alloraleewrites
patreon
CH 37 - Divinity is Too Much
🕑 Added 2023-10-12 16:44:12 +0000 UTCChapter Thirty-Seven
Divinity Is Too Much
Peak of Autumn, Week 5, Day 3
“Let’s go to dinner. It’ll be better than camp food.”
Dame Arella was trying to coax me out from the center of the bed, where I was still huddled, clutching Haze as if he were my only lifeline.
“I–” I wanted to refuse. To sleep the embarrassment away.
Morloch’s words filled my head.
Eat, grow, practice, learn.
“All right.”
-
Dinner was an odd affair. The conversations I could overhear were stilted, and I could feel the searching glances. My stomach was tight, and I wondered if I’d even be able to get anything down.
Dame Arella waved to the server. He brought over two plates. On one were neatly sliced cubes of meat, some kind of orzo-like grain, and vegetables. On the other was a glowing cupcake. Its base was indigo with streaks of purple, and its icing was electric blue –and there were candy wings and a tail sticking out of the sweet. One bite looked like it would give me a cavity. I wanted nothing to do with it. It looked like the kind of thing Eunora of before would have liked. If only it were tiramisu –but I’ve yet to see coffee anywhere. At least not in my own snack trays at the estate.
I’m eight. Eight-year-olds like sweets, not bitter foods.
I swallowed my discomfort and began to eat my meal, one bite at a time. I chewed through my anxiety just like the bites of meat. I was embarrassed, yes, but that’s different than being afraid. This was not my anxiety. It was distinctly separate from me.
Eunora, you’ve been too quiet today, haven’t you?
Neither voice responded. It was a small mercy.
And then Arlen got up and plopped himself down next to me, followed by an annoyed-looking Klein.
“Lady Nora, you’re looking terrible,” Arlen smiled. Something was off about his expression but I couldn’t tell what. He elbowed Klein.
“Yes,” he ground out, “terrible.”
The room went silent. Every knight was still as their eyes flicked to Arlen and Klein. I blinked. Processed. Then, a smile broke across my face, and I laughed with my whole body. Because —what?
I nearly choked on the food I’d been chewing, but I hardly cared.
“Thanks, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I got out after several seconds of uncontrollable laughter.
And then the tension was gone as if it had never been there to begin with, and I watched Arlen’s smile relax. The room filled with scoffs and laughs of the knights, and I felt something warm bubble up inside of me. Something new and raw and positive.
-
“Do the thing,” Arlen said, pointing his spoon at me.
“What thing?”
“The thing.” He repeated.
“He’s talking about the Skill you used before –when you faded from our Perception,” Klein said, his voice droll.
“But—“ I paused, thinking, “It’ll break if Sir Rellar is here.”
Arlen nodded, abruptly standing and making his way to Sir Limrick —where he said something low but not low enough to escape me.
“Can we play with our Skills?”
With a long suffering sigh, Sir Limrick stood and went to where Captain Rellar was sitting with several of the other knights. This time, I truly couldn’t hear him, but he looked over at me and nodded briskly.
I twitched my mouth, uncertain. And then Arlen was back.
“It’ll be fine. The Captain has extreme control.”
“I—“
Will you trust us?
I’ll try.
“Okay. But, uh, how do I put this?” I swallowed, “I haven’t crossed the threshold yet.”
Klein immediately nodded, “You have to speak it.”
“No one here will tell an outsider,” Arlen said seriously. And I was acutely aware that other Dawns were not ‘outsiders’.
But I was headed to a far away town where I wouldn't have to see other Dawns.
I took a shaky breath. It’s not the first time I’ve used a Skill in front of someone —obviously, I’ve used this one before. And [Steal Nerves]. And apparently, Sir Rellar could tell I was performing magic in the carriage, but who knows how much he could glean from its use at all. But this would be a true choice. Not a reaction fueled by my anger or fear.
“[Silent as a Shadow]”
I spoke softly, and my aura contracted tightly. At the estate, it had retracted inches from me but now it burrowed under my skin. The shades of purple leather the knights wore turned gray, as did the wooden table —the others’ hair, their skin, the food. Everything was shades of gray. And I watched as eyes casually drifted off me and around the room. I wasn’t gone, not truly, I thought. But then again, I didn’t really know that for sure. It was clear that the other knights couldn’t focus on me, not really, because as I walked around the room —not touching anyone or making any noise– their eyes seemed to roll off of me. In turn, they were fuzzy around the edges, their movements silent. The first time I’d used the Skill, the sounds had merely been muffled —the first threshold truly had changed the Skill immensely, just like everything else.
