CarissaExplainsNothing
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Was any of it even real?
🕑 Added 2023-12-15 01:27:20 +0000 UTCOne of the most difficult things about recent (18 months) happenings in my life is how a very bad person got to me in such a personal way that they were able to confuse me about reality. I’m at a point now where I don’t know what was real or even who was real.
Would someone really come into my life just to trick me into trusting them?
It’s wildly painful to open up to someone and later realize it’s possible they were only using me. Or maybe it was all an act. So heartbreaking.
And then I still hang on to hope that it was real and that I wasn’t fooled… again.
If only the “red flags” were literal pieces of red cloth waving in the wind above the heads of people. But, to be fair… red is apparently one of my favorite colors and I never learn. 😖
Comments
Joseph
Guh. After my divorce, I was catfished for months by someone. Absolutely real feelings developed and when the pieces hit the floor and the veil was lifted, hitting the wall of “what of this was ever real” was tangible and abrasive to everything I held true. I experience this, even, reading poems I’ve published—once the relationship has fallen apart. But what I’ve come to believe is—it doesn’t matter what was there or not on the other side of the equation; that poem is Real because it flowed out of what was real for and in ME. Much love and energy to you in this.
I think it’s always easy to look back and say “oh I should have seen that.” We make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time. And it’s good that the default setting is not to think this is going to be a worst case scenario. It takes a long time to recover when you are completely betrayed—took me a few years. But every day you keep going is proof you won’t ever get broken. You’ll only get stronger. Even if it doesn’t feel like it now.
