Agrippa
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All Right! Fine! I’ll Take You! – Yui’s Lily Garden – Chapter 1
🕑 Added 2021-10-18 03:12:20 +0000 UTCDisclaimer: So that this story fits inside of Patreon’s Community Guidelines, it’s been revised so that it occurs in an AU where all the characters are legal adults. This includes the characters not involved in sexual events. Everybody is an adult, without a single exception. Sorry about the inconvenience.
I just had lunch with Hikky.
Is… Is this fair? We talked about Yukinon, and he told me he had a plan, so she couldn’t have been there because they’re still butting heads, but… Is this too underhanded?
No, I’ve given her enough chances! If anything, too many! I pushed her to give him the cookies, left them alone in the aquarium, and—
And Hikky rejected my plan.
I bite down on my pencil as the teacher keeps droning about something that will be on the test and that I will hopefully have Yukinon explain next time she stays over. Really, this is all so boooring it feels like one of Mr. Chunni’s novels. What’s the point of making things hard to understand on purpose? People should be able to express what they actually mean—
And I am back to them again. Is it so hard for them to accept their feelings? Yukinon kept that secret picture of Hikky beneath her pillow, and Hikky…
He’s not very good at hiding his glances…
Remembering once again the way he told me there was nothing ‘little’ about me, I flush and try very hard not to hug my chest right in the middle of class.
Creepy! Hikky’s sexual harassment is creepy! Fish-eyes! Peeping Tom! Harem lead!
“Yuigahama, are you all right?”
I raise my head to see Mr. Tanaka looking at me from across the class and Hikky shooting me his usual, far too intense yet uncaring at the same time, look from just over where his head was laying on his arms. So unfair. He’s always going on about how he isn’t good at math, but what does he do during class? Sleep, mostly. Or pretend not to.
Not like I keep looking at him while he has his eyes closed and—
“Yuigahama?”
“Ah! Sorry, I… may have a little bit of a fever?”
Mr. Tanaka hums in consideration before coming to a decision.
“Fine. Miura, accompany her to the nurse’s office.”
“Uh?”
“Come on, don’t dally; you have wasted enough of your classmates’ time already.”
As I feel my blush get slightly worse (not much, because Hikky kept staring at me throughout the whole thing), I see Yumiko get up and go right to me. I rush to my feet before she drags me up because, knowing her, that may be a very real possibility. Really, Yumiko, if you were half as forward with Hayama you wouldn’t be in this mess of longing glances in the middle of class—
Oh.
Totally different! Hikky and Yukinon are too well-guarded; a straightforward approach would only get me shot down from their battlements!
I need to stop talking to Mr. Chuuni…
I allow (by which I mean I don’t try to fight her) Yumiko to grab my elbow and pull me after her in her decided charge across the classroom. She only stops after the door closes behind us, and then she takes my hand.
Uh? Is she—no. Yumiko’s straight; that much I’m sure of.
Lucky her…
“What has he done now?” The tone doesn’t leave much doubt about who she’s talking about.
“I… Yumiko, he’s really not as bad as you’re making him out to be…” Hikky, why do you make it so hard to defend you?
“I don’t care whether he’s bad or good; I care about what he does to you.” Why couldn’t I have fallen for her? She’s pretty enough, and I would be too scared to make a move, much less agonize over— “Yui, tell me.”
“It’s… not something he’s done; it’s just… Yukinon.” And Yumiko’s eyes soften in a way that could mean she has figured me out or that she really, reallyhasn’t.
“What a mess…” she mutters before turning around and dragging me to the nurse’s office at a sedate pace.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t apologize. It’s annoying.”
“… Sorry.”
And she sighs before stopping yet again.
“Just… Just don’t let it get you down, okay? They both are too thick-headed for you to fret over them so much.”
“I know, but… if I don’t—”
“Their families. Their other friends. Themselves. Each other. It doesn’t have to be you, Yui, don’t act like you didn’t choose this.”
And she’s right, of course. She rarely isn’t.
Really, she and Yukinon are far more similar than they would like to admit.
“But I did. I chose them.”
And Yumiko, once again, sighs in frustration.
