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Scientific Facts About Sadists
🕑 Added 2024-04-24 07:30:16 +0000 UTCSadists are made up of barbed wire, black T-shirts, and the buds of the Sexy As Fuck fern.
If a sadist is not wearing the requisite black T-shirt, he’s giving you permission to wrap fairy lights around his balls and light them up like Christmas trees.
Sadists have two kinds of mating calls:
--a) “Oh, you think I won’t do that to you, Sweetheart? Juss watch me.”
--b) Is this okay? You know I love you, right, baby? Fuck! That was too hard. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I did that. No, these aren’t tears. They’re sap from my Sexy As Fuck Fern. I just need some self-care time right now.
If a sadist sees a bedazzler, he will lose the capacity to stand upright, turn into a bowl of jelly, and just sort of lie there jiggling around. Why are you looking at me like that? I don’t have time for science deniers.
Sadists absolutely love it when their subs bury their floggers in the garden and turn it into a treasure hunt.
During the Official Accreditation of Sadistic Fucks, sadists are taught how to look at you through slitty eyes that burn a hole through your favourite dress. A Lancet study found that this superpower suggests that sadists are not true humans, but Avengers.
Yes, Avengers are a real scientific species. Everything I say is scientific because I’m a true scientist. If you don’t want to hear real data, you should go watch The Discovery Channel.
Sadists are the floofiest, cuddliest species in the BDSM biome. They will even make you Nutella hot chocolate if you look sad enough. Go ahead. Try it.
After sadists make their subs Nutella hot chocolate, they do The Alpha Male Walk Danny Zuko invented in Greece. This is super fun to watch so I highly recommend asking your sadist to make you Nutella hot chocolate all damn day.
