Travis Starnes
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Playing by Ear (Country Roads #1) - Chapter 37
🕑 Added 2021-06-21 17:09:21 +0000 UTCKat seemed like a totally different person when we left the trailer, bouncy and smiling instead of the introverted girl on the verge of tears who’d first arrived.
“This next part is going to be hard. Hanna is still really pissed at you, and I think you coming in looking like you just won something isn’t going to help that mood. I’m glad you seem so much happier, but I need you to stay calm and at least neutral while we’re talking to her. Can you do that?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, I’m just … it feels like I’m free.”
“I’m not mad at you, Kat; and I’m really happy you’re happy. I just don’t want to make this situation worse. Hanna’s my best friend, and the only way for this thing between us to work is for you and her to get along, too.”
“I’ll do my best,” she said.
Her face immediately dropped. She didn’t look sad, like before. Instead, it was like she didn’t have any expression or thoughts at all. She’d clearly done this before, hiding everything she felt, and I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d gone through to need to be able to do that.
“It’s only for now, okay? Normally I want you to be however you want to be. I just want to make sure this all works out. When we get there, I might start giving you orders to do things. Please bear with me, even if they don’t make sense. I need to make a point to Hanna.”
“You don’t have to explain why you want me to do something.”
“I know you don’t feel like you need an explanation, but I will normally feel like giving them anyway. I know I said I was taking control, but this isn’t going to be like how it was with Aaron or whoever else you’ve had in the past. The goal here is to make it so you can eventually live without someone else telling you what to do, not just changing the person you’re listening to.”
She nodded, but didn’t look convinced. She clearly didn’t expect to be cured, and I didn’t blame her for that. She’d probably lived with this for long enough it was just what life was like for her.
I took her hand and lead her around behind the trailer towards Hanna’s house. Although I’d been doing this trip all year, she made me look like an amateur as she sailed over the creek, landing lightly on the other side. I still landed like a ton of bricks, sliding backward every time. I swear half the times I went to Hanna’s house; I’d arrived with wet shoes. It just reminded me again how much of an athlete she was, and how much better shape she was in than I was.
Hanna’s mother opened the door again. When she noticed Kat she said, “Charlie, I don’t think Hanna wants to see anyone.”
“She’ll see me. I talked to her at the Blue Ridge and this was part of the plan. Please just ask her if it’s okay. I really want to fix this.”
She looked at me hard for a moment, considering, and then went towards Hanna’s room. I took her coming out almost instantly afterward as a good sign, since it meant she didn’t have to argue with Hanna about it.
“Go ahead. She hasn’t told me what happened, but I recognize what she’s backsliding towards. I hope you can help her.”
“I think I can,” I said as we walked past her into Hanna’s room.
Hanna’s expression instantly turned angry as she saw Kat come into her room behind me. I helped up a hand before she could yell or curse and said, “Give me five minutes to explain. Please.”
“Five minutes,” she said, not taking her eyes of Kat.
I pointed at a spot in the floor partway between Hanna and me and said, “Sit.”
Hanna’s expression changed when Kat immediately went and sat cross-legged on the floor, as she looked perplexed at the behavior.
“I know I explained about Kat before, but seeing and believing are two different things.”
“I didn’t not believe you; I just don’t know how it changes anything. Like I said, it just makes it worse since Aaron can use her to get to me whenever, especially if you’re going to want me to just let her off the hook every time.”
“That won’t happen. Kat isn’t allowed to listen to Aaron, anymore.”
She stopped looking at Kat and turned at me, her face scrunched up.
“What?”
“When I talked to the psychologist who Chef had examine Kat, he warned me to be careful with her. He said what she really wanted was a caretaker. Someone she could give primary authority to, so they could be the person to make decisions and have opinions for her, to help relieve her anxiety and fear. He said I needed to keep from letting her latch on to me, because it could make any therapy she got to help fix her situation that much harder. She’d already done that with Aaron, which is why she let him use her like that, but she knew he wasn’t the right person. The problem was, leaving Aaron was also a decision, which the fear and anxiety made it impossible to do, and it wasn’t like Aaron was going to make that particular decision for her.”
“Then how is she not allowed to listen to him anymore?”
