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Chapter 99: Finding Happiness
🕑 Added 2023-05-03 21:24:26 +0000 UTCSitting within a wide cave overflowing with trinkets and magical items, Jude and Glenny snacked on some dried meat while Gelo salivated silently in the corner. Everywhere they looked, enchanted weapons, armor, and plenty of shiny jewelry sat haphazardly on podiums of ice or thrown carelessly to the side.
A chain-whip sword made of a long vertebra? It was strung along the ceiling holding up strips of fabric like curtain rods. A golden crown that radiated an icy mist? It was almost falling off the side of a display podium. A vial of silver liquid with speckles of blue discord? Floe was laying on top of it and using it as a massage roller.
How the mighty bear didn’t break the small glass, Glenny didn’t know. He chose not to think about it, rather setting his focus on watching Jude and Gelo silently battle over the last remaining piece of jerky. The cub had eaten hers in a single bite, not realizing there was flavor and spices. Now she sulked, pleading to the boys’ heartstrings while Jude teased her.
“I think we should save it for Leland,” Glenny suggested.
Both the cub and berserker flicked their gazes to him. “No way,” they both said at once.
Glenny raised an eyebrow at this before glancing at Floe. The large bear had declined the jerky, stating that she had plenty of her winter bulk to lose before she started eating anything of value again. Instead Floe licked her paws and occasionally stole a hesitant look at her daughter.
“Sorry, Leland,” Glenny said, turning to his friend. “I guess even among friends, being unconscious is reason enough to lose your fair share of food.”
Jude and Gelo paused at that, both slowly looking at Leland’s sleeping form. He wasn’t truly asleep, instead he was contacting the Lord of Water for a potential contract. Unfortunately for him, that didn’t stop Gelo from taking the lull in her and Jude’s staring contest to strike. She shot from her corner, snatching the jerky bag. She didn’t even stop to remove said jerky from the bag, instead gobbling the whole thing down.
“Is that… cumin?” she burped out.
“I don’t think so,” Glenny said with an unamused face.
“Huh, I’ve never had cumin so that makes sense I wouldn’t know what it tastes like.”
Glenny blinked at the response.
Jude laughed. “There’s all sorts of food we humans eat. Most of it is ultra tasty, unless it's raw seafood. That’s really slimy and gross.”
Gelo pondered that. “I’ve had fish before. It wasn’t slimy.”
“I was thinking more about oysters or clams.”
“Oysters? Is that like an octopus?”
“No it’s a mollusk.”
“What’s—”
Floe cleared her throat, interrupting. “Perhaps Glenny can explain what a mollusk is to you, Gelo, outside our den? I would like to have private words with Jude.”
The boys shared a glance while Gelo hmphed. They were slow to leave, mainly because Gelo was being rebellious and purposefully moving like a snail, but she and Glenny left, leaving the other two and the unconscious Leland alone.
“Jude,” Floe began. “You do not seem happy.”
He frowned at that. “I’m happy. We’re all safe and you’ve helped me immensely—”
“I am speaking of overall, not at this moment.”
“I don’t—”
“Perhaps I should rephrase. You are young and, forgive me for saying this, weak. I take no pleasure pointing this out, but you should not be enraging like how you have been. What happened while you three fought Everald notwithstanding, the rage controls you more than it should.”
Jude forced down his initial emotions and let out a calming breath. “I don’t know what to say. I’m a Legacy of the Berserker, that’s what we do.”
Floe lowered her head inline with his. “Your mother is the same Legacy as you, correct?”
He nodded.
“Then why have you not been taught how to control the rage?”
“My mother is planning to teach me, she’s just busy right now. She’s an Inquisitor and travels a lot.”
Floe studied him for a long moment, but Jude continued to fill the silence. “It’s not like she didn’t want to teach me right away, she and my father just never expected me to enrage so quickly. We, Leland, Glenny and I , were supposed to just take easy quests until we ranked up. But one thing led to another, and we fought a murderer and protected a city from a cult.”
Raising a bushy eyebrow at that. “And I take it this murderer and cult were well above your power level?”
“Yes, immensely so.”
“Ah, I see.” Floe shifted, stepping over many treasures and items. “But my question remains; are you happy?”
“Yes?” Jude said more as a question than a statement.
