BarCalak posts
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Chapter 20: I’m Not a Businessman. I’m a Business, Man!
Chapter 20: I’m Not a Businessman. I’m a Business, Man!Dunshire Equities, LA. January 2006“I thought you had a heart full of gold! I was wrong! All you have is a mind full of asses!”Anita Specter, my agent and personal attack shark, had turned her teeth against me.What I assumed was meant to be a start of the year business meeting with my inner circle ended up being an ambush. No more late night meetings. I’m making sure from now on they’d be during the day and in public spaces.I tried to defend myself, but even years of martial art...
Chapter 19.5: Grint Chocolate Chip
Chapter 19.5: Grint Chocolate ChipWB Offices London, UK. December 2005.Was there a curse on the movies or something? Rupert couldn’t help but have that thought as he shook the new director’s hand. “Nice to meet you, David Yates.” Were they going to have another major production change after two more movies? Ay-yay-yay.Cuaron was great. He was creative and set the standard, but Rupert understood that the creative types had itchy feet and took off running the moment they got a fresh new pair of fleets.Money wasn’t a good motivator after...
Chapter 19: Hard Pressed
Chapter 19: Hard PressedLeicester Square, London, UK. November 2005Fame held a hell of a lot of advantages. The money in relation to the effort - at least when you get as lucky as I did, or are the product of nepotism - is fairly unbeatable. As I grow older, I personally was thankful for the women, too. But I’m vehemently not a fan of fame, for fame’s sake.The Kardashian model of clout, as a poignant example, didn’t suit me. And neither does the pointless exercise that is the red carpet premiere.The world around me seemed determined to in...
Chapter 18X: Final-D
DISCLAIMERThis chapter contains explicit sex with an adult woman.Chapter 18X: Final-DUniversal Studios, LA. November 2005.It wasn’t long after the aeroplane’s landing tyres kissed the tarmac at LAX’s runway that the tires of my personal blue Silvia S-15 were grinding sideways across the set for one of the last shoots for the movie.I couldn’t help but feel a surge of adrenaline coursing through my veins, a burst of excitement fizzing in my danglies, and even a quick brushstroke of melancholy as I caressed my thumb over the sleek leather ...
Chapter 18.5: Tofu Or Not Tofu? That’s a Dumb Question.
Chapter 18.5: Tofu Or Not Tofu? That’s a Dumb Question.Yongen Jaya, Tokyo. October 2005.Let me paint a picture for you. A large individual with a bountiful bosom cradles a much smaller person, swaddled only in a towel, in their arms out of a bath.If you pictured a mother carrying out her fresh new baby from the shower, then you’d be as far off as my dangling feet were from the ground.[Local celebrity and legendary sumo wrestler, Konishiki, heretofore known as paw-man as per his credits title, gripped me under my arms and held me at full arm...
March Release Update (2)
Hello all members,Another week brings you another four chapters.IoTV! 16.5, 17, 17.5, and 18 have been added to the saga.This upcoming week Tokyo Drift will powerslide to the finish line, and Bas will be reunited with the HP cast.Tune in next week!XoxoBar Calak
Chapter 18: Twinkie’s Delivery Service
Chapter 18: Twinkie’s Delivery ServiceHawthorne Plaza, LA. September 2005.[I was inside Hulk with two other people.Twinkie (Bow Wow) and Reiko (Keiko Kitagawa) introduced me, Sean, to Tokyo's underground drift scene after I hopped out of the chunky green family machine.Eyebrows up, jaw down, the camera tracked the three of us as I awed at the exotic car scene.ABCs, SEAs, and ABGs disguised vaguely as Japanese gyarus - the realities of open casting calls outside of the related countries - dressed in skimpy outfits swam across the frame in ...