“Because I told her she isn’t to listen to him, or anyone else ever again, and that she has to break up with him.”
“You told her? I thought you said the doctor said you shouldn’t let her get attached to you, or whatever.”
“I know, and I’d been trying not to, but her father won’t let her get therapy, and she’s already let Aaron have control of her, so things were going to get worse. The thing with her and Marcus is minor compared to the other stuff he’s made her do. While the doctor would probably freak if he knew what I was doing, it was the only way I could see for her to get out of Aaron's control. I want to be clear. While I do want to help fix things for you, that isn’t why I did it. I did it to help Kat.”
“So, you’re what, her master now?”
“It isn’t like that. I think caretaker or caregiver is the better term for it. I’ll help her with decisions and try and give her a safe place to share her opinions. She’s still her own person, she just needs some help.”
Hanna looked at Kat and then back to me and then back to Kat, “Don’t you feel weird having us sit here and talk about you like this?”
“No,” Kat said. “I know Charlie is trying to fix things between you and me, because you’re his best friend and he said that for us to work, you and I had to be okay with each other. I trust Charlie, and don’t mind if he has to explain me to someone else, if it makes it easier for him.”
“This is so weird,” Hanna said.
“No kidding.”
“Kat, you can tell Hanna what you told me about how you felt kissing Marcus now.”
“I don’t …” Hanna started, but I held up a hand, stopping her.
“Let her explain it.”
“I …” Kat said and stopped, looking at the floor and then back to me. “I was scared. I knew you were watching me, Aaron said to do it that way. I was scared you would be angry at me. We haven’t actually talked since, you know, but I had thought about maybe since Charlie was my friend I’d … I don’t know. I felt sick, like I wanted to throw up. I felt dizzy. That’s what sometimes happens when I … when I have to do things on my own. I could feel the panic attack starting, so I just did it, I tried to be fast. Marcus was surprised. At first, he just stood there, like you do when you’re too shocked to move, then he pushed me away. I was so happy he pushed me.”
“Kat, what would you do if I gave you an order right now, something like kissing or hitting Hanna,” I said.
”I’d do it,” she said without missing a beat.
“You wouldn’t even hesitate?” Hanna said.
“I did hesitate when Aaron told me, which is why I started feeling sick. This is different. Charlie has told me he’s taking responsibility for me, and I agreed, because I believe Charlie would never hurt me. If he tells me to do something, I’ll do it, because I know he wouldn’t tell me to do something that would hurt me.”
“This is scrambling my brain.”
“No kidding,” I said. “This is actually not a good thing, and I’m afraid it might make Kat’s condition worse, since it keeps her from building up the self-confidence to make her own decisions without the panic attacks, which is what I think the therapy does. It’s just the only option I could find.”
“So, you really couldn’t stop from kissing Marcus?”
“I would have ended up throwing up on the dance floor and I might have passed out from hyperventilating. It’s happened before.”
Hanna was quiet for several minutes and we left her alone to process all of it.
“It’s really hard to separate how angry I was seeing you kiss him with this. I’m still mad at you, but I also feel sorry for you.”
“It’ll take time,” I said. “I’m not expecting you to accept Kat right away. I just wanted you to think about it. Eventually, I think you’ll come around to accepting that she is as much a victim in this as you are.”
I stood up and reached my hand out to Kat, pulling her off the floor.
“I’ll get a ride to school tomorrow. Let me know what you decide, okay?”
Hanna just nodded, staring ahead, her brow furrowed, while Kat and I left.
Kat and I walked back to my trailer and I sent her home. She’d agreed to pick me up in the morning and give me a ride to school and I’d talk to Cameron about getting rides to the Blue Ridge in the afternoon for now. If Hanna didn’t come around, I’d have to work out something else long-term, but I wanted to give her time, first.
On the way to school the next morning, we discussed her plan to break up with Aaron that day. She didn’t want to do it alone, which I assumed she wouldn’t. It wouldn’t work if she did it where it was just Aaron, her, and me, since that would almost certainly end with Aaron and me in a fight. Of course, given the fact that she was hanging out with me and then breaking up with him, there was no way he wasn’t going to come after me, but I wanted to avoid having a fight so directly tied to Kat’s actions in front of her. If things went bad and I got hurt, there was no way she wouldn’t take some kind of personal blame for it.
