DerekVasconi
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The TO-DO List... preserving the sanity
🕑 Added 2019-08-22 01:18:44 +0000 UTC
Ah, I'm feeling incredibly open today about things... like, had a shitty ass birthday (which was only good because I got to see my daughter and also so many of you wished me happy birthday... I was so happy to hear from all of you!), and had some things go on that I'm not too happy about here in terms of... certain work activities... BUT, for no reason at all, and even if nobody cares (and that's okay if you don't, care, because, once again, I'm being super self-indulgent on here. Can you tell that tour really fucked me up? Lol), here's my To DO list, below. I've decided to just do me, and fuck everything and everyone else. Feel free to comment, criticize, or give me YOUR to do list, because I'm a curious soul like that.
1. Start the idol documentary: Well, I already started it, in terms of getting the first groups to sign on and now we're just scheduling interviews to start. But yep, next week, it's official!
2. Finish my book/start the next one: I've been working on the cryptid story now for seven years. It's literally pages away from being done, but those last few chapters... they are gigantic in terms of what happens in them. So... I'm going to binge write and barrel through them and finish it all up, and then begin the lovely process of actually REALLY writing the book, which is the rewrite phase. This of course is, as Stephen King has said, the real essence of storytelling. And booooy, do I SO love rewriting... he he he (ahem... yeah. NOT).
Oh, and I really want to write the next story because it's much smaller in scope and deals so much with regular Japan and something absolutely horrific that I have happen inside of Japan... so since I'm here.... might as well be inspired! Of course, my idea for inspiration in this book is watching thousands of Japanese people die horrific deaths, all to satisfy a Japanese woman's desire to reconnect with somebody she loves. Now doesn't that sound like the definition of a best seller in the making?
LMFAO.
3. Idol Underworld. Adding new groups this week and next and more to come. Actually met with two groups yesterday and the day before that (my birthday... see? I never stop working) and took chekis of their members and got all their merchandise and price lists. And today, meeting with two very huge potential artists and tomorrow night, the biggest one yet. So... things are brewing!
4. Try to re-stabilize myself emotionally: Tour fucked me up. Some stuff happened on tour that re-aligned my entire paradigm on what I'm doing here and with whom. And also, my heart has been broken in a gigantic way. So... I need to fix that. Just don't have the answer as to how to do that quite yet, but... working on that. I have been in a mental loop of depression but I'm fighting my way out of it... just doing shit like this, right here... it helps me. In some weird way, communicating with all of you keeps me sane. That shit really does work. Or at least it does with me. So far. I just wish I could figure out how to get over all those nights of wishing I had HER with me and SHE isn't here anymore, like she used to be. My apartment is full of memories of HER. Everywhere I turn, I had done something with her in literally every corner and inch of my apartment... so try living in that kind of mental memory max security prison. And worst part is... will I ever SEE HER AGAIN? The jury's out on that. So maybe... maybe I need to start again with somebody new. Isn't that always how the heart heals?
5. Try to fix my family situation. This one is really painful, and super paralyzing. But... ganbaru.
6. Learn Japanese. Once again... Ganbaru. I'm hopeless at it, but I'm not giving up.
7. Really, really try to get a million dollars. And then another million dollars. And then use that money to be creative and to help others. Maybe get the movies made I wrote, and really use that money to influence others to help me get my creative visions turned into reality. Yeah.... I know this last one's a dream, but I think we all need dreams to try to pursue. It's weird how the most undeserving scumbags in the world are the ones who have millions of dollars (not all of them though, as some of the millionaires I know who are my friends are actually pretty good people... really selfish people who wouldn't give you a penny if you asked for it from them, but good people all the same). I mean, really, I should have that kind of money.... I would do so much good with it. My list of things I would do for myself is simple: New shoes, new pants, new teeth, new computer, and my bills paid. That's it. Everything else would go into creative shit like making that 8 bit fantasy RPG game I want to make, and turning my scripts into films, and getting things moving here in the idol world in a positive way, like setting up bigger overseas tours, etc. But yeah... instead, I have to struggle like everybody else, while real millionaires in the world do no good unless it benefits themselves, or they give to shitty charities that don't really do much either for anyone who isn't in extreme situations in the world. Not saying people in extreme situations shouldn't be helped more than me, but... I think about it this way... if I had help and had that kind of money given to me (or better yet, I earned it through my hard work), then I could make movies and help bring music to people in those situations who got out of those situations and then want to be inspired in their lives. Movies and music inspire people, so my work is just as important. You feel me?
