Benn {DoomGender} Ends
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December 2019 Bonus Story
🕑 Added 2020-01-09 14:17:31 +0000 UTCHey all!
Another month, another delay! Thanks to y'all for sticking around as I flaunt all timelines with the casual flair of the cool kid you hope shows up to your party. This was fun story to write though, hope you all enjoy!
~Benn
Winning prompt: The gradual realization that you really aren't human
Suggested by: Olivia Waters (Thanks!!)
~2384 words
CW:
- Brief blood
- Trans vibes
- Self discovery and acceptance
- Supportive girlfriend
- Not so much smut in this one
- The physicality and strangeness of bodies as your own becomes at once alien and familiar
~~~
It started with a cut. A droplet of blood rolling down your finger, a slow tingle of pain. You run your finger under water, pat it down with a hand towel, and look to see how bad it is.
But, there is no cut. Its already closed up. You hesitate, looking at your unblemished fingertip. That. Doesn't seem right.
You can't get it out of your head for some reason. Your girlfriend moved in a week ago, which has been really nice, it's just. Something about being so close to her, makes you feel. Different. Like. Hard to say what.
Last night, she fell asleep while you were on your phone, idly petting her arm. Now you've been in the shower for an hour, idly poking your arm as water pours down you, white noise blocking out the world as you just. Wonder.You can’t tell, not really. What’s an arm supposed to be like inside? You’re not a doctor.
But.
It just.
Somethings different.
Not wrong, just different.
“So, what’s up?”
You startle, coming back to attention from staring at a box of sugary cereal.
“Sorry, zoning. What did you say?”
“You’ve been out of it all day. Longer even. What’s going on, can I help?”
“Ah. No, nothing’s wrong.”
You hesitate.
“Oh, don’t even try that. Is it me? Is me living here stressing you out?”
“No way, that’s not it at all. It’s been so nice having you around!”
“So what is it then? If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but, I’m here for you, okay? Just want you to know that."
You give her a warm smile.
“Thanks. Sorry, it’s nothing really, just a weird vibe I can’t shake.”
She nods solemnly, petting your shoulder with nice slow strokes.
“I get it. You know I’m always here to talk about stuff right? No pressure, but it’s what I’m here for.”
You reach up, take her hand in yours, and squeeze softly.
After that, you don’t feel as weird for a while. Whatever it is, if you don’t think about it, it doesn’t affect you. Right?
And then there’s that really, really hot day. You’re trying not to use the AC some much, and you really should at least turn the fan on, but you’re really comfy in bed and it’s so faaaaar.
Your girlfriend comes home from work to find you playing a phone game extremely slowly. When did this game get so hard?
“It’s really hot in here huh.”
“Yaaaaaay, preetty is home!”
You say it without looking up from your phone. She gives you a slightly confused but happy look.
“I am home. How are you?”
You just sort of wiggle in place and make happy sounds. She looks around the room.
“Wait, the fan’s off. What’s that noise?”
“Mmmmm?”
“That whirring.”
You look at her, and if feels a little like you’re moving underwater.
“Iunno?”
Before you know it, you’re seated in front of the running AC with a glass of water and a cool towel on your forehead and your girlfriend nervously googling heat stroke next to you.
She’s only just got you set up when you start to feel better. More coherent. You manage to convince her that you don’t need to go to the urgent care clinic, but she’s still worriedly doting on you.
As she goes to refill your water, you flex your shoulders, trying to figure out that weird sensation. There is something so odd about that it, and you can’t quite put your finger on it.
You reach back, run your fingers between your shoulder blades and. Is that. Airflow?
Your fingers explore the odd, soft yet angular ridges that have opened up on your back, as hot air blows gently onto them. Like vents. Like you're venting heat. Like.
"Shit, is it getting bad again? Okay, I'm driving you to urgent care-"
"Um. No, it's not that."
It feels weirdly dreamy. This is moment. Like you're three feet back from yourself, watching it all happen.
"Can you look at my back?"
"Oh no, what's up with your back?"
"I'm fine, it's just. Tell me what it looks like?"
She looks very confused as you turn and gingerly pull up your shirt.
"What am I looking for?"
She puts a hand on your neck and slowly runs it down, before snatching her hand back with a yelp.
"What the fuck is that?"
"I don't know! I think it's like a vent or something??"