Chapter 17.5 Crash Test Dummy
Chapter 17.5: Crash Test DummySanta Fe, California. August 2005.Arse over tea kettle was becoming less of an accident and more of a lifestyle for me.Between wire work, animatronic creatures, underwater sequences, and now car crash stunts, I spent just as much time right side up as upside down.When shooting auto crashes for film and television, the actual stunts were performed by either stunt drivers or mechanical rigs. This was, of course, discounting movies that drowned themselves and their budgets in CGI. Then the actors would be filmed on a ...
Chapter 17: Caboose Fronting
Chapter 17: Caboose FrontingWarner Brothers Offices, LA. August 2005.What happens when you take a goose and push it away from the front?Well, according to my dialect coach, the answer to that riddle was: you get a Texan accent.“So when you try to say the letter ‘i’ or whenever you’re trying to sound out a word with that vowel, you’ve got to drop the second half of your pronunciation. For example, what organ gives you vision?”“Eye.”“See? You say it like ‘aye’ but in a southern accent, you sort of stop halfway.”“Ah?” I...
Chapter 16.5: Funny Face
Chapter 16.5: Funny FaceLeavesden Studios, UK. April 2005.“Turn to the left, then turn to the right. Now strike a pose.” You’d think with filming now completely and totally finished, there wouldn’t be so many cameras pointed in my face.Snap, snap, snap! The shuttering lens of the photographer’s camera clicked out louder than rapid fire artillery.Oops the owl, one of the seven snowy owls that played Hedwig, flapped his wings irritably, nearly knocking the patterned cloth off my head. “You are scaring the bird, Bas. Hold it more gentl...
March Release Update (1)
Hello all members,Whew! What a crazy week.5 Chapters of IoTV! were released Monday to Friday:Chapters 14, 14X, 15, 15.5, and 16 - totaling nearly 12k words.For the foreseeable future I will be using this model of 'post when done' chapters for more consistent updating. As I've found that its bred a greater level of engagement, as well as being better suited to my own writing style.Hope everyone enjoyed the chapters, and look forward to this upcoming week's as well!XOXOBar Calak
Chapter 16: Hystery
Chapter 16: HysteryThe Creature Shop, Leavesden. December 2004.Tenta-vision or tele-squision? I contemplated what name better suited the massive mechanical puppets made to look like the Black Lake’s giant squid.Today was a bit of a special day at Leavesden, particularly for me. Mrs Stephens was visiting.As a bit of an early Christmas present for the orphans, Mrs Stephens had asked if the children could visit the set and see what making a movie was like.I asked Nick Dudman, who was the man in charge of the creatures shop here at the studio whe...
Chapter 15.5: Pulling Out Mall the Stops
Chapter 15.5: Pulling Out Mall the StopsBas’s Caravan, UK. November 2004.‘Hello, Moto!’ sounded the ringtone of my recently purchased Motorola RAZR. You bet your sweet cheeks I bought the hot pink one, too.I flicked my thumb and flipped it open with full authority. “New phone, who dis?”“You know damn well who ‘dis’ is, Bas!” You’d think by now Anita would’ve grown accustomed to my infuriating inflection.“Ah! My mistake. It’s just that it’s been so long, I forgot who you were. I guess I now know why your last name’s...
Chapter 15: Enter the Sandman
Chapter 15: Enter the SandmanLeavesden Studios, UK. September 2004.If the thick rope binding me to an uncomfortable reaper headstone didn't clue me in enough, the fact that the same length of jute gagged me was a clear sign that the production team had likely tired of my smart mouth.Nearly a month like this left lots of time for regrets and introspection.‘Waaah!’ The sound of a child bursting into tears alerted the set. I craned my neck around the little I could and spotted my dear friend the script supervisor hurriedly consoling her yo...
