Travis Starnes
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Playing by Ear (Country Roads #1) - Chapter 26
🕑 Added 2021-05-10 14:55:47 +0000 UTCI wasn’t surprised to find Mom sitting at the kitchen table when Keenan and Willie dropped me off. It was pretty late and she’d been off work for a while, so I knew she’d be home and, despite giving me permission to go, she hadn’t been wildly enthusiastic about the whole thing.
“Hey,” I said, closing the door behind me.
I was nearly positive she wanted to talk so I set my guitar down and took the seat next to her at the small kitchen table.
“How was it?”
“It was amazing. The place was two levels, and there were way more people there than we’ve ever had at the Blue Ridge. At the end of the night, Willie introduced me and had me play one of the covers I’ve been doing at the Blue Ridge. I was so nervous, but once we got started it was a rush. I’m not sure I’m even going to be able to go to sleep tonight.”
“I’m glad you had a good time, although yes, you are going to bed tonight.”
Mom looked less than thrilled at my excitement, and I almost decided to head to bed right then. The time I spent riding home, thinking about how Willie had talked about the music business and how he approached it, had cemented for me that this was what I wanted to do for a living. Whenever I thought about the future, this was the only thing I could see myself doing.
Before I could do anything, though, I knew I’d need to talk to Mom. I also decided on the ride home that conversation had to happen sooner rather than later. Up till now, I’d been painting it as my hobby, just something to do for fun, and as a way to make some money to help us out. I’d tried to downplay it at every turn. The thing was, I couldn’t waste these next few years. With Willie offering to take me to other clubs and my own set at the Blue Ridge, I had opportunities right now that people three times my age with decades in the business didn’t have. I’d be a fool to not take as full advantage as possible of this.
Of course, Mom’s clear unhappiness with it made me almost chicken out. Dad had done a number on her, and the last thing I wanted to do was to upset her.
“Mom,” I said after a second, not making eye contact, just in case I lost my nerve. “There’s something I want to say. Please hear me out. I know you’re going to want to interrupt, but please let me finish.”
“Charlie, I don’t …” she started, obviously seeing where this was going.
“Please, let me just say this, and then you can tell me how bad of an idea it is.”
I made eye contact, steeling myself. She didn’t look happy, her mouth pulling into a thin frown and her brows crinkling. Thankfully she just nodded for me to continue.
“I know how you feel about music and I know how you feel about it as a career. I totally get it. Seeing how Dad ended up, I can’t say you’re wrong to feel that way. The thing is, I love it. When I’m up on that stage I feel … invincible. Everything disappears and it’s me and the music. This is what I want to do for a living.”
Mom opened her mouth to say something, but stopped when I put my hand on top of hers.
“Please, let me finish,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Like I said, I understand your concerns. Odds are no matter what I do, I won’t make it. I get that. I know that most musicians don’t. I met guys playing for the house band at this bar tonight. They reminded me a lot of Dad. They weren’t starving, but they weren’t living much beyond that. I’m pretty sure once they get too old to play, they’re going to be in real trouble. My first thought after meeting them was ‘hey, it was probably how Dad would have ended up after a few more years on the road.’ I’m not saying I want to burn everything down behind me and make this an all-or-nothing kind of thing. I promised I was going to finish high school and go to college, and I meant it. I’m going to get a degree in something I can actually use. I’m going to have a backup plan so if things work out for me like they did for Dad, I’ll bail on music and do something productive. Right now though, I’ve got a real shot. I’ve got people with actual connections behind me and my own, regular set on a real stage. Okay, a small one in a bar, but it’s not nothing. I’m still way ahead of where Dad was at my age. I’m not going to let this get in the way of school, but I want to give this a shot.”
“I knew this was coming,” she said after a moment, looking down at my hand still resting on top of hers. “I watched you getting sucked into it just like your dad did. You know, your dad had very similar feelings about being on stage. He compared it to the best high he'd ever had.”