She hesitates. Then gently touches the ridges again.
"Does it hurt?"
"No, it feels normal. Well, like, not normal. But not different? I don't know.
Without warning, she pokes a finger into one of the vents.
"Aaahhh!"
"Oops oops sorry!! I wasn't thinking. Did it hurt?"
"No, it felt. Really weird though. Not bad, just."
You shiver slightly, trying to figure out what exactly that felt like and coming up short.
"There's a grate in there."
"E-excuse me?"
"Like, to stop my fingers going in any deeper. And it was vibrating, I think its a fan?"
The whirring sound slows to a stop, and there's a sudden, small *pop* as the vents close that makes you and her jump.
"What happened??"
"I don't know!"
"I can't even see it!"
She tries to say something, can't figure out what, and just starts laughing. Before you know it you're giggling too, confused and kinda overwhelmed, but the whole situation is so ridiculous you can't help it. You rest your head on her stomach and look up at her, still giggling, and she kisses your nose.
She helps you over to the bed to sit down, leaving the AC to run. The two of you just sit there for a moment, quiet.
"So are you a cyborg or something?"
"You know about as much as I do honestly."
"You would know if you were a cyborg though, right?"
"Probably? I should at least."
"Any chance you're an evil robot duplicate?"
"Pfff, maybe. I don't feel very evil though."
"A heroic robot duplicate?"
"Hah, shut up."
She takes your hand in hers.
"Thank you," you say quietly.
"What for?"
"I don't know. Not running as soon as I grew back gills."
"Back gills is nothing. Might still run if you grow finger knifes and start shouting 'terminate' over and over again."
You snort and punch her shoulder.
After that, you're not really sure what to do. A couple days pass, uneventfully. You keep a close eye on the temperature with a thermometer your girlfriend found. She also catches you with your fingers in your mouth just feeling around for weird stuff and giggles at you. You wonder if you could somehow be mistaken, that it wasn't what it seemed.
Until you figure out how to open the panels on the back of your neck. That kinda seals the whole deal.
You find a spot behind your right ear, covered by hair. There's a hardness to it, but too flat and wide to be bone. Finger width. You are relentlessly curious, even though your girlfriend has been trying to convince you not to fiddle with stuff and just go to a doctor.
So you press it. You can hear the tiniest click from under your skin.
But nothing happens.
You press it a few more times, but still nothing, and it's not staying pressed in, so it's not a toggle. You're disappointed, until you check the other side. It clicks too, a mirrored button.
So with your hands resting on either side of your head, you press them in at the same time with your thumbs. Click.
And you gasp, as you feel the back of your neck slide open effortlessly, silently. It feels very so. Exposed.
Carefully, you explore the area with your fingertips. Smooth, curved, warm metal, with rows of rectangular, soft plastic feeling bumps. You tease the edges of one of the bumps, and it comes loose easily, leaving behind a metal slot. Some kind of port.
A little numb, you look at the port cap, rolling it in your fingers.
"What the fuck."
A few days later, the cables you ordered arrives. Your girlfriend helped you figure out the right kind. The one that interests you the most is the visual connection, that you can hook to a monitor.
"Here, I've got it."
Your girlfriend plugs one end into the monitor.
"Hold it for a sec?"
And you do, while she holds your face in her hands. She kisses your forehead, slides her fingers back, searching for the spots with give, and presses. Your breath catches a little as it opens up, panels sliding, not unpleasant, just exposing.
She walks behind you, and reaches for the free end of the cable. Wordlessly, face a little warm, you pass it to her.
"Tell me if anything weird happens, okay?"
"Okay, I'll tell you if anything weird happens while you're plugging cables into the ports under my skin on the back of my head."
"I'm sticking my tongue out at you right now."
"Careful not to get any water inside me I'll probably spark."
"Oh, that's smart, I was just gonna drool all over your head."
You both giggle. There's a weird energy, stuck between nervousness and silliness. You're just happy she's here.
"I'm gonna do it."
"Ready."
She holds your head still, lines of the metal insert, which grinds briefly against the port entrance in a way that makes you shiver, then slots it in.
Your eyes blink instinctively a few times. You feel something you definitely don't have words for. Anticipation, almost? Expectation?
Then the screen lights up.