We ultimately decided to have her do it at lunch. While it being so public made it unlikely Aaron would actually do anything to hurt Kat, especially with teachers present, it also meant Aaron would be doubly pissed when he decided I was to blame for all of it.
The only real downside was that Kat and I didn’t have the class before lunch together. In fact, she had class near Aaron, which meant she’d be coming in with him, more or less.
I hurried to the cafeteria as soon as the bell rang, and was waiting near the hall I knew she’d come out of. The teachers started showing up before I saw her, which was good. My other concern with this plan was that they’d get to lunch before the teachers were there to keep Aaron from doing something stupid. Of course, adults being around didn’t guarantee Aaron wouldn’t do something stupid, but at least they’d be there to put a stop to it.
I saw Kat following along behind him like she normally did. Their classes weren’t far apart, so we’d expected this. He normally just headed to the cafeteria and expected her to follow him, so we’d decided she’d do the same today, since I wasn’t that concerned he’d do something different.
She might have taken the ‘until you get to the cafeteria’ part a little too literally, since they were barely inside the cafeteria when she reached out and pulled at his jacket sleeve. I’d wanted her to get further in so I’d be close enough to hear what was happening, just in case.
I started towards them as I saw her say something to him. Her face was firm and she looked more determined than I’d ever seen her look. It wasn’t a mystery for long, because Aaron made sure everyone could hear his response.
“What the fuck do you mean you don’t want to see me anymore? Bitch, that isn’t your choice to make.”
I’d gotten as close as I could get by this point without being directly in his eye line, and I could still barely hear her. She wasn’t mumbling like she sometimes did, but I could tell she was fighting to hold it together.
“No, it’s not. I’m not your property and I get to decide who I date. We’re done!”
She’d been looking around as she was speaking, and she’d found me by the last two words, her voice becoming louder and firmer.
He reached out and grabbed her bicep hard and started taking a step to her, saying, “Bitch, I’m …”
Thankfully, the yelling had been enough to draw the attention of the teachers on cafeteria monitor duty, one of whom pushed through the crowd, interrupting him.
“Mr. Campbell, I think you should let her go.”
“Whatever,” he said pushing her away. “I didn’t need your skanky ass anymore anyways.”
He turned to storm off suddenly. I tried to back into the crowd that started to form, but I was too slow and he saw me before I could disappear.
“You,” he said, stomping towards me. “I know you’re behind this. I’m gonna …”
“Mr. Campbell!” the teacher warned again.
“Don’t think this is over,” he said in a much softer voice as he pushed past me.
I ignored him. It wasn’t like he didn’t already plan on making my life hell. I doubted there was a higher level of pissed than he already was with me. Instead, I went to Kat, whose whole body was shaking.
“Let’s go to the choir room, it’s empty,” I told her.
While I didn’t think I could make Aaron angrier at me than he already was, that didn’t mean I couldn’t push him into doing something like attacking both of us right here. Plus, I wanted his anger on me and not Kat, which meant it was best if I didn’t throw it in his face.
As soon as we got to the choir room, she broke down sobbing, falling into my arms.
“It’s okay, it’s all over now. I know that was really hard. I’m so proud of you,” I kept saying over and over again while I held her, stroking her hair.
She was shaking and holding onto me for dear life, but I didn’t think she was going into an all-out panic attack, at least as she’d described them to me.
I heard the door to the music room open and tensed for a moment before I saw Mr. French step inside. He paused, halfway into the room and mouthed ‘are you okay?’
When I gave him a thumbs-up, he backed slowly out of the room. Eventually, Kat’s crying wound down and she stepped back, sniffling and wiping her eyes.
“Sorry,” she said softly.
“For what? I know how hard that was for you, and you held it together great. Do you feel better, now that you’re free of him?”
“I do. I can’t believe it. I don’t have to worry about when he’s going to call me or what he’s going to tell me to do anymore.”
“No, you don’t. If he calls you, just hang up. If he shows up somewhere, just try to get near other people. Aaron’s a scumbag, but I don’t think he’ll pursue you too much. He’s not going to jeopardize his future for you.”
