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Rattata Chapter 69: Perspective-shifting
🕑 Added 2025-10-29 03:00:05 +0000 UTCThe low hum of corruption reverberated through the air in the ancient tomb beneath the Pokémon Tower.
Agatha raised her walking stick and smacked it on one of three black orbs floating in the air in a triangle around a lorry-sized black ball that pulsed with energy.
The black ball clinked like glass when hit and swayed out of place before returning to its previous position in the air.
“Geng, Gengar,” a voice said discontentedly from next to the woman. The human-sized ghost Pokémon raised a hand before lowering it, then shook its head.
The black balls were currently hovering about half a metre off the cracked stone floor. Just ten years ago, they had been closer to the ceiling than the ground.
“The energy is leaving fast,” Agatha observed harshly. “We’ll have to do something about it fast.”
“Geng, Gengar?”
“I’ve found the third channeler.” She scoffed. “All the way in Hoenn.” A shake of the head. “None of this would have been an issue if these idiotic shrine maidens hadn’t abandoned the old traditions. They still call themselves channelers, but other than the clothes they wear, they’re useless as nipples on a man. So weak they get possessed by their own ghosts, pathetic.”
“Gen, gen.”
“A softer generation will crumble when faced with the horrors of the past. There is no honour in weakness,” Agatha replied and threw one last glance at the chamber with its high ceilings and large statues.
The large black ball pulsed menacingly.
“Perhaps the two 'young ones' I’ll enlist will get something from this experience. Giratina knows the world will need some toughened trainers in the future…” she muttered before slowly sinking into her own non-existent shadow.
After all, in an underground chamber with no entry and no lights, there was no shadow, just eternal darkness.
Gengar threw one last glance at the sealing array before also fading away.
In the now-empty chamber, a black fog slowly started leaking out of the seal and filling the hidden room beneath the Pokémon Tower.
-/-
A loud slap resounded through the offices of the Kanto Tax Revenue Agency.
The slap had been the sound of a large folder being slammed onto a desk, but Billy nonetheless felt like it was him getting slapped in the face.
He peered over his glasses at the red-faced investigator who’d come to deliver his report in a rather rude way.
Billy glanced at the name of the file. Jonathan Joestar. “This again?” he asked with a sigh and looked around the rather large office, of which he was the head.
Twelve employees, but none dared meet his eyes. Nobody wanted to deal with Columbus when the man was throwing one of his fits, even if those fits often lead to their most successful cases.
“This again,” Columbus ground on, gritting his teeth, an act that distorted his rather chubby face even more.
“I thought we already decided that everything was in the clear last month,” Billy asked, tiredly. If he’d known that managing this department of the government agency was going to come with so many interpersonal conflicts for just a measly pay bump, he would have refused the promotion.
“I kept digging,” Columbus said stubbornly, crossing his meaty arms.
Billy looked at the clock on his desk and internally sighed that there would be no getting saved by the bell. Lunch was in an hour. Nowhere to run.
“Of course you did,” he muttered to himself.
“Something still smelled fishy, and I was right,” Columbus continued.
At this point, Billy could only listen. The thing about keeping an aggressive dog on the leash was that you sometimes had to let it ravage a chew toy that didn’t quite deserve it.
This was the third time he had to listen to this tirade, each iteration bringing in some new but essentially irrelevant detail.
It had all started a month ago… February, the month in which Kanto citizens had to file their yearly taxes…
“As I already mentioned,” Columbus continued, opening the folder to tap his finger on the first page, which declared an income of more than a million Pokedollars in the last fiscal year. “The income that comes from the youngster program and the money won in battles is irrelevant to the overall wealth of this individual, especially considering that the funding is a state subsidy and therefore not taxed, and that battle winnings are only taxed above a certain quantity of battles, dependent on badge count. The real kicker is the gambling. I contacted the Kanto Gambling Association, and they say this person won all their bets, each with a ridiculous return. He bet on Lance when nobody believed he had a chance, bet on Bruno when everyone lost hope in him, and predicted the winner of the conference before the first round even started.”
“We already discussed all of that,” Billy interrupted. “All in all, I still stand by the decision that getting lucky is not suspicious. A lot of people gamble on battles; eventually, one of them will luck out. Did Jonathan take advantage of the fact that a trainer can take up to 100.000 Pokedollars in job postings before having to report it? Yes, is that illegal, no.”
Columbus held up a finger to the beige ceiling of the office and crowed triumphantly. “Ah, but here is where it gets complicated.” He flipped to the next page, which was a cutout of the Kanto tax code. A book Billy had to read in its entirety to get the job, but which he had already mostly forgotten the contents of. “Page 6839 Paragraph 391 clause b192z. A youngster or trainer who loses more legally binding battles than they won that year can deduct 10% from their yearly tax burden.” Columbus looked at Billy as if that proved something. Billy, for his part, had no idea what the man was trying to say.