Chapter 14X: Scuba (muff) Diving
DISCLAIMERThis chapter contains explicit sex. As Bas commences his journey into adulthood, certain aspects of life are unavoidable. Scenes like the following will be few and far between, but they will be present where I deem they add to the story. The women Bas involves himself with will always be adults. With that out of the way, enjoy the chapter!Chapter 14X: Scuba (muff) DivingLeavesden Studios, UK. July 2004.Scuba diving was my jam.My intention with that statement was both that I loved it - I’d been PADI certified in the before times - an...
Bas Rhys circa 2002
Warner Brother's internal file on Bas Rhys.
February Release Update (4)
Before I get to the update, to all my new and returning members, my deep and sincere thanks.This has been a stellar month, one I hope to continue by pushing out chapter after chapter for your enjoyment.Your collective support and engagement has genuinely kept me going and has really been a pillar in justifying my decision to write.So once again, my gratitude to all of you!Update:The promised chapters of IoTV! and Witch Weekly have all been uploaded.As of this week, however, I'm changing the schedule.Rather than providing a dump of chapters ...
Chapter 14 Rated (R)ock to the Rhythm
Chapter 14: Rated (R)ock to the RhythmTCL Chinese Theatre, LA. June, 2004.I was in the lap of luxury. And by that, I meant I was curled up with a blanket in the trunk of a minivan.The rich and famous traveling in style was a long established phenomenon. Why no one bothered to tell me that style was akin to that of a hobo, I’ll never know.The premier for the Prisoner of Azkaban, after months, was finally here.Problem was, we were still very much in the thick of filming Goblet of Fire, so the schedule was kept tighter than a flea’s butthole. ...
Witch Weekly 8th Edition: Magic Hands/Clear Heads
Magic Hands/Clear HeadsFeaturing: Harry Potter, Penelope ClearwaterTags: Massage, Feet, FingeringThere was so much more to magic than death and destruction.Yet after Voldemort’s fall at my hands, it seemed the only options my future was offering led down those same paths.Did I return to Hogwarts for a last year and do my best to ignore its devastation - both by the reminders that were there, and the many more that weren’t? Or did I throw myself in the line of fire again by becoming an auror?In the end, I chose neither. For once, I wanted to...
Chapter 13.5: Tumble Tour
Chapter 13.5: Tumble TourLeavesden Studios, UK. May 2004.It was a damned good thing that our dance instructor was scheduled to come to teach us next month, because I’d never seen a group of more rhythmically challenged people in either life.Plates of pudding moved with greater grace. “You’ve got a fake peg leg, are currently blind in one eye, and even you could dance better than that.”“I’ll be giving the pubs a wide berth the day this lot has their first night out.” Brendan Gleeson, in full Mad-Eye Moody uniform, spat his distaste...
Chapter 13: Casting Couch Potato
Chapter 13: Casting Couch PotatoWB Offices London, UK. March 2004.“Bas! There you are!” My popularity knew no bounds, not even half a step into the building, and I’d already been accosted.A harried looking middle-aged woman hastened over to me. My old friend the script supervisor followed much more sedately behind her and gave me a genial nod. Given that I’d been ushered to London for a specific reason, I handily assumed this was the new casting director.“Fiona Weir, lovely to see you again!” She pulled in for a quick hug and lightl...
Chapter 12.5: Sideways Side Quests
Chapter 12.5: Sideways Side QuestsLA, California. January 2004.Filming was done, so I’d flown back home. Cuaron had stayed on the project, and Goblet of Fire would be monumentally better than it would have been otherwise. I’d seen that travesty enough times to truly learn to hate it - especially after being in the revamped versions of the movies from my perspective.Not to toot my own horn - but the new Harry Potter renditions were legitimately superior.Cadbury walked into the room, silently handed me one of the two cardboard boxes she was h...
Chapter 12: Red Mist(letoe)
Chapter 12: Red Mist(letoe).London, UK. September 2003.Bullets whizzed over my head. The sound of gunfire and screams echoed all around me.The peaceful life I’d grown accustomed to had disappeared and in its place, this hellscape had risen. I ducked behind a crumbling wall, my own gun clutched firm in my grip, finger on the trigger ready to fire.“Bas!” Tom Felton, his own firearm in hand, shouted for me. My head snapped at him. He slid behind a rusty barrel, desperately ducking as another hail of death pinned him to his post.Our enemy, se...
