Raquel Savage posts
Posts: 254
Files: 605
What is DARVO? (February's educational vid)
To kick off this survivor month, we're learning about D.A.R.V.O. - this is a tactic abusers employ in response to being called out for their behavior. It can be really difficult to point out, specifically for onlookers, and extremely painful for survivors as their abuser begins to invalidate their experiences and twist the truth to fit their own agenda.A textbook example of D.A.R.V.O. is when a survivor names abuse they have experienced (to family, friends, the public, etc.) and the abuser says they, too, are being abused or that they are a...
February Takeover: Survivors
Hey folks! This February is all about survivors.This past June we watched a number of survivors come forward and break the silence about abuse and assault they've experienced, specifically by organizers. Yesterday, Evan Rachel Wood named her abuser. This ongoing outing of motherfuckers who hurt us continues and so do conversations about joy, rebuilding trust, support systems and many other aspects of survivorhood.So, this month we center the conversation around survivors, surviving! I'll kick off the month with an educational video abou...
Thank god (god?) for food (December's TPTT)
I’m writing this on Thanksgiving. What did you do this year?For many of us, the holidays preface our annual pilgrimage back home. For better or worse, we gather with family and friends; cook and eat; and relax into nostalgia (even if the current state of affairs with our family is bleak). This year, some of us didn’t do our annual retreat – we remained isolated or perhaps celebrated with a smaller pod (and with more anxiety than usual). For those who gathered anyway, I almost can’t be mad. I haven’t had a hug in eight months, I won’...
Desirability, identities & sex work ft. Carnegie Velvet
I sat down with the wonderful Carnegie Velvet to chat about desirability, intersecting identities and Sex Work. Many of us navigating Sex Work are also balancing multiple identities - we chatted about what that looks like for them being Black, queer, disabled, etc. Alongside that, we discussed balancing desirability as both an inflexible structure of privilege and a flexible spectrum based on how we look (as our bodies, and identities, change).TW/ sexual assault & eating disordersWatch the full conversation here.About CarnegieCarnegie Velvet is...
Manipulative victimhood (November's bonus)
What happens when we use our victim identity to manipulate others?This is the question I explored for this month’s bonus — this post is less of me providing answers and more of me exploring and interrogating a discussion, alongside side you. In all ways, I believe victims. As a victim, myself, I know how important it is to be affirmed and supported without hesitation or question. And (not but) I have been on the receiving end of someone weaponizing their victimhood status.Further, I have watched people use guilt, obligation, pity, and (perc...
#AskRaquelSavage (November)
Hey fuckers! Here are the questions I answered this month + resources!1. Do u think our first sexual experiences shape what our kinks/turn-on's are? Do you have any thoughts about using kink to process sexual abuse?Trauma and kinks piece2. How do I deal with going through a friendship breakup?3. Could you drop some resources/tips for victims of narcissistic abuse?800.799.SAFEnarcissistabusesupport.com"Why Does He Do That" Lundy Bancroft4. As a client, how do I go about asking a sex worker what she's available for? Idk how to go ...
On fear-mongering, whorephobia and anti-trafficking language (November's TPTT)
This past month I gave three lectures to graduate and PhD-level counselors around competency and advocacy for Sex Workers. I’ve spent the majority of my career exclusively being in community with Sex Workers and those who explicitly support Sex Workers – I rarely engage with anti-SW people or people who are neutral around the subject of Sex Workers’ humanity. In my bubble, SW is awesome and nuanced and annoying and a job and loads of other things. And Sex Workers are entitled to safety and autonomy and humanity and rights. None of this is...
Emotional abuse (November's educational vid - early access)
An important conversation that we all need to have: what is emotional abuse?So here, we are. A nice breakdown of what emotional/psychological abuse is, what it looks like and tips for getting away from those who use it on us.Full video: https://bit.ly/2GdZU73xoxoCredit:verywellmind.com/identify-and-cope-with-emotional-abuse-4156673time.com/5411624/how-to-tell-if-being-manipulated/healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-manipulation#outlookpeaksrecovery.com/blog/effects-of-psychological-emotional-manipulation
#AskRaquelSavage (submit your questions)
Ask me anything, for October! Leave questions in replies.xoxo
Sex & spirituality live stream ft. @itsjujubae
So excited to share this live stream I did with @itsjujubae !! It was hella fucking insightful and Juju is awesome! We talked about how to practice sex magic, including the downsides and things to be careful of — because when you manifest, you might get what you ask for…We also talked about how to use spirituality to heal post-sexual assault, including herbal recipes and how to tap into visualizations to re-frame traumatic sexual experiences.Full video: bit.ly/2F9bbFcBook list:Mother Is Gold, Father Is Glass: Gender and Colonialism in a Yor...
Dissociation (October's educational vid - early access)
I be dissociating out of existence sometimes skjikssisj so I thought this was something worth covering, especially because it's something I also encounter with therapy clients when attempting to process trauma! Dissociation is a coping mechanism for many of us -- and while it may no longer serve as the best coping skill, we can learn how it came into existence and how to better manage it!Full video: https://bit.ly/33qrqqExoxo
#AskRaquelSavage (September)
This month we're talking about making friends!!Link to audio: https://bit.ly/3jdp18kxoxo
(Drunk) Hoe Tales (September)
Circling back to the second white peen I encountered. No judgement zone.Full video: https://bit.ly/3i1sF3M
Who should I collaborate with?
Hey! Who do you love? Who’s your fav? Who do you want to see on my Patreon?! Leave their @ below and what you’d love to hear us talk about.
