BarCalak posts
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Chapter 48: Conan Canon
Chapter 48: Conan CanonLeavesden Studios, UK. August 2009.“Hi, Conan O’Brien, here. It’s thirty-five years late, but finally at the age of forty-six, I have received my Hogwarts letter. This is not a joke, this is real. An owl came to the Conaco offices, dropped off my acceptance, pooped on one of my interns, and flew away. They say that a bird taking a dump on you is good luck, but unfortunately for my intern I had to fire them. I won’t accept such poor hygiene standards from my staff. So while they were packing up their desk - by whic...
Chapter 47.5: Hell in a [C]Ellen
Chapter 47.5: Hell in a [C]EllenWB Lot Studio 1, Burbank California. July 2009.“Where were you, Bas? How could you be so late?” Emma scolded me the moment I stepped in through the door. I halted my stride, leaned back, and reread the placard stuck on the adjoining wall just to make sure I was entering the green room and not the interrogation room. “What exactly were you doing when the show’s almost about to start?” Clearly, it was labelled wrong.No point using my right to remain silent. Anything I said was gonna be used against me, an...
Chapter 47: Gutter Toast
Chapter 47: Gutter ToastEmpire Leicester Square, London. July 2009.Nowhere in the world did I feel more unsafe than in a public restroom. Despite my aversion, however, I couldn’t always avoid them. They existed to fulfil a need. It wasn’t always my decision when I had to visit them; they were just an inescapable station in the circadian rhythm of my chosen lifestyle.In other words: when you gotta go, you gotta go.As soon as I stepped into these filthy little dungeons, the cheap fluorescent lights started flickering.“To the left, Bas! That...
11th Move: Funky Spelunky
11th Move: Funky SpelunkyGoldenrod CityMy spontaneous decision to capture Yecu as part of my team had been paying dividends.Even beyond his role as my emergency food supply, my Krabby had plenty of uses. Not the least of which was portable plumbing. Because of him I could have clean drinking water whenever I needed and take a shower wherever I happened to be pitching my tent, and in future I knew I could use him as my own personal yacht. Water Pokemon were indispensable tools for trainers on their journey.Creak. But as I shut off the faucet and...
Bas Rhys IMDB Page
Bas' up to date filmography displayed in-universe - with some fun character tidbits!
Chapter 46.5: Original Spin
Chapter 46.5: Original SpinPiccadilly Circus, London. June 2009.[A man crashed across a delicatessen counter, tossing a fountain of baked goods everywhere. It should’ve been me.Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not me. Not me who? Not me who’s getting hit with a - “Petrificus Totalus!” Hermione shouts with a ferocious switch and flick. Another stunt death eater goes stock still and teeters himself on to a breakaway cafe table that shatters under his body weight.Lucky bastard.“D-diffindo.” Both death eaters now down, Hermione proceeded to...
Chapter 46: Dunkin’ Donut
Chapter 46: Dunkin’ DonutFreshwater West, Pembrokeshire Coast. May 2009.Who doesn’t love a good day at the beach?Rare though it was for the Harry Potter franchise, the core team - including Rupert Emma and I alongside the relevant production crew - had deserted Leavesden for the time being, in favour of filming on location.The set designers, being the terraforming titans they were, could have easily fabricated a portion of the ocean as a set piece using copious amounts of duct tape and a few cans of Sprite. Not like they hadn’t done it be...
10th Move: GTS BTS
10th Move: GTS BTSGoldenrod City.“Name and badge?”“Uki’uki. Zephyr.” Excusing the fact that the Pokédex I’d handed my interrogator held the information he requested front and centre in big, bright font - I struggled to reconcile why he insisted on using a torch to read it. Not only was the dex screen backlit, the sun was radiating upon us with the fury of Solgaleo itself.Probably had something to do with the unnecessary pair of black sunglasses he was wearing.As the would-be bouncer surveyed my ID with the distrustful scrutiny of a...