“I don’t know, he doesn’t let go of things easily. He gets pretty obsessed when something pisses him off.”
“Just make sure you’re always with other people for a while, okay? He’ll turn his attention to someone else eventually.”
“Okay.”
“Let's get some lunch,” I said, taking Kat by the hand and leading her out of the choir room.
By Friday I still hadn’t heard from Hanna, and I was starting to think I might have gone about things wrong. I thought coming out and explaining Kat’s issues and why everything had happened as it did would have been enough to get Hanna to forgive Kat and put her anger on the person really responsible, but that should have also meant Hanna would have called me at least by Thursday.
While the extra delay could mean she was still sorting out her feelings, I didn’t think that was true either. Hanna was back in school and I’d seen her with Marcus, which meant she wasn’t holding anything against him. That was fine, since he was also blameless in this, but it meant she would have also forgiven Kat, since neither of them really controlled the situation.
I started to think of what my next move should be while waiting for Kat to pick me up from school, when Hanna finally showed up. I was already outside sitting on the steps since Kat should have been there any minute, and was surprised when it turned out to be Hanna instead of Kat’s car that pulled up. I was doubly surprised when I realized Kat was sitting in the passenger seat.
“Get in,” Hanna yelled through the open window. “We'll explain on the way.”
I followed instructions, sliding into the back seat.
“I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you two have made up.”
“Yes,” Hanna said. “I spent most of yesterday thinking about what you two said and I called Katherine early this morning and told her I needed to talk. Did you know she told me no at first?”
“Charlie said I didn’t need to listen to anyone but him,” Kat said.
“I think I should have been clearer. I mean you didn’t need to talk to anyone you didn’t want to.”
“I know, but I thought she might yell at me or something.”
“I take it you changed your mind?”
“Yes. She told me she wasn’t mad at me, but that she wanted to talk to me without you and said we could go get you together.”
“And the talk went well?”
“It did,” Hanna said. “I saw what happened the other day at lunch, and I wanted to find out more about how this thing between you two worked. I wanted to make sure her breaking up with Aaron was what she wanted, and not something you forced to make us all get along again.”
“And?”
“And she convinced me it was something she’d wanted to do for a long time, but hadn’t been able to do, until now. We then talked about what she was getting out of this whole thing and how it worked. I guess seeing her break up with Aaron made me believe that maybe you were telling the truth, that he’d been the one to blame for this all along. After talking to her about her condition and how the thing between the two of you worked, I decided that you were right, Katherine isn’t to blame.”
“Where do we go from here?” I asked. “I miss my best friend.”
“First, I wanted to apologize. I knew you wouldn’t do something behind my back, but I was just so angry and I needed someone to lash out at. That isn’t really how a friend should …”
“You’re forgiven, completely. This is a really weird situation and it’s going to take some time for all of us to work out how to deal with it.”
“Well, I’m still sorry. I also want to apologize to Katherine. I’d spent enough time with her last year, before the thing at the party, to know she wasn’t the type of person to instigate something like that.”
“She’s really not.”
“I know that now.”
“We still need to fix things with the lunch group. They all had your back hard, especially Joanna and Megan. They kicked me to the curb without a second thought.”
“I’ll deal with it at lunch today. Just wait for me before you go sit down. I’m assuming Katherine will be eating with us from now on?”
“If she wants to.”
“I do,” Kat said almost instantly.
“There you go.”
The day before Kat had waited in her class until I went and got her, just in case Aaron decided to get some payback, and today we did the same thing. Partly because of Aaron, although he hadn’t shown any interest in Kat since she dumped him, but also partly because I didn’t want her to face the lunch group without me. Even if Hanna had smoothed things over, it was still going to be rough going for Kat.
Hanna was waiting for us next to the lunch table, but hadn’t sat down when we got there. We must have arrived just as she did, because everyone glared at Kat and me as we walked up.
“Wait,” Hanna said as Joanna started to stand up. “I asked them to meet me here so I could clear the air. I appreciate all of you guys having my back. Charlie says you basically tarred and feathered him.”
“No more than he deserved,” Megan said.
