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Chapter 1: Error!
🕑 Added 2024-03-30 12:29:20 +0000 UTCFrank sighed, glancing at the flashing icon on his screen. The shrill ring of the call waiting for him, should he choose to accept it, blasted through his headset. He glanced down at his hands, counting his fingers while the call sat, waiting for him.
“Ten. Not dreaming, then.” He shook his head. After a year working here, he’d developed an almost Pavlovian response to the various chimes and ringtones the company used to let their servants know that, in fact, they should take on another support case, how wonderful it was that they wanted to work all gas no brakes for the company.
When he’d first heard the notification sounds in his dreams, he’d had mixed feelings. On the one hand, nowhere was safe. On the other hand, in his dreams he could at least leave or, better, burn down the building.
“Hey Frank,” he jumped at the voice coming from right over his shoulder. “It looks like you’ve got a customer waiting. We wouldn’t want them to get impatient now, would we? Not with how this month has gone for you.”
He turned, barely able to hide his scowl as his manager clapped him on the shoulder. “No, sir. I was just getting myself in the right mindset. Need to really give them the classic J.M. Tech welcome!” he said, forcing a smile.
His manager stepped back, nodding. “That’s what I like to hear, Frank! That’s what I like to hear. Now, don’t let me keep you,” he gestured at the computer. “Go on and give it to ‘em!”
Frank turned to the computer, his personal karmic punishment for some truly horrendous acts in a past life, and accepted the call. “Hi! Thanks for contacting J.M. Tech, this is Frank. How can I help you today?”
He seethed as he felt his manager’s presence behind him, listening in.
<O/%%%%%/ A Bit Later /%%%%%/O>
Frank pulled his headset off, swiping his hand down his face in exhaustion. He stared at the screen in front of him.
No more calls today. Just emails. Someone else can pad their numbers with them instead.
He leaned back in his chair, letting it roll away from his desk. As he did, he caught sight of a pair of eyes silently peeking into his cubicle.
“Hey J. You want all my calls today?”
The peeker snorted. “Nah, I’m good. I’m pretty sure you’re cursed, dude. You get the worst customers on the phone. Now, Sanjay’s calls? I’d take those all day.”
“Over my dead body.” Their neighbor called lazily from his cubicle.
“Is that a challenge? I could take you on, couch potato.”
“I’m not a potato. I go to the gym.”
“What, once a month? We’re in different weight classes, small-Jay. I could crush you.”
“You’d have to catch me first, and I know you don’t do any cardio.”
“I get plenty of cardio. Just ask your mom.”
Frank let their friendly bickering wash over him, luxuriating in the brief moments before he needed to pretend to look productive again. Times to relax were not common here.
He heard a faint ping through his headset, sitting on his desk. Glancing down, he saw he had a notification from the latest support case, the call he’d just been on. Clicking through the menus, he saw a familiar notice in the correspondence.
You have received a low-rating in this correspondence. Please review and evaluate your responses with a manager to determine best steps to improve the customer experience.
A pit formed in his stomach at the little red note. He sighed, feeling acid rise through his throat.
“God, I hate this job.”
Jason, also known as J, glanced back over into his cubicle from where he was pointing at Sanjay. “Bad review?”
Frank just nodded, already typing up a summary of the call, both to send to the customer and to cover with his manager.
“Man, that sucks. You’ve been getting nothing but bad customers lately.” Delicately, he dropped a bag of chips over the divide between their cubicles. Frank glanced at the flavor. They were crab, of course. “Hopefully Stupid Steve doesn’t come down too hard.”
A notice on the support case popped up, showing that Sanjay was looking at it. “Looks pretty cut-and-dry,” he called from his cubicle. “Nothing we could have done for them anyway. Wouldn’t be surprised if the Big Man makes a stink though. He’s had it out for you for a while. Probably has you ear-marked for the next round of layoffs.”
Frank grunted. “Probably. Bastard.”
Jason glanced over at Sanjay, chin resting on crossed arms on the cubicle walls. “Why do you call him Big Man anyway, Sanj? You don’t like him either.”
“I call him Big Man because he has a big ego. I know it’s an insult, but he doesn’t so I can call him that to his face.”
“Ooh! Devious.”
Just as Frank was finishing up the last few lines of his email, he got one from his manager, Steve. It was simple, and succinct.
Hey Frank, I see another customer gave you a low rating. I’ll swing by in a few so we can have a talk about next steps, and work on a Performance Improvement Plan for you. We can do this!
There it was. The beginning of the end. “You guys know any places that are hiring?”
“Would we be here if we did?” Sanjay asked.
“Yeah, fair point.” He hit send on his case notes, and leaned back in his chair again. He felt… not relaxed, exactly, but more unburdened than he had in a while. Almost at peace.
“Guys, I think this job is bad for my health.”
Sanjay snorted, and Jason just nodded at him placidly. “Mhmm. Hey man, have some jerky.”
Frank took it, idly rolling it in his hand. “Oh, by the way, Steve’s headed over here.”
There was a clattering from both of his neighbors as Jason rushed to get off his desk, and Sanjay hid whatever he was wasting time with.
“Tell us sooner!”
“Man, hide those snacks I gave you, he’ll know they came from me.”
“He hasn’t cared about you having snacks before.”
“No, but if he clocks that we’re close, he might toss me out on the same boat as you.”
“Oh ho! So you’re abandoning ship, like a rat at sea.”
“You know it man, I’m a rat, through and through. Every morning I groom my whiskers, eat cheese and… do other rat things.”
Frank chuckled as shoved the chips in a drawer under his desk.
He stopped chuckling as a screen appeared in front of him.
Congratulations inhabitants of [Earth]! Your planet has completed the requirements to enter the second phase of System integration!
Standby for teleportation to your planet's tutorial phase!
He banged his head on the bottom of the desk as he stood up, looking toward his coworkers in his panic.
“Do you guys see this too?” “Holy Shit!” “What’s happening?”
They all spoke over each other, flustered. Sanjay cut through the confusion, equal parts excitement and fear in his voice. “Are we getting summoned? Are we about to get mother-freaking isekaied?” He was practically bouncing.
Jason just looked over, panicked. “What are you talking about?”
“We might get magic, dude! And a harem, and adventure! God, or System or whatever, my body is ready!”
Initiating teleport in 3…
“Yes!”
2…
Jason reached over the cubicle, face strained with fear.
1…
Frank reached out and grabbed his hand. “It’ll be okay!”
Teleporting. Good luck!
There was a flash of light across his vision blinding him, and he felt himself being pulled, like there was a hook through the core of his being, pulling him through space.
And then the hook vanished, and he landed roughly in his chair, disoriented, alone, and spinning.
Error! Teleportation capacity exceeded.
8,126,934,201 / 7,000,000,000
Unable to finish teleportation operation. Emergency procedures engaged.
Please wait while procedures are confirmed…
Error! Planet [Earth] does not fit any emergency procedure conditions!
Engaging Auto-Sweep to clean loose ends.
