Lilydusk
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Random Life Update, 2020 so far
🕑 Added 2020-08-23 10:41:15 +0000 UTC**Please do not share any of this anywhere else. This post is strictly for $5 tier Patrons only. Thank you ❤️**
Hello my dears 💕I hope all of you and your loved ones are healthy and doing well. Or as well as you can possibly be, with the craziness known as 2020. I thought I’d drop by with a life update, which I haven't done in a long while.
First off, a warmest welcome to all new Patrons who’ve joined in recent months. I’m so glad to have you guys here, and I hope y’all are enjoying yourselves as well <3 Thanks also to everyone else for your generosity, kindness and support. You guys have been a major reason for all the blessings in my life - so thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
On to life updates.
It’s long, and MIGHT be depressing to read for some of y'all. So if you’ve had a rough week, if you’re just as shot as I’ve been, feel free to skip this post and come back when you’re in a more positive headspace ❤️
1. I had a Dyshidrotic Eczema flare-up a couple months back
For those who’ve never heard of this before, it’s a painful (and excruciatingly itchy) skin condition that affects mostly the hands, fingers and palms. So for the past 1-2 months, apart from struggling to hold things, I’ve been pretty stressed and scared. I was mostly worried that if it worsened, I wouldn’t be able to work for an indefinite amount of time.
Pics of my hand below (Warning: it’s pretty gross, scroll down quickly if you don't want to see)
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Backstory: I've had Dyshidrotic Eczema for most of my life. The last flare-up I had was the MOST severe I've ever had, back in mid 2017. For 2-3 months, I was almost completely incapacitated and I could hardly use both my hands, not even to eat or shower.
Pic of my hand below (Warning: it’s pretty gross, scroll down quickly if you don't want to see)
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The above pics were taken when my hands were healing, and I had it on both hands, back and front.
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Thankfully with medical treatment (strictly no steroids for me, only acupuncture and TCM treatment), my hands healed. It was a blessing in disguise though, because thanks to that flare-up, I finally thought to myself that I'd never take life for granted again, which was how I started making webcomics (or Webtoons).
Anyway, this time round, it didn't get that bad and it’s mostly healed now, with the same treatment I had before.
So I can finally talk about this now, because I don’t like talking about shitty stuff that's happening when I’m in the middle of it, lol. My hands are almost back to normal again. Thanks for getting your shit together, body.
2. I moved from my office (aka art studio), back home again
The apartment I'm living in with Mr. Lily (my hubby) and our 3 cats, is tiny. So in Dec 2019, I had to move into my own office, outside of home. I've been working in that office ever since, until I felt like I couldn't go on anymore and had to move back home. Here’s why...
- The office I worked at, is in an old, dark building, located in an industrial estate mostly filled with male workers. Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful to have had an office to work in, because it's allowed me to be fully productive and focused. BUT, working long hours alone and late into the night in that building was depressing and stressful, and I was feeling pretty miserable there. So after all these months, I felt like I'd finally reached my stress threshold.
- I didn’t want to stay on for any longer than I had to, in my office, so every hour of my day felt too "precious” to be wasted on anything not work-related. I started feeling stressed and guilty if I took even just an hour off from work - heart palpitations and anxiety attacks, even if it was just to brush my teeth after a freaking meal!! lol. It was a very unhealthy, toxic state of mind to be in, probably bordering on workaholism. Not the cute, trendy one, but actual workaholism that you need therapy for.
- After the eczema flare-up, I had to drastically reduce the amount of hand-washing I did. So I didn’t want to be out in public places (like my office building) and be exposed to more dirt and bacteria, which could lead to some painful, harmful skin infections. And of course, COVID, because I can’t wash my hands.
Thankfully, because of some new home arrangements, I now have the study room all to myself. With Mr. Lily’s help (shoutout to my man, who is an absolute angel. These past few weeks, he's had to blow-dry my hair for me everyday because I couldn’t use my hands. He's also been doing ALL the household chores on his own, this whole year), I’m back at our cozy little home again, this time with a proper work space to work at. So all is well now.
The scary thing is when all this was happening, I had no idea how negatively the office environment was affecting me. I’d chalked it down to work, to Patreon, to everything BUT the actual reason. It was a case of desensitising and numbing myself so much, that got to a point of zero awareness until I was finally OUT of the situation.
I don’t regret any of it, though - at that point in time, it was the best arrangement I could possibly have, and, metal stress aside, it's worked out very well. Still, it was really important for me to realise that what was causing me so much distress, was not what I’d expected. At all. So if anyone’s in a similar position, let this be a cautionary tale (I guess?)
4. And apart from the COVID situation, the rest of my 2020 has comprised of...
- A new contract I’m in the middle of negotiating. This has been racking up some expensive lawyer consultation fees. And after months of back-and-forth correspondences, it is still ongoing. BUT, it’s nothing bad and will potentially open up some exciting new doors, so I’m stoked.
- A mortgage loan I’ve been trying to apply for, but has been a long, complicated process because of my employment status as a self-employed artist. Finally approved. All is well now.
- Some new work equipment I paid an arm and a leg for but haven’t been able to use, because one of it went tits up after just a few weeks. I’ve been trying for months to get it repaired, but between COVID and lousy technical support, it is still un-usable. It’s a 2019 Mac Pro (which is just the CPU), for anyone wondering. Balls to you, Apple 🖕🖕🖕
And now I’ve tired myself out from all that typing so I’ll end here. This sums up the last few months of my 2020. Nothing too serious or drastic, but the stress and overwhelm has definitely been a very real thing for me. I hope y’all have at least fared marginally better 😂 If you've made it this far, you are a straight up boss and I love you. Thanks for reading ❤️❤️
Comments
OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE SOMEONE ELSE SUFFERS FROM THIS! Have you tried any medications? I’ve been on Humira and it’s 100000% life changing. I’ve had zero flares for four years. I really wish you the best. It’s such an agonizing condition.
Crazy you just said that same here i would Get it on my fingers too then it spread to flare up on my chest. Now no issues with it once in a blue moon but not even close to as bad what i had Before.
Holy crap, I have that same skin condition! It took three different doctors and so many types of medicine to figure out what it was. Stress was a key trigger, so I looked like a GD zombie all through law school. The hand washing and sanitizer because of COVID had me flaring up all summer, luckily my hands have calmed down. My heart goes out to you, with you relying on your hands so much. I remember the pain and agony when my hands looked like that. Please stay well and I’m so happy you found a treatment that worked.
