddenly restless. "How soon can we be on the road?" I asked Udar.
"Perhaps an hour, perhaps three. Vak?"
"Closer to that latter. I have arranged for the clothing, but it will take some little time for me to get it here intact. Why don't we get that map set up while we wait."
And so we did that. The bulk of the missing swords were in three locations, the sixty-six in the pack train, the hundred and fifty in the vaults below Heaven's Reach, and nearly a score with the renegade Blades headquartered in the vast temple complex that housed those vaults. Much to my surprise, there were nearly two score more scattered about the eleven kingdoms. A few were held as trophies, others had been taken for use by various individuals, and the rest were with renegade Blades working the will of the current Son of Heaven.
That burned my heart. "I didn't realize so many had gone over with Kelos and Devin."
"And whose fault is that?" Faran's voice was low and bitter.
"The choice of the traitors?" I raised an eyebrow."Or that we didn't know how many there were?"
"The latter. Devin should have told us their numbers. He was their leader for a bit."
"I'm sure he'd have told us if we'd bothered to ask. That we didn't is my fault. I ought to have thought of it before now. Siri would have if she were here, which is one reason why she was a better First Blade than I could ever be."
But Faran shook her head. "Don't take that on yourself. It didn't occur to me either, and they tried to pin that job on me, when you ducked out this last time. And, it's not just us. Neither Triss nor Ssithra asked either, and I'm not so sure Siri would have gotten there either. We—all of us who survived the fall—have a great big bloody hole in our hearts on that particular subject and plenty of training in putting aside pain in service of the mission. It wouldn't surprise me if that doesn't add up to a blind spot in all of our vision where it comes to the traitors. Thinking about them simply hurts too much for any of us to do it unless we're absolutely forced to it."
I wasn't entirely convinced, but she made a good argument. "All right. But now we know. As soon as this current mission is finished we need to…" But then I paused and thought about the lesson of Udar's hand. "When this mission is finished we need to get that," I tapped the rolled up map, "back to the temple, so the council can work on the problem while I sort out what to do about this." Here I touched the portion of the shadow brand over my heart. "Which means the map is probably your problem for the moment." I handed it to her.
Faran looked startled and then gratified. "That almost sounded like an acknowledgment that there are actually things in this world that aren't your responsibility. Are you feeling all right?"
I raised both hands. "Point and match. But, also, yes…well, maybe. Say rather that I think Udar was right about making my responsibility to learn what I have become a priority and you're probably closer to the truth."
#
I picked up a tunic and the matching hood, both of fine wool in mottled shades of russet and sage in a loose check pattern, and ran my finger along a seam before slipping them on. "I hadn't realized wool could be as soft as silk."
"It's not…quite," said Udar. "But this is close, and it has other advantages given the time of year and where you're going. It's much warmer than your silks, yet it still breathes, and it will resist the stink that comes with days on the road. Also, it will do a far better job of concealing you in the woods and forests where you will be traveling than your Blade grays would have."
"Thank you." Faran stripped off her ruined grays and quickly changed clothes without any hint of modesty. And then, when she caught my discomfited look, she winked. "These clothes are a princely gift, Udar. Though I do wonder how you managed to arrange for them, given the compressed time frame and your distinct lack of contact with the outside world."
"Credit Vak for that."
The wolf smiled toothily. "I have arrangements with several groups of traders that work along the borders of our woods. It's amazing how quickly you can get a request filled when you pay in gold or precious gems at a substantially inflated rate. Add in the ability to move things through the earth and even unusual requests aren't too difficult to accommodate."
"Do they know who they're dealing with?" asked Gerda. "We were taught to fear the Wolf of White Fang."
Vak shook his head. "No, they do not. But neither do they care."
Devin had no more modesty than Faran, but I chose to slip out of sight to change my trousers, as did Gerda. In addition to the basic clothing, there were thick socks and heavy leather boots lined with fur as well as multi-layered coats and long cloaks that would double as blankets. They also provided us with heavy packs filled with both food and other necessities. When we were fully equipped, Udar and Vak led us into a windowless room of moderate size and closed the door.
After several minutes with no apparent change, Gerda frowned. "What are we doing in here?"
"Descending through the mountain," replied Vak. "It's a gentler way to get back to the forest floor than riding wolf-back."
"Oh."
Not long after that, the door by which we had entered opened again. This time a snowy wood lay on the other side under the late afternoon sunlight.