I was a little surprised by that. I knew Dad was a drunk, but Mom hadn’t ever said anything about drugs before.
“Don’t look shocked. Once you’re around the scene more you’ll start to notice how much drugs are a part of the whole music scene. I didn’t approve of it, but it’s there. That’s one of my concerns, honestly.”
“I saw what being a drunk got Dad. I can tell you right now I have no intention of touching anything.”
“While I’m glad to hear you say that, I think that might be harder than you think, Kiddo. You don’t know the kind of pressure that scene puts on you, but it’s more than booze or drugs. There’s so much to this lifestyle you can’t see yet. Even though you’re out there playing, you’re doing it with a safety net. These people think the world of you, and I guarantee you they’re shielding you from the darker sides of life. Plus, most people holding are going to think twice about handing anything to a high school kid. No matter what you think you’re ready for, I promise you, you haven’t factored everything in.”
“Isn’t that one of the upsides though? I get to start out without any of that peer pressure and people looking out for me. By the time I’m out on my own, I’ll have been playing on my own long enough it’ll be easier to avoid the peer pressure.”
“I don’t know. I’ve seen adults get sucked into it just as much as kids.”
“That could happen even without being in music. How many kids become alcoholics or addicts in college? Maybe it isn’t to the level of the music industry, but it’s not like it doesn’t happen. Trying to put me in a bubble now doesn’t mean it won’t be out there later. This’ll be a challenge no matter where I go. I know you want to protect me and I know I’m still a kid, but I won’t be one forever. You’re going to have to let me take chances eventually.”
Her mouth pulled tight again, but she didn’t reply, so I tried a different tack.
“There’s also the idea that I get to start playing with some kind of a safety net. I have people who I trust helping guide me and a regular gig that I can work around my school schedule. Will there ever be any point in my life with a safer start than this? If something manages to happen, great. I have time to figure out how to make it, and college, work together. Then we'll see if it’s going to work out before I need to decide between this and whatever I get my degree in. If I wait till after college I have to put this big gap between school and looking for my first real job, making it harder to get a career started. This seems like a best-case scenario.”
“Maybe.”
“Mom, I know you see this as a hobby or me trying to be Dad, but it’s not that. You know I’m not egotistical, but I’m really good at this. Do you think they’d rearrange the weekend schedule, one that made them money, around me if it wasn’t worth it? Do you think Willie’s taking me on these tours just because he’s being nice? I’m good. If I keep it up, I think I could be more than that. I believe I can do this. It might be me just being naive, and I know it’ll take as much luck as anything else, but I have a shot.”
We sat silently, just looking at each other for a while. Occasionally, her jaw would move or she’d blink, but other than that, Mom just sat looking at me. I was starting to think I’d crossed the line when she finally said something.
“I’m not trying to be mean or unfair to you Charlie. I have real reservations about this. Look at this from my side. Every time we’ve talked, you’ve pushed for a little more freedom to go down this path. I’m terrified of where you might end up. I want you to be happy and achieve your dreams, but I also want you to have the best chance in life. I wouldn’t worry so much if I didn’t care.”
“I know, I really do. I can appreciate all of your concerns, and I have them too. I know what you want from me, and I promise I won’t let you down. I just want a chance to try this, too.”
She was quiet for several more minutes before saying, “I need to meet this Willie of yours. If he’s going to be some kind of mentor for you, I want to have a face-to-face conversation with him. Chef Tang as well.”
“I can arrange that, or at least give them a heads up you’re coming so they don’t think I sicked my mother on them.”
“I’ll trade some shifts and come down to see your next gig.”
“It’ll be in Ashville with Willie again.”
Mom thought for a moment, probably trying to work out how to make that happen. Getting off a little early and getting to the Blue Ridge was one thing, but seeing a gig in Ashville would be harder to swing.