Columbus sighed, as if he was the one dealing with an idiot. “Obviously, trainers and youngsters aren’t taxed on their stipend, but they are taxed on their battles if they have enough of them and win the majority. Adversely, there are tax benefits to losing more battles than winning. The League wants to disincentivise rookie crushing and make the life of those starting out financially easier.” Columbus leaned in conspiratorially. “But what if you lost more battles than you won, but still ended up with a net positive of winnings?” he asked rhetorically.
Billy let the question tumble through his head. “That doesn’t make sense,” he eventually said.
“That’s where you’re wrong!” Columbus exclaimed before flipping through the next page.
The glasses-wearing man recognised the league standard way of depicting a trainer’s yearly match history. The tax revenue office had a few extra numbers in addition to that on their sheets, namely the money earned on a match and the money earned per year.
“A win-draw-loss ratio of 51-8-150?” he asked out loud. “That’s horrible.” He looked to the right and saw that a six-figure number had been won on average that year.
The investigator continued passionately. “If you challenge primarily higher badge trainers, the losses incurred through a loss are zero. If you end up winning, which can happen through luck or if the more experienced trainer uses a weak Pokémon to provide a fair match-up, then you win big. A pattern emerges.” Columbus flipped through the next few pages. “Lose three times to a higher badge trainer, lose no money. Win once and get several thousand. The glitch in the code. Make money in a way where you still lose more battles than you win, and you don’t have to declare it as taxable income. You even get a write-off which you can apply to all your income that year!”
“But that would mean that you go into battles knowing you’d lose, who would do that?” Billy asked, slightly confused now.
“A psychopath,” Columbus answered frankly, then his eyes twinkled dangerously. “Or, someone who wants to launder a fuckton of money, legally.”
Billy caught on. “You mean, the gambling?”
“It goes further than that,” Columbus continued. “As a trainer, you get this loophole if you’re willing to lose most of your battles. The point isn’t not to tax your winnings, but to get the percentual write-off on your other income streams. Joestar didn’t earn enough through job postings, and the stipend is free. He has this new sponsorship with the school, but that’s not relevant since it's a state-subsidised institution. The real kicker is that when you have an all applicable write-off from your trainer status and you apply it to your wins in the gambling scene, what you get is.” Columbus flipped to the last page.
Billy’s eyes widened; if he’d been drinking, he would have spit it out.
A bright green 58.919 Pokedollars was staring him in the face.
“We owe him money!?” he shouted. “How?! The write off is only 10%, the income from gambling is taxed at 20%.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Columbus said solemnly and flipped to the next page. “Orphan clause of the philanthropy agreement. A normal citizen can write off the taxes in terms of a percentage by donating to a League-recognised charitable organisation. However, if you’re an orphan and you end up donating to the orphanage in which you received care, every increment of quantitative donation ends up getting you more percentual write-offs.”
“So by combining the losing strategy and using the orphan clause, he basically gets to pay 0 in taxes despite his incredibly high earnings,” Billy said with a nod, before leaning back in his chair. “But still, his income is determined by gambling; it's a chance. Why do you suspect money laundering?”
Columbus flipped back a few pages and pointed two fingers to two separate matches. “Nobody believed Lance would win, only Joestar did. Coincidentally, a few weeks later, he battles Bruno. Bruno was involved in two of the bets. The other person of interest is Lorelei, this year’s conference winner. Coincidentally, also someone Joestar once battled.”
“You’re thinking match-fixing?” Billy asked with wide eyes. His hands were shaking. “But if this is true, then it would go all the way to the top.” He calmed then when he realised one thing. “But wait, in the end, Joestar only made a bit more than a million. If they were match-fixing, they would have tried to make more. Also, most of the money is in his accounts, how will it leave? Additionally, Bruno won against Blaine. I don’t think you can predict winning; you can only make yourself lose, same with Lorelei.”