"Here we are." Udar waved a hand and four boulders rose out of the snow and rolled their way over to us. "Let's get you on your way." Another wave of his hand caused the boulders to hump and shift, assuming the shape of great gray horses with harness and saddles of the same shade. "They will take you to the boundaries of my realm, but no farther, and they will do so more swiftly than any mortal beast without slowing or tiring. Farewell." Then, without another word, he and Vak turned and went back into the mountain.
We rode due south, moving faster than any galloping horse and with a far smoother gait, though it was constantly dodging left and right to go around trees. We had a lot of ground to make up if we wanted any hope of catching the pack-train and Devin's swords, but our pace drove the air into icy whips, and even with my cloak wrapped tight I soon felt more than half frozen myself. I would have hauled on the reins then if I'd had the option, but my horse paid no more heed to my desires than a boulder tumbling down a mountainside might have. At first I kept my eyes slitted against the clawing winds and tried to keep track of our course. But the cold drew tears thick and heavy so that they froze on my lashes, and I soon pulled my hood down over my face and fixed it there with loops of my scarf.
When we finally stopped some four hours later, it was full dark and I was so stiff I wasn't sure I could get down off my horse without falling. The saddle was more comfortable than a stone seat had any right to be, more comfortable even than a proper leather one might have been and that helped. But where a real horse would have offered a welcome source of heat, the living statue beneath me provided nothing but a smooth ride.
"Where are we?" I husked.
I don't know, but we've reached the edge of the forest and I can see water glimmering away off to the left.
As I slowly unwrapped the scarf with shivering hands and pulled the hood back from my face, Devin whistled. "I think we're at the place Brightwater bends east along the edge of the Wolfwood. That's two hundred miles from the foot of White Fang if it's an inch. That's—" his words were interrupted by a gentle thud and soft cursing. "Ow, lower leg went to sleep, fuck."
I opened my eyes and blinked several times. On my left Devin was sitting on the ground between me and his horse, massaging his calves. Gerda was a huddled lump in the saddle of the next beast over. Whether she was too cold to move or unconscious was impossible to tell without closer examination. I assumed Faran must be somewhere to my right, but turning my neck to look seemed like more effort than it was worth. Beyond Gerda there were a few trees and, glimmering in the near distance, the suggestion of a large body of water.
Moving with all the grace and supple ease of a ninety-year-old groundhog, I managed to swing one frozen leg over my horse's rump and slide awkwardly to the ground, facing Devin and Gerda, who had started moving as well. I stayed upright by dint of a firm grip on the saddle horn and hung on grimly until I was sure my legs would support me, then turned slowly around.
Faran was leaning casually against her horse, with a rather smug look on her face. "You going to be alright for walking, old man? Or do we need to build you a litter?"
"I'll be fine, brat. If you're feeling so spry, why don't you jog over to the river there and see if you can figure out where we are and if there's a good place to wait for morning?"
She laughed. "I don't think I'll need to go quite so far just to answer that question, or didn't you see the barge tied up along the near shore?"
"What?" Turning didn't take quite so much work this time, and now that I was less preoccupied with the complaints of my body, I quickly spotted the barge. At this distance it was little more than a low line just above the growth along the bank, but nothing in nature was ever that straight. "Oh, right. Well then, after you."
As soon as Faran lifted her pack off the horse, the beast slumped and twisted as it slowly returned to boulder shape. Though she made an effort to look casual, I noticed Faran wince as she headed off to help Gerda, and her normal fluid grace was marred by a slightly stilted gait that suggested a certain lack of flex in the knees and hips. I grinned, but didn't call her out on the subject, and not just because I knew she'd walk it off in half the time it took me. I grabbed my pack then and watched as my steed reverted to its former shape.
We had covered perhaps a third of the distance to the moored barge when a light flared on the forecastle. "Looks like they know we're coming." Devin loosened his sword in its sheath. "Do you think that's good news? Or bad?"
Good question, that. I raised a hand. "Faran."
"On it." She dropped her pack and vanished into shadow.
She was back within a few minutes. "Traders, and they were waiting for us. Said they had a commission to take us upriver to Aven Stead and beyond if we wanted. Said it was 'from the same source as ordered them woolens yer wearing.'"
I blinked at that. "That's unexpected but welcome. It'll save us another two hundred miles or so of hiking, though it won't be nearly so fast as the last ride which is a small mercy."
"You can say that again," Devin agreed. "If I'd known what I was getting into, I'd never have gotten on the damned horse in the first place."
"What do you suppose Udar really wants?" Faran asked in a quiet voice as she re-shouldered her pack.
"You don't think it's just to help us?" I asked with feigned surprise.
Faran snorted. "No. I'm glad of the aid, but I trust him about as far as I could throw Kelos."
