TheraminTrees posts
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‘petrichor’ — music from ‘my cluster B parent died....’
Here's the track appearing in the two-part piece ‘my cluster B parent died and I felt....nothing much’
‘my cluster B parent died and I felt....nothing much’
Dear Patrons,I hope the year has been good to you. Just in time for the end of 2023, I’ve uploaded part one of a two-part piece, looking at how I became indifferent to my dead malignant biological parent. Had some conversations with some of you who’ve shared related experiences and raised points and questions that made me thinkI’d like to put out some messages about that. So I thought I’d do an autopsy of sorts —come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab.My thanks go especially to Sonicsuns for the initial prompt and Taras Mazepa...
happy new year!
Dear patrons,Just a note to wish you all a fantastic new year and to thank you so much for your tremendous support throughout the relentless assault course that was 2022.My brother Doug [QualiaSoup] is staying with me for an extended time as the last connections to our former family are thoroughly and legally concluded. Remaining in low contact with malignant individuals for the last few years took its toll on him, even with his black-belt level of grey rock and other assorted anti-manipulation counter-measures. But the chats and laughs we’ve...
‘when saviours go bad’ transcript
Dear $5+ patrons,Please find attached the script for the 'when saviours go bad' video.Peace.Link
endings and beginnings
Dear patrons,I hope this post finds you in good shape as the end of the year looms — and that, whether you’re alone or with loved ones, it’ll be a recharging time for you.I wanted to share some personal news.In November, the woman who gave birth to me died.As I mentioned in ‘double binds’, I cut contact with her around five years ago. After years of belief-beggaring malignant theatrics, she seemed to start gaining a degree of self-control when my brother and I were in our teens. We now recognise she was just ‘on good behaviour’ in...
'to be serious'
An updated orchestration to a decade-old drama-themed track....
when saviours go bad
Dear patrons,The new video ‘when saviours go bad’ is now uploaded. This one is for Charvi and Anthony. It explores an aspect of drama that I haven’t given a lot of attention —but one which, once I looked at it, ran through so many personal stories.My continuing thanks for your kind messages of support —and also your reading recommendations. ‘The boy who was raised as a dog’ by Bruce Perry, looking at the impact of early mistreatment in multiple case studies, stands out as an especially moving — and often infuriating — title, f...
‘overcoming malignant shame’
Dear $5+ patrons,Please find attached the script for the 'overcoming malignant shame' video.Peace.Link
overcoming malignant shame
Dear patrons,First I'd like to thank you so much for your kind messages and patience. It means a great deal.The video is now up! It's a piece exploring shame —private and public —and overcoming it. For a long time now, there's been a huge stream of correspondence on this subject and the video features a lot of real life cases conveyed to me, as well as some client stories from my own work.I'm going to leaving the publishing until tomorrow afternoon UK time to give you all first viewing.Peace,Link
new video up tomorrow.
Dear Patrons,The new video will be up tomorrow. Fought hard to try and get it completed by tonight's monthly deadline —but I'm going to have to give in to my body and complete it tomorrow. Only the last ten minutes of audio to synchronise and it's ready —but that's an hour of work that my legs can't take tonight. I hope you'll bear with me while I take these few hours of rest.After making lots of progress with standing and walking I've had a disappointing relapse in the last few weeks with a resurgence of nerve p...
'snowfeet' — acoustic guitar version
As the new video ties in with themes raised in the 'coming out' video, I thought I'd echo the piano piece used for it. So this is an acoustic guitar version.
spinning plates
Dear patrons,It's been great to get some channel plates slowly spinning again, having had to let them drop unceremoniously last year. The small handful of hours I can manage to stand each day are spent at my new stand-up desk immersed in production.The new video ‘unconsciously seeking abusers’ has performed very well, climbing to position 5 in the channel’s all-time top 10 rankings. Bogus assertions about unconscious motives have been a hugely common thread in channel correspondence for several years — with not only therapists but p...
'unconsciously seeking abusers' transcript
Dear $5+ patrons,Please find attached the script for the 'unconsciously seeking abusers' video.Peace.Link
‘versiera’
Here's the piece for the 'unconsciously seeking abusers?' video. The name comes from an old mathematical curve that seemed to resonate with the feeling of the subject matter — rising and falling back to the same level.Peace.
