Elle Rose posts
Posts: 429
Files: 865
Photo dump: me on my day ventilator
I've been feeling a deep sort of calm happy feeling lately.What if, everything works out? What does that even mean? Is the fact that I'm alive right now proof that everything is already working out?I have one of those people who doesn't believe bad or tragic things happen for a reason… I couldn't get through the show Ozark but there are some lines where the main character expresses that sometimes shit just happens in life and there is no Real reason, it's just shitty. And we have to overcome it. Or else we are perceived by...
Hiring for personal assistant/caregiver!
Just thought I would share this on here in case it will help aid in the search:)Fun facts about what my caregiving looks like based on the Colorado Medicaid, which does not give me a 24 hour caregiving assistance despite the fact that I am depending on either the ventilator or the diaphragm pacer to stay alive.1. I get 12 hours of paid Medicaid care each day.2. The shifts for my daytime caregivers are 9 AM to 3 PM and 3 PM to 9 PM. I'm looking into seeing if any new weekend caregivers would be open to 12 hour shift on Saturday and Sunday.3....
Live update!
My first live, so obviously I didn't tell any of you about it because I just wanted to save it and put it on here and… basically I am feeling frazzled and frustrated because I have this issue, but it looks like we may be getting answers soon. I'll be going live again tonight around 6 PM Mountain time, so if you want your ears to bleed while you watch me try to sing and drink glasses of wine you are MORE THAN WELCOME.ILY,e
Broken diaphragm pacer:(
I'll be making a video updating about the situation with my pacer. It's extremely frustrating and I'm hoping that we will have it resolved by this week end, but there's no way of knowing right now if it's going to be a big problem or something easily handle it.I guess it's supposed to get cold and Snow again, and between that and the stress of having to be dependent on a ventilator again for the daytime I am feeling like my patience is being tested. I am able to go a couple hours without the ventilator, as you can see in...
Diaphragm pacer saga continues…:(
The diagram pacer is still not working correctly. As soon as we plugged in the cord this morning my body had an instant reaction and my blood pressure went dangerously high again.I am still saying fuck. Under my breath.My caregiver also might not be coming in tonight because of the baby, she hasn't had it yet but she's about to, and that just adds to the stress I already have about what's going on with my diaphragm situation. First thing tomorrow I'm going to have to call Craig hospital and see if they can check out what is wron...
Part two: diagram pacer malfunctioning
This explains more of what I think happened and shows me breathing off of everything.
Diaphragm PACER malfunctioning part one
Every morning, we plug me into the diaphragm PACER after being on a ventilator all night. Usually I have no problems with us, but today as soon as I was plugged in, my heart rate and blood pressure skyrocketed too dangerous levels. Somehow, the area seems irritated and maybe the wires were polled on somehow. I'm too frustrated and anxious to correct my typos, by the way whenever you see a post or anything I upload everything on my phone by myself using voice access and sometimes it's not perfect. I never ask for help with any of my Patr...
Songs about California
I save all my songs about CaliforniaMaybe it's because I can't sayIt was nice to know yaAnd all the ways I've grown I wish I'd shown yeahI miss you but I'm not alone here.You push and pull the telepathyWish you could just say I'm your destiny,But that's just a wish, this is poetryYou can't leave her now, and you desperatelyStudy my curves as the mirror leaves.
Lilac lingerie
Pet peeve's: being manipulated and controlled
Undress me
Smile, when your heart is breaking
Pu**y Power
Disabled women still have these. Disables women's sex lives still exist in matter. Well mine doesn't exist yet, but it fucking matters. Unapologetically.I might be a slut, I might be a family disappointment. Hi. Don't. Care.Do you know the amount of pain I have been through? Didn't think so. So don't judge.Sex isn't sinful. Nature is the purest thing there is, and every single aspect of nature is constantly having sex. Sacred. Slutty yet. Coexisting. I'm pure, but I'm dirty. I didn't stop being asexual being ...
Photo dump
I'm a good little girl if you look real close.
Dying for something real
I'm so overwhelmed.Not sure why the voices in my head have to get so loud all the time.Not sure why I am constantly reminded by my parents that all of this is all my fault.Maybe it is.Here I am. Your favorite family disappointment. I'll be here as long as I can.