“The Blue Ridge will be closing up by the time we get back in town. How about I ask Willie to take me back there and you can talk to them then. That way you don’t have to take off work and they’re both basically done for the night.”
“Fine, that works. Talk to them and make sure that works for them.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I said, hopping up out of my chair and hugging her tight. “I know you hate this. Thank you for going along with it anyway.”
“I do hate it, but I love you. Just don’t disappoint me.”
“I won’t,” I said as I let go and started to head to my room.
“Oh, and, Charlie,” she called after me.
I stopped in my tracks. This was her move, to make me feel like I was free and clear, just to throw out one last thing.
“I also want to meet this girl you’ve been spending so much time with. Please ask Rhonda if she wants to have dinner with us on Thursday night.”
“I’m not sure she …”
“If she’s busy, that’s fine. Just find out what day’s best for her and I’ll work it out.”
The thought of Rhonda coming to our house for dinner worried me. It wasn’t that I thought Mom would have an issue with Rhonda. I was more concerned with Rhonda somehow having an issue with our life. While I didn’t like how much we struggled to stay above water I wasn’t ashamed of our life. Mom worked hard for what we had, and we never wanted for the essentials.
My concern was more with Rhonda herself. While she knew that I was poor, that had always been an indirect knowledge. Coming to our small trailer would make it real for her. I knew Rhonda liked me, but there was still that shallow side of her. She’d been pretty good at repressing it recently, but it was still there, occasionally rearing its ugly head.
Not that I had a choice in the matter. Mom had made her command, and I had to live with it. Besides, Rhonda had to decide if she liked me enough to stay with me regardless of how poor my family was. Maybe it was better to find out which she’d choose now instead of later, assuming things got more serious between us.
“Sure, I’ll talk to her and let you know,” I said, and went to bed.
Monday I took Rhonda out to the bleachers for lunch instead of going to sit with her friends like we’d originally planned. I could tell Rhonda wasn’t thrilled with that. She’d been making offhand comments about Camilla’s reaction when I told them about playing in Ashville that weekend. While I still told her all about it, I promised we’d sit with her friends the next day and I’d repeat every story the next day like it was brand new. That seemed to mollify her.
For a while, we talked about how the gig went and when the next one was set. She couldn’t come to see me since, unlike the Blue Ridge, these places didn’t let minors in. She was still excited though. I may not be rich or a star athlete, but playing in the city was enough to give me a little status of my own.
“So, are you busy this Thursday?” I finally asked near the end of the lunch period.
“Not really. Did you want to do something?”
“Kind of. Mom wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come over for dinner. I guess I’ve talked about you some, and she wants to meet you.”
“We’re already up to meeting the parents?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“It’s not formal or anything.”
“I’m just teasing you. Of course I’ll meet her.”
“Do you want to meet me at Hanna’s, since you know how to get there? We can walk to my house from there.”
I wasn’t sure why I didn’t just give her my address. I’d actually been planning to do just that, but I balked at the last second. I decided it was probably best to not pull at that thread any more than I had to.
“How about I just go with you to the Blue Ridge after school, and then to your house afterward.”
“Sounds good,” I said, pulling her against me. “Mom can take you home when we’re done.”
“Okay. God, I’ll be so happy when after Christmas I’m finally old enough to drive. Getting rides from everyone sucks.”
While I was enjoying the moment, my arms wrapped around her, feeling her back against my chest, my head was a swirl of thoughts. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been plastering over my biggest concern about my relationship with Rhonda since we’d started dating. I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach like just before you go over the top of a big drop on a roller coaster.
On Wednesday, I had another frustrating tutoring session with Kat. To Kat’s credit, I was making progress and she was doing a good job of finding other ways of describing concepts to help me understand them, but I was still frustrated. Maybe it was how my brain was wired, but math sometimes just didn’t make any sense. There were rules that everyone seemed to have agreed on, but they didn’t make any sense.
