Travis Starnes
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Second Down - Chapter 37 (Re-write 2-3-25)
🕑 Added 2025-02-02 14:00:05 +0000 UTCNote: So I clearly missed the mark on the first go around of this, because most people's reads of the chapter where far off from what I was going for. Here is another try at this chapter and hopefully Blake comes off as less of a jerk here.
The rest of the holiday weekend was uncomfortable, with no one talking to anyone else and Josh strutting around when Mom wasn’t looking, acting like he was untouchable.
Which he kind of was. When Mom was around, he went back to putting on the sad boy act, eating up the sympathy from her. Dad picked up some extra shifts, I think to try and avoid it all. I didn’t blame him, but it left me outnumbered, with Mom glaring at me, pissed every time she saw me.
She refused to let me go out with Melanie on Friday, sticking with the bullshit grounding, and tried to keep me from going to the varsity game on Saturday. Thankfully, Dad was home for that and interceded, which started another shouting match, but Dad put his foot down.
Unfortunately, the game did not live up to the effort it took to get here. As I remembered, Midland crushed us, winning 24-7. The team took it hard. They somehow talked themselves into thinking they were going to win. Considering what they did to us during the regular season, it was a little far-fetched, but I guess you always had to be positive.
It ended our football for the year officially, but it didn’t end sports. Wednesday was Li’s first game, and I was excited to go see it. I wanted them to have good support for their first game, but it was like pulling teeth for anyone to come with me. Eduardo had to do a thing with his mom and none of the guys on the team seemed interested. I’d finally managed to convince Melanie to come with me, but it had been a fight since she really hadn’t wanted to come along, but agreed as long as I took her out for dinner afterward.
I was a little annoyed with her, since she knew how important it was for me to support my friend, but it was also midweek after a holiday and she’d made a few comments about stuff going on at home, so I forgave her.
The gym was only half full on our side of the court, which was better than I’d feared it would be, but not as full as I’d wanted to make it. To be fair, I don’t think the games were ever full. We never made it past district in the history of our team, and that had been the boys’ team. I don’t think the girls’ team ever even qualified for district playoffs, so it just wasn’t a big sport for our school.
Melanie spotted Tammy and the other varsity cheerleaders setting up near the baseline as soon as we walked in and said, “Let’s go say hi.”
“Sure,” I said.
We still had maybe five or so minutes until the game started. We made our way down the sidelines to where the varsity cheerleaders were set up. At first, Melanie just kind of stood a few feet back, waiting for them to see her.
When they did, I don’t think it was everything Melanie had hoped. Tammy looked over, saw her and then started to turn back away, like she hadn’t even recognized Melanie. She only stopped when she saw me and something flashed across her face. I can only guess Kenneth had talked to her and seeing me reminded her she was supposed to be nice or whatever to Melanie.
Tammy put a big smile on her face and pulled Melanie in for a hug.
“Hey girl,” Tammy said. “What are you doing here?”
“His friend is playing and he begged me to come,” Melanie said, pointing her thumb at me.
I gave a small wave and Tammy gave me the same kind of fake smile she gave Melanie before pulling her into the group with the rest of the cheerleaders, who started talking excitedly about something.
I kind of waited at the outskirts, since I didn’t really know any of the varsity girls very well and would have been really out of place in their huddle. It was a little awkward since, as soon as they started talking, Melanie all but forgot I existed, ignoring me completely, but whatever.
While they talked, I looked over to where the teams were warming up and spotted Li in her number twenty-two jersey. She caught my eye and gave a small wave before returning to passing drills. It finally broke up when the refs started getting the teams set up for the jump-off.
Melanie gave them a wave, and we headed back for a spot on the bleachers a few rows back from them.
“Did you see that?” Melanie said excitedly as the announcer began going through the starting lineups.
“I did. I guess your worry about Brandy getting to Tammy was all for nothing,” I said, very specifically not mentioning I’d talked to Kenneth.
“Did you hear what they said about Casey and Jessica?”
“No.”
I assumed Casey was Casey Jackson, the safety on the freshman football team, since he’d been seeing, off and on again with Jessica, one of the JV cheerleaders. Why the varsity quad would be talking about them, I didn’t know, but I also stayed out of most of their drama.
“Well, Jessica told Sarah that Tammy that...” Melanie said, launching into the latest drama.