“Couldn’t you have had a normal crush? What about Tobe, is he really so—” I look at her, trying not to show half as much disgust as the suggestion brings. “Fine, fine. Not Tobe. Really, poor guy, can’t catch a break.”
“You could always set him up with Hina.” And if my tone’s frostier than usual, I think I can be forgiven.
I spend a lot of time with Yukinon, after all.
“Whoa, no need to—I mean, sorry. I know it’s delicate, but it just…” She worries at her thumb with her teeth, peering up at me while carelessly destroying the nail art I know she spends so much time getting just right, and…
I hug her.
“Uh?! Yui?!”
“It’s alright, Yumiko. You are a good friend.”
“D—don’t misunderstand, I just—”
“You don’t want to be annoyed. I know.”
And she pauses for a moment before arms toned by hours of tennis practice close around me.
“As long as you understand,” she mumbles, her breath heating the air within my hair.
Why couldn’t it have been you, Yumiko? It would’ve been so much easier…
***
“Yui? Dinner is ready,” Mama says, her head barely peeking into my room.
Which is completely unlike her and her bossy ways. So I guess I’ve been more obvious than I thought.
“I’m coming, just a second.” Sable raises his head from my lap just the tiniest amount, enough to give me a sad eyebrow waggle, and then settles his chin back down, his lower body spread on the bed where I’ve been sitting for the past hour.
Which is completely unlike me! I seriously need to move, to do something, before—
Sable lets out a small whine.
Fine. Maybe I don’t need to move. I’ll just pat my thoroughly spoiled baby.
His short fur is soft and warm under my hand, and after I gently rub with my finger the ridge of bone between his eyes, his tail starts thumping against my mattress.
If only everyone was so easy…
“Yui! Dinner!”
“Ah, sorry! You heard Mama, Sable, I can’t keep spoiling you. Come on, get off.”
Sable looks up at me, his eyebrows raising in a tented shape.
He doesn’t move.
“I am serious, Sable. Get off.”
His tail wags slowly, softly drumming against my bed.
I sigh.
And I end up carrying a dog who’s very prone to affectionate licking to the bathroom in my arms.
When I finally get him on the ground, I need to wash my hands and my face.
“Took you long enough,” Mama says when I sit at the table.
“Sorry, Sable was being… Sable.” And Mama chuckles at that.
“You mean supportive of his mopey owner?”
“Mama!”
“Daughter!” she says, copying my scandalized tone. And she chuckles. Again.
I don’t think that deserves more answer than a grumble…
At least she has prepared tonkatsu… Ah, no! Stuffing my face is not the proper way to deal with—
And what would be the proper way?
Taking a page out of Yumiko’s book, I let out a miffed sigh before I decide to actually stuff my face with golden, crispy, breaded pork cutlet that almost melts in my mouth.
“So, is it Hikky or Yukinon?”
And I proceed to almost choke on it.
“Mama!”
“What? I was your age not that long ago; I know what that face and those sighs mean.”
And now my cheeks are burning. Great. Coming out of the closet to my mother may have been the worst mistake of my life.
“… Can’t it be both?” Asides from asking that.
Her eyebrows raise before an impish smile makes me make sure I don’t have anything in my mouth that would require a quick trip to the emergency room.
“I don’t know, Yui, can it?”
“Uh?”
She pokes my forehead from across the table, and her smile softens.
“Can it be both? Are you three… close enough for that?”
And I remember a date to the aquarium, a hurried declaration, and a boy far too eager to make that crying face that just makes me melt because I want to hug him and hold him and have him—Ah!
“Mama, stop laughing!”
“Your face is too easy to read, sweetie. Make sure you don’t fall for a playboy.”
“Not that likely…” Wait. He has me, Yukinon, Iroha… and maybe Miss Shizuka? Is Hikky a playboy?! I just thought he was a dense harem lead, but if he—
Oh. And Saika.
If he’s bi, we would have at least that in common.
“Hey, Yui.” I raise my gaze from the neatly cut pieces of golden, delicious—I mean, I look at Mama. “Don’t regret not trying when you can regret failing.”
“Wha—why would I want to regret anything at all?”
