endlessjess
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WWE Bash In Berlin
🕑 Added 2024-09-05 04:20:38 +0000 UTCRather appropriately for a show that took place in Germany, I don't have any jokes to write here. Just kidding, that was a joke. But it’s the only one.
Gunther might be the world’s funniest German for all I know, but he’s not here for any funny business and neither am I. Not today. I’m as deadly serious about this post as Gunther is about wrestling. This man commands respect, not just for himself but for the great sport of pro wrestling.
This main event was pure wrestling in a way baby-brains and Cucamonga marks could never understand. It had the aura of an old school WWF clash between two colossal badasses, but with the athleticism and technical proficiency of dudes who can actually wrestle. Gunther knows more wrestling moves than God and he had to use at least half of them to defeat Randy Orton, who has clearly been hitting the Ninja Turtle ooze, and become Super Randy.
Orton appears to have packed on about 500 pounds of muscle since I last saw him, this man is the size of a monster truck. He just keeps getting thicker, and huger, and more powerful. This match was like watching an elephant wrestle a triceratops. It was the closest I’ve seen to a live-action adaptation of the game Primal Rage. I was like one of the little worshippers running around wide-eyed with wonder, gleefully getting crushed by the uncaring behemoths I moronically worship.
I give this match 10 stars out of 5. Gunther is my God, and if Randy Orton gets any bigger we should cancel the election and make him president.