It looks kinda like a heads up display, except there is no visual except for display. Center screen blank, strange UI elements floating on the edges. You girlfriend leans on your shoulder, staring at the screen with interest, as do you.
"Wait there's a cursor."
"What?"
She points.
"There. Wait it's moving!"
You finally notice it, an odd little reticule floating around, moving slightly as you look at it.
"Are you doing that?"
"M-maybe?"
"Try moving it!"
You look at a different spot on the screen, paying attention to the location of the reticule. It moves, but just wiggling slightly in place.
"I don't know how, I'm looking somewhere else. Maybe it's not me?"
You notice that the icon you're looking at is a little blue '!'.
"Wait it moved!"
The reticule is now floating right where you're looking.
"Ooooh!"
You shift your *attention* across the screen, and the cursor follows. It's kinda surreal, both close and far feeling.
"Can you click on the exclamation mark?"
"I think so?"
You stare at it really hard.
"Um. Click?"
You hear snickering.
"Oh, wait, I got it."
The pop up appears suddenly.
[The Primary HUD Is Inactive. Restart?]
[Yes]/[No]
"What does that mean?"
But you've already hit yes, and your vision goes black with a silent pop.
"Uhhhh- wait no, we're good."
Your vision flickers, pulses, lights. Back to normal, but overlaid with the same display from the monitor. And now, when you look at the monitor, you see yourself looking at the monitor looking at the monitor looking at the monitor looking-
You looks away so fast you almost fall out of your chair.
"I almost threw up what the hell."
She squeezes your shoulders.
"I feel like we're gonna void your warranty or something."
"Do I have one?? What the fuck am I??"
"Can you find any like, readme? Or an about this computer link?"
It takes a while of fiddling with the interface, but eventually you find some model information, and look it up online. Finding out exactly what model of Near Human Unit, NHU type you are takes some doing. You girlfriend snorts when she sees how much you cost. Synthetic intelligence comparable, unique and adjustable appearance, optional stealth features. It's you.
But as for how you ended up not knowing what you are? No answers.
After the initial rush of discovery starts to wear off, you lean back in your chair.
"Fuck."
Your girlfriend has pulled up a chair next to you, and looks at you with concern.
"Are you okay?"
You feel tears stinging in the corners of your eyes.
"I'm really not human at all, am I."
"Seems that way. How do you feel about that?"
Tears start to roll slowly down your cheeks.
"I don't know?"
She strokes your hair and pulls you against her shoulder
"It's gonna be okay. Who cares that you're not human. You're still a person. You're still my girlfriend."
You smile, still crying.
"I guess it's more like. I feel weird how relieved I am? Like I should be scared and grossed out, but I feel. Excited, kinda."
She kisses your temple, and gently tugs the visual cable out of your neck. The panels of your neck slide closed slowly.
"You have nothing to be scared of. Nothing at all."
And she lets you cry for a while, holding you tight.
~~~
It’s really amazing how quickly something can start to feel normal. It doesn’t even take that long for the old normal to start to feel like a wayward dream, fading slowly from your thoughts.
Anyway, it's six months later.
You’ve still not figured out how you got to be a robot by surprise. Childhood memories are so fuzzy, it’s hard to really make anything out. You’re less caught up in it these days honestly. If your past every comes back to haunt you, you’ll figure it out as it happens.
Your girlfriend has been pretty unfazed by the whole thing. A little nervous at times, and spent a lot of time reading your manual so she didn’t accidentally hurt you. Never did before, you pointed out, but she insisted.
You sometimes miss being ‘normal,’ not that you’d ever admit it. Quietly, in the back of your mind, on afternoons headed to the supermarket. But then you get to the supermarket and remember that you can split your hands open and extend it like a grabber claw to get stuff off of high shelves, and you know what? Being human sucked, this is cool as hell.
You really feel in control of yourself, for the first time you can remember. And you cherish that feeling, as you learn to be yourself.
Comments
Benn Ends
Aww, that's very sweet thank you!!
Maddy
I love this so much! I swear, even though I found you through the kink and smut stuff you're one of the best authors I've ever seen at writing kind, gentle stories like this and I love it
Victoriargh
the little epilogue and the freak out just before are a huge mood, minus the robot arm, to the best of my knowledge i don't have one of those
drone r0m-3
So awesome! Great work!
SixArmedSweater
Wholesome and cute. Plus the arm thing is frikken cool.