I was listening and making the right noises at the right time, but other than knowing Casey, I really had no connection to the story and didn’t love this kind of gossip as much as Melanie did.
I knew she loved talking about it though, and who was I to ruin her fun.
The teams were announced and got set up for tip-off. Li wasn’t in the starting lineup, but I already knew she wasn’t going to be. When I’d talked to her at lunch, she’d seemed okay with being a bench player for now. It was practically unheard of for a freshman to get on the varsity team, so I think she was just reveling in that victory for now.
“Can you believe it?”
“Nope. I would have thought Casey was smarter than that.”
“I know, right?”
The game started fast, both teams running their offenses at full speed. Amarillo’s point guard was quick, but our defense stayed tight. We traded baskets back and forth, neither team able to build more than a four-point lead.
“I’m going to go talk to Katie for a second,” Melanie said partway through the first quarter.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“No, I’ll be right back.”
I kept watching the game. Wheaton was actually doing okay and had it tied up at 18 all when the second quarter started, and the coach finally sent Li to check in at the scorer’s table.
“Let’s go, Li!” I shouted as she jogged onto the court.
Melanie, who had just returned, pulled at my arm. “Sit down.”
“What, I’m supporting my friend.”
Li took her position in the post as Amarillo brought up the ball. A guard drove in trying to get a layup, and Li put a hand up, not that it was necessary. She towered over the girl and made the shot all but impossible. After forcing a missed shot, she jumped up and grabbed the rebound. Instead of turning and dribbling it back downcourt, though, she rocketed the ball down to our point guard who’d just gotten to the top of the key on the other side of the court, hitting her in stride for a fast break.
It was an impressive pass, longer than a bunch of the ones I’d thrown this season.
I jumped to my feet again. “Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about!”
“Blake!” Melanie hissed, yanking me back down. “People are staring.”
They could stare all they wanted. Li was playing varsity basketball as a freshman, and she’d was killing it. Even as I thought that, she took a pass and made a clean layup, putting her first points on the board.
“No one’s staring,” I said. “Other people are cheering for their friends.”
She made a face but didn’t say anything else. Over the next few minutes, Li showed why she’d made varsity. She really did well controlling the paint on defense, altering shots without much fouling, although she did have one overly aggressive block called. On offense, she set a few solid screens and grabbed two offensive rebounds. When Amarillo tried doubling her in the post, she kicked it out to our shooting guard for an open three.
She was doing good, I didn’t understand it when the coach pulled her after about three minutes, putting Taylor Stine back in. Even more perplexing was keeping Li on the bench the rest of the quarter.
The halftime buzzer sounded with Wheaton up 34-31.
“Do you mind if I go talk to Li for a second, so I can tell her how good they were?”
“Varsity’s about to perform. Don’t you want to stay and watch it?”
“I’ll be fast, I promise.”
“Fine,” she said, almost pouting.
I gave her a peck on the cheek and hurried down the bleachers to Wheaton’s side.
Li was seated at the far end of the bench, a towel draped around her shoulders as she sipped water. She looked up as I approached, her face lighting up with a big smile.
“Li! You’re killing it out there,” I said, stopping just shy of the sideline. “That pass was so good.”
Her smile widened, and she ducked her head a little. “Thanks. I...”
“Sims!” Coach Weyland yelled. “This isn’t social hour. Back to your seat.”
The fact that a coach I didn’t play for knew my name probably wasn’t a good thing. She’d decided I was a pest, and she was sticking with that.
Li gave me a quick, apologetic shrug before the coach turned her attention back to the clipboard in her hand. I raised my hands in surrender and backed away, shooting Li a thumbs-up before heading back up the bleachers.
Varsity had just started their routine as I got back to my seat, and Melanie jumped into explaining things they added late in the last practice, a section where they’d taken out a tumbling pass because one of the girls doing it couldn’t land it reliably, and how much better it had gotten.
I didn’t know much about cheerleading except for what I’d learned listening to Brady and now Melanie, but I had to give it to them, they were very good. Tammy did this series of back handsprings ending in some kind of flip that was impressive.
Definitely not something I could do.
“Did you see that?”
“Yeah. It was really good.”
“No kidding. I’ve been trying that with my gymnastics coach, but I’m still having trouble nailing the back tuck on the dead floor.”
“Dead floor?”
“It’s like just regular floor. The rest of the gym the floor is on these springs, so it’s a little easier to land tricks, but on the dead floor, you give up so much energy when you land, so it’s harder.”