“The reason I ask is simple. Like I told you earlier, rage and peace are equals. Both are always present but one is always dominant. It is easy to lose yourself when you yourself are already lost.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“And that is perfectly acceptable. You do not have to understand. Just know that you, Jude, sitting in my den, are a different Jude than the one who protected a city or killed a murderer.”
Jude scratched his head. “Uhh, okay?”
Floe let out a silent frustrated sigh. “You should strive to combine both forms of yourself.”
“Sounds easier said than done.”
“Indeed,” she chuckled. “That is why happiness is important. Because in the balance of rage and peace, happiness is the gatekeeper. Add too much, you are singing about the birds. Remove more than you have, and you are snapping at your friends.”
Jude thought long and hard about that. As he did, his eyes fell to Leland. His friend was still unconscious, but now his clothing had become a bit damp. How did that happen? Jude wondered. But then again, he was contacting the Lord of Water, so that—
No, he needed to focus on himself right now. Happiness was the gatekeeper. Obviously that was a simple statement, one that he wasn’t sure he agreed with. On principle, yes of course, but in practice? He wasn’t so sure, not when a murderer or deadly monster was attacking. How was he supposed to be happy then? He’d be too busy trying not to die, how was he supposed to add happiness?
How did he add happiness anyway?
“How—”
“Gelo told you that I went crazy after her father died, correct?” Floe asked. “That I killed him over and over again, just to not see him? Or that I killed hundreds of worms, creating those ice spires in the snow fields?”
“She did,” Jude said carefully.
“And did she tell you how I broke myself out of the loop?”
“She didn’t.”
Floe laid down, her body crushing multiple sets of armor. “She did. Gelo came to me. Cried at me. Yelled and cursed me. She told me that I was abandoning her, just like her father did.”
Jude didn’t say anything to that.
Floe continued, “I didn’t hear any of it. Not until she cried herself to sleep and muttered, ‘I love you.’ Something deep within my enraged consciousness snapped, and for the briefest of moments I felt happiness. It took some time to realize what the feeling was, in that state, but eventually the emotion engulfed me and I woke up. Now, whenever I feel myself slipping back to the rage, I think of her and the undying life she brings me and my heart flutters.”
“See, Jude? That’s what you need. An anchor. Something that grounds you back to reality. Something that gatekeeps the rage building in your soul. Something that brings happiness despite the situation. Yes, my blessing will help, but if you find a happy conduit, then you will never enrage again.”
“I… see…”
What could his conduit be? His parents? His friends? Maybe a memory of everyone together? Something just didn’t feel right. Sure, he had plenty of happy memories to think through and pick, but his mind just kept going back to how. How was he supposed to think about happiness when he needed to focus on a battle? How was he supposed to be happy when he knew his friends' lives were on the line?
“I don’t—”
“A difficult lesson, yes,” Floe said. “But one better learned now than later. The Incarnation will help you while you learn. Just be conscious of the issue and open to new possibilities.”
Eventually Glenny and Gelo came back. Instead of mollusks, Glenny had told her about his mom and how a parental death didn’t have to isolate them. They were allowed to talk about the decision with their other parents, they were allowed to grieve in different ways. He told her not alienating herself was important, not when Floe was also going through the death of a loved one.
He told her that he had made the same mistake, and he needed to rectify it sooner than later.
So, when Gelo and Glenny reentered the cave, Gelo spoke quietly to her mother in the corner while Glenny sat back down with Jude. They spoke long into the night, and eventually the boys fell asleep.
It already felt like a lifetime ago, but they had only killed King Everald a few hours earlier. Sleep came easy, at least until Leland woke up gasping.
“You okay there, Leals?” Jude asked.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, laying back with relief. “The Lord of Water, of course, lives in water. I felt like I was treading for hours before she gave me an air bubble to breathe in…”
“Sounds like you had an adventure,” Glenny mused. “Got anything good out of it?”
“I traded my lifeforce water for the spell Shield of Water.”
“Lifeforce water?”
“Remember how I said the water I can make with a cantrip might have healing properties?”
“Yeah…?”
“Well, it does,” Leland said with a broad smile. “Very little though. My whole canteen is only like a sixth of a low quality healing potion.”
“And the Lord of Water wanted that to trade?” Jude asked.
“Not quite. I have to show one of her followers how I make it. Which, in my book, is a steal.”
