Icarusmedia
patreon
Just So I Know...
🕑 Added 2022-07-14 14:50:55 +0000 UTCJust so I know, if I wasn't doing videos and game updates and switched from visual to writing only based works (I.e the interactive stories etc), how many of you would still stay pledged?
EDIT 20:01 14/07/2022
I thought I'd write more about WHY I asked this question, mainly because I think you all deserve to know, this will be difficult and a long post but please bear with me. This isn't some "I felt a little bad so I can't do the next update" or "My 5th grandma died so I can't do the next update" or anything like that. I did consider not saying anything, but I've been on the other end of that as a patron 3 times: Simbro, Breeding Season and The Original Urban Demons by Wootch and I don't want to do that to you.
Over the past year or so I've noticed...problems, personal problems. As the months wore on I began to get more and more unmotivated, my brain started to fog, you'll notice I've been hitting delays the past few months occasionally, sometimes asking for breaks like this one, mainly in the hope it will go away so I can continue. I've found myself essentially feeling well...blank. After 5 years of Futa NTR videos and games, very visual elements, I've become unemotional, unmotivated, I struggled to remember my bank numbers today to log in, work people tell me sometimes I hit my feet on stuff or they find me staring into space and I don't realise I'm doing it, I look at my girlfriend of 18 years and that urge to pounce on her is gone. I know it's not depression, I still appreciate everything I have and everything you've all done, no matter the amount you donated. When I look at futa stuff, visual stuff, it's like I'm back again, but then everything else is just dull to me, that to me sounds like overload, too much stimuli, blown your brain neurons.
I tried to find out what it could mean, I stumbled on the concept of Dopamine Receptor Death, too much visual stimuli, repeated constantly turns you numb, eventually the receptors resist and eventually turn themselves off, you need more and more of whatever caused the dopamine spike to feel the same, in my case futa ntr stuff, and it took it's toll: I stopped attending my Krav Maga classes, today I sent the message to the instructor that I'm quitting because honestly, I expected and still expect that the poll is/would be 70 - 80 percent unpledging. If that's you please do, don't feel pity for me. I'd rather you respect yourself and find something you love to spend it on. I also wanted to make the poll before you were charged on the 1st. You were charged on the 1st of this month and DD update was released on the 5th, but as I'm on break I didn't think it fair to charge you, I write this before the 1st August. But not only that, but I haven't been attending the classes, and for £40 a month, I can't afford to do that, I stopped going to the gym and I've gone from 13st 10lbs to 16st 2lbs. If it ultimately comes down to the money I make here OR my health, my mind, my body and my girl of 18 years together, I have to make that decision, for me. From what I can tell the average 'reboot' of the brain is around 90 days i.e. 3 months. I hoped this month would be enough, it hasn't.
But some of you are pledged, looked forward to the videos and the games, I may have to put them on hold, at best for a few months, at worst....well...yeah. But I don't want to leave you all empty handed, I don't want you to feel like this is a slap in the face. Joining CHYOA and writing wasn't just about expanding my skills, that was half the truth, I found that I felt motivated, in one day i typed about 10 chapters, I could feel motivation again, the fact that it was NONE VISUAL, NONE PORN was therapeutic. I've always had that, even as a kid I loved to read and write. But not all you care for writing, you want the visual too, like I did. That's fine, you are your own person, but I wanted to still give something, I hoped the interactive stories would be enough, the updates to the Amazon futa book I'm writing as well, the potential stories on Literotica and I'm even considering a slight risk for you all: Futa NTR captions, it's visual, but I hope the writing element and the fact it's just a still image will bring my dopamine and receptor levels down to a normal level. So I came up with an idea, a way I can still give something back while sorting myself out:
$1 tier - Futa NTR Captions a month before anyone else as well as the updates to the Amazon futa book, I'm also considering letting you vote on the scenarios to be written for both captions and the interactive stories first. So in what order they get done.
$3 tier - Can vote on which caption pictures will be done as well as what type of scenario will be written around them AND can vote on what direction stories go in.
$5 tier - Still have access to the extended video folder for the past work I've done, as well as because you are extended patrons I thought this: Give me story ideas, favourite characters or whatever and I will make them come to life in interactive fashion on CHYOA, each month So 1 story a month and they will be YOUR ideas, i.e. you and only you and above tiers can vote on which one gets in.
$10 tier - Your own personal never to be publicly released stories of your own design, will do them in order so I don't get swamped, can DM me the ideas. I will send personally to you, you will also have the rights over them once I have completed and sent them in full.
Yeah I know it's shitty in comparison, I'm aware some of you are year pledged too, so that also was why I wanted to give you at least something for your money. What it's looking like honestly:
Best case scenario:
I do this until 3 months goes by, I feel normal again and I can resume what I was doing before, albeit this would be risky and I'm essentially only maybe putting it off for a while to jump right back into the problems. Ideally though and hopefully I can resist once back to normal.
Most likely:
I will have to continue like this for the foreseeable future.
Worst case:
I have to take a second job and shut down completely. I'm hoping that doesn't happen.
I'm sorry this happened, I tried to put it off with breaks but, it's not enough.
Comments
DD
I am curious what Alexia would look like, I think it said red hair, but she reminded me of Cally and I was a little interested in seeing that disheveled girl chapter come to life, when she appears back on the webcam, makes me feel she also got fucked as well by the other party. I was kind of hoping that the MC finds a way to get a threesome rather than be cucked, they seem to be on a good friendship, depending on choices you make, so hopefully, we get video versions one day
Purgy
Hey i can understand that, and you must do what is best for you, and just wow that just sounds scary on what is going on, but yes you must take care of yourself big time and do what you find is best. I will step away, but i do hope this help.
Icarus Media
I know mate, I wanted to complete everything, main things bugging me is that the video and game is left on hold, maybe indefinitely. But as I said, this is something that I have to do.
Icarus Media
I'd aim for a minimum of 10,000 words. I've looked into this before and for that amount of words, it can be anywhere from £300 to £500 to hire a ghostwriter, that's looking at Fiver.com anyway.
DD
Kind of hoping to see a video based off of Futa PenPal
Johannes
I will stay regardless but quick question the personal story how long could they be?
Robert Davis
honestly Iprobably would have voted to not stay except i have really enjoyed my futa pen pan,and well writing is very much your strong suite. ASlo perhaps try not to ingest so much of one thing, i know we all enjoy it but that is still far from the only thing i fap to. every artist i know has had burn out and i hope you caught it in time for you to not be completely destroyed by it. TL;DR i votd to stay and i hope you come back stronger than ever.