Release Update August (1)
Hope everyone old and new is enjoying the recent update!THE NEXT BATCH WILL BE RELEASED BY AROUND THE 17TH OF AUGUSTIoTV! 45 (double feature), and 45X are both available to read at your leisure. Bas is back in the saddle in more ways than one, and Fedex is the one keeping him up there. But will production continue to be a smooth ride forever?Additionally now that I've sorted my schedule out since the delay at the start of July - Ive finally had the time to continue Mover/Shaker the pokemon fic!Look out for the next chapter releasing after t...
Chapter 45X: Master of Cere(moan)ies
DISCLAIMER:This chapter officially ends Bas’ celibacy and finally pays off all the flirting he has been subjected to. Enjoy the latter half of the chap!–Chapter 45X: Master of Cere(moan)iesOutside Bas’ Caravan, Leavesden. April 2009.“Dearly beloved, we gather today not to mourn a loss, but to celebrate the life of a dear friend.” Funerals weren’t my jam, especially at such an early stage in life. But this one… this one hurt. Few, if any, would attend these last rites - hell, I personally was having to sub in for the minister. “T...
Chapter 45: Copy Cat Burglar
–SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: I never do these and likely won’t going forward very often. As an expression of my deep gratitude for the stellar support you’ve all graced me with - as well as a celebration of crossing 200K in word count several chapters back - I’ve decided to release a double feature chapter. This is the single longest chapter I’ve ever written for IoTV! Sitting at just over twice the count for an average release. Between familiar character interactions, industry insight, and even some intrigue, I hope it has a little somethi...
July Release Update 3
Whew! July was a tough month but I'm glad we saw it through!Next batch of chapters will be out 8-9th August.As for this past week IoTV! Chapters 43.5, 44, and 44.5 are ready to read for your pleasure. Bas is back on set and the grueling 1 and a half year filming process for the entirety of Deathly Hallows begins! Bas says a few goodbyes but even more reunions will be happening soon.All I know is that I'm ecstatic that I personally have to go through neither because you wonderful people continue to stick by this story.Love and appreciate...
Chapter 44.5: Leave it, to the Dursleys
Chapter 44.5: Leave it, to the DursleysLeavesden Studio, UK. February 2009.Dudley was fat. Harry was not. Far from a revelation, but made far less sense when you considered I was talking about one single person.“Melling! How’s the first day back on set treating you?” This was the aforementioned Harry I was referring to. Harry Melling, reprising his role once more as the childhood bane of Harry Potter, Dudley Dursley.“Heavily, and like they’d rather I was someone else.” On the Potter franchise, oftentimes for many of the actors, the ...
Chapter 44: Bed-Headed Step Child
Chapter 44: Bed-Headed Step ChildBas’ Caravan, Leavesden. February 2009.“Mmgh. Lumpy…” It hadn’t been long, just over a single year, since Ellie had received her own bed. Waking up from between the overstuffed cushions of Bas’ sofa, she missed it already.But, Ellie thought to herself, she shouldn’t complain too much. At least, unlike Bas, she was actually sleeping inside his RV.Bas was weird. For a movie star she watched on the tele, he sure didn’t have fancy bungalows or cars. First the bus back at the foster home, and now basi...
Chapter 43.5: The Eyes Have It
Chapter 43.5: The Eyes Have ItWB Offices London, UK. January 2009.Goosebumps cascaded across the skin of my arm. Hair-raising fear - or perhaps disgust - burrowed and breached throughout my tense follicles. Was it just my imagination, or were botfly larvae actually bursting out of my pores in writhing waves?An arm tugged me forward; I fought against it. Like an imperious dog struggling desperately within its harness, “No! You can’t do this to me. I won’t go! Please, I beg of yo - a million! I’ll transfer a million pounds into your accou...