“No, that’s not fair. I can’t go into details, but I’ll tell you that I don’t blame Katherine for what happened and you shouldn’t either. It wasn’t her fault. Charlie’s also not to blame here. He was trying to do the best thing for everyone. I know it probably doesn’t make sense because I can’t explain everything, but since I’m the one who was actually affected, I’m hoping you’ll all just trust me.”
“So, you’re just forgiving her for kissing your boyfriend?”
“Yes. Like I said, I know it won’t make sense, but I don’t blame her at all. It wasn’t her fault.”
“I’m confused,” said Joanna.
“I know. I’ve also invited Katherine to start sitting with us at lunch, at least till the end of the year.”
“You what?” Joanna said, half standing up again.
“We’ve talked, and I’ve decided she and I are going to be friends. Guys, if anyone should be angry here, it’s me. I’m telling you the only person I’m angry with for everything that happened at the party is Aaron! It was Aaron who was actually the one behind everything. Katherine was just as much a victim in this as I was.”
They all looked at each other for a moment, silently coming to a consensus.
“I can still go fuck myself if y’all want,” I said, trying to break the ice.
“Shut up and sit down. If Hanna says it’s all good, it’s all good,” Joanna said with a laugh before turning to Hanna. “So what, you knew about all this?”
“Charlie and Katherine came by and explained it yesterday. It just took me some time to process it. Plus, that scene with Aaron didn’t hurt.”
“I was late to lunch and was walking by when it happened; it was brutal. The look on his face; I didn’t know if he wanted to hit something or cry,” Fatima said.
“Hit something,” I said. “He definitely wants to hit something.”
“He’ll get over it,” Joanna said.
I was positive that wasn’t going to happen. The look he gave me made it clear he blamed me for the public breakup and he was going to get back at me. While he was essentially right and I was at fault, I hadn’t set it up to be public humiliation. I just didn’t trust him not to overreact and hurt Kat if it wasn’t public.
My prediction that he was going to get back at me didn’t take long to come true. Hanna had arranged to meet Kat and walk with her to the car, since their classes were close together. Kat had warned that she had to talk to her teacher about some extra credit thing, since this was the last day of school before winter break, but Hanna said she’d wait with her. I think Hanna was concerned Aaron might try to get back at Kat for the public breakup and didn’t want her walking to the car alone.
Unfortunately, that meant I found myself in essentially an empty parking lot waiting for them. There were a few kids hanging around their cars, but not many. Most got out of the school as fast as possible to begin enjoying their winter break, and none of the stragglers had parked near Hanna.
I saw him coming from the gym exit a while before he got to me, but I wasn’t going to run. This showdown was going to happen eventually, and at least now he was by himself.
I dropped my stuff on Hanna’s trunk and stepped away from her car, just in case.
“Can’t run for help this time,” he said as he walked up.
“Does it look like I’m running?”
“I don’t know how you convinced Katherine to break up with me like that, but I know you were behind it. I’m going to pound the shit out of you and then I’m going to make sure she knows she isn’t the one who decides when things are over.”
“That’s not how this works. You aren’t going to go near her again, you aren’t going to talk to her again, and you aren’t going to bother her again. You two are through.”
“What if I do?”
“Then I’m going to kick your ass a second time.”
“You forget the months you wore that gay little bootie? You’ve never kicked my ass.”
“I’m talking about now. Now, are you going to make a move, or are you just going to stand here and whine about getting dumped?”
He charged like a bull at a red cape, trying to grab me in a bear hug. This was one of the moves I’d trained for with Chef recently, probably because he’d seen Aaron fight and knew his style now.
I held my stance until he was almost on me and then stepped diagonally away from him, grabbing his right wrist as he passed. I pulled down hard on the hand and released as I swept out with my foot, hooking it around his and sweeping. The way he was charging forward with all of his weight, his balance was already completely in front of him. The sudden down force against his charge caused him to plow forward into the concrete.
Since I’d put one hand essentially below him, he hadn’t been able to brace his fall and landed face-first into the parking lot asphalt. He got up slowly, shaking his head as blood dribbled down his neck and shirt from the dirty red gash on his chin.
He saw red and came forward again, although he’d learned his lesson enough to not actually charge me. He put his fists up and started swinging. I’d like to say I managed to block or parry them all, but I still had a lot of training to go for that.