“Ohh.”
Amarillo must have gotten a talking to at halftime because they came out in the third quarter on fire. The starters were all back in and Li was on the bench. For a few minutes, we kept within four points of them, and then Amarillo started to pull away. By the five-minute mark, our three-point lead had become trailing by eleven points.
Our biggest problem this quarter was turnovers. Bad passes, bad ball handling, and two steals really gave them so many opportunities to run the score up on us.
Thankfully, Coach Weyland put Li back in and, from where I was sitting, it looked like she was having an immediate impact. On the first possession, she fought through a box-out to grab an offensive rebound and put it back up and in.
“That’s what I’m talking about!” I jumped up, pumping my fist.
“If you’re going to keep screaming, I’m going to go sit with the girls.”
“Why does it bother you so much,” I said, getting a little annoyed. “I’m not the only one cheering.”
“Whatever, I’ll be back,” she said, and pushed past me.
Although she’d been kind of bored during most of the third quarter, she’d been in a good mood the rest of the night. Or at least until halftime. Maybe she didn’t care much for basketball and once the cheer stuff was done at halftime, she didn’t care.
It still didn’t explain why she was so annoyed every time I cheered.
I wasn’t going to chase after her though. She knew where I was. If she wanted to come back and sit with me, she could.
Li was still playing great, picking off a lazy cross-court pass and hit our point guard in stride with an outlet pass for an easy layup.
Which is why I was completely perplexed why Coach Weyland then subbed her, sending Taylor back in.
“What are you doing?” I shouted, which must have been just loud enough because the coach actually turned around and looked up at me.
I looked right back at her. She was screwing this. Li was absolutely playing better than Taylor. She frowned and went back to the game.
Part of me thought maybe I should back off a little bit, since coaches could be as vindictive as any other teacher, and I didn’t want her taking it out on Li.
The rest of the game was painful to watch. Taylor kept trying to force up shots over double teams instead of kicking it out. She was getting the rebound and putting it up again, but that was costing the team time, and she didn’t get every ball back. Amarillo saw what she was doing and was putting more players in the paint to stop her, which meant there were guards on the outside who could have taken open shots if she was more of a team player.
Seeing how she was playing, I kept thinking Weyland might put her back in, but she never did.
The final buzzer sounded with Amarillo up by eight. By my count, Li had put up eight points, four rebounds, a block, and a steal in just five minutes. Taylor had played thirty-two minutes to get fourteen points and ten rebounds.
A double-double on the sheet, but one that was mostly made up of getting her own rebound from missed layups and putting it back in. I think the team as a whole played better when Li was in.
Melanie was still chatting with the cheerleaders.
“He, I thought we might go meet Li at the locker rooms and celebrate,” I said when there was a break in the conversation.
“Why?”
“Cause she’s my friend and the reason I we came to the game.”
“Can’t we just go get dinner ourselves? I’m starving.”
“No. I mean, we can go eat, but I want to celebrate with her for her first game. What if we took her out to eat so you could get some food and we could still celebrate.”
“I thought it could just be the two of us,” she said, putting her hand on my chest, I guess thinking switching tactics from petulant to seductive would convince me.
Why she didn’t want me to hang out with Li, I had no idea. She hadn’t been really jealous before this, and when I’d asked her to come, I’d specifically mentioned it was to cheer on my friend.
“We’re still going out on Friday and will have time for just the two of us, but we came to support Li, so we should do that. It’s the whole reason we’re here, right?”
“Fine,” she said, reverting back to being annoyed. “But I’m not staying out late. I have a test tomorrow.”
We made it to the locker room well before any of the girls came out. I was excited, looking forward to talking to Li about her first game and how she felt, even after having to sit on the bench for so much of it.
Melanie, on the other hand, practically radiated annoyance, arms crossed, not really looking at anyone else, making it clear to anyone around that she didn’t want to be there. I didn’t bother asking her to lighten up. I liked Melanie and she had her good qualities, but the selfish part of her was starting to get on my nerves.
The door swung open, releasing a burst of laughter and chatter as a few players emerged. None of them were Li. One of the girls offered Melanie a distracted wave, who returned it half-heartedly. I caught myself craning my neck toward the door, trying to catch a glimpse of Li’s tall frame or hear her voice, but the next wave of girls didn’t include her either.