July Release Update 2
Hi all!Hope everyone is enjoying the recent batch of chapters this month. I hope that my recent writing is addressing feedback. I'm quite proud of the recent few and hope everyone feels similarly.IoTV! chapters 42,42.5, and 43 are out and ready to read. Bas is entering a new phase of life and has a new accomplice to help him navigate is shenanigans. We return to Hogwarts next!Next batch of chapters will be out by the 31st of July, so look forward to more!Velcro is arguably Nasa's greatest invention, and I cannot thank all of my wonderfu...
Chapter 43: Industrial Devolution
Chapter 43: Industrial DevolutionFour Seasons Hotel Royal Suite, LA. January 2009.“You’re leaving?” Dong Lover made his dissatisfaction clear via his tone on the other end of the line.“Yeah. On a midnight plane to Heathrow.” Chartered, not scheduled. Just because I hadn’t bothered to buy a jet didn’t mean I wasn’t gonna fly in style. “In about a week from now. We can grab a bite when you get here.”“Man, are you seriously gonna do me like that? My career in Hollywood is finally getting started and the best you can do is ‘...
Chapter 42.5: New Testament
Chapter 42.5: New TestamentBas’ Koreatown Apartment, LA. December 2008.“I’m so lonely~” The flush sloshed as I got off my knees.“I’m mister lonely~” Flicking on the faucet I cupped my hands, took a big sip, and swirled the water inside my mouth to get rid of the taste of bile.“I have nobody~” Even as I exited the loo on listless feet, I left the exhaust fan running. Matches only worked on methane.“For my own. OoOOOOooH~” Phew! Feels good to get that outta my system. Plus the stomach acid has already burnt my throat raw, so...
Chapter 42: Un-PHO-gettable
Chapter 42: Un-PHO-gettableThree bricks up and two across. November 2008.Welcome to the Potter Heads Online message boards.You are currently logged in: Harmony-ArmoryYou are viewing: Bas Between Potters~ Topic: Bas Rhys GossipIn: Boards > Misc > Creevey’s Catalog > BasCrackAdmin: Blog_BeetlePosted on 3 November 2008Another week, another fresh bucket of bas Rhys news. Ever since the phenomenal (and award winning) Order of the Phoenix, we've been locked out of Hogwarts. But that doesn't mean we don't have intrepid eyes and ears on o...
July Release Update 1
Feels like an age since I've done one of these haha!My sincerest apologies for being so radio silent these last couple of weeks as well as being unable to publish the first week of July. There was a family emergency that necessitated a "drop everything and catch the next flight" attitude. So I've been dealing with an issue back in the motherland since.I'm back in office now so the chapters should come out steady like this past week. I didn't wanna write excuses until after I'd already delivered this week's batch...
Chapter 41.5: Tickets & Pickets
Chapter 41.5: Tickets & PicketsMann Village Theater, Hollywood. October 2008.Do you know what the best part of a sandwich is? If you grew up anywhere around Europe, there’s more than a decent chance you consider bread the tastiest bit. However, for the majority of the world beyond those borders, it’s the filling in between those two slices that mattered most.Lunch wasn’t that long ago, and I’d made sure to fill up. There was no telling what monstrous lemon-lime, truffle sprinkle monstrosity they’d concocted inside the theater. Los Ang...
Chapter 41: Bas’ Bottom Bitch
Chapter 41: Bas’ Bottom BitchKorea Town, LA. September 2008.[“Bitch, do you see us?”]“Ya! You bundeggi bastard, no cussing in my dojang!” Oh Dae Su, my tetchy taekwondo teacher, had been fed far too much gochujang with the spicy tongue lashing he was raring to give me.Not the best first impression to give my newest colleague. “Should we maybe go through your lines some other time?” Michael Jai White was looking a little green at Oh Dae Su’s blue language and my red face as we went over the choreography for Black Dynamite.“No, ...