“I get what you did, but I don’t understand why you can just do it on both sides of the equation. Why is it okay to just subtract this from this side and then from that side.”
“The goal of an equation is to keep it balanced. What’s on one side of the equation has to be essentially the same as the other side, right.”
“I get that, but why can you just subtract from here and then add to here.”
“Because it’s still balanced.”
“So I could just do anything I want to the equation, change it however, and that’s allowed.”
“Not exactly. You’re trying to put the variable on this side and the numbers on that side, so you can work out what that variable is.”
“But why?”
“That’s just the way algebra works.”
“It just doesn’t make sense to me. In science, at least, when something changes, there’s a reason for it. Something tears a bond apart or pulls from another molecule or whatever. I might not know all the rules, but when they’re explained they at least make sense. Here it’s 'just because.'”
“I know,” she said, patting my hand. “Did you know there are people with the inability to do math? It’s called Dyscalculia and it’s kind of like the math form of dyslexia.”
“You think I have dyscalculia?”
“No. I tutored someone last year who did and they really got frustrated at learning the concepts. By comparison, you’re picking stuff up like a math whiz. I mentioned it because that’s just how the brain works. For everyone, there are types of concepts that come easy and types that are difficult.”
“I guess.”
“Like, I heard someone talking about you the other day …”
“Good I hope.”
“It was. They were telling someone else that they’d watched you warming up before one of your performances at the Blue Ridge. Apparently one of the other guys played a small piece on one instrument and you immediately played it back to them on the guitar.”
“Yeah, we sometimes mess around while the rest of the guys get their equipment set up and tuned. It gives people watching something to see … plus, it’s fun.”
“You get that not everyone can do that, right? Just hear a piece of music and be able to play it. That’s how your brain is wired. You just get music. I once tried to play a recorder in elementary school, and I couldn’t ever get it right. They’d do these simple songs and I always got hopelessly lost. Our brains are just different.”
“I get it, but it’s still frustrating. Especially since not figuring out the recorder didn’t keep you from becoming a genius or whatever. If I don’t figure out this stuff though, I might not get to graduate high school.”
“You’ll figure it out. I know it’s frustrating, but you’re making progress. You just have to keep at it.”
“Can we take a break, just for a few minutes? I feel like my brain’s melting.”
“Sure,” she said, putting down her pencil and sitting back in her chair.
“So, what about you?”
“What about me what?”
“What do you do for fun? When I first saw you, you know with Aaron or whatever, I thought you were a cheerleader.”
“I’m not.”
“I know. They dress up in their uniforms for pep rallies, and you didn’t last week. So, what, you just work on your studies, getting ready to go to an Ivy League school or whatever?”
“God, you make me sound so boring.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just don’t know anything about you and you seem to know a lot more about me.”
“Well, I do spend a lot of time doing homework, but most of my free time is spent swimming.”
“Swimming? Isn’t it getting cold for that?”
“Yeah. I go down to Ashville a couple of afternoons a week and on Saturday and Sundays to use a pool down there when the weather’s bad here.”
“Really? That seems like a lot, are you on the swim team?”
“Yeah.”
“Does everyone do all that traveling to practice?”
“No. I compete on my own, though.”
“I feel like I’m missing something.”
She put her hands into her lap, looking down at them, and said, “I’ve been competing as part of the junior national’s team the last couple of years, and I did the Pan-American Juniors last year.”
“Ohh, I didn’t realize you were an athlete. I mean, not that there isn’t any reason you shouldn’t be or anything. So you’re really good then?”
“I do okay.”
“Do you travel to competitions? I can’t imagine there are a lot out here.”
“There aren’t. Yeah, I sometimes travel for them, but they’re always on weekends, since in the juniors everyone’s in school still. The last one was just before school started in Florida.”
“That’s exciting, traveling and everything.”
“Yeah, it kind of is, I …”
The door to the study room opened and Rhonda stuck her head through the doorway.
“There you are,” she said.