“This is where it gets complicated,” Columbus muttered, “but hear me out. First issue,” he raised one finger, “this isn’t a tax report filed by a 12-year-old, I think we can both agree on that. This thing reads like it was filed by an experienced accountant in his fifties who has ties to the mafia. However, if Joestar had hired the services of an accountant to file this document, then his meticulousness would reveal him. The tax revenue agency never gives money to an individual, even if we end up owing them. Whoever filed this was just stacking things up for fun. But if they were stacking things up for fun, they also would have included the small write-off we grant for people who hire accountants to file their taxes. Good deal, pay an accountant to do it, get the money back, we over here meanwhile need fewer man-hours reaching out to people when they file incorrectly. Everyone saves money, but then why is it not included?” Columbus asked and tapped at the tax form. “Mind you, Joestar even kept the receipts of the blanket he bought for his Rattata so he could count it as a business expense.” He shook his head. “No, Joestar didn’t file these taxes, but someone did, and they didn’t want us to know about it. But,” he paused, “pride cometh before the fall. This form is filed too well, unbelievable without a consultant. This led me to check the clauses, which led me to Bruno and Lorelei. Now hear me out.” He raised his hands. “Bruno’s loss against Lance was fixed. But Bruno’s battle against Blaine wasn’t. It wasn’t an example of match fixing, but it was something illegal regardless. Bruno bet on himself, also not allowed. He knows the other departments monitor the accounts of him, his family, his friends ' accounts, so he can’t ask anyone to bet on his behalf. But Joestar? No connection. Lorelei, same story, she thought she could win, she got someone to do it for her. Joestar is a node, a part of the product, a part of the machine. He’s the one placing the bets of people who aren’t legally allowed to bet on themselves whenever they want a payout. Then, through the loss-making strategy and the orphan clause, he doesn’t pay any taxes on the money. The only reason we found out, he couldn’t keep it in his pants. He’s the weak link, of course; he’s only 12 after all. It seems that he had to, or had the chance to meet Bruno and Lorelei and then asked to battle them, went through the effort of having an official match, which meant it went to the records. If he hadn’t done that, there would be no connection.”
“How to transfer the money out, though?” Billy asked. “It would be suspicious if he had wire transfers to the people he bet on. He, or rather anyone he collaborates with, won’t do that.”
Columbus flipped through a few pages with a sigh. “The answer is obvious,” he said and pointed to a series of receipts. “Iron, Zinc, Protein, high in demand training equipment and items. How to launder money? Have the person holding it buy something you would have bought with your illegal gain, regardless and then give it to you.” He raised three hands. “All in all, there are three entities that benefit from this. The orphanage being used as a tax-write off is collecting truckloads of cash. More than any orphanage could ever need. That makes me suspect that there’s something sinister going on there. Our secret accountant might just be hidden there.” He put down a finger. “Joestar benefits, I bet he gets to keep some of the money at least.” Another finger. “Any trainer who wants to place bets on their matches can go through Joestar and get the money out in the form of expensive training gear that they would have bought regardless just that this gear was bought from a reputable store on untaxed, illegal income. The gear is then used as a business expense to keep even more of the income tax-free. It’s an ingenious system.”
“It’s an ingenious system,” Billy admitted. “But why didn’t they bet more?”
“My theory?” Columbus said. “I think this is a proof of concept. They were testing out if it works. Also, the weak point of the scheme. It’s hard to get the money into Joey’s account so he can bet with it. Now he has millions at his disposal. His first bet was in the five figures, his second in the lower six figures, his third in the higher six figures. Who’s saying he won’t bet seven figures this year now that he has them?”
“I’ll have to kick this up the chain,” Billy muttered, reaching for the phone on his desk.
A meaty hand suddenly gripped him.
“Let me do it,” Columbus hissed, a wild energy in his eyes. “I’ll get to the bottom of this.”
“Columbus, unhand me,” Billy said seriously. “You’re not a detective, match-fixing, illegal betting, these are out of our jurisdiction!”
“Nobody else could have figured this all out. I deserve it!” Columbus shouted, spittle flying, hands gesticulating.
Billy stood up to glare at the man, technically his subordinate. “It’s out of our jurisdiction. Even if you catch someone, the investigation would be thrown out in court due to not following procedure. You got kicked from the force because of that scandal, real or not, let it go!”
Columbus glared at him, chest heaving, face red. He breathed in deeply, then breathed out. He closed his eyes. Calmed down. “Then I would,” a pause to breathe in again, “respectfully like to ask to make my vacation days. All 178 of them.”
Billy raised a hand to wag his finger. “You haven’t taken a vacation in all your seven years in this department, do you think it's appropriate to do so now?” he asked.
Columbus looked him in the eyes. “Legally, are you allowed to stop me?” he asked.
The manager grit his teeth. “Most employees take advantage of the non-expiration of those vacation days to retire one or two years earlier,” he said.
Columbus shook his head and put a hand in the pocket of his brown trenchcoat. “I’m not most employees,” he said, before turning around and walking off, a hand was raised, a wave.
Billy angrily slammed his fist on the table. If Columbus was found harassing a twelve-year-old, then it would look bad for the agency. But he couldn’t legally stop the man from taking his vacation days. All 178 of them. “Fuck!” he screamed and picked up the phone to kick this issue further up the chain. Columbus was his problem, but this case could be somebody else’s.
Elite Four, conference winners, if this was true, then they’d just found something big.
“Stay safe out there, Columbo,” Billy muttered as the phone rang in his ear. “Stay safe out there…”
-/-
Welcome to the League Circuit Forums! The best place to discuss with other battle enthusiasts and exchange training tips.