Then I went back next to Arlen, and I tapped him on the shoulder.
The world came awash with light as the squire jumped and turned to look at me.
“Woah,” he said, a grin slowly spreading on his face, “Can you do it again?”
I shook my head, thinking about the previous two-hour cooldown. But a small smile was on my face.
I’ll have to see what it’s done to the Skill description. I paused, whacking myself on the forehead with the back of my hand. I need to test [Shadow Animation] tonight.
“Well,” I sat down, pulling up my [Status], “[Inspect].”
[Silent as a Shadow: You are noticed, yet ignored. You lurk, yet no one cares. Like a shadow, your presence is taken as fact. This skill allows you to blend in plain sight. So long as you do not draw undue attention to yourself, it is harder to be found suspicious. This skill requires mana to maintain. Ability to mute your aura increased per level. Decreased relative perception per level. Duration limited. Cooldown applies relative to the total percent of Duration utilized.]
[Silent as a Shadow: 1st Tier Skill. Duration of 1 hour 40 minutes. Cooldown of 45 minutes. Current level of [2] out of [40].]
I blinked, and then I processed my shock –having to remind myself that the first threshold had sounded powerful. And I had known what it’d done to [Shadow Conjuration] and [Shadow Manipulation]. The newest feature was being able to use the rest of [Silent as a Shadow] without waiting for the rest of the cooldown.
[Quick Calculation] gave me the proportion of cooldown I had remaining almost immediately.
1 / 100 = .01
45 * 60 = 2,700
.01 * 2700 = 27
Less than 30 seconds. And it’d been more than that since I sat down. Looking back to Arlen, who was furrowing his brow at me, I said, “Actually, yes. I can.”
And then I said it again.
“[Silent as a Shadow]”
I wondered the room again, this time running the Skill for several minutes. The longer the Skill ran, the more I saw the knights fidget. As I passed a head that seemed to be scanning, I broke the Skill, vibrancy returning to the world, and revealed I was in the center of the room —between two tables. One of which held Sir Neil.
All of the knights immediately turned to me, odd expressions on their faces. I gave a sheepish smile and ducked my head, “Sorry.”
That seemed to contort their faces even more, but I made my way to my own table. As I did so, something odd happened. As soon I turned my back, one of the male knights whooped. I froze, turning on my heel to look back at the two tables of knights. Then a female knight cheered, and the room was alive with the sounds of laughing.
A blush bloomed across my cheeks.
“Lady Nora, the [Noble Rogue],” came one voice above the others, and I laughed.
-
I was having fun. The haunted feeling of Eunora, younger, and Eunora, elder, had left me for the night. For the first time, I felt like a person. It was new. It was Nora. And underneath, I still felt a bit raw from the day, but I wasn’t able to worry about the future, not when Arlen was balancing a knife by the tip of its blade. Or when Sir Neil tossed grapes at Dame Arella, and I watched them shrivel mid-air as they landed in her mouth. Even Klein, reluctant as he seemed, was juggling three glowing hackysacks. Across the room, Sir Rellar was watching everything with an unreadable expression. Sir Limrick was throwing darts from across the room, and as they flew, they dodged heads and chandeliers and anything else that tried to impede them from reaching their destination.
It didn’t escape my notice that I was the only one who had to speak my Skills aloud. But after several more uses of [Silent as a Shadow], I received a notification.
[Congratulations! Silent as a Shadow is now Level 3!]
Again, Morloch’s words filled my mind.
Do not worship me –or any other. Worship yourself. Become the God of Nora.
So I sent a prayer, both to myself and for myself. It was a silent thing, and it only took a moment. But it filled me with warmth.
-
It wasn’t that late, but the suns had set by the time Dame Arella escorted me back to my room.
“I’m glad you came down, Lady Nora,” she said lightly, “did you have a good night?”
For once, I felt light, without the want to glower or scream or cry, and even though my voice was still quiet, it was solid, “I did.”
Dame Arella’s face softened, “Good.”
It was a quiet moment before she continued, “Tomorrow, we’re leaving for Wig. It’s three weeks, so it’ll be quite a bit of camping and sleeping in small villages. Before we go, you should look around Juvel properly and stretch your legs. We’ll be moving fast from here on out –only stopping long enough to sleep.”
I swallowed, closed my eyes for a half second, and nodded, “Okay.”
-
After Dame Arella left, I bathed, braided my hair, and changed into a loose white nightgown. I didn’t bother pulling on sleep stockings or shoes. Instead, I made myself comfortable at the center of the bed and pulled the plush black blanket around me. It was obscenely large for the bed, and that made it all the better. Then, I placed Haze, Noir, and Shade in front of me.