"Interesting choice of comparisons there." I flicked my eyes pointedly at the hilt of the sword jutting over my left shoulder. "What made you think of it?"
She smiled and nodded ever so slightly, acknowledging my point about possible listeners, but continued anyway. "Big, strong, smart, a million years old, a huge axe to grind, and certainly playing his own game? I can't imagine why it occurred to me that way."
She's not wrong.
No, she's not, but I don't think this is the time. "Whatever his reasons, he's helping us now when we need it. If he hadn't intervened, we'd be on our way to Heaven's Reach, which would have been both enormously dangerous and ultimately futile in regards to our current aims."
Faran shrugged. "True, but as I recall, part of what made Kelos so dangerous was that he always set things up so that it was more valuable to keep him alive and do what he wanted you to do than it was to bring him to account for his crimes."
"There is that." I glanced at Devin then, and Faran's answering smile was as icy as my heart felt.
#
I woke to the sound of steel striking steel, but felt no sense of urgency. It's impossible to explain to someone who hasn't had years of distinguishing between the two, but even the most dangerous sparring with live blades has a fundamentally different sound and rhythm than true combat. By the weight of the sun on my eyelids I figured it must be late afternoon—which meant I'd managed the rare luxury of eight or more hours of uninterrupted sleep there atop the baled hides on the afterdeck. It took me another couple of heartbeats to realize that same weight of light meant we must have turned west at some point.
I put a shading hand up before opening my eyes—looking directly at the sun has never been one of my fonder ambitions. The barge was geared for the colder northern weather, with a long low cabin running half of its length stem to stern. Faran had commandeered the latter third of this space as an improvised fencing ring and spent the last few daysrunning Gerda through a series of exercises, offering the girl her own swords while she used a pair of long daggers.
"She's not terrible," Devin said from somewhere off to my left. "I'm a bit surprised, honestly. I think it's because no one bothered to give her arms training before this and she has less to unlearn. That, and she's young and fit and no more clumsy than average."
I nodded, but didn't say anything. Growing up under temple discipline had taught me that almost anyone could learn to fight, though the end result and the amount of effort involved varied wildly depending on natural talent and the will to learn. Not everyone could become a Kelos, or a Siri, or an Aral Kingslayer for that matter, but three to eight hours of physical training a day every day for more than decade under the best masters could take even the relatively inept and produce someone like Devin—who wasn't going to be able to beat the very best one on one—but who still ranked among the elite fighters of the eleven kingdoms.
After a few minutes of watching, I said, "She's better than you were at a similar stage in your training."
Devin snorted. "Point. Though, in my defense, I was six at the time and she's close to twice that age and a lot more mature. She's thinking about what she's doing in a way I hadn't yet learned, and she has better motivation in her desire for revenge. She drives herself like no one I've ever seen before. Not even you or Siri. My main goal was not to look bad in front of Kelos and the other masters…not to mention trying and failing to live up to my fellow students. For which latter trauma, by the way, fuck you."
I made a rude gesture at him as I pushed myself up into a crosslegged sitting position. "You're welcome. The challenge made you a better man, if not a good one." It was only as he returned the gesture with interest that I realized I no longer worried about having him behind me. How had that happened? "Where are we?"
"A couple hours out of Aven Stead. The barge master paid the city passage fees around midnight and kept right on sailing without so much as stopping to unload. I don't know how much business Udar and Vak send their way, but the money must be damned good to have traders willing to sail round the clock like this for days on end."
I stood and stretched then, looking around. Low rocky hills stretched away as far as the eye could see on either side of the river. The water was noticeably shallower and slower than it had been on the north-south stretch between the forest of White Fang and Aven Stead where we had bent to the west—moving into the stony and barren uplands beyond Aven's southern border. The region was mostly unpopulated due to a combination of frequent border disputes between the four countries that bounded it and the general lack of resources, though small bands of nomads and the occasional village could be found.
A sort of shallow canyon loomed just ahead, with the walls not much wider than our barge and I doubted we would be able to sail much further. I'm not fond of river travel as a rule, but it beat the alternatives under current circumstances, and I would be sad to leave it behind. I hoped we'd be able to buy horses or some other riding beasts when we reached our terminal port, for speed's sake, but I doubted it. I was just turning to say something about it to Devin, when a flicker of shadowy and vaguely familiar motion on the cliffs of the right bank caught my eye. My forebrain was still trying to process why it seemed familiar as my hindbrain threw me into a forward roll that carried me out of the way of a half-dozen thick crossbow bolts.