I did stop many of them, waiting for the opening I needed, but he still got shots in. Most were to my shoulder or arm, but he did get one in my chest that hurt like hell and one that just brushed my face. It didn’t hurt enough to be an actual broken nose, I didn’t think, but I could taste the blood as it started to leak out of my nose and down my face.
Finally, I saw what I needed. He went in to grab me, probably because I'd managed to get on the outside of so many of his punches. As soon as he did, I grabbed him with one arm inside against his chest, and the other on the outside of his right arm. As soon as I had a hold of him, I threw myself down, turning so my body was perpendicular to his. As I fell, I put one foot up and pulled back. As soon as he started coming over with me, my foot seated right in his abdomen. As he came down on top of me, I rolled and kicked out with my foot, sending him sailing, landing on the other side of me. I still had control of one arm and wrapped my legs around it, using my left leg to block and push down on his free hand.
As soon as I started pulling, he started screaming. I had him in a solid armbar, putting pressure on both the elbow and shoulder, pulling them in the opposite direction from how they should normally bend. He struggled to break free, but every time he did, I pulled a little harder.
“You have two choices,” I told Aaron as he whimpered. “You can either walk away and never come near Katherine again, or I can snap your arm in two places. It’s going to be hard to get that scholarship with your throwing arm in a cast, isn’t it?”
“Fuck you,” he said through gritted teeth.
“You might want to stop and think this through,” I said, pulling and then relaxing a bit, pushing the joint just to the breaking point. “Without that scholarship, you’re only options are gonna be putting boxes on shelves or asking me if I need fries with that. Which is it going to be?”
Aaron decided to do what Aaron always does, lash out without thinking. I had control of both his arms but he thought somehow, he could just brute force his way out. He pushed hard, arching his back, trying to pull either arm out of my grasp. Unfortunately for him, he had no leverage and I did. When that didn’t work, he tried kicking at me, but his legs facing the opposite way, which made him just flop around like a fish.
“Have it your way,” I said.
Chef had gone over what to avoid doing in this kind of hold, to keep from injuring someone. I was pretty sure he didn’t mean for me to also internalize the opposite lesson and learn how to do damage, but I did. Despite what I said, I didn’t want to actually break his arm. Fighting and wrestling in the parking lot was one thing, permanently damaging someone was another thing entirely. I also didn’t want to just let him up, however. If he was completely unscathed, he’d try to go at me again and he wouldn’t have a reason to leave Kat alone.
Instead, I opted for an in-between option. Instead of pulling down, which would have broken his elbow, I pulled his arm straight towards me in a short, sharp motion, keeping the rest of the arm level. This pulled the shoulder joint out of its socket, which is incredibly painful, but usually not permanent.
He’d have to get someone to help him reset it, but it was fixable. Until then, however, it would be all but useless, hanging at his side. I released him and rolled away, standing up while he still writhed around on the ground, trying to grab his arm and realizing any contact with it would be painful.
“You should go to the trainers; they’ll help you fix it. If you come near Kat again, I won’t just dislocate it, I’ll break it.”
“Fuck you,” he said through gritted teeth as he carefully pushed himself up.
He was trying to be hard, but he was already starting to cry as he shuffled off towards the field house. Hanna and Kat walked up as Aaron was hobbling away, his moans still audible.
“What happened?” Hanna asked.
“Aaron decided I was to blame for Kat breaking up with him. Don’t worry, he’s not permanently injured. I only dislocated his shoulder.”
“You know who his dad is, right?” Kat asked.
“I do, but he came at me. I only immobilized him, and didn't dislocate his shoulder until he kept trying to hurt me. I was only defending myself.”
“Still, you need to be careful. He’s not going to let this go.”
“Probably not, but he’s been trying to kick my ass all year. This’ll hopefully slow him down. Anyways, you two all good?”
“Yes,” Hanna said, looking at Kat. “We’re good.”
“Great. We’re done with school until after New Year’s and Chef says there’ll be a lot of people at the Blue Ridge tonight. I know Hanna will be there working, but did you want to come by Kat? I’m not saying you have to, so don’t feel like this is …”
“I’d love to. It’ll be fun.”
