endlessjess
patreon
Forza Horizon 5
🕑 Added 2023-02-26 07:40:44 +0000 UTCOkay, climb up into the treehouse, bring some sodey pop and butefingers, and gather around the N64 cause it's Boy's Time. Time for boy stuff. Things that girl's will never understand. Things like a cool new RACING GAME. Technically this one is not on the N64, because it's relatively new, and therefore an X-bone game, which is it's one downfall.
If this were an N64 game most of it's more glaring annoyances wouldn't be present. You'll see what I mean. This a truly kickass game at it's core, saddled by some of the most pernicious contrivances and irritations of modern gaming.
I will say that whoever decided to give this big ass open world car driving sim a Tony Hawk style combo system, give that hero a raise. Whoever decided to give it endless story cutscenes, interminable load screens, shitty box style menus, the worst soundtrack ever conceived, and radio DJs that never shut the fuck up, give that scum-sucking numbnuts a superplex into some light tubes, thumbtacks, printers, and cheese graters, Superhumann style. Whoop Whoop.
These great heights and terrible lows combine for an experience that is somehow both the best and worst racing game ever made. So i'm ranking it at number 5. Behind Daytona USA, Gran Turismo 3, Outrun, Micro Machines, and whichever Mario Kart introduced Peach's Motorcycle suit.
