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"Now then,"
🕑 Added 2023-02-02 03:08:33 +0000 UTCI exclaimed, clapping my hands and turning toward the rest of the coven. "Regarding the lesson plan. Hm... This group will need some restructuring. Which of you is now the oldest?"
They all pointed at Rebecca.
"Wait a minute," Rebecca protested. "I know I'm the tallest, but isn't Chloe older?"
"Nope," the duck responded. "You're six weeks ahead of me."
"You're only tall because of those heels," the mouse (bear?) insisted.
"You mean you're all under eighteen?" I asked, with slight dismay.
"I'll be eighteen soon," Chloe pointed out. "But why does that matter?"
"It doesn't," I retorted. "As the eldest member of the coven, Rebecca is now in charge."
"I SEE!" Didelphis exclaimed angrily. "It all becomes crystal clear! This was your plan all along, to get me out of the way so you could put your sweetheart in charge! You young mels are all the same! I knew it as soon as I saw that outfit you gave her! How much venery did it take to compromise your principles?"
"I am willing to make you old again if you learn your lesson and manage to impress me," I declared, coolly ignoring the opossum's unsavory accusations. "However, if you want to continue being belligerent, you can just grow up the slow way."
Didelphis shut her mouth and glowered at me, but didn't say anything else.
The vixen cautiously raised her hand.
"Yes?" I prompted. "You have a question?"
"Uh, Lord Randall, sir, if any of us upset you, will you turn us all into children?"
"Probably not," I declared decisively. "This was a special case. It was meant to be an ironic punishment."
"Didn't you turn Oak Marten into a little girl as well?" Chloe asked.
"That was also a special case meant to be ironic," I explained.
"Um," Rebecca interjected. "I'm not sure that counts as being ironic. I remember reading that irony is an incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs. In this case, 'poetic' would be the more accurate term."
"Okay fine," I sighed. "It was a POETIC punishment. And the situation with Oak still counts as ironic, since that transformation was meant to be a punishment and she ended up being happy about it."
"I don't think that's how -" the bear (mouse?) started to say.
"Let's get back on topic!" I interrupted before this could turn into a literary debate. "Rebecca will be in charge of the Coven for two reasons. Firstly, with Didelphis now a child, Rebecca is the oldest. Secondly, she is very gifted with understanding elfly things and has grasped the basics of her lessons far faster than I could have anticipated."
"That's not all she grasped, if you ask me," Didelphis sneered.
"Before I turned Oak into a little girl," I informed her. "I turned him .. er, her into a feral marten. You may not have heard that part of the story, but I assure you, elves do not lie. Just remember, being able to talk is a special privilege."
Didelphis paled and started licking her lollypop.
"Right then," I resumed. "I am a busy elf and I assume you all have lives to attend to. It would be difficult to gather everyone together for every lesson, and there isn't time to individually tutor all of you. Therefore, I will tutor Rebecca in the mystical arts, and what she masters, she will teach to you. That way it will be easier for you to gather in whatever setting is most convenient. Maybe a dark cellar huddled around a bubbling cauldron, a wheat field at midnight, a dank grotto, whatever strikes your fancy. I know this stone circle is remote and difficult to reach, so only on special occasions will you all have to convene here. Any questions?"
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Comments
>Chloe: Uh, that all sounds pretty good, but, um, what are you supposed to do about Didelphis? >Adler: That's a good question. Hmm... You can't in good conscience allow a child to live alone in a shack in the wilderness. Even if that child is a former pain-in-the-neck curmudgeon. You could have her stay with one or all of the coven members, but they seem to all still be dependents living with their families, and judging by how out-there and unruly they are, said families probably have their hands full keeping them in line. She could stay with Vernier, actually no. Vernier is overworked as it is and is already sheltering Rebecca. You don't want to place another burden on her. You ask if there are any orphanages in the area. >Vixen: There used to be one, but some lunatic beaver woman burned it down. She's still at large. >Adler: That's no good. What if- Suddenly a devious idea comes to mind. So, this pie woman Didelphis mentioned, is she married? Have any children? >Rebecca: She's married, but she doesn't have any children. She wishes it were a secret, but people love to gossip. She's always wanted a son or daughter, but is unable to have any. >Chloe: That's why she's so good at baking, she filled the void in her life by burying herself in her work. >Didelphis: Practice and hard work is no substitute for natural talent! Hold on a second. How does she know that? *Gasp* Have they all been consorting with the enemy behind your back?? >Vixen: She makes really, really good pies... >Rebecca: And she's really nice. >Mouse/Bear: She also knows a lot of funny stories. >Adler: Well then, she should be delighted to know that the coven has found a poor, helpless child in need of a good home. >Didelphis: T-they wouldn't dare. They can't! Please be reasonable! Being dependent on your sworn enemy, the humiliation alone! It's a fate worse than death! You'd rather Adler turn you into a feral animal than that! Anything but that! You beg of him! Please, have mercy! >Adler: Wonderful! Don't worry Young Didelphis, you've all found her a good home. >Adler: As Didelphis is busy hyperventilating, you ask if there are any final arrangements that need to be made.
In a poetic way.
How ironic...