“Because you are young, learning, and life will not wait for you to be ready before throwing you a curveball. Sweetie, you are a beautiful young woman who has met another beautiful young woman and an impossibly broody guy. It is a mess, and somebody’s gonna get hurt, but it’s better that the pain comes now than ten years from now, when you look back on this and wonder what could have been.”
“Is that…” I swallow, the words not quite ready to be exposed. “Is that what happened with Papa?”
Mama stays quiet for a bit and then gets up and smiles a soft smile before hugging me to her chest.
“Yes. No. Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. Because you know what’s the best thing about mistakes that cause you pain?”
“No?” I say, my voice as steady as I can make it. Because if Mama won’t cry, then I don’t have the right to.
“That the pain ends up fading. But the good things remain.”
And Mama kisses the top of my head, and I allow myself to cling to her.
Even if the tonkatsu is getting cold.
***
The rest of the weekend passes in a monotony of taking Sable on so many walks that at one point he just lies down in the middle of the street and refuses to move until I carry him back home.
I spoil him too much… But he’s just so cute when he rolls around, his tail waving like a featherduster and—
Uh, I mean, I should be stricter with him, or he will grow up crooked.
Like…
“Yuigahama, could I ask you to go the clubroom after class?”
Right. Like him.
And Mama’s right: he’s far too broody. Couldn’t he have asked me like normal, instead of putting up this solemn expression like he has decided to—
Oh.
“Is this about Yukinon?” Because what else could it be about.
And he smiles. That crooked smile when he knows something he knows nobody else does. The smile he wears when he’s about to win, no matter whether everybody else would rather lose than get such a victory.
The smile I…
My cheeks are warm. Great.
“Yes. I am going to solve this once and for all. Like I promised you.”
“You... didn’t promise me anything, Hikky.”
“Oh, it looks like you are right. It was you who promised me to help with Yukinoshita.” And that smile, once again.
“I… Yes, I did. What do you want me to do?”
He leans in, conspiratorially, and he whispers.
“Be yourself.”
“Uh… What?”
“You heard me: be yourself.” And he leans away, and his current smile is not so sarcastic, the edges sanded away, and…
Oh, that is so much worse.
Stupid Hikky! Where’s your creepy grossness when I need it the most? Come on, say something outrageous! Call me dumb! Commit social suicide! Look at my chest!
Uh, I mean, not that last one, please…
“That easy?” I end up asking.
“No. That hard. That impossible, unreachable feat. Except for you. Because you are Yui Yuigahama, and you do with ease what we all struggle so much with.” And his smile softens even more, and there’s that hint of sadness, and I don’t know whether I really am everything he just said I am, but I want to be. For him. For Yukino. For them, and help them be…
I am notcrying.
He clears his throat, and the moment passes.
“Thanks…” I say, even if I don’t know what it’s actually for. Because that may be the nicest thing he has said to me, but I still don’t know what it means, so—
“No. No, thank you, Yuigahama. For being you.” And he turns away.
And walks out.
And something in my chest clenches.
***
The solution to the prom situation is… About everything I expected, and not at all like I thought. Which… Sums Hikky up pretty well, now that I think of it.
There’s been a whirlwind of emotion, revelations that would make no sense for anybody not directly involved, something that would be a betrayal if not done in loving kindness…
Yes. It definitely is one of Hikky’s plans. Even if it lacks a certain something.
And then he asks his prize, and… well.
I don’t know whether to slap him or kiss him.
‘Try to kiss Yuigahama.’
Seriously? After a whole weekend agonizing over the two of you and trying not to think of precisely the kind of scene where you eagerly watch as Yukinon and I—
Nope! Not thinking about that! Much less right now!
Because, right now, I’m seeing a resigned Yukinon turn her body toward me after having another one of those almost conversations with Hikky where the two of them imply more than they say, and I’m pretty sure they each end up interpreting their own thing that only somewhat resembles what the other meant.
Mostly because they aren’t already dating, and if they really had that kind of telepathy, they would have been all over each other months ago.
Stop! Bad brain! Bad! This is not the time for that.
No, this…
‘Who better than Yuigahama Yui to handle Yukinoshita Yukino?’
He told me that last week, as I huddled under his jacket, his warmth and his scent surrounding me, and I… I melted a bit more at the thought that he really saw our bond, that he didn’t think about us as, as… codependent, but… that he saw, like I did…
Yukinon takes a step forward.