“Are we really waiting out here?” Melanie finally asked, barely glancing in my direction.
“Yes. I want to congratulate her. She had a good game.”
Melanie rolled her eyes, letting out a faint sigh. “She didn’t even play half of it. Taylor was in most of the time.”
At least that was the first indication that she even noticed a basketball game was going on. Speaking of, Taylor Stine appeared next, giving me a curt nod as she walked past. I returned it. I didn’t have any reason to dislike Taylor, except that she kept Li from playing.
The door opened another minute later, and finally Li stepped out. She was smiling, her hair still damp from the shower, carrying her gym bag over one shoulder.
Her smile got even brighter when she spotted me.
“Li!” I called out, probably too loudly for the mostly empty hall. “You were incredible out there!”
“Really? Coach Weyland said ...”
“Good job,” Melanie cut in, her voice flat.
Li’s smile faltered slightly. “Thanks. Coach Weyland actually told me I did great. Said my defensive positioning was really good.”
“Coach knows talent when she sees it,” I said. “We should celebrate! How about pizza at Napoli’s?”
Li hesitated, glancing between Melanie and me. “I don’t know.”
“Come on, you deserve it. First varsity game, first points scored ...”
“We could go to Silver Spoon instead,” Melanie interrupted. “Most of the varsity squad will probably show up.”
“Yeah, I figured, but we saw them earlier and I was hoping we could make tonight about celebrating Li’s first game. I swear, Friday, we’ll go anywhere you want to go,” I said, before turning to Li. “And I know for a fact you love Napoli’s garlic knots.”
“Yeah, pizza sounds good,” Li said, going back to her quiet shy voice.
Melanie wasn’t pleased with the decision, but didn’t fight it. At least not directly.
The walk to Napoli’s was short but tense. Melanie was mostly talking to me about cheer stuff and ignoring Li completely. When the conversation would lull and whatever thing Melanie wanted to talk about finished, I’d try to switch topics and bring Li into the conversation, but that seemed to prompt Melanie to realize there was something else she ‘had to tell me about.’
It was hard not to see it as deliberate.
At least Napoli’s made the walk worth it. The restaurant’s familiar warmth hit us as we walked in, along with the smell of garlic and tomato sauce that always made my stomach growl. It was kind of slow, midweek as it was, and one of the waitresses waved me to find a seat. I led them toward the back, picking a booth away from the entrance where we could actually talk.
I gestured for Melanie to get in one side of the booth and then slid in next to her while Li settled across from us.
“Blake!” The waitress said as she came up to our table. “Happy the season’s over.”
I kind of recognized her. She was in my science class, although she sat clear across the room from me, if she was who I was thinking of. I hadn’t even realized she knew my name.
“Yeah. Finally get some time to myself,” I said as Melanie snaked her arm through mine.
“I hear ya,” the girl said, clearly seeing Melanie staking her claim as her voice got more official. “What do you guys want?”
“Could we get some sodas to start?”
“Of course! What can I get everyone?”
“I’ll have a Diet Coke and my boyfriend will have a Coke. Thanks,” she said dismissively.
Li ordered water. The waitress kept her smile firmly in place, but I caught her quick glance at Melanie before she headed off.
“So,” I said, turning to Li. “That block in the third quarter was incredible.”
“It wasn’t that special,” Li said, but I caught the hint of a smile.
“Are you kidding? You basically teleported into position. The look on that girl’s face when you appeared out of nowhere...”
“Did you see that new lift that Tammy did. It was great, right?”
“If you mean the one at the end, yeah, it was really good,” I said, and then looked back to Li. “So what else did Coach Weyland say to you after the game?”
“Not much really. Just the thing about defensive positioning.”
“She should have said more. I was telling Melanie during the game, the team definitely played better when you were on the floor. Honestly, if they had played you more, I think you might have won.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“They absolutely would have. Right, Melanie?”
“I guess,” she said, clearly annoyed I hadn’t wanted to keep the conversation about Tammy.
Li’s face fell, and she started picking at the paper wrapper from her straw.
Sarah returned with our drinks and took our order, and we ordered pizza, a pepperoni and a mushroom and sausage, which I knew was Li’s favorite. I knew her mom didn’t love her eating junk food, telling her it would make her fat, but we’d made a few trips after practicing before tryouts and it was clear she loved it.