Spinning my wheels
… In more ways than one.
Stressed out AF!
Calling all the guides and angels and good thoughts. I seriously need to find more caregivers. Ones that are young, want to do fun things, and approve of the fact that I'm starting to date people. Today one of my caregivers said she couldn't take me to my date next Sunday because she's afraid he's a psychopath and her husband won't let her.! I highly doubt that a sweet over thinking ultra athlete from Ohio is going to murder me first thing, but I guess you never know. These could be some of my final words… on the bright si...
Cannabis and chocolate
How my 2023 is going…
GRIMES vibes
And over there on my scandalous Tier I'm uploading sexy videos of me vaping and eating chocolate…Tell your friends…I've been in a bit of a slump mentally fighting Demons I can't give names to, and the only thing that helps is listening to Grimes full blast in my room while I wait for a mythical relationship to save me from a lifelong tragic lonely cannabis infused quadriplegic life. I hope you feel the sarcasm into your very bones. Because I feel way more than you think I do, and I'm talking physically. I am being sarcastic ...
Mostly harmless…
I love collecting quotes from the books and reading. Here's a short one from the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. Props to this author you're making me laugh out loud.
Horny and anxious
… worried about finding new caregivers but also simultaneously ready to enter the next galaxy…
Hitchhikers guide
I have one week to read 35 chapters… Reading 1984 in five days kind of wiped me out mentally. Someone cuff me already and cuddle the heck out of me in cold Colorado for cuffing season. I promise your vocabulary would improve.e
How I became paralyzed!
So, podcast names?Paralyzed and polyamorous? Paralyzed and paranoid? Paralyzed and practically perfect in every way?Decisions decisions.Love,e
Dreaming of photography shoot…
I'm going through a creative dry spell, so I'm thinking in the interim Time before I receive my new outfits to try different Photo shoot ideas, I'll be doing some audio files describing all the events of my accident and injury. I know a lot of you have asked me and it's an extremely complicated and traumatic story.Also I was sick yesterday or at least feeling sick to my stomach because I ate a donut and frankly after being on a mostly carnivore/ greens/ popcorn/chocolate diet it didn't agree with me at all. I used to be a ve...
Thoughts and prayers appreciated
My 92 year-old grandma, ruth, is in the hospital with pneumonia. She usually lives with us, thankfully my parents enjoy having her around and don't want to ever see her in a facility. We are all pretty worried about her but it looks like she has an enlarged heart that is more of a problem then the pneumonia. Please keep her in your prayers. The hospital she is at is a local one, I've been there before, and unfortunately all of the staff is rather unimpressive and unfriendly. I hate thinking about her being stuck in there. I've been ...
2023: the year of access
Somebody in the disabled Community referred to 2023 as the year of more accessibility. I hope I can be a part of making that true in someway.Meanwhile…I resolve to continue being me and finding new ways to enjoy myself.Happiness,e
Poison ivy
Quantum entanglement~e
Ass or feet?
You should feel lucky you get to look at my feet.
Forest fairY
Happy nye* A series*
The reality of life with a disability
It's a little absurd. As someone who is dependent on other Devices to breathe, I should automatically qualify for 24 hour caregiving paid by Medicaid. However from the very beginning I have only qualified for 12 hours daytime caregivers, and my parents have to take care of me at night. When you see a lack of content, it's because either my current caregivers are too exhausted to help me with videos or photos, or they had to call in sick and my parents had to take care of me. Especially this time of year. One of my caregivers is about to...
In-depth at meow Wolf
This place was far out and artistic, however I must say for a power wheelchair it was barely accessible. Maneuvering the narrow walkways kept me focused so much on driving my chair and avoiding bumping into people or rolling over toes that I did not get to appreciate the art as much as my able-bodied caregiver.I'm glad I made it through most of the sections, however I did avoid the strobe light area because ever since I've been paralyzed I do not handle flashing lights very well. This is most likely due to residual trauma and disorienta...
MEOW WOLF!
Here's a sneak peek… for some reason I didn't realize that to go live I have to certify my account 24 hours in advance. So I did not get a lifestream last night:/ I did get a lot of video footage though and I am working on putting it all together for a longer video.Hope you enjoy this one in the meantime,e