My eyes are still on Hachiman’s, looking for a sign, a clue that he really means what I think he means. And he nods.
And I can’t look at Yukinon. Not now, not like this, when she feels she’s being forced to—
She takes another step. Another step. Toward me.
And Hikky smiles. Not his usual smile, the one that may become an insult with a single twitch of his lips. No, it’s his tender smile, the one with a hint of sadness that I can’t really read, because it could be sadness for others as much as for himself and, and, and I want to reach him, hug him, let him cry out in my chest, let him be whatever he wants to be with me, but…
But Yukinon is near. Getting near.
And Hikky asked me to… be myself.
He said it would be easy for me. Only for me.
It isn’t, but… It could be.
So I turn toward Yukinon, and I see her fully. Her tight shoulders, her restrained expression, the way she’s pushing herself toward what she thinks…
She expects me to reject her.
Some day, I will force Hayama to tell me what the Hell happened back then, and that will be the day some bitches learn that small dogs can have very sharp teeth.
But today… Today Yukinon is walking toward me, and I don’t smile. Not yet, because it’s not the right moment when she’s already on the verge of something, but I look at her. Timidly, guardedly, tilting my chin down as my cheeks redden just a bit more.
And Yukinon’s eyes meet mine, and her expression shifts. Resignation giving way to disbelief, to… something fragile. Precious. Something I want to cradle in my hands and warm it enough that it can finally hatch from the ice.
And she takes another step, and I almost leap forward. But no. That’s not what this is, that’s not Hikky’s plan, that for once I understand, because it’s not about their logic, or reasoning or methods, but about feelings, and those I do understand, even if they are harsh or hurt, or always seem too far away.
So I wait, a smile twitching on my lips as Yukinon searches my face, looking for disgust, or trickery, or the slightest hint of me being uncomfortable.
And she doesn’t find them.
And finally… finally… Yukinon leans forward those last couple of inches.
And I see fireworks.
I… always thought that was an exaggeration, but here I am, sparks of something giddy and bubbling shooting in, around and through me as the softest thing my lips have ever tasted brushes against them, as Yukinon’s frail blue widen as they remain fixed on mine, and I know what she’s thinking, what she’s feeling, and it is not at all what I am feeling, but that is all right, because we have a lifetime ahead of us to make those synch.
So I am ecstatic, while she’s disoriented, and I could cry out in joy even as tears start brimming in her eyes. Because I’m so, so glad that she’s finally managed to reach across, to accept that she’s loved, that I love her, while she’s unbalanced, floored by the feeling of not being rejected when she expected to be. And that’s a sad happiness, or a happy sadness, but it’s all right, because—
And she leans back. Confused, her fingers reaching up to those lips that are now mine, that I just claimed and—
“Wha—why—” she starts to ask.
And I answer the question before she can finish it.
By jumping forward and holding her in my arms like I’ve wanted to do so many times, like I’ve yearned for, like—
Oh, wait, that’s not all I wanted to do.
So I kiss her.
And this time, I don’t hold back.
Because our first kiss was about Yukinon discovering that I wouldn’t reject her, but our second will be about me teaching her that I won’t let her pull away.
So I keep my eyes open to watch each and every reaction, my hands traveling up her back, the fabric of her uniform rough on the spots where I push her hair aside, and my fingers dig into always far too taut muscles so she lets out a muffled moan of relief that I take advantage of to push my tongue inside her mouth.
She wriggles inside my grasp right before she freezes at the intrusion, and I push forward harder, insistently, my tongue moving around her mouth not to make her join in, but to let her experience the full breadth of what I can offer, and she moans at certain times, so I take note of them, the places that are sensitive, the movements that she enjoys, the things that make her close her eyes and get limp in my grasp as if drifting away.
And then, out of the corner of my eye, I see Hikky watching us right before he starts to leave.
No!
I look into his eyes, right at him, even as Yukinon is held upright by me, and ask, beg him to understand, and I start opening my embrace, to show him that there’s room for him there, that he can always, always—
And he shakes his head.
And… a dream breaks.
Because this is the happiest I’ve been in years, the day I finally can show Yukinon how loved she is, the day she hopefully starts to heal, but…
It will also be the day I lose my first love.
