Kelryn Colrite
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Blitz and My Journey
🕑 Added 2019-02-11 16:29:39 +0000 UTCSo, I was recently having a conversation with my freaking crazy amazing girlfriend/editor -- and by recent I mean at least a month ago because I am the slowest moving sloth when it comes to accepting and especially adapting and implementing new ideas to my life. Anyways, We were talking about what I'm trying to do, right? My dream, I guess you could say. Which is a pretty common topic between us since we essentially work together toward it. I'm not gonna get into all the ways the strings connected to the idea but she suggested that I make more, hmm, let's call them 'real' posts.
What do I mean by that? Well, whenever I open up my big dopey heart and say 'hey, this or this is happening, this or this is bothering me, art sucks' I get this feeling of connection with my community that I actually desire but really beyond that it makes me feel more real as an artist. I think? Listen, I'm a very confused person as to what I actually want out of life so isolating what actually makes me happy is damn near impossible. Especially in regards to my art, which usually hates me.
Okay, so, I'll be honest, I have no idea what I'm gonna say here and rest assured that there are no expectations from any of you but this is my attempt to be more real with you guys and hopefully, that might reflect back on myself.
Blitz has been my whole life lately as y'all might be able to tell, and now that I have a new (kinda) laptop again -- yay! -- I can get back to cranking out pages again. Which is great, of course. It's also great -- albeit sad -- that there are so many people that relate to Trent and what seems to be an eternal struggle for himself within this story, which makes me want to put out more chapters even quicker. I'm happy about it though because I can relate back to all of you too.
If I'm gonna be honest and clear the air -- in case I get too full of myself to later -- the concept of Blitz was my girlfriend's idea. She kept going on about this sweet, imaginary boy named Brad and how he was going to help Trent 'cause Trent was so sad; and she could not have one of my kids sad and depressed, at least not forever. I was adamantly against it from the beginning. Then a day or two passed and the ideas she was offering up started to take form and become truth, because she was absolutely right about it all.
I didn't realize it at first but the reason I was actually against writing Blitz wasn't because it was different or because I had some weird pride thing about my ideas -- I'm not above it, necessarily -- it was because Trent was me in so many ways that I was afraid to face it. If I was to take a screenshot of my life last year there would be so many lies, insecurities, self-loathing and all that other bullshit that Trent carries around lying in abundance; and when I was faced with all of it, I ran and pointed the finger all around too.
Quick PSA, all of that only serves one purpose: to postpone the inevitable. Eventually it all comes back to you and you have to deal with it. Sometimes that's a quick process, like a band-aid, other time like a long slow death, until the point finally comes around. Either way, just like Trent's about to learn, I've had to come to my own conclusions about running from my problems and myself and just facing them head on.
There's so much to this story that I feel all of the time. Too much actually. I have to put it down sometimes because I just absorb all of this pain and helplessness and there's just no where to put it all. Kinda sucks being an empath, I guess.
That being said, really, this story is kind of an attempt at me projecting a bit of my own reality. It's something that I've tried to do before -- particularly in the case of This New thing, which is something I would rather not ever look at or speak about again, thank you very much -- but it's been something that I haven't successfully done since Trifecta; finding that deep emotional pain to tap into and pull something out of. I think I'm starting to realize a lot about art and my own work and voice and what people really need -- not always want -- to hear from me though and that's honesty in my book if nothing else.
I think that's the point of this post? Honesty and stuff? Seems good to me.
Comments
Shirley Rougely
Well, I applaud you for taking chances, and being more open for not only your stories, but for yourself in general; I'm going to try and work on doing the same as a resolution. Anyway, thank you for the quick reply as it's much appreciated.
Kelryn Colrite
Not all of the stories, no. There's always pieces of me in all my work - the people that know me best like to point these out - but Trifecta and This New Thing are the only two stories of mine that have real truth to it regarding my own personal life. Truth be told, I'm a very private person too but every now and again, you gotta to try and be brave in order to tell the really good stories. That's what I believe.
Shirley Rougely
So, all these stories were based on past experiences/relationships?? You're a lot braver/open than me, cause I don't think I could ever write about any of mine, even with changes in names, locations, and so on; that, and I'm too much of a reserved/private person anyway.
Alisha
In the last chapter I believe is when *spoilers for anyone behind*Brad told Trent it was “okay to not be okay” and while yeah people constantly say those things you can tell when they’re just saying it and when they’re genuine about it. That part of the story just made me stop and think about all the times I’ve had/have self doubt and feel unaccomplished at everything I’ve done. It made me think that if someone stopped me in just one moment of my self loathing/ pity parade and told me that it’s okay to feel this way and that it’s part of accepting my feelings and figuring out what is next and what would make me feel the opposite of “this” it would help. So thank you for incorporating that into the story. When I don’t have the courage to talk to people about my feelings I seek written materials and yours have helped even if they are indirect to my situation.
Tina tenner
Like the others I really enjoyed this post. It’s not too often readers get to know what the author is feeling and the meanings behind their words. I mean you do feel it through the story, but this give me the behind the scenes view. For me having you open up about your stories makes them even more special. If not to personal I’d like to get your story behind Trifecta. Based on previous post from you that I’ve read I know this one is very special to you. It is for me because it was the story that allow me to discover your talent. PS I thought New Thing was a good story and really enjoyed it.
Dominique Johnson
I’m thankful for your thoughts and your sharing and your writing. I’m not particularly eloquent with words which is why I don’t comment much but I feel like not only is your work really phenomenal it speaks to the fears and emotions in all of us. Especially those of us really coming to terms with who we are. So thank you for sharing your thoughts and your gift.
Valerie Mogel
Thank you for this post. I'm sure writing about yourself, and not having that shield of your creations between you and your audience can be difficult. There's that old saying "to thine own self be true". Some people never get there and can spend their whole lives not being truthful with themselves. I love the little glimpses you give us into the lives of your characters. But I like these little glimpses into the incredible person behind those characters just as much. It seems a lot has changed in your life since you were gracious enough to answer my emails. And it seems like it has changed for the better. You have an amazing talent and I'm happy you continue to share it with all of us. Thank you again.
Jane
Thank you. I loved this honest posting. The emotional connection you have with Blitz and Trent shows through in a brilliant story and your telling of it. We all run at times from problems or the solutions to them. It's by admititng that and facing them , we can learn and move on. I my self took years to feel comfortable and stop running from my self. This post makes me feel more connected to you in a way. By the way your art work (yes your stories are art) is exceptional. I for one would love more of these 'real' postings, if you feel like making them. Thank you again
Stray137
I dont know about everyone else, but I love things like this. I'm really glad your gf made the suggestion cus I'd love to here more about you and all the little things that go into writing these awesome stories. So please even if these posts are super short feel free to share! Or Twitter might be a cool medium for you to use!
