‘my cluster B parent died and I felt....nothing much’

Ever

What are the steps after defense? I know someone who is currently living this nightmare. It also involves beloved pets, which makes it very difficult. The legal system wasn't designed to deal with these sorts of people, but they abound everywhere. Many people are stuck with this situation well into adulthood, and CPS isn't there to help. Also, if the abuser just gets more insufferable when you defend yourself, I'm not sure how defense helps.

I'm still reflecting on this video. I deeply regret that I remained in a pure "damage" state for so long. It was many years before I began any sort of Discovery or Defense. I look forward to part 2. And I hope your health improves soon, Link.

Quantum Cat

A bit late for a comment, I know, but this one took me a few passes and a good deal of processing. I find myself thinking of my estranged (adoptive) father, a manipulative alcoholic who I detached from many years ago. A part of me always felt a bit bad, because he reached out to me once when he was in treatment and I think doing a 'make amends' step. Trying not to trauma dump too much here, but the episode changed from one of potential reconciliation into yet another pass through the guilt-mill, and I was less than kind, perhaps even cold to him. A sore point of contention came up involving an insurance policy that he had, for years, held over my head for guilt inducing reasons. I parted at that point and had no contact with him for what turned out to be the rest of his life. I was contacted a few years back by a lawyer. Over 25 years I had not heard one word from him, nor he from me. But the lawyer found me somehow, to let me know that he had passed, and informing me that there would be a service and interment, after which I would receive something from his estate. I went to his service (despite having no affiliation to his church, either). I was the only family member to attend. The rest were all associates of the church (paid mourners, an army bagpipe player and three other soldiers in dress uniform as an honor guard - his rank and service theoretically warranted it) and the three nurses who had attended him in his dying years. He left explicit instructions to 1) donate almost all of his worldly goods and money (a small fortune, on the order of a quarter of a million USD) to his church, and 2) bequeath to me the insurance policy of contention (worth approximately $1800, precisely the value it had had 25 years prior.) A part of me thought I should just reject the money - it seemed likely to me that it was just his way of inflicting harm (guilt, manufacture of regret) from beyond the grave. In the end, I shrugged, took the check, thanked the lawyer for his time (and I believe he was expecting a much more contentious meeting - I suspect he was worried I would try to challenge the will for the remainder of the estate - the will was evidently written very very carefully to make such a challenge impossible, I was told repeatedly) and that was that. Just, really, not much emotion there at all, other than perhaps a touch of pity - his death had not been a comfortable one (I think we can all agree that cancer sucks and that no one deserves to die over the course of years to it) but his passing did not occasion sorrow. I had already mourned that loss - 25 years before. There were no tears, no regrets. Mostly - nothing at all.

Samuel Berz

Wonderful work as always! Glad to see you back, already looking forward to part two. Out of curiosity, is that an error at 16:48, a misspelling of 'filthy', or is that some vernacular that I'm ignorant to? Wishing you the best for 2024!