Kanto → Gyms → Flint
Topic: Everything about Pewter’s rock type gym (Thread status: LOCKED)
Original Poster: League_Account_Official (Bot)
(Showing page 289/301)
►Lil_Mouse (Verified Youngster)
My friend just beat Flint with a Rattata! Amazing battle, go Rattata!
►Hesss (Verified Trainer)
Can’t believe that the kid who was fighting Kong with a Rattata last year is now fighting Flint with a Rattata. At least he caught a Misdreavus. Can’t believe it’s been a whole year since last season started
►King of the skies (Verified Youngster)
A Rattata that knows Rock Smash is just unfair, not even impressive. I’ll beat Flint with my team of flying types, that’ll be way cooler! I even caught a Scyther on the way through Viridian. We had a five-day battle that felled half the forest, but I finally beat him, and he begged to join my team!
►RockFan
It was a disgraceful battle! That little shithead must have cheated somehow. He disrespected our city. Horrible trainer, I’d spit on him if I could!
(User received an infraction for this post) (Keep it civil)
►Pewter Native (verified wikiwarrior)
I updated his trainer wiki page so that everyone knows that he’s a bad person who disrespects Gym Leaders.
►RockFan
@Pewter Native Exactly, he was way out of line with his behaviour. The fact that Flint gave him a badge regardless just shows how magnanimous he is!
►Dissmypokanddie (Verified Ace-Trainer)
@RockFan Are you sure he didn’t just do it to avoid getting his ass beat a second time, lol?
Nothing wrong or disrespectful with using a Rattata to beat a rock-type gym at the fifth badge level. A feat, certainly, but there are no rules stating the act itself is disrespectful
I’m more interested in that Misdreavus… It looked strong
►RockFan
Stop the Steal!!!
(Infraction: Spam)
►HardasRock
Stop the steal!!!
(Infraction: Spam)
►RockHard
Stop the steal!!!
(Infraction: Spam)
…
(Showing page 301/301)
►HardAsStone
STOP THE STEAL!!!
(Infraction: Spam)
THREAD IS NOW LOCKED
►Moodymodder (moderator)
I am locking this thread until you all calm down. Just because a trainer talked some shit during a gym battle doesn’t mean you get to make the thread unusable for everyone else. Maybe you’re unused to it because Pewter primarily welcomes trainers looking for their first badge, but on the higher level, psychological warfare is part of the course. Check out Koga's most recent match here, which was actually toxic.
-/-
Kanto → Trainers → Jonathan_Joestar → Megathread
Topic: A place to follow the career path of promising young trainer Jonathan Joestar (Thread status: LOCKED)
Original Poster: AverageRaticateEnjoyer
(Showing page 9/9)
►RockFan
STOP THE STEAL!!!
(Infraction: Spam)
►HardasRock
STOP THE STEAL!!!
(Infraction: Spam)
►RockHard
STOP THE STEAL!!!
(Infraction: Spam)
►AverageRaticateEnjoyer (Original Poster)
You people seriously need to grow up. It was a fair win. It’s obvious Joey was just a bit stronger than expected because he was training hard over the season break.
►RockHard
@AverageRaticateEnjoyer (Original Poster). Well, that’s the last win he’ll ever have! Flint’s just announced he’s going to be leaving for his trainer journey after the start of the season rush is over, to avenge this dishonour! Your precious Joestar is going to get kicked out at the prelims this year!
►Fletchgod (Verified Trainer)
You do realise that claiming someone will make it to the conference is a compliment, right? Although with the way our champ has five badges in the first three days of the season kind of sets the expectations early. Nothing on Sabrina, who already had five on the first day of the season, but still, respect
THREAD IS NOW LOCKED
►DragonMod (moderator)
You should be ashamed of yourself for doing this to the thread of a literal 12-year-old. My opinion of a town has never dropped this fast. The thread’s locked until this whole thing simmers down.
-/-
“The sea was so peaceful,” Joey sighed contentedly as the ferry they’d taken in Pallet started approaching Cinnabar harbour.
Jessie, who was leaning on the railing next to him while their vessel split the water underneath, nodded happily. “My first time on a boat, perfect weather!” she exclaimed.
It had been pleasant, lukewarm weather during the entirety of their four-hour trip. No wind, no rain, no waves.
“I think this was a good omen for our journey,” Joey said with a happy nod. “From now on, it’s gonna be smooth sailing all the way!”
“Happiny!”
Spoiler: No
Comments
bor902
glad you liked it! Actually all the rattata chapters are somewhat similar in length. 3.5k -4.5 k
Bookworm bibliophile
Honestly the acounteent stuff made me realy laugh. I dont remember when was the last time i laughed at fiction. Though the chapter was abit small
bor902
they couldn't handle the bantz
Sean Gallacher
Happy to see the Pokenet reaction, Pewter Pussies losing their shit at someone basically soloing their Gym Leader with a Rat