‘unconsciously’ seeking abusers? | bogus therapy
Dear patrons,I'm delighted to say I've finally completed one of two projects I had to abandon last year because of my back injury. This piece uses some real-life case studies of individuals who were told the reason they kept finding themselves in abusive relationships was because they were unconsciously seeking people like their past abusers. I regard this as a form of therapy-based gaslighting —and wanted to illustrate some cases that flew in its face.Regarding my back, I can now shuffle about and stand up for periods of time —thou...
on the mend
Dear Patrons,Thank you *so much* for your amazing messages since my last post. I’ll confess I’ve felt quite choked and overwhelmed reading them. Your words of encouragement and support really helped me tough out some raw moments these past weeks. And in recent days it’s felt like things might’ve turned a positive corner. I’m taking it very slow — no intention of running before I can walk, figuratively or literally.The MRI scans [not for the squeamish]My MRI scans explained everything. They revealed two damaged spinal discs — one s...
why I've been away
Dear patrons,I hope this post finds you all ingood health.As you know, I've not uploaded anything in several months. After getting through a nasty lung infection in May-July — thankfully covid was ruled out — I sustained a back injury which became increasingly incapacitating. I continued to work andmake headwayon a few projects but had to take longer and longer breaks over the day to ease the pain.In October things finally seemed to improve. Then one morning in December I found I couldn't walk. The pain was off the charts. It felt l...
‘rumination’ transcript
Dear $5+ patrons,Please find attached the script for the rumination video. It's had a striking volume of responses. Clearly it's an extremely common experience. I think it's because it's one of the major common gateways to so many mood problems —that thread of overthinking always seems to crop up in the picture. My thanks to Elizabeth, Hans and a certain unnamed YT creator whose private correspondence prompted me to shunt this title up the schedule to priority position.Peace.Link
‘rumination’
This one probably speak for itself.Link.
rumination | combatting repetitive thoughts
Dear Patrons,I hope this finds you all well. The new video is currently uploading.This is for Elizabeth and Hans. There’s been a raft of correspondence about mood disorders in the aftermath of abuse and trauma. Several different areas have cropped up — depression, anxiety and PTSD being the most frequently mentioned. A big common theme has been rumination —the experience of persistent inescapable thoughts. There’s a fair-sized body of research looking at what to do — and what not to do —to tackle this symptom.As some of you know, a ...
‘weaponising self-affirmation’ transcript
Dear $5+ patrons,Please find attached the transcript for ‘weaponising self-affirmation'.Peace,Link
'waltz of the fetuses' — from 'telling stories'
This piano piece was requested by a patron. A fragment appears in the 'telling stories' video.
music from 'weaponising self-affirmation'
A short strings piece called 'juniper'.
weaponising self-affirmation
Dear Patrons,The new video is uploading/uploaded. It’s called ‘weaponising self-affirmation’ and is dedicated to Muscle Bear. The theme is one that’s been cropping up a lot for a long time —the appropriation of therapeutic/self-affirmation language by abusive individuals to try and justify entitlement to superior treatment. It’s coming through in various areas —predominantly domestic, political and religious.Beyond this title, I’m delighted to report that Doug —Qualia —is working on two forthcoming collaborations with me aft...
‘no one’s disciple’ transcript
Dear $5+ patrons,Please find attached the transcript for ‘no one’s disciple’.For anyone interested in 'self-improvement' high control groups —touched on briefly in the video —a series called 'The Vow' takes an in depth look at the NXIVM control group. Great piece of film work —and heartening to see the self-styled guru successfully caught and convicted, having fled to Mexico to escape authorities when the story gained traction in the press. Many parallels with Scientology —including the use of crippling litigation ...
Chopin's prelude in E minor
Aside from the mash-up used in the 'no one's disciple' video, in which this prelude was included, here it is in its own right with the lead line on violin.
music from ‘no one’s disciple’
The music for this video is called 'prelude and fugue' and is a mash-up of various favourite composers, based around Chopin’s Prelude in E minor — reflecting the theme of not becoming disciples to one source.
no one’s disciple
Dear patrons,The new video ‘no one’s disciple’ is now uploaded. It’s dedicated to Ian and Celia — two dear people among several friends, family and colleagues lost last year.This title was originally scripted as a brief 10-minute piece. Continuing losses and illness meant it had to be postponed for some months. In returning to it, informed by world events and a surge of correspondence that tapped directly into the subject, it became a more comprehensive piece.Life has been rough and chaotic for many of us I know. In the absence of any...
‘resisting emotional blackmail’ transcript
Dear $5+ patrons,Please find attached the transcript for ‘resisting emotional blackmail’. Avalanche of correspondence on this one, and a record response rate for a video on this channel. Many stories shared publicly and privately —notably from ex-Muslim, ex-JW and ex-Mormon communities, as well as individuals who've experienced familial/domestic abuse. And, most hearteningly from my perspective, stories of people feeling the psychological hold on them dislodged to a greater or lesser degree.Many thanks for your kind messages —includ...
resisting emotional blackmail — it's up!
After troubleshooting way into the night to no avail, this morning I've spent over four hours re-syncing all the audio and video from scratch—and it appears to have worked....It's my own silly fault leaving myself no time. I'm always tinkering right up to the deadline, tweaking with scenes, adding new little elements that occur to me as I'm scrubbing through. As the video promotes, I'll apply some rational effortful thinking and give myself more wiggle room.Many thanks to the folks who've sent some lovely messages.Peac...