Chapter 40.5: Add Campaign
Chapter 40.5: Add CampaignKadokawa Daiei Studios, Tokyo. August 2008.Look at your ads now back to mine. Look at your ads now back to mine.Sadly, neither is Old Spice. But with a little creative application, even Uniqlo can smell like Old spice.I’m in Japan.No catchy whistled jingle for me, though. Instead, the fat crack of a slate slapped me back into consciousness.The land of the rising sun was also one of the global leaders in bizarre commercials. From aliens disguised as Afghan hounds frightening people into eating consommé flavoured pota...
Chapter 40: Dude, Where’s My Cadbury?
Chapter 40: Dude, Where’s My Cadbury?King’s Cross Station, London. July 2008.Whenever I used to travel with Cadbury and Anita in the past, it was always the more image conscious Anita’s luggage that bent the frame of the trolleys - and also my poor aching back.But as I strained to handle Cadbury’s fully packed duralumin case into her train carriage, the weight of the baggage felt heavier than anything I’d ever carried for her.“Take care, Cadbury. Don’t forget to call. I’m going to need someone to bitch about Bas to. We’re goin...
Chapter 39.5: Top Gear Special (Part 2)
Chapter 39.5: Top Gear Special (Part 2)Dunsfold Aerodrome Surrey, UK. July 2008.[Under normal circumstances, I’m usually quite good at keeping my intrinsic carnal cravings caged.Yet, sat behind the wheel of the Aston Martin DB9, I felt less like the 007 that shoots bad guys, and more like the 007 who sleeps with anything that has even the slightest pulse.Move over James Bond, because here comes James Fondle.Outside I couldn’t keep my eyes off it, and inside I must have caressed every leather, wood, and metal surface within reach of my grubb...
Chapter 39: Top Gear Special (Part 1)
Chapter 39: Top Gear Special (Part 1)Dunsfold Aerodrome Surrey, UK. July 2008.[Tonight!James May hits the breaks. Skree! The squealing of tyres as we suddenly came to a halt complimented our various oomphs and groans when we slammed back into our seats. “Oh, cock!” May turned back in the driver’s seat and addressed the camera operator crammed in the less than spacious back seat of the two-door car the three of us were test driving. “Shit-! I mean sorry about that - didn’t mean to swear.”Richard Hammond almost hits the tarmac. “Tha...
June Release Update (3)
I hope everyone's had their fill of filler!IoTV! 38, 38.5, and our first look into the incomparable ANITA SPECTER is out for your enjoyment.We have a good understanding of Bas' worth now between his personal finances, the first steps in the direction of his future prospects, and even how he affects the worth of those around him.I had a lot of fun (though laborious) making the article in praise of Anita and I wonder how similar or different she was to everyone's imagination! Next week Bas is back behind the wheel and like he generall...
Anita Specter circa 2008
Forbes profile for everyone's favourite agent.
Chapter 38.5: Trailer Mix
Chapter 38.5: Trailer MixWin-Nguyen Situation Nail Spa, LA. June 2008.Buff was the word of the day, and not because of how my muscles rippled beneath my needlessly tight shirt.And for once, I wasn’t admiring myself in front of a mirror either.Scratch, scrtch, scrtch. The young woman filing away at my fingernails concentrated on my cuticles.Outside of special occasions like birthdays, premieres, and other obligations that required my physical presence, I tended to remain relatively reclusive. And for good reason, too. If I chose to display mys...
Chapter 38: (Gross)eries
Chapter 38: (Gross)eriesWB Headquarters, Hollywood. June 2008.“Don’t do this to me, Bas!” Ben Wyatt, my financial manager from Duneshire Equities, sounded about done with me.“Do you have the prospectus ready?” Forever the worrywart. Still so nervous despite all the Hogwarts money I’d brought in.“Hoh my gawd, you’re not even listening to me. If I can’t even get through to you, what makes you think either of these Hollywood hotshots are going to hear a word out of my mouth?” Should’ve also told him to bring diapers for himse...