“Were you looking for me?”
“Yeah. I got out of my class early, and I knew you had study hall this period. I thought you might want to walk me to my next class.”
“Sure,” I said, looking up at the clock on the wall. My study hall time was just about up, although it was still a little early to go to our next classes yet. “Rhonda, do you know Kathrine? She’s one of the peer tutors and has been helping me with my math.”
“No, although I’ve seen her around. You’re dating Aaron, right?”
“Umm, kinda,” Kat answered in a low voice, looking at her hands again.
“She’s okay though.”
“Sure. So do you want to get out of here?” Rhonda said, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her.
“We have a couple of minutes till the bell rings. Between my grades and the thing on the baseball field, I’m already on thin ice with the office.”
“Okay. So, Kat, you’re Charlie’s tutor every time?”
“Yeah,” she said, still looking at her hands.
“She’s pretty good. I’m starting to figure out a lot of the stuff I was struggling with,” I said, watching the byplay between Rhonda and Kat.
Both girls were acting out of character. While Rhonda hadn’t said anything besides a few questions, her tone of voice and body language were both more aggressive than I was used to with her. Kat, on the other hand, had basically retreated into herself, not looking up once since Rhonda had come into the room. This was closer to how she was when I encountered her in the hallway with Aaron. I’d thought that was just because she was scared of the way Aaron was acting, since she’d been relaxed most of the time we studied together.
“So,” I said, trying to break the tension. “Kat, this is Rhonda.”
“His girlfriend,” Rhonda said, taking a step closer to me.
“Hi,” Kat said quietly.
An awkward silence fell around the room, as Rhonda stared at Kat, I looked back and forth between the two of them, and Kat continued to watch her hands intently.
“Are you going to the theatre Halloween party?” I asked.
“Are you kidding,” Rhonda said. “She goes out with Aaron, sometimes at least. She’ll be at the varsity party at Karen Brook’s house. Her parents always go out to this big thing in Ashville on Halloween, so she throws a party every year.”
It just occurred to me that this was the party that Rhonda had wanted us to go to. No wonder she hadn’t mentioned it to me. There probably wouldn’t be a single person at that party that would be happy to see me there. While it made sense she’d want to go to it, since all the popular kids would be there, I couldn’t help but wonder what she thought would happen when we got there.
“Yeah. I’m going with Aaron to Karen’s,” Kat mumbled.
“Ohh, I was just wondering. Cameron - I don’t know if you know him, but he’s in theatre - asked me to play at it. I’m kind of excited, which is weird. Like, I’ve played at the Blue Ridge and at one club in Ashville, but this’ll be the first time I’ll play at a party with people I know, or kind of know anyway. It’ll be different.”
I realized I was babbling. I’d been thrown off by both how territorial Rhonda had gotten when she saw Kat and how completely withdrawn Kat had become. Rhonda looked over at me, clearly confused at my rambling.
“I guess it makes sense you’d go with Aaron to their party. I hadn’t known he was throwing one, but it makes sense they’d want a party and they don’t really mingle well with some of the other groups in school. I think maybe I was supposed to go to that party before Cameron asked me to play at his.”
“I don’t think that would have been a good idea,” Kat said.
“Yeah, me either,” I said, looking pointedly at Rhonda.
Before anyone could say anything else, the bell rang. Kat grabbed up her books and mumbled ‘bye’ before hustling out the study room door.
“She’s so weird,” Rhonda said, watching her go.
“She’s okay, and she’s really helping me out. If I fail math, I can’t play at the Blue Ridge anymore, so I really need her help.”
“Sure,” Rhonda said.
She sounded unconvinced, but backed down on the annoyance she seemed to have when Kat was still in the room. I decided to just let it drop. We had to go to class and I didn’t want to get into an argument about either her plan to have me go to Karen’s party without knowing it or how she’d just treated Kat.
“Let’s go to class,” I said, taking her hand.