“I’m serious,” I said, getting the conversation back on track. “The defense really tightened up when you were in. Do you think Coach Weyland might give you more minutes next game?”
Before Li could answer, Melanie launched into a story about a college recruiter who’d been watching Kenneth at the playoff game. Li’s responses dwindled to single words, her pizza barely touched when it arrived.
I tried to not shut her down right away, and we’d talk about Kenneth for a few minutes before I steered the conversation back to basketball, but every time Li started to say something, Melanie would interrupt with something she thought was clearly more important. Worse, she would say it directly at me each time, as if we were the only two people at the table. Li checked her watch so many times I lost count.
When we finished, Li started gathering her things before I could even offer to walk her home.
“I can walk with you,” I said, but Li shook her head.
“It’s fine. The store’s only a block over,” she said, standing and shouldering her bag. “Thanks for the pizza.”
“You played great tonight, Li. Really.”
“Thanks.” She managed a small smile, then hurried toward the door.
I watched her go, frustrated at how the evening had turned out. We’d come here to celebrate her achievement, and somehow ended up with her feeling bad.
Well, not somehow. I knew exactly how.
“Walk me home?” Melanie asked, pressing closer.
I paid and we walked out of the restaurant, Melanie still pressed against me, her arm looped through mine. All the babble about Kenneth and the varsity team stopped almost as soon as Li left, and now she was acting all content and happy, like she’d won a victory.
I managed to hold my tongue until we reached the corner, but my annoyance with her grew after each step.
“What the hell was that?”
“What?” She kept walking, not meeting my eyes.
“Back there. You were incredibly rude to my friend.”
“I was polite. I said congratulations.”
“No, you weren’t polite. You were cold and dismissive. You kept interrupting her, changing the subject every time we started talking about basketball.”
Melanie stopped and crossed her arms, tilting her head as if I was the unreasonable one. “I don’t know why you’re so worked up. It’s not like she’s the one you’re dating.”
I blinked, caught off guard. “What?”
“You heard me. You’re always gushing about her, spending time with her, acting like she’s some kind of hero. Honestly, Blake, it’s weird. I should be the one that’s pissed. How do I know you aren’t with her behind my back?”
For a second, I just stood there, stunned. This wasn’t the first time she’d pissed me off, but I’d been patient. I was trying to be a better person than I had been in the dream life.
But that patience had finally worn out.
“That’s what you think? That I’m trying to get with Li because I support her? Because I want to see my friend succeed?”
“You don’t see the way you talk about her, do you? You act like she’s the most important person in the world. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there like an idiot, wondering why I even came tonight.”
“You came because I asked you to come support my friend at her first game, and that was the one thing tonight you didn’t want to do. And yet, I did everything you wanted to do except go to the Silver Spoon. You wanted to talk to the cheerleaders, and we did. Every time you interrupted her to talk about something, I didn’t shut you down. We talked about it. Do you think it’s fair to expect me to support your friends, but insane to think you should support mine?”
“That’s not even the same thing. The team is important to me, she’s just your tutor. Why would I need to be supportive of her? She does nothing for us. Newsflash, Blake, I’m not on her team. I’m not the one trying to date her.”
“Does nothing for us? What the hell is wrong with you? I’m not just friends with people because they can ‘do something’ for me! Is that how you really think of people? And I’m not trying to date Li. Do you really think the only reason I’d want to be nice to someone, or support someone, is because I want something from them? Is that all people are to you, a means to an end?”
“You’re always so quick to defend her! Why can’t you defend me like that?”
“Defend you?” I said, throwing up my hands. “Melanie, I’ve been defending you since the day we started dating. Why do you think Tammy’s started talking to you all the sudden? It’s because I talked to Kenneth and some of the other guys, and made sure they put in a good word for you. And what do you do? You undermine my friend and flirt with Kenneth like it’s your job.”
Her face flushed. “I do not flirt with Kenneth. He’s just... important, okay? If I want to make varsity next year, I need him on my side. You don’t understand what it’s like for me. Cheerleading is my life, Blake. It’s not just some hobby.”
“You think I don’t get it? You think I don’t know what it’s like to have big goals? To want something so bad it feels like your whole life depends on it? Newsflash Melanie,” I said, repeating her words back to her. “I’m busting my ass to make something happen too, but I don’t tear down my friends to get there and I don’t treat people like props to use and throw away. I don’t... you know what, I’m done.”
