endlessjess
patreon
Somewhat Important Update - I'm Homeless!
🕑 Added 2019-04-28 03:24:49 +0000 UTCWhere in the world is Endlett Je? Well it's a funny little decade-long horror-story, and maybe someday i'll tell it... but the bottom line is i've bottomed out, so bottom's up cause i'm on the run with a smokin gun and I ain't never going back to the kayfabe Klink.
In other words i'm officially homeless, but don't get all bummed out about it cause trust me, it's an improvement. I'm currently making this post from a Starbucks 1200 miles across the country in search of the Real America, because the budget hotel where i currently dwell, while abundant in parking-lot crows to shit all over my car, has all the internet connection capabilities of sticking a post-it note to a frisbee.
You'd have better luck catching a mermaid with a squashed penis on a rusty hook than catching some solid wifi bars in the bag-cereal "apartment" where i currently hang my hat. Ever played Silent Hill 4: The Room? Thank Crom the bathroom portal took me to Starbucks today or i'd be too busy fighting off ghosts and ogling the neighbors through a hole in the wall to make any posts at all.
Depending on how much of anyone's business i decide it is, I may choose to inform you fine folk about this situation in more detail at some point, but for now all you needs to know is i'm a Rolling Sly Stone, baby. My home is a bird shit covered Buick and i'm too busy wiping turds to be writing words. Pumping gas and dumping ass all over God's country to find out How The West Was Fun, but one thing i ain't got is time to bleed or lines to read. Oh crap, that's two things.
Point is, after 9 years of filler arcs the Basement Saga is finally, mercifully at an end, not with a bang, but with an eviction notice. It may not be the "finale" you hoped for, but it's certainly the one this stupid story deserves. Good riddance, Furnace Room. What comes next, only God and Vinny Da Fortune Teller know, and only one of those guys exists.
Unfortunately, it's not quite as clean of a break as i would have hoped for, there's still some business to take care of. Like the fact that i'm a hot-mess hoarder and now i gotta find a place for all my stuff! The next few months are mostly going to be made up of me driving back and forth across the country transporting all my cursed items and treasure, in search of a good place to bury it... at which point i will most likely draw a map to it, that i will keep on my person at all times along with a magic compass that you'll have to kill me to get your hands on. That's just the way things are done in my world, it's common courtesy.
On top of that i also have to take care of my wretched family and see to it that they can all find places of their own as well, preferably far, far away from me. Once i help them move i'll be free to fuck off on my own again.
As much as I'd love to totally disappear forever without a trace and inform no one of anything, i do have these few nagging responsibilities to take care of first, and perhaps the most pressing one of all is whatever responsibility i bear to you, the patrons who've been supporting me this long. That being the responsibility to "produce content" as consistently as possible and at as high a level of quality as possible given the circumstance, and to let you know if anything may affect that.
The reason I'm telling you any of this at all is because as my patrons, this is going to directly affect what you're paying for, at least for the time being. For the last few years i've done all my work on the pirated Sony Vegas of my desktop computer, which i couldn't exactly fit into my car, packed as it was with the essentials (comics, blankets, and colorful socks). Obviously i could use your generous help now more than ever, but honor demands that i be transparent about what i can and can't deliver for a while.
Basically, anything that involves substantial video editing is out, both because i lack the tools, and simply won't have the time. Big video projects like the ones i post publicly on my main channel just aren't possible at the moment. I also can't record songs, because i don't have my good microphone with me. All i have is a Blue Yeti table mic, which sounds okay enough for podcasts and streams but not good enough for me to want to record anything super important.
That being said, i can still do podcasts, I just can't put video to them or put them on youtube, nor can i edit out any horrible mistakes or hideous things i happen to say. Instead they'll have to be done in one rambling take and uploaded as regular old fashioned audio links here, and also possibly soundcloud or bandcamp or something. I can record a Wrestlemania podcast, albeit a bit late, and also the return of a certain comic book podcast you've all been clamoring for, as well as anything else i can think of, or that you might want. Feel free to suggest any topic, you may just get it.
I will also continue to join my friends on the Pro-Crastinators Podcast whenever possible, and at any point that i have an internet connection stable enough to support it, i'll be streaming and talkin games on my Twitch channel. If you miss a stream, don't worry, they're all saved and exported to youtube to be uploaded as Blue Glows eventually.
Being that these options are predicated on me being somewhere with an internet connection, if you don't hear from me for a while it's a safe bet i'm either on the road or dealing with the real-life minutiae of my cool new vagrant lifestyle. You can rest assured that any time i do have a connection, i'll be making time to entertain you with it, be it on the pcp or on twitch.
I also have plenty of unlisted content on youtube saved up for just such a situation as this, because i am a genius who plans for everything and foresees all. There are a ton of Blue Glows, Just Talkin Games, and even a couple videos that i managed to finish editing just before i hit the road, all scheduled to be released as patron exclusives.
Aside from that, there's also my instagram, which is both the only social media platform i'm currently using, and the only video platform i have consistent access to. So you can see the ongoing chronicles of my adventures on there, even including the occasional silly video. Nothing fancy like you'd see on youtube, just candid recordings of me walking the Earth, making friends with bugs, and becoming one with all things, basic stuff.