I sat, hesitating, and began organizing the rest of the knit animals around me –spiders in various sizes, a bat the size of a soccer ball, several jellyfish with heads the size of golf balls, and two birds. Most of them were pitch black –save for a mid-size spider and the jellyfish, which were entirely made up of iridescent yarn with only the finishings in black. I’d made them all over the past several months. I’d thought they were all packed up tight, but clearly, one of the Knights saw fit to unpack them for me. Briefly, I wondered if they would take the time each night –and then I remembered that while we were on the road and in Adeline, they had done no such thing. So, I squashed that thought.
At the front of the pack were Noir, Haze, and Shade, the only three with names. Off to the left, by Haze, were the larger spiders and the bat. Off to the right, by Shade, were the jellyfish and birds. At the center was Noir. I picked him up and brought him to me as I prepared to activate the Skill. Before I used [Shadow Animation], I pulled up my [Status] and focused on the Skill. I used [Inspect] on it several times before I’d even read the first line.
I took a sharp breath, looking at the massive amount of information that flooded my vision – shock and hope filling me.
[Shadow Animation: As a Young Lady of Darkness, you have summoned the unseen and commanded the world of the stalker. Now the unseen will use your soul and the spirits of darkness to fuel a creation of shadow. Through your strength of will and the will of Darkness, your shadows will begin to act of their own accord in line with the commands given. No two shadow animations will be exactly the same. Additional animations unlocked upon level-up. Additional Personality types unlocked upon level-up. Duration increased upon level-up. Cooldown decreased upon level up. Command comprehension increased upon level up.]
[Shadow Animation: 3rd Tier Skill. Immediate activation. Duration of 4 hours 10 minutes. Cooldown of 45 minutes. Current animation options: Wisp, Infusion, Weapon (small), Weapon (medium), Shadow Construct. Current level of command comprehension: standard. Current number of commands able to be issued: 5. Current number of animations on a single summon: 5. Current personality types: 5. Current level [5] out of [80].
[Comprehension: simple, low-standard, standard, high-standard, complex]
[Current animation options: Wisp, Infusion, Weapon (small), Weapon (medium), Shadow Construct]
[Wisp: An amorphous blob of shadow with substance manifested for the sole purpose of being animated. Has the ability to hear and see, as well as push small objects.]
[Infusion: Utilize pre-created shadow constructs and animate them based on the ability of the construct by infusing a low spirit of darkness. If the construct has legs, it has the ability to walk. If it has arms, it has the ability to utilize them. If it has eyes and ears, it has the ability to see and hear. Capable of limited speech.]
[Weapon (small): Create small weapons no larger than 100 cm^3 for the sole purpose of animation. Can only consist of weapons capable of being shaped at the current level of Shadow Manipulation. Prior to utilization, must have been created before, otherwise the summoned weapon will be crude.]
[Weapon (medium): Create medium weapons no larger than 1000 cm^3 for the sole purpose of animation. Can only consist of weapons capable of being shaped at the current level of Shadow Manipulation. Prior to utilization, must have been created before, otherwise the summoned weapon will be crude.]
[Shadow Construct: Create a shadow construct of a living creature for the sole purpose of animation and summon a low spirit of darkness within. Is limited to the capabilities of Shadow Conjuration and Shadow Manipulation. Cannot create a construct larger than the user’s ability to control or manipulate. Shadow Constructs disappear after animation. Shadow Constructs blueprints currently available: butterfly, flower, hand puppet. Prior to becoming a blueprint, a Shadow Construct must be created by the associated Skills. Otherwise, the Shadow Construct will be limited in its capacity to function.]
[Personality Types: Commander, Advocate, Defender, Adventurer, Entertainer.]
Comments
Gopard
Thanks for the chapter! Yay! Some positive vibes for Nora finally! It's good she finally opened up and found people to share and bond with, no one beats depression alone (obviously that's only a figurative statement not fact I assume it's theoretically possible to manage to overcome even really bad depressions "alone" but it's most certainly BETTER, EASIER and MORE HEALTHY to seek help and company to banish these kinds of thoughts!) and tomorrow (in story-time) she will go explore the city hopefully not only with some knights and the squires to show and esplain stuff to her but it will also be a good way to perhaps have a positive interaction with citizens who basically worship the dawns! (Most likely by just wearing any overt signes she is one of them but it would still be a start for sure!) :)
Allora Lee
pure fluff!!
SnappyDragon
Ooh, a rare upbeat chapter. Also glad she's taking Morloch's words to heart.
