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Selfportraits on film
🕑 Added 2025-08-02 22:27:11 +0000 UTCFinally got around to sharing this shoot with you. There’s nothing particularly special about it — but my memories from that time are so vivid. This was the moment I truly fell in love with the Olympus mju II. Warsaw, October 2024. I had just started shooting self-portraits on a point-and-shoot, got my first Polaroid camera, was in the middle of applying for my visa to Japan — and my dear friend Lolita came to visit me.
It was during this shoot that, for the first time, I felt like talking to the camera. The only problem? I forgot one tiny detail — music was playing from my phone speaker, and everything I said… got completely drowned out. I only found out at the end of the shoot. My “unsuccessful” talk-video is now living its best life in my private Telegram channel.
And now — a little update from the present.
I’m still in Mexico. Haven’t gone anywhere because… I actually feel good here. It’s like I’m in a “timeless” mode — the days started blurring into each other. At first, it annoyed me. Sometimes even scared me. But now? It feels like summer break. At home growing up, things were pretty wholesome. Screen time was limited — not out of control, but to protect our eyes. Meals were healthy and easy on our stomachs. Bedtime was respected. Mom kept a gentle eye on our health and routines — and even though we grumbled, we knew it was out of love. But then came that sacred time: summer holidays. A week, or maybe three whole months. At 7:30 AM sharp, our parents would leave for work — and we were already up. Because that was our space. Our time. No adults, no rules, no “Have you eaten?” or “How long are you going to be on that computer?” We decided what to do, when to do it, and for how long — and we did it.
That’s exactly how I feel now. I can sleep as long as I want, play games, read books, binge-watch series, drink Coca-Cola with chips, order food when I’m too lazy to cook. Most importantly — no one’s rushing me, waking me up, or telling me what I have to do. I feel like that kid on summer break again — carefree and free. Except now I don’t have to fight my sister for who gets to use the computer first or grab the remote to pick what we’re watching.
That’s how it feels here.
And Gary and I let ourselves have the things we used to only dream about back then. Well… almost everything :)
It’s funny how after years of chasing “life” — the shoots, the plans, the cities, the flights — I ended up in a place where everything just… stopped. And honestly? It wasn’t easy. To start enjoying the pause, I had to go through all the stages — denial, anger, bargaining, depression. I was mad at the visa, mad at Mexico, planning my escape to Europe every other month, feeling useless, longing for my old life… But now — I’m in acceptance. In stillness.
And what’s beautiful is… I’m slowly starting to feel that urge to travel again. But this time — not out of anxiety or fear, but from inspiration.
Oh, and by the way — I found a dead scorpion in the bathroom. And I didn’t die from fear. Which, if you ask me, is a sign of real progress 😌
Comments
Matthew Martin
That’s wonderful Julia 🔥💥❤️🔥