Okay... that's all. Now instead of writing anymore on this list... I'm going to go actually DO what's on this list. Love all of you... please keep supporting me. Please keep helping me! I appreciate it more than anything can ever begin to show.
ps-Oh, and if you happen to know a rare millionaire who actually would support an artist like me, maybe you can talk to them and tell them to give me a shot? Watch me change the fucking world if that happens. I fucking guarantee it.
Comments
Thanks for another update. It's a long and worthy list you have up there, and I look forward to seeing you succeed at completing it. It's also good that writing things like this gives you an outlet for your emotions. It helps to share, and it's nice to be of some help to you in some way. Always cheering for you and eager to see what you do next. Be well.
Good one Denny looool. You are too funny.
Thank you Paul but here's the thing, I could NEVER forget you. You've been a tremendous influence on me. You were the first person to give me money for my writing. You have done more for Necroma than any other person on the planet, in terms of what you've done for them and the favors you've pulled and the money you've spent, and also, you are just a damn good guy. Talking to you for hours in the hotel, I realized that you are really living the life you want to live, and in that sense, I look up to you, because you don't need a million dollars to be happy or do the things you want to do. I can learn from you more than I want to admit. At the same time, you have given enough. Please don't ever apologize for what you can't do... you honestly have done so much it's hard to fathom. And I wouldn't forget you and I certainly am going to fly you to Japan when I'm a millionaire and we're going to do it idol proper and have some beer here and really do some fun shit together. I miss you and your company and that last day in Sweden, walking around with me and hanging out by that one river... it was really amazing. You settled me. Really you did. Thank you for helping me in a difficult (and still difficult) situation. You are a real friend, and that's something a million dollars can never really get me. So for that, I'm grateful beyond words and already feel like I'm rich.
I would NEVER forget any of you. EVER. Even if I did get to that kind of crazy financial level... that money would get dumped into inspiring people, like you, and not being used to stuff my face with 1000 dollar steaks or buying expensive cars. I don't care about ANY of that kind of shit. I want money to do good in this world and to be a creative soul, but right now, that's my struggle. So I have to do what I can with the money I have, which I'm grateful for, and move forward. And we'll see what happens afterwards. I really do hope to keep pushing forward, and yeah... as you said... time is a healer. I wish the person who hurt me so much understood what SHE did to me, but... maybe it's okay she doesn't? I dunno. Listening to Oyaholo right now and just feeling really emotional. Those two girls do it for me in such a big way... their voices... I feel lucky I got to tour with them and hear them sing every night for a few weeks. Really lucky.
lol, awesome. Thank you Miroslav. I should mention that I'm supremely grateful for everything I have right now and the money I've been given for my creative pursuits. So a million dollars is something that I hope to earn myself, though it would be nice to get some help in that regard somewhere along the way. Just once... like, I wish the world would align itself properly and help those who can help others the most. I feel I can do that. I can be that person. Thanks for saying I'm strong... I feel like I'm not, but I'm doing my best. I really am. Thank you. And thank you for being a real friend.
"Baby you can drive my car, Yes I'm going to be a star -- baby you can drive my car -- and maybe I love you -- yeah -- beep beep"
If I had a million dollars ... hmm ...
Nice list. Sorry for not being a millionare, but then I would statistically speaking not give a penny to others, so... I guess the stereotypical millionares are that because they are cheap. As Paul Collet wrote - don't forget us when you are a millionare ;) Good luck with your list though, it is always good to write that stuff down.
We are rooting for you. Sometimes it's really good to get everything off your chest. Although it's always hard for the person affected to understand, time really is a healer. Best of luck. p.s. Don't forget us when you are a multimillionair 😊
Miroslav Rezanina
Nice list, Derek. And one that can be checked, although some points are really not easy. I'm sorry point 4, it's hard when something hit you so much. However, I believe you can do it as you're strong enough to go for it. And don't worry. As soon as I'm become the millionaire, you're on top of list for my support plans.