Lastly, the one tool i'm never without, my secret weapon, these written posts. If there is one thing in this world i have complete faith in, it's my ability to write my way out of any jam, it's my superpower. I've taken a lot of pride in the written posts that tend to accompany my videos on here, and i've heard from more than one of you that they're often more worth your patronage than the videos themselves.
This post will be the first time i put that to the test, as there's no specific video to accompany it, although there will be links to the aforementioned platforms and the troves of content therein. If at any point i find myself unable to produce anything else, i trust that my words alone will be enough to satisfy, with or without my velvety brown voice reading them out loud to you.
Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/endlessjess
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/oldschool_fool/
PCP: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-6IzAdy_yVVwPgk0I59dOw/featured
As always and especially now thank you all for being, and hopefully staying patrons, it's more appreciated than ever, and you can be certain i'll use whatever i have at my disposal to keep entertaining you.
For a lot of years now, i've been working tirelessly, no breaks, no vacations, saving up and pinching every penny... because i knew this day would come eventually, and i have made myself well prepared for it. I have not spent your patronage frivolously. After bills and cost-of-living for my family and I, My biggest purchases over the years have been better equipment to make better content for you. The best possible computer, the best possible microphone, etc. For 3 years i saved up to buy a car, and after that i immediately began saving for the day my car would become my only home. That day has arrived, and I've been more than ready for it for a long time.
I've never made any substantial ad revenue, most of it is stolen from me by youtube, just as my most successful videos are routinely stolen by meme pages and aggregate accounts. I've never done a sponsored video, or snuck an obnoxious ad into my scripts. I've never attained the kind of popularity that brings real financial stability, and most of the attention i have gotten is the kind you don't want. But through it all, every month, without fail, i've been able to rely on you. Your support has helped me make me a career, however meager, out of expressing myself, and in turn i've done everything in my power to make sure you can rely on me.
That's not gonna change.
None of this should affect you all that much because regardless of my situation, it just so happens that i have always been and always will be the hardest working, most intelligent, and all-around greatest man or artist who ever lived, bleeding on the page and splattering another masterpiece on whatever canvas is available to me. I'm the Renegade Painter, Profane Explainer, bout to blow up like a propane container.
If not for your generous patronage over the years, i would be a lot more fucked right now than i am, but because of your faith in me, and in no small part thanks to my own genius and foresight, i'm gonna make do just fine.
Batman never had a Robin till the tightrope snapped, and when a Balrog burns the bridge it's time to flap those feathers and fly, you fools. I'm flying toward the sun and there ain't no wax on these wings cause what you call rock bottom is the highest i've ever been, and there's nothing to fear but beer itself. So get me a cold, glass bottle pepsi or some nice iced tea... and i'll be on the beach feelin sexi and free.
Seriously, beer is terrible. Who drinks that stuff? Yuck.
Comments
Goodbye Jessie, and remember, we'll always have a special place in our hearts for one special adventurous boi. Wich is you...Obviously...
Spyder
Good luck man
Voluntes
Also say hi to that horsefaced son of a bitch you got locked in the trunk for me
Voluntes
If you find the real america on your journey be sure to let us know, until then good luck and keep being cool :)
sighofrelief
This sounds both devastating and relieving. Pretty thematically relevant at the very least. I hope everything works out for you, Jess. I wish i knew how to help more than just patroning, so if there are any please let me (or us) know
GarryAlways
Even if you never produced any content ever again, I'd Patron you for the rest of my life (or until the platform is gone, whichever comes first) for all the content you've already made. Horseshoe Saga alone would tempt me to pledge lifetime support to the Endless One, but all the music, holiday videos, podcasts, THE PLEEB AND THE GODDAMN WEEB #BRINGITBACK and these text posts are worth all the support I can afford for the rest of time. I lowered my tier this month so I could afford a rant from Digibro but I'll be raising it up a level higher than I was before for the next few months to help you out in these trying times. Best of luck to you brother. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way Hulk Hogan uses it.
Ian Salyers
Yes I hate beer too. I sure hope you were being serious about that otherwise I’ll look like a complete loser by being the only chump that doesn’t drink in this crowd. Hey it’s more money I can give to randos on the Internet so mneh. Oh also don’t freeze to death while you’re doing this homelessness stunt. It’s bad for your health i hear. Just some friendly advice. In all seriousness good luck to you mister jess.
God speed you magnificent son of a bitch
Jess, you are the coolest most radical guy that ever lived. You probably hear this shit all the time, but as a lonely boy who grew up with your content all throughout his formative years, I want to say now that you are my biggest inspiration and my greatest hero.
FKARenn
I've seen this somewhere before... I wonder if IAMGAMES is still taking applications.
Hope things get better for you my guy. You of all people shouldn't have to be in this situation, just know that we're rooting for you. Godspeed, you magnificent bastard.
Sandalwood
"I'm the Renegade Painter, Profane Explainer, bout to blow up like a propane container. " God DAMN
Boldizar
I am glad to hear you were planning for this. Hopefully the circumstances aren't too bad. Earth doesn't deserve Endless Jess; now broadcasting from space. <a href="https://youtu.be/KgzQuE1pR1w" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/KgzQuE1pR1w</a>
Socosoap
Pepsi is objectively better than Coke
Endless Jess
<a href="https://www.paypal.me/endlessjess" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.paypal.me/endlessjess</a>
Harrison Leake
You got a PayPal account to receive donations? (You may have already said in your post but omg that word count)