Sex work praxis & civvie dating (September's bonus)
You want to be showered with gifts and treated like a goddess. How dare men look in your direction without adoration and cash. This is Sex Work praxis. Wanna know why it's not working in your dating life? Let's chat.xoxo
Straw man fallacy (September's educational vid - early access)
Have you ever been in a debate, argument or conversation with someone and somehow you find yourself arguing a point you NEVER made? This is called a straw man fallacy -- it's fucking ANNOYING and manipulative. I encounter this a lot particularly when I talk to cishet men, which I'm tryna to decrease because there's no ponint, because they will do anything to make their point the central point or dissuade you away from your point. So, I figured I could make a vid outlining what a straw man is, how to spot it, how to combat it and how...
My skincare routine! (August's live stream)
Yall mf's keep on asking, so here we are. This is what I do to my skin!! Remember, it's really just genetics fr fr. Like, some of yall were blessed with no back fat and I was blessed with (mostly) blemish-free skin. We all got different shit, okay!Anyway, since idk wtf I'm talking about I also commissioned everyone's fav esthetician, Nayamka Roberts-Smith aka @LaBeautyologist to set me straight and give yall some actual tips lol my takeaway: STOP USING A FUCKING RAG, SIS.Click here for the full video: https://bit.ly/3bm8ax9xoxo(...
#AskRaquelSavage (submission)
Ask me anything, for September! Leave questions in replies.xoxo
(Drunk) Hoe Tales (August)
hi, here's the story of the first time I ever had colonizer peen.Requirements for watching this episode: take a shot every time I say cock Full video: https://bit.ly/2YHCAVgxoxo
Beyoncé & Meg co-opting onlyfans (August's bonus)
Beyoncé Co-opting OnlyFans Continues the Violence Against Sex WorkersMay 21, 2020Note: this was originally written by me to be published anonymously, however, shortly after the release of the song, the uprisings started which took precedent. I decided to post it here so it's not just sitting on my laptop, unread!Over the past week we’ve watched OnlyFans turn into a household name. This is undoubtedly due to the remix of Megan Thee Stallion’s hit single Savage featuring Beyoncé. In the song, Beyoncé says, “on that demon time, she mi...
#AskRaquelSavage (August)
Hey babies, here's the questions I answered this month:1. How do you organize and schedule things like content creating, the editing process and posting?2. Do you have any tips for processing a breakup/reflecting on the end of a relationship?3. Any resources for finding progressive/sex-positive therapists?xoxo
Live stream topic suggestions!
Hey folks, is there anything in particular you'd like me to cover in a live stream? Keep in mind it would need to be a topic I can talk about for 30 min - an hour. Or do you have any people you'd like me to bring on for a live stream collab?Suggestions?xoxo
I may destroy you (August's #TPTT)
TW// rape, sexual assault, substance use, therapy, victim blamingNote: the themes I discuss in this piece are not overarching – they cannot be applied to all things. Rather, to use as questions and added context for scenarios that feel relevant for you.What makes us vulnerable to harm?I recently listened to a snippet of an interview with the creator of I May Destroy You, Michaela Cole, who plays Arabella in the series. The show is based on Michaela’s real story and follows Arabella as she experiences, processes and navigates sexual assault ...
Sacred sex: fact vs fiction (July's live stream)
Full video here: https://bit.ly/30FDhQfFor July's live stream I spoke with Leah, a holistic healer, about debunking #CoochieChakra Twitter! We covered:1. Divine Femininity - what is it / how it's weaponized in contemporary language2. Yoni Eggs - what are they / are they safe?3. Yoni Steams - what are they? / are they effective?4. Sacred Sexuality - sexual encounters / respectabilitypoliticsLeah dropped so much fucking knowledge!! She also wanted to include the following reading list.Note from Leah: although these books provide insight o...
#AskRaquelSavage (submission)
Ask me anything, for August! Leave questions in replies.xoxo
(Drunk) Hoe Tales (July)
Time to relive some '15 Miami shenanigans — when I first moved to Miami I was super lonely and horny and would often go to south beach to fuck random tourists lmfaoo So this night I took 9 niggas home. LET'S GOOOOOOFull video: https://bit.ly/3hX598x
It's more than consent (August's educational vid - early access)
Discussions about consent are always "no means no" and "yes means yes" ...and while that's true it's the basics. It's the first step. But it doesn't capture the nuance of consent, coercion, violations, harm, regret, etc. How many of us have been nagged into sex. Or felt obligated. Or felt sex is what we're "supposed" to do. Or even got drunk and consent but later realized it wasn't what we would have done, had we been sober. There's room for all of this when we discuss consent and move toward ...
Interview with mom (July's bonus)
I sat down with everyone's favorite sex work-supporting, colonizer house mom skjiiskjkisjisjsjsiI talk (and post) a lot about my mom which has prompted lots of questions about our relationship. So we answered some questions and had a raw ass conversation about my upbringing, white women raising Black kids, sex work & whorephobia and parenting. TW// simply because this conversation gets heavy, however, you hear us unpack and resolve things in real time (including things we don't agree on), all centered in the desire to love and support e...
#AskRaquelSavage (July)
This month, I answer the following questions:1. How can I divest from the patriarchy and build community w/o cishet men?2. I’m 21 but I haven’t experienced romantic love or intimacy with a man yet. I would like to meet queer men or men in radical spaces - do you think that’s possible and where do I find that community?3. How do I stop being nervous around escorts?4. What can we do when experiencing lower than normal sex drive?xoxo
On whorephobia, harm & accountability (July's #TPTT)
I want to start this piece with a very clear message that I do not wish to drag or humiliate @sexwithashley and I absolutely discourage you from doing either of those things. Rather, I would like to use our public exchange and this piece as a teachable moment and mirror – to encourage you to reflect on how you’ve been harmful in your life, even as a marginalized person, and how you can practice being still and introspective when being held accountable. If you are moved to say anything to her, I hope it is in private and in the spirit of hol...