February Release Update (3)
Hello and belated Valentine's to all my members!I have released all of this week's chapters for your leisure. I hope you continue to enjoy and as always I'm eager to hear your thoughts!Just FYI with this release Patreon members are a full two weeks ahead of the public - and this gap is only going to grow!On the Wednesday the 21st I'll begin releasing the following chapters:IoTV! 12, 12.5, 13, and Patreon bonus chapter 13.5Witch Weekly 8th Edition.Appreciate you all!XoxoBar Calak
Chapter 11.5: Black Flag
Chapter 11.5: Black FlagLeavesden Studios, UK. August 2003.The ultra rich had ultra strange hobbies, like building a fully animatronic two-story house inside another larger warehouse. I ought not to complain though, considering I was going to be one of the tenants of said robot house for the next several days, if not weeks.If it wasn’t quite clear yet, I was filming the Shrieking Shack section of the climax for the Prisoner of Azkaban.Even though our makeup was freshly administered, neither Emma nor I had looked so grimy in our lives. Blood, ...
Chapter 11: What's the Rub?
Chapter 11: What’s the Rub?Durham Cathedral, UK. May 2003.Have you ever been snug as a bug in a rug? I have, and I can relay with full confidence that the sensations my body is feeling now are decidedly not it.I tried to ignore the irritating prickle of the scratchy blanket we’d been given to stave off that jagged hardness of the stone floor of the cathedral. I think I’d gotten a particularly sharp tile to lay on. Something was digging quite persistently into my lower back. It would’ve been bearable if not for the veritable sauna these ...
Chapter 10.5: Crumpled Clothes
Chapter 10.5: Crumpled ClothesLeavesden Studio, UK. March, 2003.Alfonso Cuarón and Chris Colombus had entirely different directing styles. Chris always had a very good idea in his head of how he wanted a scene to look and as long as we as actors could reach his vision closely enough, even if he had a turd in hand, he’d polish it in post so at least the shit looked good.Cuarón, on the other hand, was both a free spirit and a perfectionist. He encouraged us to approach a scene with our own ideas, sometimes even when I’d rather just ape the ...
Chapter 10: Button Down
Chapter 10: Button DownLondon, UK. January, 2003.His bed was calling out to him. Like soft whispers from a lover, he heard his name being whispered in his mind. “Neil. Neil. Neil. “But he disregarded his desires and knuckled down to get the screenplay finished. His next meeting with JK Rowling and the producers was in less than a week. He’d like very much to show them a cohesive, completed draft; unlike the unfinished jigsaw puzzle he’d been asked to revamp.Neil Gaiman sighed, and tiredly scrubbed his eyes to stave off his drowsiness.Un...
Release Update February (2)
Hello Members,I know it's been less than a week, so I hope I'm not doing these too often, but I do have the next scheduled update set.On Wednesday the 14th of February I will release the following:I'm on TV! Chapters 10, 10.5, 11, and a bonus chapter 11.5.I hope you'll enjoy my Valentine's gift when it drops!XoxoBar Calak
Witch Weekly 7th Edition: Pine Flesh
Pine FleshFeaturing: Harry Potter, Padma Patil, Parvati PatilTags: Twins, Cunnilingus, DeflorationNo dark lords, no murder plots, and lots of quidditch. It was safe to say that attending 8th year instead of auror training was the best decision I’d made since abandoning the Dursleys.Life was peaceful for the first time in my existence. That’s not to say I wasn’t taking my fair share of knocks, though.“That smarts.” I groaned as I rotated my sore shoulder. I’d taken a bad hammering from a bludger earlier today.I had just the remedy fo...