I turned to start walking away from her, but she ran and got in front of me again.
“You’re so insecure! You’re going to break up with me over this? Because I was nice to another guy? I chose to date you, not Kenneth. Why can’t you just accept that?”
“This has nothing to do with Kenneth. Have you not heard a word I’ve said. This is about apparently only seeing people for what they can do for you. That’s not how you treat anyone and it makes me think maybe the only reason you’re dating me is because I’m just another step on your social climbing ladder.”
Melanie’s face crumpled, tears welling in her eyes. “That’s not true. I’m not using you.”
“Then what is it? Because right now, that’s exactly what this feels like.”
“Everything’s just... complicated.” Her voice caught. “You make everything look so easy. Making friends, getting people to like you. Even Li, who at the beginning of the year was a nobody. You turned her life around and she looks at you like you hung the moon. Everything you touch turns golden, and my life is fucked.”
“Mel...”
“No. It’s, my family’s ...” She broke off, wiping furiously at her eyes. “I’m so messed up, Blake. I don’t know how to do relationships. I’ve screwed up every one I’ve had.”
“I’m sorry things are hard for you, but that doesn’t excuse how you treated my friend tonight or how you treat me sometimes.”
“I know. I’m just scared. All the time. Scared of being hurt again, scared of not being good enough. My family is such a disaster, I don’t even know what normal looks like anymore.” She was full-on sobbing now, shoulders shaking. “Please don’t give up on me. I really like you, Blake. I want to make this work. I know I’m messed up, but please...”
I wanted to still be pissed at her, but it was hard. This wasn’t an act. I’d felt the tension in her house every time I’d been there and she’d canceled our date that one time, clearly after a big fight with her sister.
“Look, I appreciate you being honest with me,” I said, my anger fading.
“I’ll do better,” she promised. “I’ll apologize to Li. I’ll work on my jealousy.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll talk to her and smooth things over. Before we finish this though, I want to make something clear,” I said, lifting her chin so she could see I was serious. “I do not love the way you treat people sometimes. I can’t be with someone who sees people as tools. I can’t be with someone like that.”
“I understand.”
“If you can’t trust me, or if you keep putting your social climbing ahead of our relationship, we’re done. I mean it.”
“I know.” She wiped her eyes. “I’ll prove it to you. Just give me another chance.”
I didn’t answer her right away. I looked into her eyes, trying to read her. She seemed honest, like she really meant it. And, except for stuff like this, I really did like her.
Besides, I was getting a second chance. Why shouldn’t I give the same to someone else.
“Okay,” I said finally. “Let’s get you home.”
Comments
Dwight Palmer
I was wondering that samme thing about her sister
Chester Goetzinger
Don’t agree. He has a lot of negatives in his life and is doing his best to deal wth them. He is a teenager.
James Lawson
Well hope everyone is happy. He's a full on whimp
David H
Thumbs up
philip grossman
I don't recall 19 comments on a single chapter in a great while! At least your Patreon subscribers are interested!
Travis Starnes
Hopefully it reads better now.
philip grossman
I think David's comments are spot on, even the comment about Blake being a "football dad" (which I know from personal experience). It will be interesting to see Blake and Melanie's relationship evolve this time especially if D.J.'s comments about their relationship are still valid the second time around. I also wondered (like Chester) if Melanie's older sister had a different relationship with Melanie than just sister when I read these chapters. Very glad you are not doing abuse again. Much improved and thanks for the rewrite, I'm sure it was not what you wanted to spend your time doing.
David Howe
I like the revised version a lot better. And Blake doesn't seem like much of an ass this time. Clueless, yes. A bit self-centered, yes. BUT it's toned down a lot, and I like him again. He now seems (at least with regard to Melanie) like a normal teen trying to chart his way through murky and unfamiliar waters. Thanks for the revisions.
Chester Goetzinger
Blake was more accommodating during the BB game. Melanie is still very insecure and Blake doesn’t realize how insecure she is. Is her “sister” really her mother?
Erik Hanson
Melanie was being needy and Blake was being oblivious. Sounds par for the course in a teenage relationship!
Dwight Palmer
This scene is so real to life. Neither one is at fault. They are inexperienced with the opposite sex.