Damn you, Hikky. You always need to be such a drama queen…
And I can see it hurts him. I can see it’s also something he’s losing, denying himself, but… He has made a decision.
And I don’t know if the person who can change Hachiman Hikigaya’s mind has yet been born.
So, between the sadness of loss and the happiness of a better future… I choose.
And I turn my attention back to Yukinon. To the girl melting in my embrace, to the body I’ve dreamed far too often about, the mind that always dazzles me, and the heart I want to mend.
On the other side of regret, a door closes.
And I am alone with my lover.
***
I am sitting on the ground of the club room, my back resting on the wall to the side of the window, Yukinon seated on my lap, curled like a kitten looking for warmth.
For something I can give her.
“Yuigahama—”
“No.” I look at her sternly.
“Yuigaha—”
“No.” Apparently, Yukinon, for all her genius, is harder to teach than Sable.
“Yu—Yui?”
And I smile and pat her head, and she tries very, very hard not to preen.
And fails.
So cute!
“Stop that…” she moues.
“You deserve a treat. If not this, what do you want me to do?” I waggle my eyebrows (no, Sable, I’m not copying you), and she blushes further.
It suits her well.
“Yu—Yui,” she begins before she pauses to take a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever it is before she shrinks herself, burying her face against my chest. “… Why?” she ends up muttering, almost too low for me to hear.
And I could play dumb, tell her I don’t understand, ask her to elaborate. But that’s not me.
I don’t play dumb. I am dumb.
… That sounded better before I actually thought it.
So I cradle her cheek with my hand and tilt her face so she’s looking straight at me, so she can use whatever mysterious methods she uses to read me and anticipate what I am actually thinking as long as they are thoughts and not feelings. I keep looking at her, just drinking in the beautiful, frail girl, the glossy ink of her hair, the snow of her skin and the apple-red of her cheeks, the sky in her eyes, for once without any cloud.
“Because I love you, silly.”
And I lean down, my lips meeting her own in a fleeting kiss once again, because I have done it so many times already that I shouldn’t marvel at the soft feeling anymore.
“But… why?”
Not a ‘me too,’ or an ‘I don’t feel the same way.’ Because the notion is too alien for her to readily accept and properly answer to.
So I kiss her. Again.
And then I look again into sky blue that shines brighter than ever, even if the light is still uncertain.
“Because…” and I swallow back the bitterness, the regret, the raspy feeling in my throat of tears unshed. “Because it is genuine.”
And Yukinon shakes. Because she hadn’t readied herself for that answer, those words. Because they are his.
But, for a while, so were we.
‘The pain ends up fading. But the good things remain.’
So I cradle my good thing, and kiss her hair.
And… I never wanted anything genuine.
Because what I wanted was love.
And I thought I couldn’t have both.
Thank you, Hikky. For proving me wrong.
… And even like this, you end up making me feel dumb.
===============================
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So… Well, it looks like every joke on the Oregairu thread gets me a new commission. Either there’s an arcane mechanism at work I need to harness, or statistical improbability is once again paying me a visit. Or, as Yui would say, can’t it be both?
This piece of waff with a dash of angst has been commissioned by PyroICFF, who at this time should be sleeping like a sane human being living near my time zone. If it radically changes in the days to come, it’s because I missed the mark. Meanwhile, enjoy the Oregairu Hydra!
Comments
Agrippa
Soon we shall see an expanded universe! And maybe a more successful cinematic universe than DC's (it's better to have low expectations).
aj0413
Not normally a fan of Yuri really, but will definitely be reading this! Also, lmao I love how these side stories are just naturally developing from audience interest
Agrippa
Thanks, and that was precisely the plan: to write a few epilogues skipping ahead to key moments in the cast's lives. It may even end up being a regular thing, given the interesting dynamics that are sure to emerge with so many people tangled in such a mess of relationships. Also, Yoshiteru and Minami's visits to the Hikigaya household are sure to be funny enough.
Pope Yoda I
...you write the best, sappiest character pieces. I'd love to see, once this set of stories comes to a close, a few timeskip pieces, either in college or when their kids become friends (I guess Yui would adopt or get a donor) and they meet again.