Dwight Palmer
Boys an girls, men and men have different emotional needs. We're not the same. Melonie is insecure as most teenage girls are. Blake has tunnel vision as one would have to be to succeed in life especially sports and music. Women get emotional support from their group of acquaintances. Her insecurities will not allow her to see Blake's friend as his project. Li makes her feel more insecure and Blake's focus on his goal of helping Li succeed is in conflict. This is the way of life as men and women have to learn each other. It is telling that Melanie accused Blake of trying to date Li. A true indication of her insecurity. Neither one was at fault, they're both inexperienced. They will learn. An aside: I was three years old, living on a farm with no electricity and well water. We used coal oil lamps and a wood burning stove. I watched my dad light fires and I identified with pulling the match toward his body. My great grandmother was lighting the stove and she held the matchbox up and pushed the match away from herself. It struck me as odd and awkard. I then realized that I had seen my grandmother and mother strike a match the same way. That was my first realization that men ans women are two different species mentally and emotionally. The kids will learn as long as they have a love for each other.
Travis Starnes
I'm rewriting it, cause Blake is coming off different from how I intended. Also, nope, Melanie's plot is something else. I already did abuse in the last book. Just have to wait to find out.
David Howe
One final comment. Melanie's exhibiting all the signs of being in a household that is emotionally abusive, and Blake's actions seem to fit right in with that kind of environment. Melanie's trying hard to escape it, but right now, I'd just call it transferring her dependency and affections to another emotional abuser (at least for this night) - Blake. I'm not sure where you're heading with all this. If it's part of the plot, or a sub-plot, fine. Otherwise, not so fine.
David Howe
My impression is that Blake is being both clueless and self-centered. Clueless, in that he has no idea that Melanie feels threatened by Li and also has her own interests she'd like to pursue (social time with the cheerleaders). Self-centered in that everything he's doing and saying is about him or Li. He's really acting as if Melanies, thoughts, communications and feelings don't matter at all. One way to at least partially finesse it would be for Blake to have a talk with Melanie at the outset that he's at the game for Lee, and that will take precedence during the game, and encourage Melanie to hang out with her cheerleader friend. One other thing that makes Blake appear as a jerk is that he's being a classic "football dad." Yelling at Li's coach, etc. is not a good thing and he, of all people, should know better.
Roger
Mutual immature teenage angst
D.J. Clarke
I had a thought. Maybe not a good one and I have proven I can't write worth crap and have no imagination. But here goes. I ask why Blake is with Melanie. There seems to be no love from his perspective. He does know she is a social climber. He knows he will not end up with her. Blake is somewhat dismissive of her wants. She see's him as hooking to the rising star. So take these thoughts with a grain of salt, maybe a 5KG bag. It is interesting that on SOL Vash the Stampede is also writing a "go back and fix the past" story. Two different takes but have parallels.
James Lawson
Some of you need a lot of learning. Why did they go to the game? Melanie was the jerk and any who think otherwise are henpecked. She didn't want attention when Blake was loud. She wanted to to run off to the cheerleaders then get upset when Blake rooted for the team. She was being self-centered period. Typical high school girl. You people are wrong.
David H
I had trouble finishing the chapter. Blake was being a real jerk.
philip grossman
Without reading your question about who is unreasonable, I would have thought that you were intending for Blake to come off as an immature jerk. Blake's actions were so "over the top" that anyone on the outside would think he was enthralled with Li, and she was his girlfriend. Most of Melanie's "attitude" was a response to Blake's actions. Melanie was mean and immature here as well; however, she did try to apologize - which Blake barely accepted. I assume you will explore Melanie's "home issues" in future chapters. If you were not intending to show that even though Blake had prior life experience, it didn't always help him in every situation - then you missed the mark. Your editor is right this time. :-)
Chester Goetzinger
I would say that Blake was so focused on Li that Melanie felt sidelined. Mostly Would have been better to not take Melanie if he was going to be so focused on Li. Majority of fault is on Blake.
Ronnie Haas
I do not think Blake is a jerk but he is just learning how to deal with girls/women too. The way you have the story going he did not have much success in his first go around. Melanie is just learning too and seems to have a just as complicated background as Blake. They also have two different goals that have vary different routes to success. Blake's has a measure of success of winning or scoring. Melanie's is a social status type of success. She has to depend much more on what others "think" of her than Blake. Also your writing about how men and women act socially too. Very different creatures. Women have mystified men since the beginning of time and will until the end. LOL
Sean Cohen
Definitely Melanie is the most, but he was also pretty dismissive here and there
